11/23/2015

chapter fourteen ;

♡

Monday morning began, I did not feel the overpowering urge to rip my hair out. The school day was reduced to a half day, and then I could sleep late for the next week.

The only con of Thanksgiving Break was that I could not spend any of it with Benny.

Tonight my family and I would catch a plane to Tennessee. During Fall Break, we had not had the chance to visit our family, so this time it was a sure thing.

Despite the coming absence of Benny, I was quite overjoyed to reunite with the rest of my family and friends. Usually I attempted to push the deeper thoughts of them away to distract myself from the aching in my heart. Before California, I had best friends and loved ones and a life. Naturally, I was excited to return to all of that, even if only temporarily.

Earlier than ever Benny and I met up and walked to school. Despite the fifteen-minute walk, we arrived earlier than we ever had; Benny had time to devour both his and my own square breakfast pizzas.

Fourth period – History – was the final period of the day. Everyone buzzed with excitement, quite ecstatic to leave, myself included. Several times over I imagined how my family and old friends would react to my surprise visit. How Miracle and Hayle would feel, and how I would feel to see them in person again.

To top the morning off, Ms. Cook killed the lights and played War Horse, projected on a large, white sheet against the wall. We weren't required to watch it, although we did have to keep our voices down.

Kenny and I had already seen the movie, so we sat in a corner of the room, speaking lightly. He was surprisingly quite interested in my old life in Tennessee, eager for the stories and the differences between the states and the people I had come to know.

Then one particular subject seemed to strike Kenny – one that he was reluctant to mention, but very curious of. During a short silence, his features pulled into a shy expression. His voice was softer, his words drawling:

"Kayla . . . When did you meet . . . Leon?"

The name was a spark against my heart, but there was no pain to follow – only affection and yearning. A smile formed on my lips.

"I met him in kindergarten. Along with Miracle, he was one of the first real friends I've ever had. And along with Miracle, he was the only one who was still my best friend as the years passed."

"Were you two close? Like you and Miracle?"

"We were close, but not like that," I admitted. "Back then, I guess spending a lot of time with a boy outside of school was kind of intimidating. But we were always together in school. He always made me laugh, and did and said nice things to cheer me up. I don't know, we just stuck together every chance we got."

Kenny smiled. "Tell me about your time together."

Now I was grinning from ear to ear, the memories flooding back to me like they spilled from a waterfall. Speaking of Leon, I realized, felt wonderful. And for a moment, I could imagine that, rather than Kenny, he was by my side. It was easier imagining so considering the fact that Leon and I had been in the exact same position – sitting side-by-side in a dark classroom's corner.

"Once, in the fifth grade, we were both in the bathroom, and we came out at the same time. I don't know how it happened, but we looked at each other, and we both said we wondered what the other bathroom looked like. We didn't even say anything – at the same time, we both just ran into the other bathroom. Then we walked back to the classroom together, talking and laughing."

"We sat together on the bus every single day. And when this really annoying girl got on the bus, who was kind of obsessed with me, I would drop down into the floor, and he would take mine and his backpack and cover me up and hide me. It was kind of messed up, now that I think of it, but . . ."

"Once we got detention together. We were supposed to sit a seat apart, but we sat right beside each other, talking and everything. No one did anything about it, but after that, everyone thought we were dating."

"We were having a Valentine dance at the school, and I didn't have a jacket. I don't know what brought it on, but he said that if I got cold, he would give me his jacket."

"In Guidance class, he sat in front of me. He would always have a little piece of fuzz in his afro. I would always pull it out, and show it to him on my finger, and say, 'You had a fuzzy.' Every single time he busted out laughing. I don't know why it was so funny to him, but his laugh made me laugh, too."

"I was a little rebel. We weren't supposed to bring drinks other than water to school, because kids would fill bottles with alcohol and get drunk in school. My dad was actually one of the reasons for a lot of the rules at our school – he was really bad. But anyway, I filled an empty water bottle with Monster and snuck it into school. Leon had his first taste because of me, and he almost drank the whole bottle."

"Near Christmas, he brought a bunch of candy canes to school. He had only one warhead one left, and he gave it to me. I found out later that he had already promised to give it to someone else, but . . . he gave it to me instead. After I ate it, I leaned toward him to talk to him, and he caught his breath and told me that my breath smelled like the candy cane. He said, 'Your breath smelled so good, I just wanted to bite it.'" Kenny and I both burst into laughter – quickly shushed by the teacher.

"On one of the last days of our sixth grade year . . . one of the last times I ever saw him . . ." As the stories neared an end, my stomach began to clench. The words were a bit harder to speak. "We were sitting beside each other with our group, looking through microscopes. We talked the whole time, and we started asking each other questions. I asked him who his best friend was, and he didn't hesitate at all. He just said, 'You.' I remember the way his voice sounded so clearly."

"And . . . we had finals together. The last time I ever saw him, we had finished our exams and we were watching Shark Tale. We were sitting near each other, and he leaned back in his seat, wearing sunglasses, looking all cool. When school ended, we walked together, but that year we rode different buses. So . . . we said our goodbyes. Hoped we would get the same homeroom the next year. And . . . that was it."

Kenny's eyes were downcast; my voice had lowered exceptionally. And I could feel myself beginning to tremble; I had to ball up my fists and stuff them between my legs in attempt to keep them from shaking.

"Now that I think about it, though," I spoke, moments into the silence, my voice soft, "at least I got to say goodbye to him. One last time."

"I'm sorry, Kayla . . ." Kenny murmured. "I can't imagine what that would feel like. If I lost you or any of the guys . . . I don't know how I could go on."

"Time does heal," I pointed out. "I never thought it would. It was the worst pain I've ever felt. But the worst part is, in some part of my mind, I always expected him to come back. To just show up, and say it was all a joke, and we could return to normal, because none of it felt real. It still doesn't . . . and I still feel the pain sometimes. But as time passes, it numbs. I can think of him and be happy now."

"How . . ." Kenny hesitated. "How did you find out?"

I lowered my eyes, keeping them trained on my knees. "At the time, I didn't have wifi, so I was kind of late on finding out. Miracle was walking down the road when I was about to leave somewhere, and she looked really sad. I asked her what was wrong, and she just stared at me with tears in her eyes.

"Eventually she told me that the house fire from the night before – I heard my mom talking about it – was Leon's house, and that he died in it. It was so unexpected, and I didn't believe her. I kind of laughed it off and asked her what it really was that she was sad about. I truly thought she was joking. I expected her to give it up and laugh, but she never did.

"Then I had to leave, and I sat in the very back of the car, and I couldn't stop thinking of what she said. And then I thought . . . why would she joke about something like that? Why would she let me leave without telling me it was a joke? So it was then that I realized that she must have been telling the truth. And I cried and cried and cried, and I couldn't stop. I never knew a person could cry so much.

"That night, I tried so hard to find some kind of evidence that it wasn't really him who died. Three others died too, and they got his age wrong on the statement, so I thought there was a chance that he'd survived. But, obviously . . . I didn't find any satisfying answer. It was the first time I lost someone and it really impacted me. Someone so sweet and funny and pure didn't deserve to go out that way. He was only twelve."

Kenny swallowed deeply, and rested a hand upon my knee. "No, he didn't. I feel like I knew him, just by your stories. He didn't."

To my surprise, the tears in my eyes were light, in no danger of spilling. I managed a smile – not a forced one, but a grateful one.

"His death taught me not to take anyone for granted. To treat everyone with kindness. And I'm not very good at that, sometimes, but . . . You never know when you'll lose someone. It could be at any given moment – and then it's too late."

Kenny opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by a feminine voice. One I recognized immediately.

"Cheating on Benny, are we?" Hannah stood over the two, a mischievous smirk curled on her mouth. "Well, I have a picture of it."

I glared up at the girl. "Of what? Me and my best friend sitting together? Show it to him, please – he'll be happy to print it off and keep it. Appreciate it."

"No. Of his hand on your leg. Seems like a bit more than friendship, if you ask me. I think I'll ask Benny first."

Kenny's hand still rested upon my knee. His fingers tightened around my jeans, out of anger and annoyance. But I attempted to keep my anger at bay. Rather than speaking, I pulled out my own phone, snapped a picture of his hand on my knee, and sent it to Benny.

"Send it to him, please." I smiled up at the blonde, whose smug expression was now replaced with anger. "Know why he chose me instead of you? Because I'm actually loyal. Get over yourself, honestly."

Hannah's jaws clenched. "You know what? I am so sick of your attitude. You think you're so tough because you won one fight – "

"Oh, did you want to make it two?" I broke in, curiosity coloring my voice. "Because, I mean, if you want to try me yourself . . . It's if you think you're ready."

"No, thanks." As Hannah backed away, she added, "You can go back to talking about your dead best friend."

Immediately after the words were spoken, Hannah whirled around and disappeared into the sea of seated students. Despite the rage that boiled in the pit of my stomach and rose steadily, I remained on the ground.

After a moment, Kenny said, "Kayla. Beat that bitch's ass."

It was the first time I had ever heard Kenny call someone out of their name. But he needn't say a word – my mind was already set.

Minutes later, the bell rang, and everyone jumped to their feet and rushed out of the door. I wasn't surprised to find that Hannah was one of the first out the door.

Kenny and I rushed along, pushing past the slower people, in attempt to catch up with the blonde. But once we were in the halls, she was nowhere to be seen. I pushed on toward the front doors, but then another feminine voice called my name.

Upon turning, I was surprised at the face before me. I'd forgotten her name, but not her face – She was Skylar's punk younger sister, with her hair dyed black, a septum piercing and dark makeup. I had fought her, and won.

Her face was serious, but not angry. My initial instinct was to clench my first, prepared to send it flying – but she was not here to fight me.

"You looking for Hannah?" she inquired.

"Yes. I am." Ice coated my tongue.

The girl turned, eyes locked on me. "Follow me. I know where she's going – trying to hide from you."

Kenny and I exchanged glances, but the girl – Kenny reminded me that her name was Nicole – had already gone. The two of us trailed behind her after a moment's hesitation.

Nicole weaved through the bustling crowd, turning several corners. The crowd thinned until, finally, the three teenagers roamed an empty hall.

"She's in the bathroom," Nicole informed me.

The anger coursed through my veins, and my hands shook. Before entering the bathroom, I turned to face her, glaring daggers, and growled, "If you're trying to set me up and jump me, I swear to fucking – "

"I'm not," Nicole insisted, clearly disgusted at my words. "I'm not about that shit. She's with her little cheerleader friends, but she's in there. Bunch of weak bitches."

I turned to face Kenny; he met my eyes immediately. In a quieter voice, he said, "I wonder what the girls' bathroom looks like."

A silent agreement passed between us. Kenny and I strode toward the door in the exact same moment. Before I burst through the door, I could have sworn someone had called my name down the hall. But I was distracted, and I ignored it.

Sure enough, Hannah and three of her friends stood in front of the mirrors, giggling and dabbing makeup onto their faces. Once the door opened, they froze, turning to face me and Kenny. Their eyes widened with horror.

"The fuck'd you say?" The words left my mouth without my consent. Hannah opened hers to respond, but I never gave her the chance. I was walking faster than I ever had, and in seconds, I reached her. My fist crashed into her face.

The powerful impact stung my hand, but it immediately went numb. The other girls' screams were muffled in my ears. My sight went black with rage, and I must have gotten five punches in before I felt the faint impact of someone's fist to the back of my head.

Either the attacker was very weak or my adrenaline dulled all of my senses. The latter was definitely true, but it could have been both in this case. Because when I chanced a quick glance behind me, I didn't find Nicole on my back, but Hannah's red-headed minion.

Slinging Hannah to the ground, I swung to face the red-head. She froze, knowing that she had messed up, and I got one punch in before she was suddenly jerked backward.

Nicole jerked the red-head to the ground and kicked her in the rib.

Kenny stood at the door, unsure of what to do. He wouldn't lay hands on a girl, but it seemed that the other two girls were running at me.

All of a sudden, the bathroom door swung open, and I was faintly surprised to see Ivy bursting inside, curls bouncing wildly about her face. Everything moved so quickly, so chaotically, so confusingly, but Ivy was quicker than the two girls, and before they had the chance to reach me, she had jerked them both backward by the hair. She must have been the one who called my name from down the hall.

Unable to focus, I whirled around to face Hannah, who struggled to her feet. The fury resurged to its full power at the sight of her face – blood poured from her nose.

Again my vision blackened. The next thing I knew, I had pulled Hannah to her feet by her neck. I was hit with the strongest urge to crash her face into the mirror – Instead, I clutched onto the small part of me that begged me to stop, that felt pity for Hannah's bloody, helpless face.

I released my hands from Hannah's throat. She stumbled backward, gasping for breath and clutching at her throat – I hadn't realized that I'd been squeezing.

The glare on my face was devilish. Hannah cowered against the wall, staring at me with horrified eyes. "Stop," she choked. "Please."

The anger began to crumple. All I could do was stare at her – the bully, the girl who was only asking for my wrath. But I realized that her words contained no true worth, and I was – should have been – better than this. I had to be.

Finally, after releasing a ragged breath, I forced myself to say, "I'm sorry."

Confusion swept over Hannah's face. She said nothing.

"What the hell?" Nicole. Behind me, she sat on the red-head, who seemed to put up a fight. She still struggled beneath the girl. "Why are you sorry?"

My hands shook violently, and I turned away from Hannah. Given what she had said to me, I should not have felt so horrible for what I'd done to her. To others it didn't make sense – but I knew I shouldn't have let Hannah get to me.

Ivy was the only other girl present – the other two had run off to warn a teacher. She was breathing heavily, eyes flickering between me and Nicole. Kenny stood at the door, eyes locked on me; I couldn't determine his expression.

"I have to be better," I managed to reply. A part of me still wanted to smash Hannah's face into the mirror – so I hurried toward Kenny. "Let's go before a teacher comes."

Ivy followed the two of us, and Nicole stood to her feet, dumbstruck.

♡

"What the hell, Makayla!"

Benny examined my bloody, bruising hands, his brows pulled tightly together. Luke had just arrived, and he glimpsed my hand once and sighed.

"Who?" Luke inquired.

"Hannah," I mumbled, frowning slightly at my hands. "She said something about Leon."

Benny froze, and his face fell. After a moment, he muttered, "Oh."

"Yeah . . ."

Kenny moved forward, and placed a hand on Benny's shoulder. "She came up to us when Kayla was talking about Leon. I put my hand on her knee to comfort her. Hannah came up to us saying she got a picture of it, saying Kayla was cheating, and she would send it to you."

"Is that why you sent me that picture?" Benny asked, lifting his eyes to meet mine.

"Yeah. Figured it would shut her up."

Luke sighed. "Well, she deserved it. But I need to get home – I still haven't finished packing. Coming?"

"No." I turned to find Bertram approaching, and a smile curved my lips upward. "Benny, Kenny . . . want to go to the sandlot?"

"I'm coming too," Ivy pointed out, moving forward to loop her arm in mine.

"All right. Don't be too late," Luke warned. "We'll leave your ass."

"Shut up," I laughed.

Benny chuckled, curling his fingers around my wrist. "You just had to make sure to go out with a bang."

...

...

"This is my grandma's house. I spent a lot of time here," I spoke into the phone, camera turned so that Benny, Kenny and Bertram could see the house. "And the graveyard is across the house . . . right there."

Bertram whistled. "Creepy, if you ask me. Do you ever find ghosts in your grandma's house?"

I switched the camera to my face, flashing him a grave look. "That's another story for another time. Hey . . . want to see Leon?"

Kenny was the first to speak. "Yes."

♡

THIS CHAPTER SUCKED ASS. i'm so sorry. so chaotic and confusing, although that was my plan for the fight scene. either way . . . things are about to change.

thanks for 17k reads and over 600 votes! (and almost 500 comments.) this story may be slow-going, and my updating "schedule" sucks, but i hope you can forgive me.