i walked through the front door of my house as I smelled the chicken and pasta my mom had been cooking

'richie baby! i'm glad you came back so early! I just finished decking the table so let's sit down and eat!' my mom said with a huge grin on her face

i, however, had a huge frown on my face as I sat down next to her on the dinner table

i picked at the food my mom had put on my plate

'richie baby, what's wrong?' she asked me worried

suddenly, it was as if my body couldn't take it anymore

i burst out in tears, with everything that has happened this past week finally catching up to me,

'mom, she doesn't- we can't' I continued sobbing trying to explain to my dear mother what was going on while her son was sobbing right in front of her eyes with no explanation at all

she put a hand on my back and rubbed it slowly,'richie, honey. i'm sorry' she apologised

'don't be, it's all my- that- it's all my fault'

'victoria, wake up you're gonna be late for school again' steve groaned in annoyance as he opened the door to my room

my eyes fluttered open, as the cold november month finally kicked in, the cold sunshine seeping in through the crack of my curtains

'hm' I mumbled as my arms stretched out, making them cold as they left the safety of my warm covers

'breakfast in 15 minutes, be there or be hungry' steve said again as he closed the door and left

i got up from my bed and walked over to my closet

i looked through the heaps of clothes, organised on hangers, and then noticed something

richie's sweater; he had left it here some time back and I guess it ended up in my closet

i gently took it off it's hanger and looked at it

it was simple, basic almost, with an array of colours, 

the sweater was knitted by most likely richie's dear mom,

and had blue and black stripes and patterns stitched finely across the whole sweater.

in the places where there wasn't any patterns, it was grey

it was so pretty; and even though richie rarely wore it because of it's big size, I still adored it when he wore it;

it was probably one of my most favourite things he owned

the sweater was laying gently in my hands, being indecisive of what to do with it, I placed it on my bed and looked for pants to wear while still figuring out wether or not I wanted to wear the sweater

even while I was looking for just the black denim jeans I decided on wearing, I still couldn't stop thinking about the grey sweater that laid on my bed

i finally made my mind, and put the sweater back in its place in the closet and decided to wear a dark blue sweater of mine instead

my sweater wasn't itchy like his; it used to be steve's when he was younger, but he gave it to me once it didn't fit him well anymore

i took the brush that I had thrown on the ground in stress last night up and brushed through my hair before gathering it into a simple braid and tied it off with a black elastic band

i put the brush back on my dresser and walked out of the room to go get breakfast

once I had gotten my cereal, steve sat down across from me

'victoria, don't talk to richie' he ordered

i looked up in confusion and shock,'why not?'

'because, I forbid you from seeing him again'

i was mad, but I didn't want things to end up the way they did last time he got mad at me

i got up from the table, grabbed my backpack by the door, and then walked out the front door to get to my bike that was in the garage

once my bike was out of the garage, I hopped on and biked to school

when I arrived at the school, I saw eddie standing next to the bike rack, it seemed as if he was waiting for someone

'hey eddie spaghetti' he looked up at me, surprised that I had used richie's nickname for him, instead of what I usual call him, eds

'oh, hey victoria!'

i put my bike away,'who are you waiting for?' and then walked next to him and stood there

'bill, we have a science project do and it was his job to bring the poster; I just have to carry it around the whole day until we have science'

'cool, so i'm guessing you're just here to see if he actually brings the right A1 posterboard?'

'yup' he replied

we stood there in silence for some time

i could tell what he was thinking, and then he finally said it

'what happened between you and richie?' he blurted out

'let's just say, as of this morning, steve forbid me from every talking to him or hanging out with him again, but it doesn't matter anymore though because last night steve got mad at me and then left the house and then richie snuck through the window and asked if we should run away together and when I said no I couldn't tell if he got mad or sad because all he said was"oh" twice before forgetting both the teddy and roses he had brought for me on the ground in my bedroom and I had to throw the roses out of the window and the teddy bear in my underwear drawer so steve wouldn't find them and throw another fit'

'oh' he said, probably confused since I had really jut let everything out on him in one big blob

then, we could see bill bike up to the racks with a frown on his face and a ripped poster in his hands

eddie seemed disappointed, but empathetic,'bowers?' he asked bill

bill nodded

'it's fine billy, we'll just ask mr clarke if he has an extra' and then they walked away from me and into the school together

i stood alone at the bike racks, deep in my thoughts, minutes after eddie and bill had already left

with a sigh, I finally walked into the school and to my biology class

richie wasn't there,

he's always there

always

i hope he's okay

then, right as I stopped thinking about him,

he came rushing through the door and handed a slip of paper silently to the teacher with a worried but sad look on his face

after about half a minute, the teacher nodded and spoke up,'alright class, veronica and stewart please switch seats. this will be your new seats for the next semester'

i got up with my bag in one and and walked over to the other end of the class and sat down in my new seat

mental sigh

me, bill, and eddie were all sitting at a lunch table and talking as we saw richie walk into the large cafeteria

he glanced at us and then looked away and sat with greta bowie and that max girl he had had a fling with

bill and eddie looked at me, to see if I was okay

'guys, i'm alright! besides, if he is over me, then that's the way it is..'

eddie gave me a soft smile,'besides, vic. he can't stay mad at you, and neither can steve'

i smiled and nodded, agreeing with his statement; bill did too

beep, beep, beep

I pressed snooze on my alarm clock as it rang to wake me up, but soon enough steve came in saying that I had to get up and get ready for school

once I found out what I was going to wear, which was a yellow sweater and blue jeans, I brushed my now shorter hair and put on a little bit of mascara and pink lip gloss

i put on some white shoes and walked out into the kitchen to grab a little breakfast before biking to school

once I was at the table and pretty much done with my breakfast, steve came in from the front door with a drip of sweater on his forehead

'hey vic, I got something to show you' he said, gesturing for me to come outside

i walked out of the front door and out to the garage while following steve

he then walked over to something covered in black tarp

he pulled it off to reveal a brand new bike, it was black and had a basket in the front

'oh my god, steve! is this for me?!' I said in excitement as I walked over to the new bike

'yup, I noticed that your old bike from fifth grade was a little worn out, so I bought this beauty and fixed her up for you' he said with a smile

i gave him a hug, and thanked him once more before getting on it and biking to school

once I arrived, I met up with one of my new best friends, sophie 

we had become friends over the summer, since she moved to derry in june right after summer started and school ended

'hey soph!' I said as I parked the bike

'hey vic!' she said, happy to see me

we hugged and I walked her into the school that was bustling with students, new and old

we walked over to the lockers as I saw bill and eddie leaning up against them

eddie seemed way taller, and so did bill

'hey guys! this is sophie, my best friend; we met over the summer!' I said, happy that my friends had finally met each other

'oh- hi sophie, my name is b-b-ill, and this is eddie' holy shit his voice had gotten deeper and his stutter had gotten smaller

we heard the first bell ring, meaning we had ten minutes to get to class

'well, it was nice meeting you sophie; see you around!' eddie said politely as him and bill walked to their classes; his voice was still light and a little bit feminine just like the way I remembered it to be

me and sophie eventually started heading towards the classrooms, but we walked slowly through the school so I could show her around a little bit

'who's that cutie?' sophie asked as I turned my attention to the boy she was pointing at

he was standing with his back to us, and from what we could see was that he had wavy, almost curly, black hair, and was wearing a derry bicycle shop shirt on, which was yellow

he turned around and then it struck me who it was

it was richie

he didn't see me, but he saw sophie and recognised almost immediately that she was new and sent him one of his iconic soft smiles

she sent one back and then turned her attention back to me

me face was in shock and a little bit of sorrow, we haven't talked in around 8 or 9 months

it felt weird but reassuring to see his face again

'so, do you know who that is?' she asked me, obviously crushing on the boy 

'his name is richie tozier, we used to be best friends. but more than that. we didn't date, but we definitely had something like no other; and then all of a sudden we stopped talking. we were a maybe, a what-if' I said, fazed out while looking at the ground

her smile faded, knowing that now she couldn't date him, as me and him had had something

oh how I wished we could get that something back,

more than anything

richie walked over to us, well more over to sophie

he hadn't seen me yet

'hi, i'm richie toz-' he stopped once he saw my condoling face,

obviously sad to see him;

but it was obvious that I had missed him dearly

'vic,' he whispered, a smile forming in the corner of his mouth

'can we please tal-' he got interrupted by the bell

we had missed our chance

i'm such a dipshit

i lost my only chance with him, I thought

 'vic?' he asked me, causing me to snap back into reality

'um, yes rich?' 

'meet me in the meadows at 4 this afternoon, please' he pleaded with me with some sorrow and empathy growing in his eyes

'sure' I whispered, the smile couldn't hide anymore

'see you then, hot stuff'

he whispered that last part, and it made me melt

i missed him,

i missed everything about him

his touch

his kisses

his absolute love for inappropriate jokes and weird nicknames

but hot stuff, 

hot stuff wasn't inappropriate nor weird for me

it was cute, and I liked it

no matter what would and could ever happen between me and richie tozier,

i'll always be his hot stuff