Ray wheeled me into Gerard's hospital room.

I saw him laying on his back in the bed.

He looks so fragile and hurt.

Three IVs coming out of his arm. Stickers and wires attached to him.

He has a tube up his nose to help him breath.

It's so quiet. There is the beeping of several machines and that is all I can hear around the room.

My heart sinks and I feel a lump in my throat.

Seeing him lay there, so helpless. I wish I could do something to help.

I get parked next to his bed in my wheelchair and Ray places a hand on my shoulder, smiles and then leaves the room.

He knows I need some time alone to process all of this scene in front of me.

I take hold of Gerard's hand. It's warm and soft. Just how I remember.

I look at his fingernails. Dirt and oil from cars and the accident are still under them.

There are cuts on his arms from broken glass. He has blood in his perfect hair and a bruise on right hand side of his jaw.

I lean down and kiss the back of his hand, then lay my cheek upon it.

I start to sob quietly.

Thinking to myself, I need him to survive. I need him to be ok.

I have his baby inside of me. He's going to be a daddy. He needs to see our child grow up. This baby needs their father.

How do I even tell him that I'm pregnant?

So many thoughts rushing through my head while I just stare at him.

His eyes tightly closed. His chest is moving up and down but not as deeply as it normally does when he sleeps.

Sharp bursts of breath coming from his mouth as he sleeps.

He must be in so much pain. I wish I could take it away for him.

I wish I could heal all his wounds.

I still have a hold of his hand. I want to hold it until he wakes up. However long it takes. I will be here. Watching him and waiting until his eyes open.

I lay my cheek against the back of his hand again.

I want to feel close with him.

I want him to know I am here for him.

I want him to know how much I love him.

I start to sing in a whisper

Here they come

The beautiful ones

The beautiful ones

La, la, la, la

This song will always hold special memories for us.

It's our first date song.

Driving to The Showbar, both singing at the top of our voices. Excited about the night ahead of us.

I carry on singing

High on diesel and gasoline

Psycho for drum machine

Shaking their bits to the hits, oh

Remembering our first kiss that night. The spark between us was straight away.

The passion as his lips touched mine.

His hands all over my body.

I wish I could experience that all over again.

Shaved heads, rave heads, on the pill

Got too much time to kill

Get into bands and gangs, oh

I start to cry again. The memories of when life was simple. Days out by the river. Eating at Italian restaurants. Laughing at his lame jokes, they are funny, but lame!

Laying next to him in bed, him touching my hair, me laying in the nook of his neck. Smelling his scent.

Here they come

The beautiful ones

The beautiful ones

La, la, la, la

I feel a finger twich against my cheek.

I didn't think nothing of it at first. I was crying to much. It must be my imagination.

I felt another finger move against my cheek.

I raise my head and look at his face.

His eyelids are flickering.

"Gee?, I'm here" I say softly.

His eyelids flicker some more before slowly opening.

"Oh Gee, Baby" I quietly cry. "I thought I had lost you"

He moves his eyes and looks at me.

Can he see me?

He squeezs my hand gently. He knows I am here.

He licks his lips. They are dry as they haven't had water touch them for hours.

He starts to speak. His voice is raspy and raw.

"You will never lose me" he whispers.

He takes a deep breath and winces at the pain in his ribs.

The painkiller must be running out.

"Take it easy. You have broken ribs. You are still healing" I tell him, stroking his hand to give him some comfort. Trying to take his mind off the pain.

The corners of his mouth turn upwards. He begins to smile.

"Healing? But I feel fantastic" he giggles quietly

I giggle back at him. He can never be too serious, even in bad situations. Even when he's lying in a hospital bed with broken bones, he will still try and be funny.

"Just rest babe" I whisper to him. "Go back to sleep. I will be here when you wake up again"

He closes his eyes again and falls back to sleep.

I lay my head on his hand again and fall asleep too.

We both need to heal.