🏈

Beam has been avoiding for more than a week now, ever since that day at the field. And it confuses me to no end. We have already missed two tutor sessions, all with the same reasons, he is busy after school or he has something important to do. Which I know is a blatant lie. I drag my hands to my face and tried to fight the lump in my throat. I bang my head in my desk as I look in his direction. There he was sitting on the opposite side of the classroom, in his cute little self, writing down notes and attentively listening to the teacher. Not even sparing me a glance. God I miss him. I’ve been pestering him to tell me what’s wrong, to tell me what I did wrong. But my questions were just returned with short replies like I was just busy, or Everything's fine, or Nothing’s wrong. And then I was totally ignored like I didn’t exist. But the worst part is, he stopped bringing me food in the morning. That really hit me hard. It sucks.

Maybe he knows. Maybe he knows that I liked him and found out I was about to confess. Maybe he doesn’t like me back or he was disgusted, that’s why he was avoiding me.

The bell rang but I just stayed on my chair, not having the energy to move.

“Hey, practice is in fifteen minutes,” Ming tapped my shoulder.

“I don’t know Ming, I don’t wanna play today,” I said as I looked at Beam’s now empty chair.

“Geez, you looked like your girlfriend broke up with you,” he joked.

“What should I do Ming, he’s been avoiding me for a week. He’s mad and disgusted with me,” I said feeling resigned. Ming is the only friend who knows about my feelings for Beam. The only one I can trust actually.

Ming's eyes narrowed. “Why are you saying that? Did he tell it to your face?”

“No, it’s just that-”

“Is that why you said you won’t confess anymore,” he said.

“Yes, I’m afraid of how he would react, he’s been avoiding me like a plague and I haven’t told him yet,”

“Well, if you think that way, why don’t you work harder?” he said.

I stared at him not understanding what he’s getting at.

“Make him fall for you, you idiot,” he smacked me on the shoulder.

“But how?”

“I don’t know, Forth, just make him change his mind, start with small things or something, I don’t know. How do you court someone?” he babbled.

I have no idea. I haven’t actually courted someone. Hell, I haven’t even dated someone. I know some of the girls are giving me some obvious hints or something like that, but I have never acted in any of them. I don’t want to be in a relationship with a person I’m not in love with. I have never fallen in love before, until Beam.

“Ughh, help me Ming,”

“I’m giving you advice, aren’t I? You figure it out. Just don’t do anything embarrassing,” he snickered and pulled me off my chair.

“Okay, okay,” I said.

I reluctantly stood up, and let Ming drag me to practice. But my mind wasn’t into practice. It was only occupied with Beam.

***

👓

Sighing heavily, I slowly walked to my locker. I looked around me to see if he’s around, and felt relieved to see no one. Oh well, it is another day, Beam. It was also the second day that Forth stopped bugging me. Maybe my plan worked. He likes someone so he should be paying attention to that person, not to the boring nerd like me. I shouldn’t have let myself get carried away. I let myself think I have a chance with him just because he was being nice. Just because he was really cool and fun to be with when we were hanging out at my house. Well, I was being stupid and I got hurt. He was there because our teacher said so, because he has no choice. Not because he wanted to. And I was stupid to assume that he will like me. There’s no one to blame but me and my stupid fantasies. I should just go back to being his silent and discreet admirer. Back to being invisible. People actually started noticing me, Four-eyes, because Forth was hanging out with me, talking and getting friendly. Well, about time I lose people’s attention. Because not all attention I got were on the good side. The bullies actually started to notice me too, and they tried to do stuff while Forth wasn’t looking. Getting shoved, tripped, getting my lunch money stolen, or getting called names, didn’t really feel good. I was contented with being a loner, at least that time no one bothered me.

But it was really hard, trying to ignore him and forget him. His gorgeous eyes, his gummy smile, his strong arms, his… everything.

“Come on Beam, don’t be a stupid lovestruck idiot,” I mumbled.

I opened my locker and my eyes widened at small box of chocolates that wasn’t supposed to be there. I gingerly reached for it and the note attached to it.

I fall in love with you every time you smile. -C

I looked around and found nothing unusual. Maybe this is a prank. I peered into the box and opened it slowly. I gasp silently. They were actually chocolates. I looked around again, and carefully placed the chocolate in my bag and the note in my wallet.

This is really weird. Maybe this C person misplaced his or her gift. I don’t want to ask around though cause that would be embarrassing. So I acted like nothing happened and moved on to start my day.

***

It was the last period and the one I’m dreading the most. Math class with Forth. Of course I was struggling to not look at him. And he was not making it easy either. The whole time, he was looking at me. I have no idea why. Yet he was acting so weird, like literally, his head was turned to my direction. Just looking, maybe waiting for me to look back. And with all the willpower I can muster, I fight and did not look even once while I silently prayed for the ground to swallow me.

***

The next day I was again surprised by a big pack of M&Ms.

You make my day colorful. -C

I grabbed the candy and ran around, looking for anyone suspicious. No one was around though, since it was so early in the morning.

Well, it does look like it was actually for me. So I stuffed the candy in my bag and folded the note and hid it in my wallet together with the previous note.

A small grin involuntarily appeared on my lips. This C person, is being mysterious or maybe creepy but it definitely made me feel giddy. What is this person doing though?

Surprisingly, the next day, there was box of cookies, and another note.

You are smart, and kind, and beautiful. -C

“Oh my God, who are you?” I whisper silently as I get one cookie and took a bite. I let out a small chuckle as I enjoyed the cookie. Then I heard rustling and someone running away. I placed the cookie box in my locker and immediately ran after the person, hopefully C. But I was too late as I turned to the hallway, all I saw was a silhouette of a guy. I am pretty sure it was him. Well at least, now I know C is a he.

He occupied my mind the whole day.

“When will I meet you, Mister C?” I mumbled as I stare the notes in front of me during class, admiring the cursive letters. Well, it was not like calligraphy level penmanship but I can tell that it was carefully written, neat and with even strokes. I didn’t notice the bell ring.

Someone cleared his throat and I looked up to see Forth staring at the notes. I scrambled and hid them away in my book. Did he see what was written? Why do I feel guilty? I am not cheating on him, right? Well, of course not, it’s ridiculous to think like that.

“I uhm-” he struggled as he scratches the back of his neck. His cheeks were flushed red. Is he sick?

“I need help with this week’s exam, please,” he pleaded.

You can do it, Beam.

“I’m sorry, but I’m kinda busy,” I said while avoiding his gaze.

“Oh,” he said and I finally looked at him. His glum expression really made me feel guilty.

“But I, m-made notes for you,” I said as I scrambled to get the notes from my bag. Of course, even though I plan to ignore him, I still want to help him in any way I can. I spent my after school hours making him comprehensive notes on important formulas, with explanations, diagrams, and examples. It was all compiled into a thick binder.

“Wow, you made this for me?” he asked as he looked at the binder. Holding it tightly.

“Y-yeah, b-but we can’t do tutor anymore. And I got to go,” I awkwardly and quickly gathered my things. Making sure the notes were tucked safely in my book

“Thank you, Shorty!” he shouted as I run hurriedly out of the room.

I missed that nickname.

***

Another day and another kind of chocolates.

Thank you, for being the best part of my day. -C

My stomach flutters as I let out a small giggle. Gosh, I feel like a teenage girl. His note alone made my day, making me smile the entire morning.

Afternoon came and we don’t have class the next period since our teacher called in sick. It was a nice and sunny day outside and I feel like basking on the warmth. So I walked out to the football field and noticed it was empty. I went to the bleachers and laid down, using my bag as the pillow. I get my book and started reading. The cool breeze is slowly making my eyes heavy. It felt so nice, so I closed my eyes.

My phone vibrated and I opened my eyes suddenly. I realized I actually fell asleep. I looked at my watch and saw that I have fifteen minutes left before my next class. I groggily got up and that’s when I noticed an open umbrella was perched on the bleacher above my head. Shielding me from the sun. On the handle was a note.

You shine bright like the sunBEAMs. -C

My smile was so wide, people might think I was crazy.

“Please show yourself Mr. C. Please tell me in person,” I say loudly to no one.

Well, maybe I am going crazy. Because I think I’m starting to like a person I haven’t even met.