A/N: My degree is not even remotely related to medicine, so I apologize if there are incorrect procedures, terms, and other medical stuff on this chapter. Hope the scenes are convincing enough.

***

On my way to ER.

I texted Kit as I walk through the hall of the Pediatric ward. After five straight days of 12-hour shifts, I can finally go home and enjoy my two days off.

I just got back from Thailand two months ago and now I’m on my first week of internship at my Dad’s hospital, Vongpiphan General Hospital, together with my friend Kit.

I met Kit at med school abroad, though we do not have the same specialization, he opted to specialize in Internal Medicine, we still were classmates on most subjects. There were only a few asians at our med faculty so Kit and I stuck to each other like glue. Wayo is in a different faculty so I can only see him on weekends and occasionally during lunch break. Though I met a few people who I got close to during those six years, I can say that Kit is the closest to someone I can call as my best friend, aside from Wayo, of course.

I looked at my watch, it’s half past eleven in the evening, just in time for Kit’s shift to end. ER really has this weird rotation system.

The emergency room was in total chaos as always, but this time it was different, it looked like there were more patients than usual and the ambulance outside are blaring loudly.

“Beam!” Kit was running towards me. “Sorry, but I have to extend my shift. There are three more critical patients on the way. We are short of staff right now.”

“No problem, I’ll just grab some coffee and wait on the sleeping lounge.” I answered.

Just as I was about to leave, three gurneys with bloody patients arrived and were immediately carted to the Triage section. Kit immediately sprinted in action and approached one of the gurney and examined the patient.

“This one goes through the Trauma Center. Severely injured. Three gunshot wounds, shoulder, thighs, and head. The head is very critical, is there a neurosurgeon on duty?” Kit explained and asked the receiving emergency nurse. The nurse nodded.

The patient was now surrounded by one more nurse, and two emergency physician. I was just standing on a counter as I observe the events unfold. I cannot clearly see the patient but I can still hear what the doctors and nurses are saying. I was mesmerized by the entire scene. Everything was happening so fast. You get to learn a lot here, efficiency and level headedness is an important skill a doctor must have, and you can learn that in ER.

“Find a neurosurgeon on duty, this is critical TBI. The patient has been shot near the temporal lobe, right below the base of the skull.” said the attending senior emergency physician as he worked on the patient.

[A/N: TBI = Traumatic Brain Injury]

“Any identification on the patients?” Kit asked.

“These three are cops. The other two are senior officers, and this one is here is their head officer. Deputy Chief Forth Jaturapoom Jamornhum.” Answered the nurse.

I froze.

“The deputy chief? Are concerned parties already contacted?”

“Yes. They are on their way.”

“Good. We need an MRI and CT scan stat. Let’s just hope the bullet did not pass through any vital brain tissue or vascular structures. He is also losing a lot of blood.”

“Got it.” the nurse answered.

“Let’s make sure he doesn’t die.” The head doctor said encouragingly.

I just stood frozen as the gurney passed me. I looked at the patient. It was him. He was barely recognizable because of the IVs, bandages, and blood. But I know it’s him.

My body trembled. A multitude of emotions suddenly surfaced all at once. I suddenly felt dizzy. I think I’m about to pass out.

“Are you okay Doc?” A nurse approached me with a concerned look.

“Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.” I raised a hand as I gripped my chest and walked away.

My knees wobbled as I enter the sleeping lounge. I reached my bunk bed, laid down and hugged my knees.

I sobbed silently and prayed. I prayed that he will be okay. I prayed that he will get through this and be the healthy and strong person I always knew.

***

Six years. I didn’t believe that I will see him again, and in this circumstance.

Nothing has changed, I have never trusted myself anyway. I vowed to forget him and move on with my life, but just one glance at him and everything boomeranged back to the way it was. I still love him. So much.

I hesitated as I turn the knob on his room. After the initial shock at the ER two weeks ago, I was able to calm down and think thoroughly on how to approach the situation.

P’Forth was now in a stable condition, however, he is in a temporary induced coma to protect his brain from swelling while they administer anesthetics.

I know he is in good hands. He was operated by P’Pha, Dr. Phana Kongthanin, a brilliant senior resident neurosurgeon, and my brother’s boyfriend for three years. They met at med school abroad when P’Pha was still our senior and over time I’ve grown closer to him, too.

P’Pha was kind enough to tell me the details of P’Forth’s condition. Only him, Wayo, and Kit knew of our story. They were really sympathetic and supportive of whatever I decide to do with my feelings. I myself don’t know what to do either. But I know I want to see him.

So I secretly come to his room every night to visit him.

He is alone at this time of the day, his family visits him during the morning and his juniors occasionally checks on him from time to time.

I approach the bed and looked at the tubes attached to him, I checked his vitals. Everything seems fine. He is peacefully sleeping.

“How are you P’?” I spoke to him as I brushed the stray hair on his forehead. I held his hand.

“I had a long day today. There’s this kid who had mumps but just wont stop talking.” I chuckled as I stroke the back of his hand. “He is very cute.”

I looked at him and marveled at his face. He is still as handsome as before, even when sleeping.

“You know what, P’Pha said you are okay now, and you are ready to wake up. They are preparing you tomorrow and getting you out of coma.”

Suddenly, my phone vibrated. It was the alarm, break time is over.

“See you, tomorrow.” I say as I kissed him on the forehead and went out of the room.

***

“Beam, are you okay?” P’Pha asked me. P’Forth just woke up a few minutes ago and Pha asked me if I want to go with him as he checks on P’Forth.

“Yes, P’Pha.” But the truth is I am not ready to meet him.

I am not ready for his reaction. I left him with only a letter, not a proper goodbye. I know I confessed on my letter, but that was a long time ago. He must have forgotten it anyway.

I calmed my nerves as we approached the room. P’Forth was still lying down with his eyes closed but I can tell he is already conscious. Someone was with him. I often get a glimpse of this officer when he visits P’Forth.

“Doctor Phana!” He greeted. He tilted his head and looked at me.

“Hi Ming. This is my friend, Doctor Baramee, uh… he’s here to observe.”

“Oh, okay, hello Doctor Baramee, I’m officer Mingkwan, the patient’s junior mentee. Nice to meet you. Just call me Ming.” He extends his hand.

“Nice to meet you Ming, just call me Beam.” I shook his hand firmly.

Just then we hear a groan from the patient on the bed. He slowly opened his eyes.

Phana immediately checked on his vitals and assisted him so he could sit upright.

P’Forth just obliged and looked around.

“How are you Chief Jaturapoom?” asked Phana.

He just blinked and looked at P’Pha, and then he turned his head to me.

I looked at him, and my heart sank. There is no recognition in his gaze.

“Who are you?” He asked.

“I’m Doctor Phana Kongthanin, your neurosurgeon and…” P’Pha looked at me and then at P’Forth, and I know he already knew. “...uhm, this is Doctor Beam Baramee.”

P’Forth just stared.

Ming cleared his throat. “You see, Doctor, he was like that when he woke up. He does not remember anything.”

I just stood there. Stunned and speechless.

***

“Retrograde amnesia.” I told Kit as we sipped our coffee at the hospital’s rooftop garden. “Thankfully it was just selective. He still recognizes his family. He also knows he’s a cop.”

“How about you? Did he remember you?” Kit asked.

I shake my head.

“Damn.”

“But P’Pha said it’s temporally graded. He needs psychotherapy, but it may take some time to consolidate his memories.” I explained.

“What are you gonna do now? Are you gonna tell him about you and the past?” Kit asked.

I breathed deeply. “No. It’s better this way. I needed a fresh start, anyway.”

“But you love him.”

“Yes, but I can’t do anything about it.”

“I think it’s the perfect time. You can do over. You are no longer a kid Beam. You’re a grown ass man. A doctor at that. He doesn’t look like he has a wife or a girlfriend. You’re free to pursue him.” Kit passionately explained.

That too. I actually wonder what happened with him and P’Pring. They looked perfect for each other back then. But then again...

“No, Kitty. He has amnesia. I’m not gonna take advantage of that.”

Kit just rolled his eyes. “If you’re not gonna tell him, at least make him fall for you.”

“It’s not that easy.”

Suddenly, a voice interrupted our conversation. “Hey! Doctor Beam!”

It was Ming, and he was pushing P’Forth on a wheelchair, who at the moment was staring at me.

“Hey, Ming, Chief Jaturapoom.” I greeted, but Ming wasn’t even listening. He was looking at Kit.

“Oh, this is my friend, Doctor Kit Intochar, he’s also a fellow intern.” I explained. “Kit, this is Chief Jaturapoom and Officer Mingkwan.”

“Hi, nice to meet you both.” Kit smiled showing is patented dimples as he shakes their hands.

Ming’s mouth was gaping while still looking at Kit. I may have snorted a bit. Am I witnessing a love story unfold here?

Kit’s ears have now become rosy red, while Ming’s eyes literally twinkled.

“So Doctor Kit, you wanna grab some coffee or something?” Wow, Ming is bold. He is completely ignoring me and his senior.

“Uh... “ Kit looked at me and then at P’Forth. “Sure!”

And then they went on their merry way. By the way, Kit already had two cups earlier.

“Wow, that was real smooth.”

“Yeah, your friend just got kidnapped.”

I was startled with his voice. I suddenly realized it’s just me and him now, and he has been staring at me for a while. Does he remember something?

“Uh… so Chief…” I started. This is so awkward.

“Just call me Forth, Doctor Baramee…” It felt weird hearing him call me Doctor Baramee. Also, Forth? Do I drop the P? I don’t know.

“Okay… Forth. Just call me Beam, then.”

“Beam…” He’s back to staring again. “Do I know you before, Beam?”

“I uhm… yes. Maybe.” I don’t want to lie.

“Really? How, when?”

“It was a long time ago, I was still a kid back then. I saw you at the police station, nothing memorable.” It was not a lie, I just omitted some details.

“Okay.” He just nodded. I’m glad he didn’t pry.

There was a long silence. Just two people in deep thought.

Forth was the first to speak. “So, you’re in Pediatrics?”

“Yeah.”

“You like kids?”

“Yes, I love children. I grew up together with a lot of kids.” I answered.

“Wow, so you have a lot of siblings.”

“Not actually, I only have one brother.” I replied.

He looked confused.

“Long story, we don’t want work your brain too much.” I smiled at him.

He tilted his head as he looked at me. He looked like he wants to ask something but changed his decision.

Just then, my phone vibrated. “That’s me, break time’s over.”

“Okay.” He sighed.

“I’ll bring you to your room, looks like Ming and Kit are not gonna come back here.” I offered.

“Okay.”

When did okay become his favorite word?

We were both silent as I pushed his wheelchair on the way to his room. Then I helped him climb his bed.

“Take a rest, Forth.” I smiled at him as I fluffed his pillows and carefully laid down his head.

I turned to go but he suddenly grabbed my wrist. “Beam.”

I flinched. The sudden skin contact made my heart skip a beat.

“Do you go to the garden often?” He asked.

“Sometimes.”

“I uh… Are you going there tomorrow?”

“Maybe, on my break time.”

“Can I come with you? I mean... if Ming is not around, and you feel like going there…”

“Sure.” I bit my lip to stop myself from smiling. “I’ll get you tomorrow then.”

“Okay.”

“Bye, Forth.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow, Beam.” He smiled.

I only smiled after closing the sliding door. I know I should be sad that he lost his memories of me. But maybe, meeting each other like this is better. Kit was right, we can have a do over. Let those bleak memories in the past remain in the past. I want him to meet the person that I have become.

This isn’t so bad after all.

***