《Lessons in Devotion》Chapter 77

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The next rising Gunnhild gave Bonnie a tour of the training grounds. She watched the queen lead warriors and shieldmaidens alike through a few exercise drills. Though she thought some of the changes implemented ingenious other aspects fell breathtakingly wide of the mark. The defenders of Kattegat appeared softer than she remembered. Many fell back in their attack in fear of taking a blow. While others dawdled so slow in their footwork, they'd put a one leg senior citizen pushing a walker to shame.

Without travelling far into her deliberations Bonnie knew when the Russ arrived on those shores they would eat. Kattegat's shortcomings, however, no longer concerned her. Silas had spoken his weight in mystical energy. Interfering in battles already decided caused more harm than her assistance aided. This time around she'd not raise a blade against their opps. When Ivar revisited those lands he'd be met with her absence and a shit ton of opportunity. For she intended to follow Ubbe and Torvi to the Icelandic settlement. She wanted to reconnect with Floki, Helga, and Reyher. To see the community they'd built in the name of love instead of broken dreams.

Gunnhild concluded the tour near the weapons armory.

Ingrid, who she'd witness training with a group of shieldmaidens earlier, came to stand with them. "So what'd you think of the progression of Kattegat's defenses during your time away, Supreme?"

"I find the efforts here adequate," she answered as honestly as she dared without bruising prides or stepping down on egos.

Gunnhild and Ingrid shared a guarded stare before glancing back to her.

"Adequate?" Gunnhild questioned as if the word sat wrong on her tongue.

"Yes," she repeated herself, doubling down with a bob of the head.

"Then perhaps you should instruct us on the errors riddling our defenses," Bjorn's booming voice slammed into her back. "After all, adequate warriors and shieldmaidens do not secure victories on the battlefield."

"Many apologies, My King." Bonnie spun about to face him, and then glanced down at the sun dress she wore. "I didn't come dressed this rising to spar."

"A hinderance which can be remedied with ease," he said raising a hand to wave a shieldmaiden over. "I'd be more than pleased to provide you with whatever battle attire you may require."

Bonnie's back teeth clenched. "That won't be necessary. I'm more than capable of seeing to my own requirements."

Without further protests, Bonnie went to change into her battle gear. When she returned five shieldmaidens and five warriors waited for her in the training circle. Each fighter appeared more seasoned than the next. They all looked to have something to prove. Whether it be dominance among the pack they stood or to demonstrate they still had one more moment of glory left in them for the next battle. What she'd believed would be a simple exhibition now seemed to have suspect undertones.

"What is this?" Guthrum demanded as he forced his way through the sea of Kattegat warriors to stand at her side.

Bjorn bared his teeth at him in the guise of a smile. "A mere scrimmage between our Supreme and Kattegat's best fighters." He waved an indifferent hand at the training circle. "I only mean to sight if Gunnhild's training is indeed only adequate."

Guthrum's face turned to stone as he drew his sword.

"Move!" Ubbe shoved his way through a horde of warriors, battle ax in hand.

Ingrid abandoned Gunnhild's side to stand next to Bonnie. Scarlet turbulent sorcery seeped from Ingrid's pores to radiate over her like a second skin. Bjorn scoffed, while Gunnhild looked on the verge of devastation. A dry laugh rose from the edge of their gathering. Bonnie glanced in the direction and her eyes damn near kissed the dirt. An almost unrecognizable Hvits polluted her sightline. Her old flame hadn't only hit rock bottom, but it also appeared rock bottom had dropped kicked his ass back. Next to him stood a plain faced shieldmaiden who'd more than likely taken on the role as his enabler.

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"Fools the lot of you!" Hvitserk spat at them, while pointing a crooked finger at her. "If you believe ten fighters to be enough to beat remorse and humility into that one."

Not engaging with his younger brother, Ubbe's glare instead hurtled to his eldest. "Is what he speaks true? Is that your mind?"

"I only wanted her counsel!" Gunnhild assured as her eyes pled her innocence. "I'm uncertain of Bjorn's intent here. He never even ventures to the training fields anymore."

"It matters not!" Bjorn exploded. "It is my right as king to know the state of the defenses in my kingdom."

Everyone began yelling at once. Bonnie stepped away from the verbal jabs to enter the training circle where the warriors and shieldmaidens waited. Before she could place a leathered boot over the line Guthrum grabbed her arm. She lifted her gaze to his. For several long moments they stared into each other's eyes. Something within her gaze must've reassured him, because soon after he released her.

Once she stood inside the training circle the bickering outside of it came to a halt. Bjorn stepped forward with a raised hand. "Dobi will be first, then-,"

"" Her roar shifted the ground beneath their feet. "I will face them all!"

"No!" Bjorn bellowed back. For the first time since he arrived alarm showed clear and present on his face.

Ignoring him she looked to the fighters who appeared to be assessing her for weaknesses. Good, they weren't completely without training. She lifted her hands. "Come."

And come they did. Bringing all they had to the table. Yet they must've missed a few particulars about the assignment. For instead of standing like predators they all fell like prey and she ate. In less than five minutes she cut down ten of Kattegat's best lines of defense. And this pissed her dry. Where were the raiders...the hardened soldiers...the stone hearted Vikings who'd once defended the gates and borders of Kattegat?

Bonnie pointed the blunted blade of her sword at the sovereigns of Kattegat. "You proved your point, My King. I stand corrected!" She dipped forward in a taunting bow. "These warriors and shieldmaidens aren't even adequate. They are an embarrassment! None of them are prepared for the hell which will soon darken your horizon!" She pitched her sword at him. The weapon soared through the air to plant itself blade first into the ground at Bjorn's booted foot. "The next time your enemies come knocking at the gates of the city, do the good people of Kattegat a favor and just let them in." With that said she stalked off.

Undiluted fury floated her all the way to her keep, and then discarded her on her bedroom floor. There she crumbled...

She cast her gaze over the many mangled bodies that covered the field. The number so numerous she could barely see the blood drenched land. The brutality of the battle sickened her. Many warriors and shieldmaidens were broken to the point of disrepair. Others were critically injured, while the majority now dwelled beyond the veil.

"There's so many of them...too many...many more will go...they're all ghosts...ghosts..." She mumbled to herself, while pulling her knees to her chest. Back and forth she rocked to the rhythm of the screams in her head.

Within seconds four of the sons and daughters under her dominion were dead by her blade. Guilt and grief came for her like it had a fucking open invitation. Yet her sword never stopped swinging. How could it? For every one of their warriors, there were ten of Ivar's and Harald's. To lay down her arms would only mean more deaths of her sons and daughters.

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She could see each one of their faces. Hear their cries as her blade severed them from life. "I'm sorry..." she whispered as her mind's eye continued to bleed.

Through all the blood and gore swirling about in Bonnie's head, two blessed hands appeared. They reached inside of her and pulled her free of the wrecks which littered her past. Guthrum! He cuddled her close, and she clung to him. The rhythmic pounding at his chest upon her cheek soothed her.

Moments later he placed her in the center of her bathroom, and then began to relieve her of her battle armor. Once he stripped her bare he helped her into the bath tub already filled with steaming water. With painstaking thoroughness he washed every inch of her. When he finished bathing her, he helped her out of the tub, and then oiled her down. Massaging moisturizer into every hill, dip, crevice, and cleft that made up her body.

He then led her into her bedroom, placed her in bed and tucked her in. When he turned to leave. Her anxiety rose once again. "Will you stay?"

Nodding once, he climbed in bed behind her, tugging her back to his front. Soon the morning caught up with her, and the Sand Man decided to be merciful. As she began to dose off Guthrum pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck. "You deserve so much more than you've been offered. Even more than my means can manage. Yet I'll never halt in attempting to give you what you are worth."

****

Over the next several risings Bonnie noticed a shift between her and Guthrum. Their relationship took an intimate turn. They never strayed far from the other's side. In some respect things reminded her of risings from long ago. Things between them, however, couldn't have been more different from those pilfered moments. She now anticipated him. From the way he stared at her to the rough texture of his palms upon hers. Even the rise and fall of his voice when they discussed trivial topics ensnared her. If she knew where the brakes were, she'd slammed down on the peddle with both feet. Break whatever inappropriate attachment which compelled her to him. Yet as much as she wanted to do right. To deny her problematic affections. She found herself expecting him...craving him as if she had a right to do so.

Whether she embraced the changing path between them or not, the troubling way continued to turn. Fate's will propelled them ever closer to an end she'd since come to realized couldn't be avoided. All too soon said end came to past. And although she saw the crash coming, she still discovered herself unprepared for the concluding blow it inflicted. The attraction moving between them peaked in a place she always equated to comfort. Her sacred cove.

On one blue and bright rising they took Hali and Asa there to swim. The morn progressed as expected. While the others swam Bonnie took time to clean off her daughter's grave. Not long after she'd begun Hali joined her. Together they worked to sweep away the leaves and debris. Several minutes into the task, Hali slaughtered the silence between them.

"Bonsie?" He called to her in a softer tone that he often used as a child.

She dumped a hand full of leaves in a neat pile away from Faith's grave. "Yes?"

"I saw you defeat those fighters at the training field," he said with his gaze fixed on Faith's headstone.

She slapped her hands together to relieve them of dust. "Did you?"

"Yes, and the way you..." he began. His voice trailing off as he inched around to look at her. "I'd favor learning to wield a blade as such."

She gave him a sideways glance to search his face. "Why?"

"To one rising be a great man like my father and his father before him," he said, with a blinding intensity sparking from his eyes.

"Hali, I can teach you how to fight." She turned from her daughter's grave to lend gravity to the next words she spoke to him. "I can even teach you how to be a great fighter, but only you can decide what kind of man you're going to be...and that journey begins here." She placed a palm on his chest where his heart beat.

A flood gathered in his stare. "I'm sorry for not treating you well when you returned, Bonsie. It angered me when you left."

"Oh, Yoda, you're forgiven," she uttered as she pulled him in her arms. "Of course you are."

They continued to enjoy their afternoon at the cove. They played games, she went over a few training exercises with Hali, and scrimmaged with Guthrum to demonstrate different fighting styles. His skills had grown since last time they'd sparred together. He even surprised her a few times with moves which allowed him to get the best of her. The more they engaged in contact sports the more tension between them soared. Soon she could barely see anything for all the visions of them that consumed her third eye. At one point she almost gave into the beast gnawing at her better judgement and kissed him right there in front of Asa and Hali. Right then and there she decided some things had to change.

****

To establish boundaries and reestablish a semblance of normalcy, Bonnie kept her distance from Guthrum over the next passing risings. Instead she spent more time at her table in the marketplace. She reacquainted herself with the citizens. Through mild chats and idol gossip she caught up on the lives of those she'd known before she sailed to England. Even Lagertha had taken to coming to sit with her. She also helped with running the table. They often reminisced on times gone by, people no longer with them, and shared traumas from their pasts they'd never shared with anyone else.

"And you never told Ragnar?" Bonnie questioned as she stared at the once Queen.

Lagertha shrugged. "How would him knowing have aided anything? The scoundrel was dead and Bjorn wasn't harmed. Telling Ragnar would've only filled him with guilt and harried him to no end while he was away."

"Yeah, but the bastard killed Earl Haraldson's sons and tried to do the same to Bjorn," Bonnie said, stunned to the edge of her seat. Lagertha gave her the, I don't know what to tell you, head tilt. Blown away, Bonnie shook her head. Talk about back story for your ass. "Well did you at least tell Siggy?"

"As some scars are best left undisturbed, the same sentiment holds true for scarred people." The great shieldmaiden cast her cerulean gaze away to watch the procession of citizens and foreigners as they passed. "I think I'll soon seek my leave of this place. Search out the place where for just a moment in time I was a wife and mother. Not Lagertha the shieldmaiden." She cut her eyes at Bonnie. "And Supreme or not had you come down from the mountains with Ragnar I would've fought you to claim him."

Bonnie laughed. Of course she knew. "I have no doubt." Her moment of amusement sobered as Lagertha's confession to retire at the homestead sunk in. For she knew once the former queen took leave of Kattegat she wouldn't be long for Midgard. "You'll be missed, Lagertha."

A familiar burn at Bonnie's tear ducts forced her to snatch away her gaze. She regarded the people passing by as she wrestled her emotions back in check. Goddess, it felt as if all she ever did anymore was cry! Just when she believed she had her feelings settled Guthrum strolled pass her sight line. Her heart damn near beat out of her chest to tear after him.

"You love him," Lagertha uttered next to her.

Bonnie's mouth flapped open and closed in search of a credible denial. The former queen touched her hand. Warmth oozed from Lagertha's touch, and then laid to rest the firestorm of nerves whipping about in Bonnie's gut.

With ease her tongue unknotted, and the words she'd struggled with before crept from her mouth. "I didn't choose this...for me or him."

"This I know," Lagertha uttered, while regarding her with a fleeting smile and sorrowful stare. "But a wise woman once told me love comes without rhyme, reason, and definitely not obligations."

Bonnie once again opened her mouth to plead her case. To spell out the uneasiness of loving Guthrum in such a way would mean.

Lagertha cut her off once more. "Bjorn!"

Bonnie followed Lagertha's gaze. The king of Kattegat approached them with sagging shoulders and uncertain steps. She couldn't even begin to imagine what he wanted. They hadn't spoken since the shit fest at the training field.

As Bjorn entered her covering he dipped his head to Lagertha. "Mother."

"Greetings, Bjorn," Lagertha returned, before swinging her gaze to Bonnie. "Forgive me, Supreme. I've grown weary and I think it best I seek out my leave." She then rose with more vigor than the weary would be allowed.

After they watched Lagertha disappear into the passing horde, Bjorn took the seat next to her his mother abandoned. With his stare fixed on the passing people he spoke, "I have missed you these past solstice cycles." Her breath caught and held. "And I'm sorry that I've allowed my pride to force us apart."

Her hand rose to rest at the cradle of her breasts to assuage the sharpness of the ache there. For the responsibility for their current state wasn't solely his to bear. Both of their prides bore the fault for the fuckery wrought upon their friendship.

"I'm sorry as well," she uttered, turning to gaze at the stubborn clench of his jaw.

"I never should've retreated from Kattegat without you." He finally turned to look into her eyes. Guilt and shame dimmed the brilliance of his Lothbrok stare. "Doing so shall be my biggest regret until I enter Valhalla and well beyond."

She shook her head. Any other outcome would've meant certain death for him. For them all. "Bjorn-,"

"Fate has decided upon us," he took her hands in his. "I see this now and this is something I've come to accept. Yet I still need you, and I shall accept you however the Gods and fate will allow me to have you." His grip tightened on her hands. "For Midgard is a strange unwelcoming place without you." He then released her hands to reach into the waistband of his tunic. Seconds later he withdrew the sacred arm ring he gave her so many years before, and then replaced the bracelet on her wrist. His gaze then rediscovered hers. "Never remove it again." No longer able to hold her emotions in check, she allowed the tears to fall as she wrapped him in her arms. "You once told me I'd one rising be a great king."

She rested her cheek on his shoulder and sniffled a bit. "You will be."

"Only with you at my side," he murmured into her hair.

****

Bonnie stood in her bedroom gazing at the flames in her fireplace. She sipped on a tumbler of Klaus' blended whiskey. For several risings she'd wrestled with herself for the answers concerning Bjorn and Guthrum. After fifty eleven hours of searching her mind, energy, and essence she'd come to a conclusion, or perhaps an epiphany. Pain begats life. No one new better than she how much she suffered to simply be. Yet she still dwelled among the dead. Nursing memories which invalidated the suffering she'd endured to exist. Her self-oppression, however, held no place in her new narrative. The time had come for her to relinquish all of her ghosts to their fates beyond the veil and lay her guilt to rest.

Bonnie's bedroom door opened, and then closed. She didn't have to turn to gauge her visitor's identity. His unique scent revealed him before any greetings could. He'd grown tired of being side lined and she'd ran out of excuses to keep him off the field. The magnetism between them had reached critical levels. She could no longer avoid this moment. His light footfalls drew closer. Soon Guthrum stood next to her. His penetrating stare bore into the side of her face, visually tracing her profile. Bonnie took another swallow of the blended whiskey, and then placed the tumbler on the ledge of the fireplace.

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