I snuck up behind Rosie in the lunch line and covered her eyes with my hands. “Long time no see,” I murmured in the back of her hair. She jerked around. The others in line turned to look. Wendy’s eyes widened. “I’ve been searching for you all morning,” I told Rosie. “I missed you at your locker."

“Um, excuse us.” Rosie smiled at her friends and sidestepped around me, being careful not to touch. Why? Over her shoulder, she added, “I need to get this algebra assignment from Jennie. Entertain yourselves." She waggled a limp wrist at them. “I know it'lI be hard."

Motioning me out of the cafeteria and into an alcove across the hall by the drinking fountain, she whispered urgently, "What are you doing?"

“Uh, pretending I love you?” I reached up to brush a wisp of hair out of her mouth.

She lurched away. Her eyes darted around.

My stomach fell. What was that look? Disgust? Horror?

God, was it over? Was this weekend just a mirage? A game?

She must’ve seen how white I was because she said, “Oh, Jennie, no. Don’t think that.” She gave my hand a brief squeeze. "We just,” her eyes swept the area again, “we need to cool it here. In school. You know what I mean?"

“No, I don’t know what you mean. I thought you were out and proud."

“I am. But you’re not."

“I want to be. I want to shout it from the hills: I love Roséanne Park!"

"Shit." She clapped a hand over my mouth. “We’ll talk about this later, okay? For now, just cool it."

The hurt must've registered on my face. “Jennie, I love you," she said softly, tracing the outline of my jaw. “I just don’t want it to hurt you."

Hurt me? How could love hurt me?

She gave me a peck on the cheek and scurried off, leaving me hanging — longing, lost.

***

She sat with Wendy in art class; didn't even try to slip me a note or catch my eye. Wendy glanced over her shoulder once, sort of studying me, but Rosie said something in her ear and they both laughed.

It made me feel like I was the butt of the joke.

I didn’t get it. Was this a whole new world with different social mores? Different rules? If so, I wished she would’ve clued me in.

They left together, Rosie and Wendy. Like a homeless puppy, I shadowed them. If Wendy touches her arm one more time, I seethed, she’s going down. At the stairwell, they split off, Wendy continuing up the arts wing and Rosie taking the stairs. Halfway down, Rosie twisted her head up to meet my eyes and smile. l didnʼt smile back.

"I hope you’re planning to take more art classes in college."

I jumped. So ji had ambled up beside me. “What?" I rewound the tape in my head. “I… hadn’t thought about it.” Hadn’t thought about anything but her.

"You have a gift," he said. “It’s rare and you shouldn’t waste it.”

The words tripped through my semi-conscious. A rare gift. “Thank you,” I said automatically.

“I wish I had your vision. Oh, how I wish I had your vision." He sighed and tramped down the stairs.

My vision? At the moment I was operating blind.

***

Rosie phoned on my way to work. “Can you get away later?” she asked.

The sound of her voice thrilled me. “Yeah, of course," I said.

“I'm working till eleven, but you could come to the donut shop, or we could meet afterwards? Go somewhere to talk?”

“Afterwards," I decided aloud. “I’ll pick you up at Hott ‘N Toot.”

“Out back,” she said. “In the alley."

“Okay." Was she embarrassed to be seen with me in public? Was that it? Apparently “proud" didn’t necessarily follow "out."

I slammed in the house after work to find Woo Bin in the kitchen, thumping Ella on the back while she wailed. “Your mom went to pick up a prescription?” He had to yell to be heard. "Ella’s teething.”

I dropped my duffel and went to her. “Here, let me try.” Woo Bin transferred the baby to my outstretched arms. “There, Sissy.” I rocked her gently. “It’s okay.” I stuck my finger in her mouth and massaged her gums. The crying softened to hiccups. Don’t ask me how I knew to do that. Maternal instinct?

“Thank you, thank you, thank you." Woo Bin pressed his hands together in praise.

I carted Ella downstairs, where Hwa was plugged into her death rock. She spotted me and doused a smoldering stick of incense.

So what? The whole world could go up in flames as long as Rosie emerged from the smoke. I set Ella on the bed, then changed and snarfed down the package of Ding Dongs that Mrs. Ruiz had slipped into my pocket at Children's Cottage. I dumped out my books on the bed to get a head start. Just as I was finishing the last problem on definite integrals Mom showed up. She tiptoed in, a finger pressed to her lips.

“Huh? Oh." I hadn't realized Ella had fallen asleep in the crook of my arm. She fit so naturally there. “Kai dropped by earlier,” Mom whispered, scooping up Ella.

I lowered my calc book. “'What’d he want?”

“To see you, I would assume.”

Huh. I hadn't seen Kai all day. He was obviously avoiding me the way I was him.

"Hwa, would you please not burn candles down here?” I heard Mom say. "It took me forever to scrape the wax off your dresser this morning.”

Hwa blew out the candle — audibly. As Mom was leaving, Hwa said, “While you were in here, did you happen to see my snake? I canʼt find her.”

“Your what?!"

Oh, Mom. I shook my head. She must’ve realized, or hoped, Hwa was kidding because she sighed and stomped up the stairs. "Score," I called over the partition.

I visualised Hwa's smirk. Then she said, “Have you seen my snake? She’s just a baby, 'bout two feet long. Green.”

She was joking, wasn’t she?

"Yeah, I saw her slither under your covers and leave you a little deposit,” I said.

Hwa snorted. I crawled under my own covers. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and recapture Saturday night. The kiss.

My phone startled me.

"Hi,” Rosie said. “Are you coming?”

Oh, my God. I'd fallen asleep. I blinked over at my clock. It was twenty after eleven. "I'll be right there. I'm sorry. It's going to take me half an hour.”

“I'll wait," she said. “Just hurry.”

***

She was huddled in the shop doorway, the halogen security lamp casting harsh beams across her face. “I'm sorry,” we both said together as she clambered into the Jeep and slammed the door. It made us laugh, nervous like.

"What are you sorry about?” she asked.

“Being late. I didn't forget. I fell asleep.”

She scooted across the seat and kissed me. I kissed her back. Didnʼt want to let her go. “Thereʼs a twenty-four-seven coffee shop down the street,” Rosie said. "We can talk there.”

I released her, reluctantly. “What are you sorry about?” I asked, shifting into reverse and backing out of the alley.

“Today," she answered. "I can't believe I treated you like that.” She reached for my hand and held it in my lap. “Forgive me?”

"Of course." How could I not?

"This is going to be hard at school," she said. “Turn left here."

I followed her directions to the restaurant, the Blue Onion. When we arrived I turned off the ignition and sat in the parking lot, holding her hand over my leg, feeling her warmth radiate through me. She lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles. “Come on, let's talk." Her door squeaked open.

Only one table was occupied. Three women in scrubs, who looked as if they’d just gotten off work, were eating breakfast. Rosie asked the waitress if we could have a booth in back and we slid in opposite each other. Rosie propped her elbows on the table and spread out her hands. I intertwined my fingers with hers. I loved her hands. So strong. Soft. Loved all her rings.

"What would you ladies like?” the waitress asked.

“Black coffee," Rosie answered, her eyes not leaving mine. “Better make it decaf.”

“Make mine a hot chocolate." I smiled up at the waitress.

"You got it."

She left and Rosie said, “I love you.”

“Do you?” After today I wasn’t so sure.

“No." She shook her head. “No, I only get up at the butt-crack of dawn so I can pretend we're having breakfast together at our lockers. I don’t even have a seven o‘clock class, you know. I dropped it after the first day.”

“What!”

“Then I have to haul ass down three flights of stairs to pass you in the hall between the third and fourth period. And I stall around outside the restroom by the art studio so I can watch you walking down the hall. I’m late to algebra every day. I love the way you move, by the way.” She eyed me up and down. Then her eyes darkened and she added, “I tried to bribe that idiot Dean to switch seats with me, but he's got the hots for you bad."

"You bribed Dean?" I let out a short laugh. "How much?”

She huffed. “Twenty bucks. I told him if that wasnʼt enough, I’d have sex with him. But he still wouIdn't move.”

l burst into laughter. She disengaged our hands and started checking off on her fingers. “Let's see, l drive by Children’s Cottage after school to see if you’re there yet, to see if l can catch a glimpse of you in the window. I go by your house on the way to school. Sometimes from the library, I'd watch you guys leave for lunch. A couple of times I even followed you so I could maybe find out what you liked to eat. So I'd know if I ever, ever got to take you out…" She paused and glanced away. “But that was too hard, seeing you with him.”

“Okay, stop.” I had a lump in my throat the size of a watermelon. Thankfully the waitress brought our drinks, so I had a few moments to compose myself. My God, she felt the same way I did. Totally, unabashedly in love. We lifted our cups in unison, took a sip, and studied each other. Rosie set her cup down first. “We can’t be together at school, Jennie. Or anywhere people might know us. Know you.”

I blew on my cocoa and frowned up at her. "Why?”

“Because I don’t want you to have to go through the bullshit.”

“But –"

She held up a hand. "You don’t know what it’s like. The locker thing was just a minor incident. Okay, it probably qualified as a full-fledged hate crime, but it didn’t cost anything. Not like my slashed tires.”

My jaw unhinged. “Somebody slashed your tires? Who? Is that what happened in the school parking lot?”

"School. The mall. You name it. That kind of stuff you can fix. It’s the other things, the whispering behind your back, the laughing at your face, like you don’t even have feelings. Want to know how many times I get called ‘dyke’ every day? Gee, I don't know," she cocked her head, “I’ve lost count. It's the ones who give you the look, though…" She shook her head. “There’s so much hate in people. It scares me, okay? I’m really afraid of physical violence. That day at the juice machine? God, that totally freaked me. Not that I’m going to let the fear control me, or make me afraid to be who I am. I’m proud of being gay. But it took a long time for me to get there. I had to put up with a lot of shit. And I can’t stand the thought of you going through it, through any of it.” Her voice caught.

I reached over and fondled a ring on her index finger. Silver, etched with a zigzag pattern. “I can handle it, Rosie.”

“WeII, I can’t," she snapped. “Look.” She flipped her hands over and took mine into them. “You only have a couple more months till you graduate, right? Then you’ll be away from everyone you know. Not that society's any better, but it’s easier to blow off complete strangers. Plus," she ran her thumbs down mine, "I don't think you understand all the consequences of your decision.”

“It wasn’t a decision. I’m this way.”

“Whatever. You haven’t come to terms with what it means to be a Lesbian.”

A lesbian? Is that what I was? I hadn’t thought about a new self-identity. A label. All I knew was, I loved her.

She probed my face, my eyes. "There's a lot you have to work through, Jennie. Trust me. This is going to hit you.”

Hit me. I imagined being on the receiving end of all the sickos, felt the truth of her knowledge and experience seep in. Rosie and I both took deep breaths and let them out. She withdrew her hands and, with her index finger, circled the rim of her cup. “I hate to even say this, but think of what you're coming out now, in public, would do to Kai?”

Kai. How insensitive could I be? People would be cruel. His family, friends, Coop. "You're right.” I nodded. “You're right.” I sat back, folding my arms across my chest. He didn’t deserve that. My love for her had nothing to do with him.

“Promise you won't tell anyone?” Rosie said. “Not yet, anyway?”

I met her eyes — her worried, panicked eyes. And understood completely her wanting to protect me. I never, ever wanted to see her hurt again. “I promise.”

“Good.” She exhaled relief. Lifting her cup, she poised to drink and smiled at me. “Until then,” she said, “until it’s time, I’m K.”