mundes

Matthew and I are walking to lunch just after we finished our classes. We're eating sandwiches and berry smoothies. "You know, I've been needing to tell you something..."

"Yes, Shawn?" He says softly. "I know you've had something going on with Taylor. And I just want to apologize because you know, it's only right. I mean. It sometimes does feel bad to me that I have him now when you use to like him."

"Me, like him? No. He was nothing but a good fuck." Hearing that from him hurt to know that what if that's all Taylor wanted. And I've never given him anything these last few weeks. "Oh."

We get to the sandwich parlor where he orders for me. Tuna sandwich and a regular provolone and ham. With berry smoothies.

I take a large bite before saying, "Also, one more thing. I want to drop the L word." My heart is warm as I think that. "I truly mean it and I want to say it but I don't know when it's appropriate. We haven't been together that long."

"Oh boy. Do whatever you like. I think you shouldn't tell him. It's too soon. Don't say it." Matthew tells me blunt.

But why shouldn't I? It's something I clearly mean. And if he doesn't agree, what can go wrong. I just won't hear it back. Though it'll kill me, I'd rather live knowing that he knows.

- April 27