《SPENCER REID IMAGINES》wish that were me [two]
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After staying with Y/N for longer than planned, Spencer's overwhelming urge to tell Y/N how he feels is stronger than ever. However as he comes to notice, she may just begin to feel the same.
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Spencer had stayed at Y/N's for longer than originally planned. He was only meant to stay for the night but two weeks down the line, he was still there. Y/N didn't mind, in fact she loved that she wasn't alone. Spencer, however, was getting nervous. Staying with Y/N for two weeks was enough for his love to grow. It all felt so domestic to him. They woke up and ate breakfast together, they went to work together, they ate dinner together. Spencer couldn't help himself but fall in love with her even more. To him it was selfish. She had just gotten out of a seven year marriage and here he was wishing that he could wake up and spend all his time with Y/N everyday.
Spencer was relaxing on her couch as she walked into the room, and an all too familiar cardigan wrapped around her shoulders.
"Hey, I stole one of your cardigans, it's a bit cold and all mine are in the wash. You're okay with it right?"
Spencer looked up at Y/N. The cardigan was too big for her causing the hem to fall down to just above her knees. The colour complimented her skin tone making her look radiant. Spencer's mouth fell open and closed trying to find the words to say. When he couldn't find them, he simply nodded. Y/N gave him a smile before slipping down on the couch next to him.
She sat crossed legged on the other end of the couch. Spencer was glad for this since he didn't want to be in an extremely close proximity to her, at least not at that moment. Clearing his throat, Spencer went back to his book, although he wasn't reading nearly as fast as before since he was slightly distracted.
Feeling a gaze on him, Spencer diverted his eyes away from the words on the page to Y/N who was looking at him with wide eyes.
"What?" Spencer questioned, repressing a grin.
"Nothing, you just look really concentrated when you read - it's cute." Y/N responded before reaching forward and grabbing the television remote from the coffee table.
Spencer felt like his heart was going to burst at that moment. The words Y/N spoke - she had no idea what effect they had on Spencer. A slight red tinge spread across his face, as much as he tried to suppress it. Spencer was embarrassed, he was nearing forty and Y/N made him feel like a teenager. He let out a quiet sigh before returning to his book, now reading at an even slower pace than before.
***
It had now been nearing three weeks since Spencer said he could stay a night at Y/N's. As much as he loved being around her, he felt like he was intruding. A lot of his clothes were now packed away in drawers in Y/N's spare bedroom and he stayed at her house even when she wasn't there. It felt as if he had moved in. Spencer had barely been back to his own apartment, only stopping by to collect clothes.
The rest of the team were beginning to grow suspicious. Everyday the two had arrived together and left together and they rarely left each other's side (which wasn't as unusual but still drew suspicion nonetheless). Y/N still hadn't told the rest of the team about James, it wasn't that she didn't trust them, she just wasn't ready. Spencer respected that however he did give her a small push to tell them occasionally.
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No one said anything until Spencer was called into Emily's office one morning.
"What did you need me for?" Spencer questioned, placing both of his hands in his pockets.
"I'm just going to cut right to the chase," She said, "What's going on with you and Y/N?"
"What?" Spencer exclaimed, "Nothing is going on with me and Y/N."
"Reid, you know I trust you but you and Y/N, you've been acting strange around each other, you more than usual," Emily began to explain, "If there's anything I need to know about, you need to tell me."
Spencer shook his head, he was annoyed by Emily's accusations. She never explicitly stated it but she thought him and Y/N were having an affair. Spencer didn't know if he should have felt insulted or not.
"I'm only helping Y/N with something personal, if she wants to, she'll tell you in her own time." Spencer responded before exiting Emily's office.
On his way out, Y/N tried to stop him as she had noticed his facial expression was completely contrasting the one he wore when he first entered her office. Spencer brushed her off before sitting down at his desk. Y/N headed over to him.
"Hey, you okay?" She questioned, perching herself on the edge of his desk.
"I'm fine." He responded bluntly.
"Are you sure?" Y/N responded, going to reach for his hand but he simply moved it away, causing her to frown.
"Yeah, it's just," Spencer wanted to choose his next words carefully as to not offend Y/N, "I think that I should go back to my apartment."
Y/N's face dropped, "Oh."
Immediately, Spencer felt bad. The smile and happiness was gone from her face, replaced with a look of disappointment. He wanted to reach out and grab her hand but he knew that it would only cause even more rumours to fly around.
"I'm sorry, I just think that I'm intruding, I was only meant to be there one night and it's been three weeks." Spencer explained.
"I like having you around, it's less lonely." Y/N stated, a hopeful expression on her face.
"I'll come and collect my things later." Spencer said, avoiding all eye contact.
"Oh, okay then." Y/N lingered at his desk for a moment before heading back to her own and started going through files.
Spencer looked at her and he felt as if his heart would break. She looked disappointed and sad. It caused Spencer physical pain to say those words to her. Of course he wanted to stay with her, even if he left like he was intruding, if she wanted him to stay he would've stayed as long as she wanted. With a sigh Spencer got back to his work, stealing glances toward Y/N all day although she never returned them.
***
Two weeks later, the team were called away on a case. Spencer sat as the briefing commenced, however he noticed that the seat always occupied by Y/N was empty. His eyebrows furrowed, Y/N was practically always here, even when she was ill she would come in and Hotch had to force her to go home and rest.
"Where's Y/N?" Spencer questioned.
"She called in sick this morning." Emily answered before they started the briefing.
Spencer paid attention although his mind was also occupied with thoughts of Y/N. He knew that she was perfectly fine yesterday and it was possible to contract an illness overnight, but he couldn't help but think that something was wrong.
Once the briefing ended, everyone got up from the table to collect their go bags. Spencer remained seated.
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"You coming?" Luke questioned.
"I think I'll stay and help from here, if Y/N needs anything I can help her." Spencer said. It was mainly an excuse to go and see if Y/N was okay - he knew that Penelope could check up on Y/N.
Emily agreed to it without an argument before everyone left, the team to the jet and Spencer to Y/N's apartment. On his way there, his mind was constantly thinking about Y/N. There was a possibility that she was really ill but a gut feeling in Spencer told him that she wasn't. He didn't know how Y/N would react when he showed up at her door. The two hadn't spoken a lot within the past two weeks, Y/N spent most of her time with either Penelope or Tara. Spencer felt bad about leaving her at her house alone. He never meant to offend her, he just didn't want rumours to fly around the workplace.
When he finally got to Y/N's house, he rushed to the front door and knocked on it. Thirty seconds later, Y/N opened the door with a confused look. Spencer's gut feeling was correct, Y/N in no way looked ill. She looked perfectly healthy.
"What are you doing here Spencer? You should be on the case with the others." Y/N stepped away from the door allowing Spencer to come inside.
"I just heard that you're ill so I stayed behind in case you needed anything." Spencer explained.
"I could've asked Penelope." Y/N replied bluntly, going to sit down on her couch, Spencer trailed behind her.
"I know that but-"
"Why don't you ask Penelope to book you a flight and go and meet the others on the case?" Y/N cut him off, avoiding all eye contact with Spencer.
"What?" Spencer asked, circling around the couch to sit on it, "No, I'm not going to do that, I can help from here, you're sick so I'm here to help."
Spencer knew she wasn't sick but he wasn't going to ask bluntly what was wrong with her. She was getting increasingly defensive and blunt.
"I'm clearly not ill Spencer, it's obvious." Y/N replied, fiddling with the blanket she had laid over her legs.
"I know that," Spencer replied softly, "But there is something bothering you."
Y/N was quiet for a moment. Spencer watched her facial features change as she contemplated telling him or not.
"You know I'm here for you no matter what." Spencer said, shuffling closer to her on the couch, it was then when he noticed what she was wearing over her shoulders. It was his cardigan. Spencer had been looking for that cardigan ever since he left Y/N's two weeks ago, it never crossed his mind that Y/N had taken it.
"I know," She replied, wrapping the cardigan tighter around herself. "I just know that if I say it aloud, it becomes real."
Spencer moved even closer to her so the side of his body lightly brushed hers. Spencer felt Y/N press herself against him a little more so her arm was firmly pressed against his. Her head fell onto his shoulder. Internally he was freaking out. In all the years the two had known each other, they had never sat like this.
"I saw him kiss another girl, James I mean," Y/N said, "He looked happier than he ever did with me."
"I'm sorry, Y/N." Spencer said, resting his head on top of hers as a form of comfort.
"That's not all," Y/N said, "He saw me, and he came over. I don't know why he did, there was no need for him to. He asked how I was and I said that I was fine, wanting the conversation to be over. It was until the girl he was with introduced himself. I knew that while we were separated James had seen other women, it should have bothered me at the time but it didn't, I knew that our relationship was too far gone to repair."
Spencer heard Y/N sniffle. Removing his head from the top of hers, he looked down. Tears began to pool in her eyes. "Y/N, you don't have to continue if you don't want to."
"No, no, I'm going to continue," Y/N replied, as she took Spencer's hand in her own, "When the woman introduced herself, I wasn't really paying attention, I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as I could. What I did pay attention to was when she said they were celebrating their one year anniversary. He was cheating on me six months before we even split up. I should have seen the signs, I'm a fucking profiler."
Spencer pulled Y/N against his body as she cried. He cradled the back of her head with one hand while the other rubbed up and down her back. Y/N's arms wrapped around his torso and her head buried itself into his chest.
The two sat there until Spencer's phone rang, knowing that it was most likely Emily, he took the call, still holding onto Y/N. Spencer wanted to get off the call as quickly as possible so he could go back to comforting Y/N, who's cries were muffled by his chest.
"And Reid, how's Y/N?" Emily questioned.
Spencer looked down at Y/N, who by now looked exhausted, "She's fine, she just needs some rest."
Spencer bid goodbye to Emily before all his attention was returned to Y/N. Her cries were now resorted to small sniffles, her eyes were red and puffy from crying and her face was flushed red. But to Spencer, she still looked like the most beautiful woman in the world.
"You should get some rest." Spencer said quietly.
"I don't want to." Y/N mumbled.
"Y/N, you should, at least a couple hours." Spencer said, brushing a piece of hair that had fallen into her face, once he realised what he did, he quickly retracted his hand.
"Okay," Y/N sighed, "But can you stay with me?"
"Always." Spencer replied.
Spencer, expecting Y/N to head back to her room, was surprised when she gently pushed him back on the couch. She situated herself so her head was rested on his chest and the rest of her body was pressed up against him. Spencer felt his heart beating out of his chest. Her breath fanned his neck slightly, causing his face to heat up. At this point he was glad that her eyes were closed. He wrapped one arm around her waist to stop her from falling off the couch and pulled her closer to him.
Spencer waited until he knew that Y/N was asleep before looking down at her face. In her sleep she looked peaceful, the worry lines on her face were non-existent and a small smile was present on her face. He moved his head forward slightly, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, letting it linger there for a moment.
Never had Spencer ever thought that he would be in this position with Y/N. To him, he always thought the closest he would ever get to her would be a hug. Now he could feel her entire body pressed against him. Her hand that rested on his chest burned the skin through his clothes. To him, everything about Y/N was perfect, even the things that were deemed as imperfections were perfect in his eyes.
Before Spencer drifted off into an unconscious state, he muttered three simple words but Spencer meant all three of them, "I love you."
***
A couple of hours later, Spencer awoke to his phone ringing again. Opening his eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the brightness,he grabbed his phone. Y/N stirred on his chest.
"Shhh," Spencer muttered, "Go back to sleep."
He answered the phone and offered as much information as he could before hanging up again. Y/N was now fully awake on his chest, however she had no intention to move. Spencer rubbed up and down her spine gently, not even realising he was doing it.
"Are you okay?" He muttered against her hair.
"No, but I will be," Y/N answered, "I just feel stupid. I'm a profiler and I didn't see the signs."
"Hey, you're not stupid okay? Don't ever say that about yourself." Spencer said.
"I just...am I really that unloveable? He was cheating on me for six months. I'm thirty-four and I thought I found the person I would spend the rest of my life with and he found someone new a year ago."
Spencer gently pressed Y/N closer to his body. He couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. She wasn't unloveable, she was far from that. For as long as Spencer knew Y/N, he had loved her and he was still in love with her.
"That's not true," Spencer said, "That is far from true, Y/N. You are the most incredible woman I've ever met. You're strong, kind and selfless. You are loved, I love you," Spencer said, there was a small pause, "The whole team loves you."
Spencer looked down to notice Y/N looking up at him with a small smile on her face. However he also noticed how close their faces were, more specifically their lips. There was only a couple of centimeters between them and it took a lot for his gaze not to drop down to her lips.
"Thank you Spencer, I love all of you as well," Y/N spoke, "You've all been there for me no matter what. You even stayed with me for three weeks, I love each and every one of you individually," Y/N paused for a moment to lean up and pressed a small kiss to Spencer's cheek, "And I'd like to thank you for that."
"You shouldn't thank me, you shouldn't thank anyone, I'm always going to be there for you Y/N, no matter what." Spencer said, his hand played with the ends of her hair.
"I think I'm ready to tell the team about what happened between me and James, they deserve to know." Y/N said.
"Are you sure? You don't have to if you don't want to."
"I'm sure."
Y/N got up from the couch and stretched out. Spencer remained laying down on the couch as he watched her walk away. She still had no idea how much Spencer really loved her.
***
When the team returned from the case a few days later, Y/N waited with Spencer and Penelope in the bullpen to greet all of them. Penelope was confused as to why Y/N had returned to work after having an illness but Y/N only told her to wait until the team arrived. Spencer stood by Y/N's side as the rest of the team filtered through the doors. They greeted them one by one.
"Y/N? You weren't meant to be back yet." Emily said.
"I know but I need to tell you all something, it's something I should have told you months ago," Y/N said before taking a deep breath, "James and I split up six months ago."
"What? Why?" Penelope asked.
"We just fell out of love, I was here everyday all day and was away for a lot of the time, we didn't get to see each other much," Y/N explained, keeping her composure, "The vacation we took was to try and repair our relationship but it didn't work. The divorce papers came through three weeks ago."
"Is that why you requested a sick day?" Emily asked.
"No," Y/N stated, "The day I phoned you and told you I was sick I bumped into James and his new girlfriend who were celebrating their one year anniversary."
"Y/N..." Luke said, his eyes filled with sympathy.
"I'm okay, I promise," She said, "But there's one thing that I need you all to do for me."
"Of course, anything." JJ said.
"Just tell me you love me, I just need to know that I feel loved." Y/N stated.
One by one, each team member said I love you to Y/N and hugged her tight, of course when they said it they meant it in a friendly manner. Once it came to Spencer however, it was more than friendly. He had already said it a couple nights previous but Spencer knew that she needed to hear it from him again.
Spencer looked into Y/N's eyes and moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in the crook of her neck, "I love you."
Everyone standing around the two hugging knew that Spencer meant it in more than just a friendly way - everyone but Y/N. The hug lasted for longer than it should've, surprisingly Spencer was the first to pull away.
"We're here for you Y/N, anything you need, don't be afraid to call us." Tara said.
"Yeah, and Kristy and the kids are dying to see you again." Matt added.
"I know what this calls for!" Penelope exclaimed, "A party at Rossi's. It can help Y/N get her mind off that scumbag James and it gives everyone a chance to see each other again."
Everyone looked toward Rossi as he nodded his head in agreement. Penelope threw her arm around Y/N as she let out a cheer. Spencer watched as a wide smile spread across Y/N's face. It caused one to spread across his own.
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