Tapping outside my window was water droplets. Soon it turned to shower and than hard rain poured down.

The sky was gray which only means that my entire room was gray. The dark inside my room with only a lit candle yet the entire room was still lit with somber. Sad novels flooding my head which was only drained out by the music blasting through my ears.

Flowers have wilted... sun hasn't shined in days and I could feel my body strictly in pain.

The food hasn't looked good in days. My favorite memories has melted. Yet still here with the thoughts flooding around.

"Peyton..." I heard as I felt my mom sit in the end of the bed.

"It will get better..." she said and I wanted to laugh by the fact I'm already gone.

Losing the voice that mean the most in my head. Using whatever I had left to fight my lowest still losing the battle slowly.

A few minutes later the bed shifted. I looked at the door and it closed quietly. Turning and tossing not caring the machines that went through my arm.

My back faced the world. Nothing but black... I'm lost in a world that's full of negativity. All positive in this world is gone and it's destroying everyone.

Ding.

The name Boon

The sound of the rain mixed with the music that sounded was the only thing keeping me from the edge.

"Peyton." I heard seeing the doctor.

He sat on the edge and I didn't move. I didn't dare to move. He lit the other two candles showing more light in the room.

He checked the machines. The rhythmic beeping of the monitor and the tube that went down my arm.

"These medicines are suppose to help you. This is why your feeling this way." He said and I felt like I was betrayed.

"This medicine is the cause..." he said showing the medicine that was prescribed from me by my original doctor.

"Go away." I said and he sighed loudly.

Hearing the tap of the bottle when it sat down he left the room leaving the lit candles on.

The door kept opening and closing all day. I kicked the sheets off of me feeling the cold in my room. Doesn't matter what way I die as long as the pain is gone I'm fine.

They kept putting the blanket over me. I'm pretty sure I'm really close to them putting restraints on me. I kept fighting them back whenever they tried touching me. Anyones touch made me tremble wether it was my face, under my clothes or my legs... I could still feel Jackson's cold hands under my sweatshirt where I was wearing nothing but a bra...

They brought food that looked disgusting. Paxton would make sure I'd eat a little at the most before leaving. I remembered Paxton taking all the blades out of my room. She took all sharp things I could use to self harm myself.

I don't care. Self harm wouldn't be the way to go. As fact I'd rather of overdose and die in a peaceful way. A way where no one could stop it after it's done. A way where it would be too late to rush me in a place where doctors prevent you from dying.

The pills on the desk stared at me. There was a total of 30 and it was all just pain meds mixed together. Acetaminophen, ibuprofen, Advil, pain relievers.

I sat up kicking the sheets off and got up to take a shower. Haven't taken one in a few days so maybe this would help clear my head out.

The hot running water down my back. My eyes closed as I was in my own world destroying whatever made me happy. Anna... the little fight of imagination of me and Anna. We fought and it didn't feel good either. It's getting worse...

No replies... no calls. No texts. Just updates from Paxton and that was it. Laying in bed seeing if I was the cause of this entire thing.

I got up before and haven't been out of my room. I'm determined to find him. Give him a little piece of pain that Peyton has been going through.

He always goes to the park on Saturdays to hang out and smoke. He'd do illegal murals on the brick walls of the park.

I found him has he sat down on his stupid bench where me and him would use to hang out. I walked up and he looked at me before blowing smoke in my face.

"Nah... not you fucking psychopath dyke." He spat and I didn't move an inch.

He kept yelling at me before I slapped him in the face to shut him up. He got angry and try to come at me but of course I was too fast for his slow attacks. I grabbed his shirt before taking him to the alley he drew murals on. Slamming him to the brick wall.

"You know what she had to deal with you." I whispered getting close to his face.

"Who sexual assaults their ex to get them to be with a whore like you." I spit in his face and he flinched.

"Your a little daddy's boy. The one who takes money from his daddy and spends it all on his drugs." I said and I took an overpower punch to his stomach and he coughed falling to the floor.

"Your apology won't matter to her because your just a piece of shit to her. But you know she's too nice to say that so she'll let you do whatever you want to her." I said as I kicked his face when he tried to get up.

"Pull that again. And your scholarship to Harvard is ripped to shreds because you got in an accident when you sexually assaulted and physically abused someone who wasn't able to do anything against you." I kicked him one last time.

He was in the ground holding his shirt. I took a look at him before leaving him. My next stop was the hospital.

"Hi I'm Anna. Peyton Wright's older sister I'd like to have a talk with her doctor." I said and the girl behind the counter suspected me before calling Dr. Smith.

I waited before he actually showed up. He took me to a room where it was sound proof so no one could hear us.

"Miss. Wright... or should I call you Miss Shumate?" He said and I knew I was busted.

"What do you need?" He asked before I slapped the prescription form on the table.

"The medication you gave to Peyton is affecting her. I want you to stop that." I said and he looked at me before reading over the information.

"I'm very sorry but Miss Shumate the side affections are deep depression and nausea with motion sickness and as well with being sick." He said and I looked at him in disbelief.

"No you don't get to do that with me. She's completely changed. She's closed everyone off and this is your fault!" I yelled at him before he stood up.

"Please do not yell at me. I'm trying to recover her as soon as possible. Miss Wright has talked to me about the mission trip she wants to go on." He said and I looked at him confused.

"Mission trip?" I whispered and he nodded.

"She wants to recover before the mission trip. She's planning to discover California." He said and I looked confused.

"You might wanna talk to her about it. She's wanting to discover a lot of states so she knows where she wants to go. Peyton is a bright child. She's smart and she wants the best college with a good place to live." He said and I couldn't not disagree with him.

After all he's right. Peyton is a bright person. Positive side only with her but she's changed and pushed so many people away from helping her.

"If she does not take those meds her recovery will not reach." He said.

"When does she go?" I asked and he thought.

"February 2nd." He said and that was 2 and a half weeks away.

"It's a full two weeks. The gifted program has supplied the entire trip for her. If she does not go the trip is a waste of money" He said and I couldn't believe it...

"I am... sorry doctor. Yet I don't believe Peyton will even survive February. Her head as been filled with thoughts of dying and if it's too late she might as well kill herself." I said and it hurt that I said that cause I didn't want it to be true.

"The only way... is she pushes through the pain. The more pain she is the harder for her to recover. But if she does have people by her side she could be encourage to recover faster." He said and I just wished that everything could go away and nothing could have caused this...