*Gif is probably how Taylor feels today*

T A Y L O R 'S P.O.V

The school bus screeched to a halt in front of Vale High School, making Ana and I jostle violently in our seats. It was a stormy day - dark, foreboding cumulonimbus clouds filled the sky, blocking whatever sunlight they could snatch from the waning sun. As we and the other students spilled out of the withered bus, rain started to spray from the sky, pelting everybody. Ana and I rushed to a shaded spot near the front of the school, smoothing out our uniform and wiping off any droplets of water that clung to us.

"Yuck," Ana said, rubbing a few drops from her skirt, "what a horrible way to start my big bro's eighteenth birthday."

Yeah... I'm now officially eighteen. I've been too caught up in my own drama even to remember my own birthday. If it weren't for Ana parading into my room at one past twelve this morning, exclaiming how old I was now, I probably wouldn't have remembered at all.

"I like the rain," I said, wiping my glasses free from the droplets. "Just, not when I'm caught in it."

Ana smiled, but then frowned when she noticed how glum I looked. "Taylor, what's wrong?"

I snorted. "Oh, nothing, apart from this birthday being the first birthday without dad being here with us."

Ana froze for a few moments before extending her hand out, tentatively touching my shoulder. Her fingers made my muscles relax - I hadn't realised that I was so tense after blurting that out - before she sighed sharply.

"He's still here with us, Tay," She said, a half-frown forming on her lips. "This is going to sound cliche as hell, but, he will always be here with us. Don't let the memory of him ruin your day."

I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to shout from the rooftops that I didn't want to celebrate my birthday because all I could think about was the tradition dad used to do with me. We'd eat a huge dinner and play some upbeat songs on the piano before dad and I drove out to the beach where he'd give me life-changing advice. Every year, he's told me something worthwhile and meaningful, and it's been my guiding light.

That light is gone, and I am lost in the darkness. Maybe that's why I forgot my birthday today; my subconscious didn't want another reminder of dad.

"Taylor?" Ana said, her voice laced with concern, "What are you thinking about?"

I shook my head. "It's nothing, don't worry about me."

Ana frowned, retracting her arm from my shoulder. She straightened her posture, fixed her outfit for the last time, before resting her eyes on me.

"I know you may be in a dark place today, Taylor, but trust me - after school, I'm going to make sure you have the best birthday ever. Please, just trust me."

I looked at Ana, her eyes full of hope. I can't let her down.

"I can't wait," I said, forcing a smile on my lips. Ana's face lit up, a huge grin that exposed her teeth formed.

"Yay! I'll see you when you get home. Don't forget; I get home early because of my therapy, so everything will be ready when school ends. Don't be late or I will kick your ass!"

She smiled before walking off, joining her group of friends. She waved bye to me as she walked off, the clicking of her shoes fading to the point where the sound matched the rain drops falling onto the concrete floor below me. I turned and walked into the school, my smile fading into a melancholy line as I walked to Form room.

~~~~

I pulled out my phone and checked out my timetable. Monday is my least favourite day for many reasons, but this particular Monday is far worse than all my previous ones. I haven't spoken to Darko or Bella since the party; the only one out of my friend group that has messaged me was Lyra, and it was for Math help.

My social life isn't the best right now, and it's my fault.

The form teacher wished me a happy birthday - not out of kindness, but because he had a calendar on his desk with everyone's birthdays marked down. He gave me a short smile before resuming back to his laptop.

I glanced around the room. Amongst all of the acquaintances that littered the area, I couldn't find Darko or Bella anywhere. Not that I minded - the less I see them today, the less I have to worry about being in an awkward situation with either of them.

Today is going to be lonely; I can just feel it.

The bell rang, and I scooted out of my seat, leaving the room to walk to Biology. The period went by very slowly - I was alone for the entire lesson, not to mention that we were doing some revision of cell respiration. I put in my headphones and blasted music until the next bell sounded.

Woodwork. My second favourite class.

Apart from playing my piano, Woodwork was the one other place I could let out my creativity. I've finished several projects - a fish carving, a piano keychain, and a plaque - and I was working on my final project - a scale model of an orchestra.

I dug my knife into the wood, prying off splintery chunks. This class was the perfect place to release anger - I had so much pent up from Lyra's party, it felt good to let it all out here.

'Stupid Bella,' I muttered, digging the knife hard into the side of the wood. 'Stupid Darko, stupid dad, stupid everyone-'

The knife slipped and dug deep into the palm of my hand.

Screaming, I dropped the knife, clutching my wrist. Blood spluttered from the centre of my hand, dribbling onto my work bench. The blade tore muscles in the heart of my hand. I winced, whimpering at the pain.

"Ah fuck! Sir - I've cut myself!" I shouted, flagging my teacher's attention with my free hand. He ran over, med-kit in tow, before cringing at the sight of my palm.

"Oh my gosh Taylor," he said, rummaging through the first aid box, "How did you do this?!"

"Knife slipped," I said, wincing when he applied antiseptic to my cut. Fighting back the urge to scream, I gritted my teeth as he wrapped my hand in gauze.

"Stop carving," he said, taking the knife away from me, "You can work on another project - you can start this one again when your hand heals."

~~~~~

"Oh shit, what happened to your hand Tay-Tay?!"

It was recess. I was trying to eat a cookie when Lyra sat with me, her face ashen as her eyes saw the blood-stained-gauze on my palm. I winced when she touched it.

"Hey! Don't touch - that hurts like hell!" I said, quickly retracting my arm. Lyra held a hand to her mouth, shocked that I'm injured.

"I cut myself accidentally while doing woodwork. My birthday just keeps getting worse and worse by the hour," I said, bringing my cut hand to my chest. Lyra frowned.

"That sucks, Tay. Happy birthday by the way - even though it doesn't seem very happy right now. I got you a gift, but I left it at home. Soz."

I smiled. At least Lyra was here at school to remember my birthday, and that she remembered to get me a gift. A tiny part of me knew that she hadn't gotten me anything and that she was covering up her slackness, but I didn't care. Objects aren't that important to me.

"How was your party?" I said, resuming half of my attention to the food in front of me. Lyra smiled.

"It was going great, until... you know. You, Bella & Darko had that beef. On the bright side though, I did find a cute guy!"

My eyebrows furrowed. "Wait, I thought you were dating Steven?"

Lyra laughed, hard. "He's old news, Tay. I have a new, better version of Steven."

Lyra looked past me, grinning. "And here he comes now!"

I turned around, and my jaw nearly dislocated from the shock. It was Stefan - he was sauntering up to my table with a huge bouquet of orange hibiscuses and red roses. Lyra squealed when Stefan reached my table, plucking the bouquet from Stefan's arms.

Since when were these two a thing?

"Oh my fucking God Stefan!" Lyra said, smelling the flowers delicately, "how did you know these were my favourites?"

Stefan smiled sheepishly, running his fingers through his hair. "I have my sources. I promised you I'd get you flowers."

I'm surprised Stefan didn't wince when Lyra used The Lord's name in vain.

Stefan turned to me, his lips forming a half smile. "Happy birthday dude."

I smiled before saying 'thanks' to him. He nodded.

"Where's Darko? He hasn't been in classes; is he sick at home or something?" I asked. Stefan lifted a brow.

"No? He's been here all morning, man."

Stefan scanned the cafeteria before pointing to a corner. "There he is."

I stood up and my jaw dropped again.

Why on Earth is he hanging out with Owen? What the hell is happening?

They were sitting along together, hunched in a corner, smiling and talking to each other. Darko was laughing his face off while Owen had appeared to be reciting a story to him. I groaned, before sinking down into my chair, cupping my face in my hands.

Does Darko even remember that it's my birthday today? Why the fuck did he ditch form and biology? Was he spending the entire morning with Owen? They don't even talk, nor are they even friends!

I felt my stomach tie itself into knots deep in my chest. Did my kiss with Bella affect my friendship with Darko that much?

I shook my head. 'No Taylor, it didn't. You're just overthinking again; you need to stop,' a voice in my head said, snapping me back to reality. Darko isn't ditching me. Darko is allowed to have other friends. I need to breathe.

Maybe I'll ask him why he's talking to Owen. It's odd enough to see Owen without a phone in his hand - it's even weirder seeing my best friend talk to him out of the blue.

The siren rang, sending the cafeteria into a frenzy. Stefan walked off with Lyra, leaving me alone on the table. I don't want to go to English. It's so boring.

~~~~~

English went by too quickly.

Usually, I fall asleep in English. I'd be listening to my teacher doing her job, but there was something weird about her voice that made me completely drowsy. In under five minutes, I'd be out cold, eyes shut, head slammed on the desk.

Today was different.

Either it was the subconscious melancholy I felt about my birthday keeping me awake, or the sharp, burning pain in my hand that kept me conscious. Regardless, I didn't sleep and learned for once in that class.

Physics came around, and I was so ready for it. The teacher has arranged us in groups of two - horrible seating plans might I add - but it wasn't a problem for Darko & I. We would sit together, fuck around, forget that we were in a learning environment and be total idiots.

This was the perfect opportunity to ask him why he's been with Owen. Hopefully, he doesn't ditch me for Owen again.

I had sat down in my chair and waited. After a few minutes, Darko didn't show up. The teacher started doing the roll rcall. He went down the list, stopping at Darko's name.

"Darko Ulyanov?" he shouts. There was a stony silence in the air as my physics teacher waited for a response. After a few moments, he let out a sigh before resuming the list.

"Wait!" A familiar voice said, "I'm -we're - here!"

Darko bursted into the room, out of breath, with an equally exhausted Owen behind him. The teacher nods, before resuming back to the roll call. I sat there, waiting for Darko to branch away from Owen, but he never does. He walked and sat with Owen.

My bag was still on my table. I shoved it off, my bag crashing onto the floor with a loud thump. The teacher, as well as Darko and Owen, looked up at me.

I furrowed my brows before pointing to Darko's chair. Looking directly at Darko, I mouthed, 'what the fuck?' before shaking my head.

He whispered something to Owen, something I couldn't make out, before he got up and walked to my desk. He kneeled down by my side so our teacher didn't notice him out of his seat. He began to whisper.

"What's wrong?"

My face scrunched in anger. "What's wrong? Why the hell have you been avoiding me all day to be with him!?"

I pointed my hand at Owen, who was staring at us, an eyebrow raised. Darko looked back to him, then to me.

"What? I haven't been avoiding you all day?" he said. I scoffed.

"Yeah, you're right. Not all day, all of the fucking weekend too. What, did my kiss with Bella offend you that much?" I spat loudly, getting the teacher's attention. The other class members were oohing and egging us on to fight.

"Boys, that's enough-"

I flipped the bird at the teacher. He stared at me, his eyes filled with disbelief. A student gasped.

"That's it; you're getting a detention!"

He sat back into his desk as he filled out a detention slip. Darko just stared at me, not knowing what to say. I narrowed my eyes at him, shaking my head.

"I'm sorry about Friday, Darko, but you can't just ditch me. Do you even know what day it is today?"

Darko's eyebrows furrowed. He shook his head.

"What day is it?" He said, slight annoyance in his throat. I stared at him for a few uncomfortable moments. He shook his head.

He doesn't care at all. All of his attention has been on Owen, that he's forgotten. I felt my gut wrench, like Darko had reached in and was yanking my insides. I could feel sharp pains stab at my heart and pressure push down on my shoulders. My eyes stung with angry tears.

"I can't believe this," I said, stifling back a laugh, "My best friend forgot about my birthday."

I picked up my bag and rushed to the teacher's desk, hastily snatching the detention slip out of his wrinkly fingers before bursting out of the room. I could hear outburst erupt from my class, but I didn't care. It faded the further I got from the class, and soon enough, all I could hear was the relaxing raindrops strike the roof of the cafeteria.

I fucking hate myself for kissing Bella now, more than I did on the night.

I hate my birthday.