《POSSESSIVE paul lahote love story(editing)》feelings
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Nicky's POV
Wednesday came and went without any trouble. I still hadn't returned to school and I decided Wednesday night that I wouldn't be showing up at the Cullen's for the random training session- I would just show up on the day.
Mum didn't mind but she was so hesitant about the fight on Monday.
So it's a Thursday night and I was doing some crunches on my bedroom floor. I had my earphones in and was blasting music to try and ignore this feeling. My gut was aching, not because I wasn't feeling well but because... I feel lost. As much as I hate to admit it, I think it's cause I haven't seen Paul. I miss being annoyed by him, I miss ignoring him, I miss his compliments, I miss seeing his confidence when he walks up to me, I miss seeing his flabbergasted face when I walk away from him... I miss everything about him. I miss him. Period.
Sounds wierd right? Last week I wouldn't mind not seeing his face. But it's so wierd... like all of a sudden I realise you don't know what you got until it's gone. I know Paul hasn't gone anywhere, but I want him around. I want to see him. I want him to annoy me and I want him to try and hold my hand while I pull away. I hate that I'm feeling this way. Because along the lines, somehow, for some strange reason... I think I really care for him.
Carly came home from school yesterday saying how Paul was looking for me, maybe he cares for me too? Or maybe he only cares about sex. Yep- that's why he's talking to me... sex. The only thing he wants from me. And I just have happened to start getting this... 'attachment' for him.
"Stupid girl..." I muttered to myself and gained momento for more power in the stomach crunches. I didn't want to feel this way. But... I don't mind. I don't know what I'm feeling- I don't know how I feel about him... I just... I don't- I don't like him? Do I... No- not me. I should... I can't- I will. No. Maybe... Yes? AGH! I am so confused. Since when have I ever been interested with boys? Since when have I ever been interested with man-whores who flirt with anything with boobs? Since when have I ever been interested with (Shivers) Paul?
I scrunched up my face when the burning from the exercise began to kick in. I turned up my music a bit louder and tried to clear my mind.
Who need thoughts about Paul right? Ha... Oh crap- I'm thinking about him again. LA-La-LA! Try not to think about Paul! La-La-La!
Oh... who am I kidding. The boy drives me crazy.
I was so intuned to my thoughts and the music was so loud in my ears I couldn't hear my window slide open and the floor creek.
I turned my head to change the song on my Ipod. This song was depressing anyways-
"AH!"I squeeled when I saw Paul's head lying next to me. I stood up quickly and ripped my earphones out.
"What are you doing here?" I whispered harshly to Paul. He was only in a pair of basketball shorts, showing off his impressive body. I tore my eyes away from his 6 pack and looked at him. He was lying on the floor with his hands under his heads looking up at me with a calm expression on his face.
"Hi..." He whispered after a few minutes. I smiled but wiped it off my face before he could see. I hate him- remember? But what was I just telling myself?
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ARGHH! This is so confusing. I either do or don't like him. I can't seem to make up my mind.
"Err... What are you doing here?" I said in a calm voice. I looked down quickly at what I was wearing when Paul looked me once over with a lustful smile on his lips. I was only wearing shorts and a sports bra. Nothing too revealing I guess. He has seen girls butt-naked, this is nothing compared to that.
"Seeing you obviously," He said with a shrug. He got up from his spot on the floor and before I could say 'Abs' I was embraced in a warm hug. I tensed for a split second before relaxing. I still didn't want to seeem to desperate so I kept my hands to myself.
"I missed you," He breathed. I missed you too,
"Is' only been two days," I told him non-chalantely. Those two days gave me WAY too much to think about
"Yeah well those two days have been a bitch without you," He murmered into my hair. Ok- another thing I hate to admit, I might like the feeling of his warm breath on my neck- just saying.
"Why weren't you at school and when are you coming back to school?" He said letting me go and holding me by my shoulders at arms length away.
"I wasn't at school because I'm not coming back," I said as if it were a fact- which it is. His face went from concern to horrified.
"Why!" He shouted at me. He dropped his arms off my shoulder in a sharp movement. His fingers curling up into fists and his arms shaking. What is with that? It's like when he is angry or upset he starts vibrating- it's wierd. I don't think it's normal. No one else does it, except Quil and Embry and Jacob... and Seth and Jared and Leah and Brady and Collin... the people that all hang together and have gigantic muscles and tower over other students. Huh.
"Relax. I'm just not." I said Shrugging. He looked at my face with narrowed eyes before sighing. His body calmed down a bit but he was still shaky in his movement. He sat on my bed and ran his hands over his face and through his hair. I sat on the floor and crossed my legs infront of him.
"Are you sick?" I asked quietly. He shook his head, his hands still over his face. It was kind of cute, like a sad child.
"Are you?" He said suddenly looking up at me. I shook my head before he could finish.
"I'm fine," I said awkwardly.
"So um... do you mind me- staying here?" He said looking down at his bare feet. I frowned for a second, my normal response before I realised this right here- him here was what I wanted before. My gut ached to be away from him. And right now, wit him here, I felt fine. No gut-aching pains whatsoever.
"No," I said in a breathless voice. "I don't."
He looked up startled before a face-breaking grin spread across his face.
"Really?" He said with a twinkle in his eye and hope in his voice. I nodded before picking up my ipod and turning it off. It had still been playing all this time.
"So..." I said awkwardly. What now?
"Why were you exercising?" He cut through the almost-awkward silence. I shrugged. No point in telling him it was to keep my thoughts off of him.
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"Just keeping fit," I said lamely. I looked down at the carpet and began tracing the pattern.
"You don't need to change your body- you're perfect the way you are," He said sincerely. I looked up at his face and he was dead serious. He was looking at me with that intense face trying to tell me a secret message with his eyes.
"Thanks," I said quietly.
"But if you are going to continue... mind if I join you?" He asked seriously. I nodded simply.
"If you can keep up," I challenge with a smirk on my face. His serious demeaner changed and he winked at me with a beam on his face.
"Babe- challenge accepted." He said before jumping up and hopping onto the floor patting the spot next to him. I smiled to him and joined him.
"Wait," I said pausing. I reached for my ipod again and put one earphone bud into his ear and the other into mine. He leaned in close to me so I could put it in his ear without moving. I smiled shyly at the closeness and put the songs on shuffle.
We started doing sit ups together at the same time with the beat of the music.
"You have a good playlist," He complimented after a few songs.
"You have a good stamina," I said with a huff of breath. Damn he's strong. and his six-pack proves just that.
"You do too," He said in a voice mixed between impressiveness and confused.
"How do you keep up?" I blurted out after the song changed. I was feeling exhausted and my body begged to stop but I kept at it- determined to not look weak infront of him.
"How do you?" He said with a laugh. His voice sounded suprisingly suspiscious. Shouldn't I be the suspiscious one?
"Ok... ok. I can't." I said relaxing on the floor and breathing in and out to get my voice back.
"I win," He said adding a wink at the end. I unwillingly nodded and turned my head to look at him. He must have moved closer because we were now an inch apart. He looked in my eyes- asking permission to lean in further, I inched closer to and saw his eyes closed. I felt his warm breath wash over my face and I think my face flushed.
This would have been a romantic moment I guess... first kiss with him and all but I stood up hastily before anything like that could happen.I wasn't thinking right.
"So... um. that was fun," I said scratching the back of my neck nervously. He nodded disapointed and stood up.
"Kay," He grunted before scrunching up his face. I could tell he was mad.
"Sorry," I said sheepishly looking away from his face.
"Ok," He said before shaking slightly. I walked forward but he was already out the window.
I sighed to myself before walking over to the window. He ran into the forest without a glance back. I furrowed my brows. Maybe it's a shortcut? I don't know. I sighed before shutting my window. I wonder how he got down there without jarring his knees. It is quite a fall.
I shrugged before going to have a shower. I cringed when I saw how sweaty I was. That's gross. How does he not care? I bet I smell too.
I went to have a shower and was ready for sleep. I needed it.
Friday came and nothing exciting happened except when I was reading more about the Seattle murders and Carly came into the room with her bag still on her back- having just arrived home from school.
"Nicky, Nicky guess what!" She squeled. I closed the newspaper and looked up at her expectantly.
"What?" I said with a bit of excitment, the last time she squeled was when Daniel Parker asked her out on a date on Thursday. I guess I have been too busy to really notice. I felt bad but it washed away and my eyes widened at what Carly told me.
"I was talking to Jared today because he was asking me if I knew what was going wrong with Paul-"
"What's going on with him?" I interupted. She narrowed her eyes at me in annoyance then sighed.
"Anyways," She said with a loud voice, "As I was saying before I was rudely interupted," I rolled my eyes, "Jared asked me if I knew if you and Paul had been seeing eachother..." She trailed off.
"And..." I said impatiently.
"That's has been all mopey around the school but what I wanted to ask you is if you would be willing to double date with me and Daniel." She said with an excited smile.
"What?" I asked stupidly.
She sighed in annoyance, "You should really listen. I wanted to know if you and Paul would double date with me and Daniel. You could cheer him up and I can see Daniel seeings as there will be chaperons on our date," She squeled again. I almost blocked my ears from the sound.
"Why do you care about Paul?" I asked suspisciously, "You know we aren't together. There is nothing I can do to make him cheer up," I said looking down at the table. I didn't know if I was lying or not but I know for a fact he was probably all depressed and mopey because of me.
"Because..." She trailed off awkwardly, "I just think. Maybe you and him would be good for each other," She said carefully.
"When did you become the relationship guru?" I said with slight anger in my undertone.
"Oh come on nick. Anyone could see. You are both made for each other. He is the guy version of you and you are the girl version of him. Jared agrees with me-"
"Since when do you know all of this. Jared and Paul are in my year level," I said ignoring everything she had just said incase my heart had any ideas.
"I have been talking to the whole gang this pass week. They are all so nice, but they are always asking about you. Especially Paul. He likes you... a lot, you know." Carly stated.
"Ummm..." I finished the conversation right there by turning my back on her and back to the newspaper.
Before I knew it... it was Monday. The day of the fight. Or the correct term: The day of the Newborn War.
I hadn't seen Paul since Thursday but I tried not to care... that much.
I woke up earlier then usual and said a quick goodbye to mum and Carly who were already up and ready for work and school.
"Be careful sweetheart," Mum cooed giving me a hug. I smiled at her,
"I always am," I said for a upteenth time this morning. I gave her a hug and a kiss before moving on to Carly. She had a few tears in her eyse and gave her a quick hug before handing her a tissue.
"Dude- I'll be fine. You know that," I said seriously. She nodded and gave me a tight hug which mum joined in soon after.
"You guys are acting like you'll never see me again. Relax would ya?" I said with a small smile.
"Nicole, just-"
"Be careful, I know- I know. I gotta go. Bye- I love you both!" I called out behind my shoulder.
I opened the door and saw the snow. I shrugged at my casual clothes, a pair of shorts and a simple tee-shirt.
I knew I had to be at the Cullen's at 9 and I had ten minutes to get there. I'm pretty sure I could just run there. Plus it would help my keep warm. I don't usually get cold but it's snowing. Enough said.
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