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┊┊┊ ❁ཻུ۪۪ ━ ❝ ✧

┊┊┊ ❝ let's hope life doesn't

┊┊⋆ fuck up this time ❞

⇢˚⋆ ✎ ˎˊ- ✧

⁺ ˚ . * ✦ . ⁺ . ⁺

"?" y/n spoke to the boy beside her as they walked, but kept her gaze down at their feet. "you know that i love you, right?"

hitoshi froze, his eyes widening at the girl's words. she spoke them so freely, easily. the boy swallowed, "what?" he mentally cursed himself. wow, nice reaction to words which express a deep admiration and sentimental appreciate toward the receiver. amazing.

y/n quickly turned to face her friend, realizing the heavy weight she had basically just forced onto her friend's shoulder, internally face palming.

"wha— i mean— i don't expect you to say anything! in fact, stay quiet, please!" y/n quickly waved her arms in a panic. "look, i know that was sudden... love is a really strong word, feeling, a heavy weight... and i don't want you to say you love me too! but the reason im telling you is... well, im not too big on time— uh, and by that i mean, i just don't like waiting! im really fast paced and open with what i feel. i know what i feel and when im feeling it and it's like ive learned there's no time to hold back what i feel. there's no point thinking about being rejected for how i feel because rejection won't change my feelings. and i think any person can feel love at any time, depending on perspective, you know? if some tragedy hits, you can be forced into realizing the amount of care for someone, whereas if the tragedy never hit... it possibly could've taken you a few months later and that's because we're going through the process of accepting it. denial, worrying if it's too soon and we begin to question what's inside our own hearts... i cant question anything i feel. um— for some reason."

hitoshi blinked down at the girl before him and a small smile graced his lips, "your words always amaze me, y/n." he said. he peered down at his large hands, "im not completely sure what i feel for you... like i said before: everything with you feels fast and rushed, yet slow and calm... it's a weird but good feeling. i... like you a lot, but im constantly reminded it's only been nearly two weeks and you're right: im worrying if it's too soon to maybe feel what i feel... but i hope i can go through the stages of figuring out my feelings for you without a tragedy."

"yeah, me too..." y/n smiled up at hitoshi. "but life has a real fucked up way of doing things sometimes... let's not forget. it literally ruins everything sometimes..."

hitoshi sighed, staring into e/c eyes. he pushed some of y/n's hair out of her face and said, "i know, you're right about that... let's hope life doesn't fuck up this time."

y/n forced herself to breathe a heavy laugh. "what would you do if it did?"

hitoshi turned away from y/n's stare, clenching his fists softly. he pressed his eyes together tightly, "something's wrong, isn't there? you won't tell me what it is for some reason, and that scares me." the purple-haired boy took in more air and turned toward his friend, "i dont know what i would do, y/n. but i really hope im not forced to find out."

y/n sighed, reaching out and lacing hitoshi's fingers with hers, "yeah."

───

y/n closed the door behind her, trying to get rid of her tears as she greeted her parents. there was no way she could do that to her parents.

they were sad enough, eyes always red and puffy, constantly trying sniffle away their stuffy nose... y/n hated seeing them so lost, watching her parents lose their mind a little more each day was frightening, to say the least.

she looked up at the two adults, who looked completely out of it. dazed and crazed, she didn't know what else anyone could have expected from sad, grieving and mourning parents. the death of their daughter that hadn't even passed yet... they were doing pretty well, considering the situation— all of three of them were.

having basically a ticking time bomb a few feet away as you're being held down my invisible restraints is what the entire situation felt like.

continuing to breathe the air that felt tainted only to those who knew and being forced to carry on as you counted down the days until you would stop taking in that air and suddenly lose everything once labeled as important.

it could drive anyone crazy.

what mattered? was that argument with your best friend that you're still seething over so bad? did that assignment you forgot to do really stop you from being happy for a few hours as you cowered over in anxiety?

y/n often took time to think about what mattered. according to the doctors and the pain she was in, she apparently only had one day left. one day... and what would she take with her when she died? nothing.

what would she leave behind? what could she leave behind? something long-lasting. something that couldn't be broken.

memories. love. people.

her eyes watered as she stared up at her parents and they had the exact same expression, the same burning in their cheeks as they held their arms opened for their daughter, suddenly hiccuping and sobbing, violently racking with her cries as realization had finally hit her, the tearing in her stomach and clawing at her arms and shoulder made it all to real all too quickly.

she was going to die.

she felt sick when she realized the arms of her demon had also beend wrapped around her, breaking the layers of skin, one after another, y/n didn't think about cleaning the blood or wrapping her wounds when she was pressed so tightly to her parents' chest. their embrace warm.

she was potentially going to die tomorrow. was it tomorrow? tomorrow? could it have been so spot on? so accurate? maybe just one more day— she wanted more time.

why hadn't this all sunk in at the beginning? death was so close she had no choice but to be pushed harshly into the reality. that was it.

there was simply no time left.

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