I had no idea how to even begin looking for the truth. Everyone would think I was crazy or just grieving still. But I'm not. It doesn't make sense that a woman at almost 24 weeks pregnant could fall down the stairs and cause her child to die.

I had googled many things and been on many mom blogs, reading and researching. A premature baby at 24 weeks has almost a 70 percent chance of survival. The one thing that made me suspicious was the doctor telling us we couldn't see her. I know I was emotional, but she was our baby. We had the right to see her.

We had her funeral weeks later, but I barely remember it. I remember it was a closed casket; now, looking back, neither Markus nor I fought the decision. We should have.

I placed calls to the hospital asking for the doctor I had that night, and they told me he no longer worked there. I'd asked for my medical records from that day, but nothing seemed odd. They had all my basic information and the same story we had been told.

Sometimes I felt crazy for even thinking they were lying about the baby's death. Why would a doctor lie about something like that? In all honesty, I was surprised when I heard I was with Mrs. Turner before my fall. I don't remember why she was there. I remember bits of the falling and the screaming, but I'd always imagined the screaming was from myself.

Those bits of memory give me nightmares. Like those nightmares, you can't seem to wake yourself out of. In the dream, I am falling, but it never stops. I just continue to fall, hear the screaming, and know my baby is dying the longer I fall. Markus always has to wake me up from them, I always feel bad, but he doesn't like when I apologize for it. He soothes me while holding me tight and rocking me back and forth like he's trying to get me back to sleep.

I kept my suspicions and activities to myself for now. I did not need Markus and me to have another fight, especially because some part of me thought Mrs. Turner was involved somehow. She was with me when I fell. A nurse told me Mrs. Turner was the only person other than the doctor and nurses to see the baby. She didn't want Markus and me to stay together, let alone have a child. She is the only common factor in this, and I need to know why.

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After about a month, I decided it was time to go back to work. Markus was hesitant, but he allowed me anyway as if I needed his permission. I wasn't getting anywhere in my investigation at home, so I figured I may as well get paid while doing it.

I couldn't tell if people were fawning over me because of what we went through or because Markus personally threatened everyone, but it was annoying. It doesn't help the grieving process when all you hear is, "I'm sorry for your loss." Or "How are you feeling since it happened." Or everything under the sun related to condolences being said. Half of these people never spoke to me, and the other half shunned me when it was found out that Markus and I had slept together. Although it was annoying, it was good to know who was actually giving me condolences and who was doing it out of fear. Seemed like a ridiculous way to keep your job, but whatever works, I suppose.

I spent most of the day reading transcripts or making personal calls related to my search for truth. Probably because Markus didn't want to give me too much work. He had made sure to transfer all calls to his office and only bothered me when he needed something added to his appointment book or to see how I was doing.

"Want to go out for lunch?" He asked after calling to check on me for the seventh time that day.

"Sure, if you want to," I said, visibly shrugging. I genuinely did not care. I hadn't even planned on going to lunch, to be honest, but there was no way Markus would let me skip lunch.

But we went. It was a terrible Idea. As soon as we were out of the car at a restaurant, people bombarded us with questions and cameras. I never understood why so many people would be interested in the life of a book publisher's son. Markus explained once that there are regular people tabloids, then there are wealthy people tabloids. I don't mean wealthy like celebrities but wealthy like the Rockerfellers rich when I say, rich people. Those tabloids have the same effect as ordinary people's tabloids; ruin reputations, dish out dirt, and spread gossip. So when it comes to the Turner family, they are very well off and are considered the most powerful family in the book publishing business.

Markus rushed us inside and asked for a private area, which obviously was given. We sat in a small corner of the restaurant where we ate and talked. We didn't talk about the baby, tabloids, his parents, or anything regarding work. We just talked. We talked about nothing and everything at the same time. This was the first time he had asked questions about my parents and me, my life before him, and my life. It was an excellent first day back at work.