Archie took a deep breath. "Kevin just texted me and said that he found Jason's body in the river, with a bullet in his head."

The next morning, the three of us went down to the river. I hadn't spoken a single word since Archie told me about Jason being shot. I could feel tears running down my face as I watched Jason's body bag be brought up from the river bank. I wasn't making any noise and I still couldn't comprehend that he had been killed. Every time I said it in my head, it had no effect. Than I would word it differently and it would be like someone had knocked me back. I could practically feel the blow to chest. I could feel fear running through my veins. That's what it was, fear. Not sadness. I wasn't sad that Jason had died. I was scared. Scared that I would be next or someone that I loved. Kevin was at the river with his dad. He saw me, came over and picked me up. I buried my head in his shoulder, still crying but not making any noise. I couldn't hear anything. I was lost again. Why did this have to happen? I had been so fucking close to being okay again.

Jason was shot. Someone had shot him. There was a bullet in his head. A bullet that had ended his life. He had no more time here, no more chances to fix anything that he had done wrong. His life was over. And it scared me to think that the same thing could happen to anyone at anytime. There was no guarantee of my safety or anyone else's.I don't know how long I thought about it. All I know is that I didn't know where I was going, I didn't speak and I didn't hear much of anything. It could have been five minutes, it could have been five hours. I couldn't get images of his body out of my head.

I felt my body being moved around, pulled in seemingly random directions, but I didn't understand what was happening. I could hear muffled voices, but I had no idea if they were being directed towards me. I could almost understand what I was seeing, but it didn't even feel important anymore, so I didn't bother trying to figure out the shapes in front of me. It was easier inside my head anyway. There weren't any other people. There wasn't anyone to bother me or judge the way I was. Even though I was almost only seeing images of the dead boy they pulled from the water, I would rather be here. The only thing bothering me about being here was the fact that I couldn't figure out why I hadn't just let myself become so closed off before. That made me want to bring myself out of this state. What if it was something important? What if it was worth it to stay in reality? What if this fucked up paradise in my mind was nothing compared to whatever I had been staying for?

I could feel something soft underneath me. I must be in bed. I wondered who had put me here. I couldn't tell I felt like it had been a long or short time since I was standing at the river's edge. I didn't care though as I was still focused on the question of why I had never let myself slip this far for to long. Was it something? Was it an activity? Was it a goal? Was it a place? A view? Was it someone? That was it. That made some sort of light go off in my brain. But why? It was someone. Did I have some sort of relationship with this person? Were they family? Family. I had a feeling that it was family. My family. Who was my family? My dad, my brother and my mother. My dad was taking care of me best he could, but I didn't feel like I was staying just for him. My mom was gone, it wasn't her. I had given up on her when she left. It may sound awful, but I didn't think that I would ever be here just for her. Not after she had left anyway. My brother. Archie. That was making me feel something. Was I avoiding this for him? Why? Did I think he needed me? Was he in trouble? Yes, he was. He was in some sort of relationship that was bad for him although I couldn't remember why. This didn't feel like enough. It should be, it could be, but it just wasn't. Was there someone else? What about my friends? Immediately, an unclear image of a dark haired girl popped into my head. She felt unfamiliar. Like I hadn't known her for long. It couldn't be her. Another memory of the dark haired girl appeared, but this time she was sitting next to another girl. It was Betty. Wasn't it? Betty couldn't be it. I had always felt that Betty would be better off if she didn't take care of me. Than a memory of Betty and Archie made it's appearance. They were younger, running around in our backyard, while I sat on the porch and watched. They weren't alone though. There was another boy. He was wearing a beanie and when I saw it, I felt my heart flutter. It clicked. Jughead. Jughead Jones. He was the reason I had been trying to avoid this fucking mess. He needed my help. His life was falling apart. Maybe he didn't need me, but I wanted so badly to be next to him and at least try to help him.

I sat up, finally being able to understand what I was seeing, even if it wasn't exactly clear. I could hear voices downstairs, so I stumbled down the steps. I could make out my dad at the door. Archie was outside talking to Jughead.

"He was just leaving." I heard my brother say.

I saw Jughead from the bottom of the staircase, just inside the door. Jughead. He was the reason I was here. Wasn't he? I still felt loopy so I grabbed onto the railing and slid down on the steps, leaning against it. I made eye contact with Jug. When he saw me, I could tell there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes, but once he saw the far off, confused look on my face, the hope was gone and he turned around, leaving our yard. It was blurry and I wasn't sure if it was entirely real. For all I knew, this could've been a dream and I was really still in my bed. Not that I knew that's really where I was anyway.