09/13/2015

chapter seven ;

♡

greeted me and my loved ones with a bright, beaming sun. The entire Rodriguez family joined me and my family for church, beginning the day on a good note – although Luke's spirits could not be boosted entirely; he moped around, eyes downcast, head hung, posture weak. There was nothing anyone could say to make him feel even the slightest spark of happiness, not even the preaching.

After church, Benny and I changed out of our clothes and redressed in our normal attire. Afterward, with a few Eggo's blueberry waffles, we made our way to the sandlot. On the way, Smalls caught up to us.

"Hey, guys!" Smalls greeted with a bright grin, hurrying toward me and Benny with his brown glove. "Going to the sandlot?"

"Yeah," Benny confirmed, slowing only slightly so that Smalls could catch up. "I can see that you are, too."

The moment Smalls reached the two of us, I threw an arm around his shoulders. "Let's go play some ball."

By the time the three of us reached the sandlot, most of the others were already present. After warming up a bit, Benny began the game by batting first.

Next, I was at bat. The moment my foot touched home plate, I felt, ironically, at home. Bending down, I scooped a handful of the dirt and sand mixture; the beads slipped through my fingers when I allowed them to.

"Ugh," Ham grumbled. At first, I was caught off guard – I turned to look at the boy, assuming that his disgust had been directed at me, but his eyes, shielded by his gear, were set elsewhere. "Phillips is here. No pressure."

Heart picking up its pace, I turned back to face DeNunez. And I did not dare to glance at the entrance; from the corner of my eye, I could see Jordan Phillips riding into the field on his bike.

DeNunez, who had not yet noticed the new arrival, nodded and pitched the baseball. Fortunately, I hit the ball on the first swing. And as I ran the bases, I could not help but notice that Phillips had paused in the outfield, eyes trained on me, flashing his teeth in a bright smile.

"Go, Kayla!" Benny urged me on from third base. Clearly, he had yet to take notice in Phillips' arrival.

Jordan watched as my foot touched first base, and I continued toward second. Of course, Smalls retrieved the baseball, and he threw it to Bertram, whose toes were pressed against the edge of the base. Half a second before the baseball reached his glove, I dropped to the ground and slid –

"Safe!" Yeah-Yeah announced, acting as an umpire rather than a shortstop. "I saw it, she touched the base before Bertram caught the ball!"

Bertram rolled his eyes, although he held a smile. "Always are." He leaned over, clasped my hand in his free one, and pulled me to my feet. Just as he did so, though, he whispered in my ear, "Phillips is here."

My eyes flickered to the boy still standing in the outfield, only briefly. Eyes still locked on me, he sent me a nod, and I quickly averted my gaze. Rather than looking at Bertram, though, I stared at the ground, nodding and scrunching up my face, as if I had not noticed Jordan until just then.

"Mind if I join?" Jordan shouted across the field, resting his bike against the wall.

Now every pair of eyes turned to the boy – aside from mine; I stared at Benny, who glared at Jordan with a familiar hostility. So far, Jordan had only joined us for two games – and he had only ever filled a position in the outfield, in which the ball had only come his way once.

To my immense surprise, Benny yelled, "Sure! You can bat!"

"Oh, wow." Bertram's eyebrows rose in surprise. "I wasn't sure if Benny would ever say a nice thing to him."

Crossing my arms, I watched as Jordan, with a smile, jogged across the field. Benny left his place at third base, though, and approached DeNunez.

"What's he doing?" Bertram whispered to me.

"Don't ask me, I don't know."

From second base, Benny's light voice could not be heard. But the answer was soon revealed when DeNunez handed my boyfriend the baseball from his side and left the pitcher's mound.

"Yo, Benny, what are you doing?" Squints called from first base.

Rather than providing an answer, Benny glanced back at me, slid his Dodgers cap backwards, and winked. Bewildered, I watched as he squeezed the ball in his hands, as if he were about to pitch – which made no sense, because I had never heard of Benny pitching.

"What the hell is he doing?" I muttered. "He doesn't pitch."

"No, but he can," Bertram replied, a goofy smile on his face. "He just prefers not to."

Jordan reached the batter's box, and Ham – who had lifted his catcher's mask just for this special reason – spat on the ground, right at Jordan's feet. However, Jordan ignored the action. He picked up the bat from the sand, and he began to practice his swing.

"I never took you for a pitcher, Rodriguez," Jordan called, swinging the bat with great force. His eyes then followed an imaginary ball – only to land momentarily on me. Immediately, I averted my gaze to the ground.

"There's a lot of things you got wrong about me, Phillips," Benny responded, a venomous edge to his voice.

"Yeah," Jordan grunted, hitting the ground with the bat, "I know." And then he worked himself into the correct stance, bat raised, eyes locked on the ball – or, with the glare on his face . . . Benny.

For a moment, I had completely forgotten where I stood. Benny began to wind up, and I quickly inched away from the plate, prepared to take off for third base.

Benny hurled the baseball at Jordan, and I moved further from the base. But Jordan swung and missed the ball – a move that I had not expected. Perhaps the shock had been fueled on the fact that Jordan had played for a real team, had played and won several games – and Benny had only played on a real team for a brief amount of time. And Benny was the one with the speed and the wicked swing – his talent in pitching had hardly ever been recognized.

"Striiike one!" Ham crowed, confident in the fact that the ball had landed in his glove. He threw the ball back to Benny in a triumphant matter.

Jordan's mood had not seemed to dim; he ignored Ham's inevitable remarks, refocusing his attention on the baseball. He practiced his swing while Benny prepared to pitch, and I refused to make direct eye conact, because his eyes were set on me for the moment.

And Jordan missed the next pitch. I could have ran to the next base, but Bertram had begun to speak to me.

"I can actually feel the tension. I swear it's hotter now than it was a minute ago."

"Strike two!"

As Benny wound up the next pitch, I inched away from second base. Luckily, his attention was focused solely on his enemy – Jordan Phillips. So when he pitched the baseball, I took off for third. This time, Jordan managed to hit the ball. Admittedly, I had been expecting to steal the base.

Unfortunately for Jordan, the ball went straight to Benny, who leapt in the air and easily caught it. Before Jordan could reach first base, Benny threw the ball with all of his might to Tommy – and the younger boy caught the ball, just at the tip of his glove; nevertheless, he tagged Jordan out.

Most of the boys burst into applause and crows of victory. Benny stood on the pitcher's mound, a smug smirk on his shiny lips. He glanced at me, only to wink. And I couldn't help but to laugh.

"It's all right, Phillips," Benny called, catching the ball Tommy threw back without much effort. "You tried." He threw the ball back to DeNunez, who stood by my side, clearly giving him back his position.

Finally, Jordan's calm air had vanished. He kicked at the ground, mumbling to himself. To my surprise, though, the group allowed him to play in the outfield.

♡

An hour after Jordan's arrival, he received a call from his father and had to leave. The group and I, needless to say, continued the game until the sun had begun to set. When we finally made our ways home, we were all sweaty messes.

"I feel so disgusting," I grumbled, fanning myself furiously with my mitt. "I'm covered in sweat."

"We're all covered in sweat, babe. It's natural," Benny reassured me, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

"I know, it's just . . . It seems like I never got this sweaty before," I continued. "Except, maybe, when I first moved here, but still! It's gross."

"Then that would make us all gross. Nobody minds except for you, Kayla," Benny chuckled. "You're fine."

As per usual, the group thinned out rather quickly as the boys parted ways. By the time Benny and I reached our houses, the sky had darkened to a deep blue, the edge of the sun's white light touching the horizon, the full moon approaching the middle of the sky.

Agreeing to each shower and meet later (where had not been decided upon), Benny and I parted ways. I took a quick shower and dressed in a tank top and sweatpants. To my surprise, I had not received a text from Benny – usually, he texted me the moment he got out of the shower, simply to inform. Instinctively, I glanced out of my bedroom window, but my attention quickly turned away from Benny –

A female, whom I was absolutely positive was Skylar, was approaching my porch.

As if touched by lightning, I raced downstairs, fuming. In what felt like only a moment, I wrenched the front door open, revealing a surprised Skylar. Her blonde hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, her face clear of makeup.

"Ma – "

"I really hope you were here to see me, because Luke's not available right now," I interrupted in a harsh tone. "I mean, he is available – just not for you. What do you want?"

Skylar's surprised expression transformed into an annoyed one. "I am here for Luke, but I guess there are a few things I could talk to you about too."

A sarcastic smile grew on my face. "Okay. Talk to me about them. But you won't be seeing Luke."

The blonde clenched her jaws. I knew that I was getting under her skin – that was my goal, naturally. But she held her calm façade. "As for right now, my relationship with Luke is more important – "

"Your relationship with Luke does not exist." Every word escaped my mouth in a sharp and sarcastic manner – not that I minded.

Skylar gazed upward, jaws clenched. "You're really pissing me off."

"Frankly," I shrugged indifferently, "I don't really give a shit. You cheated on my brother, and you expect me to make you happy? That's not how it works, 'cause you obviously didn't know. But now you do. And you've been claiming that the guy you were with was your 'best friend' all this time – turns out you were playing him too!"

"That's really not any of your God damn business," Skylar snapped.

"That's where you're wrong. Luke is my brother – girls like you, they come and, thank God, they go. But me, as his sister, I'll always be here. And as long as I am here, you won't be getting another chance to play my brother. And if you say that again, you'll end up just like your sister."

"You won't touch me."

"That's what your sister thought."

Skylar finally stepped up to me, glaring down at me. "I'm, what, three years older than you? What the hell can you do? You're a child."

"So? I'll still whoop your ass – "

"No need, Kayla," came a new voice – feminine and harsh and, well, pissed. Skylar whirled around to meet Elizabeth, who had already mounted the steps and nearly, purposely, crashed into Skylar. "Step the fuck back, will you? Age doesn't mean shit – I've seen Kayla beat up guys older than you."

"Look, I didn't come here to argue. I came to make things right with Luke – my boyfriend." Skylar spoke the words as if they were meant to sting, offend.

"Ha! Wrong!" I laughed. "He's not your boyfriend. You're not his girlfriend – you lost the previledge of that title – therefore you have no right to come to my house and talk that stupid shit." Elizabeth leaned against the door beside me, a smirk playing on her lips. "And let's not forget all the times you came in here, yelling and slamming doors like you own the place. You're a disrespectful ass – girl. And I'll be damned if I let it happen again. You ruined all chances of kindness."

Tears shone in Skylar's blue eyes, and she swallowed. "I just . . . I know I messed up." She sighed, giving up the angry air altogether. "But I want to make it right. I can't stand myself, knowing what I did."

"Good. You shouldn't, you know?" I stated matter-of-factly. "But you've been doing this shit for a while now. You're only sorry because you got caught, and in case you didn't know, that's not actually sorrow."

"That isn't true – " Skylar cried.

"Yes, it is," I rolled my eyes. "I don't know why you think I'm stupid. But you can go now. We've got better things to do."

For a moment, Skylar stared at me, words unable to form. Elizabeth, who had crossed her arms, stepped forward. "She said to leave."

Finally, the tears escaped Skylar's eyes, slowly running down her cheeks – as if the tears were forced. "Fine," she whispered. "Just . . . tell him that I came by. Tell him I tried."

Elizabeth and I watched as Skylar made her way into the street, head hung. Deep inside, I felt a bit sorry for her – and I knew that she did not deserve that, but I could never escape the inevitable remorse after every situation that included my violence, physical and emotional. My merciful side grew stronger with each day.

"The nerve of that girl," Elizabeth grumbled, watching in disgust as Skylar disappeared from view.

Shaking my head, I said, "I know. I just feel bad because . . . I know how Luke felt about her."

Elizabeth simply nodded. Part of me wondered . . .

A smile found its way onto my mouth, and I directed it at Elizabeth. "Thanks, Liz."

Glancing at her feet, she chuckled. "No problem, but you really didn't even need me."

"Either way, it was nice to have you by my side. Thank you. And . . . you know . . . Luke isn't taken anymore – "

Elizabeth's head jerked to face me, and her eyes were wide with shock. "I know," she drawled, "but why would you say that?"

I shrugged, averting my gaze. Benny had just exited his house. As I spoke, I watched him approach my house. "Just in case you ever . . . you know."

"No," Elizabeth giggled, "I don't know."

"You do," I winked. "I know you do. I am the master of hiding my feelings for guys when I don't want them to know. You can't hide from me."

"I – " Elizabeth began weakly, but Benny had reached us, oblivious to our conversation.

"What are you doing here, Liz?" Benny inquired.

Elizabeth chewed her bottom lip, averting both mine and Benny's gaze. "I was just about to leave. I have to get back to work. See you guys later."

After Benny and I said our goodbyes to Elizabeth, the two of us made our way inside.

"Do you have any idea what she was here for?" Benny asked as we made our way upstairs.

"Yeah. Skylar showed up, trying to get to Luke. Liz came to back me up, I guess."

Benny offered a smirk. "Since when do you call her Liz? You've always called her Elizabeth."

"Just now." I shrugged. "I don't know, it feels right now."

♡

Nine o'clock approached, and Benny and I lazed on my bed. Both of us lay with our backs rested against the soft fabric of my blanket, shoulder to shoulder. The only source of light came from a few candles, and the new plastic, glowing stars that stuck to my ceiling.

"I have a question," Benny spoke, breaking the momentary silence.

"Okay. Ask me."

"The night we went to the treehouse and you talked to your ex – Zach . . . you said you would be coming back to Tennessee for the first break of school," Benny began. "He said he wanted to take you on a date, and you agreed to it. . . . Is that still on?"

"Yeah."

From the corner of my eye, I saw how Benny's chest ceased to move. He had caught his breath – as if I had actually meant that.

"Hell no," I spoke again. "That's a stupid ass question, Benny, of course not."

A smile tugged at the edges of Benny's plump lips, which shone in the pale light. "Okay. Just . . . had to make sure."

"I wish I could bring you with me," I sighed. "You could meet all my friends in person. And you could see the place I grew up. And I could recount all of my best memories in the places they happened."

"I'd love that," Benny grinned. "If I can't come with you – which I guess I should give a try – you can FaceTime me. Show me all of it. It's not as good as the real thing, but it's a start."

Suddenly, I gasped. "Benny!" I sat up quickly, my eyes already locked on the boy beside me, who also wrenched himself upward in alarm. "You've never seen a firefly, have you?"

"No, but you've asked me that about five times now," Benny chuckled, relieved of alarm at my suddenness. "You'll show me one day."

"I will."

A few minutes after nine o'clock arrived, Benny decided to go home to eat leftover dinner and get to bed for school – which, fortunately and unfortunately, I did not have to attend.

Upon exiting my bedroom, Luke's voice rang out. Some instinct in my body, strangely, told me to stop and listen. Benny followed suit without question.

"You've said you wouldn't treat me that way for a long time. How do I know I can trust you?" Luke demanded, his voice light. "You've just blamed me for cheating when it was you all along. . . . You made me feel like shit, Skylar, I can't just forget everything that happened."

"Maybe we shouldn't be listening in on his conversation," Benny whispered, tugging at my arm.

I shook my head. "No, I wanna see where this goes."

The moments passed, and Luke's words became kinder and kinder. Soon, it sounded as though he were the one apologizing. And that was when the rage kicked in, to the point that my hands shook, and I had to bite my tongue in attempt to keep my chin from quivering in anger.

"I know, it's just – . . . I know. . . . I feel that way too, believe me. I miss you too, but I don't know . . . I know I should have talked to you first, but it was hard to even think properly. . . . I know, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have – "

"I should go," Benny said, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek. "I love you, I'll see you in the morning."

I repeated the words, hardly even paying attention as Benny descended the staircase and let himself out of my home. Meanwhile, I had practically busted into Luke's room.

"Are you kidding me?" I breathed, glaring at Luke, who stared at me like a deer in headlights – as if I had caught him in some shameful act, in which I actually did. "The whore has been cheating on you before you were even officially together, and you're sorry? The fuck are you sorry for?"

Without a goodbye, Luke ended his call with Skylar. For a moment, he didn't seem to know what to say or do. And then his face hardened.

"I don't expect you to understand," Luke said. "Not that it's your business. It's my life, you can't just come in here and act like you control me. And she isn't a whore – "