Over the past year, I have been managing my addiction very well, and so has Spencer. We attended multiple meetings, and got some help from the team.

As for our feelings between each other, we never made anything official. Yes, we had our heated moments, and our occasional booty calls, but we were focused on bettering ourselves, so our feelings were put on hold.

Not to mention, this was a big year for the BAU. We had more cases than ever, and many of them were not your typical case.

We had a man who chopped up his victims and served it to people volunteering at the search party for a victim. Her name was Tracey Lambert.

We had an older couple who kidnapped kids and when they would misbehave so badly, the woman cremated them. They kept a boy captive for 8 years, and then 2 other girls as well. One boy died just one day before we found them.

There was also a case involving anthrax, which put the life of Spencer at risk. I wasn't at the scene, Hotch and Derek wouldn't allow it, considering they knew how close we were. They didn't know about what happens in the bedroom. They just know how important we are to each other.

Anyway, Spencer found the cure for the anthrax, and Rossi, Derek, and Hotch chased down the unsub.

Those are just a few of the many crazy cases from this year. Due to my overdose almost a year ago, I wasn't allowed to be involved in takedowns or interrogations for months. I was always at the local PD, maybe a crime scene. Other than that, I felt like a person with a desk job. It wasn't until about 3 months ago when they started to consider me mentally tough enough to be involved.

That's all for today. I haven't written in here in awhile and I just needed to get a lot off my chest

-S.K.

I shut my journal and set it on my nightstand to the left of my bed. Hotch gave us 3 days off, since we closed a huge case the other day.

We finally caught all of the hitmen. We started with Giuseppe, and then eventually found the hitman who sniped people and the one who dealt with poison. We took in the teenage boy who ran the site, which got us closer to our last two hitmen, or should I say women.

Miss .45 was her name. She dealt with men who met with her wanting their girlfriends, wives, families killed. She killed the men instead. The men were surrogates for her father.

The way we caught them both was rather complicated. We sent Spencer in undercover as a man who wanted his pregnant wife killed.

Miss .45, or should I say Cat Adams, eventually caught onto our plan after examining his ring. She figured out that he was FBI, and tried to flush everyone out. She got JJ and Rossi, but not Morgan and I.

Fast forward ten minutes, and JJ comes through our mics, announcing that there is C4 ammunition attached to the gas line underneath the restaurant.

I very casually stood up from the table and headed to the back, alerting the staff to get everyone out ASAP. The fact that there were bombs meant that the bomber was here with us, so Morgan and I looked around for anyone on their phone who had their eyes on Spencer and Cat.

There was a woman standing at the bar holding a phone, looking like she was about to press a button. I nudged at Derek and he caught on quickly.

We played it off as if we were leaving and I snuck up behind her, slamming her head onto the table as Morgan grabbed the phone, disabling the C4.

I whipped out my handcuffs and escorted the bomber out while Derek dealt with Spencer and Cat. I couldn't be in there, knowing my feelings for him.

We got everyone out safely and in custody. It was a long battle, and a long case.

I did discover one thing though, during that case. Cat asked Spencer some very personal questions. Questions about his mom.

Spencer and I never talked about our families, considering that the subject was touchy for both of us. It was pretty much the one thing that we didn't talk about.

I knew that his mother was a schizophrenic. It was one of the first personal things he told me about himself. What I didn't know was that she had developed alzheimer's.

It explains why Spencer had been visiting home a lot, missing cases, and taking many personal days, which is something that he didn't do.

Some days, while he was in Vegas, he would call me, very upset. He never went into detail, and I didn't ask. I just wanted to be there for him, and try and get his mind off of whatever had happened. I didn't want to trigger any more emotions.

Alzheimer's can be passed down, and I know Spencer is obviously worried about that. He knew he wasn't schizophrenic, considering he passed through his 20's without going into a schizophrenic break. He thought he dodged all genetic bullets. Then this comes up, and he's back at square 1.

I glance at the time on my alarm clock, 11:24 PM. Spencer has to be still up, I thought.

I reached for my phone and clicked on his contact, which sent a call to him.

A few rings passed before the sound of Spencer's tired, groggy voice echoed on the phone.

"Hey, what do you need?"

"Oh my God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"You didn't, I was trying to fall asleep, but haven't actually gotten there yet."

"Oh. Well, I just wanted to see if you wanted to talk."

"Talk about what?" Spencer questioned.

I hesitated and gulped. "You were forced to reveal a detail tonight that I know you didn't want to share. I didn't know if you wanted to talk it through, considering the entire team knows now."

Spencer's sigh crossed through the line, and I know he was hoping to avoid this topic. "Stella, I know you're here to help, but this wound is still very much open. I need time, okay?"

"Okay." I respond, trying not to let myself sound sad.

There was silence over the line for a few seconds, before I decided to speak. "Spencer, you know I love you, right? I always want the best for you, and will support any decision you make."

Spencer doesn't respond right away, and my heart beats louder with every second of silence that passes.

Finally, he speaks. "I know you do, Stella. Thank you for always being there for me."

I feel my heart hit my stomach. He sounds annoyed, but all I can muster to get out is, "Always."

"Alright, I'm going to get some sleep. Uhhh, bye, see you soon." Spencer responds.

"Bye." I whisper, hanging up the phone and slamming it onto my nightstand.

I stare at the ceiling as I let my thoughts take over.

He didn't say it back. He didn't tell me that he loves me. I know he's going through a lot right now with his mom, but it isn't that hard to say it back, right? Did Cat get in his head? Does he not enjoy talking to me anymore?

Eventually, my thoughts fade, my eyelids droop, and I drift off into a deep slumber.

-

I wake up to the bright light shining through my sheer curtains. I roll over in bed at the blinding light, but am not able to fall back asleep. I let out a groan and sit up, letting my feet hit the floor. I check my phone, and I have 2 missed calls from Hotch, 3 from Spencer, and 1 from Garcia.

I furrow my eyebrows. Garcia's was the most recent, so I click on her name and dial her number.

"Garcia? Why is everyone calling me?"

"We had team bonding time scheduled for today. Everyone is at Rossi's except for you. We are waiting for you, and then we are going to hit the town."

"Oh shoot, I forgot." I answer, rubbing my forehead and standing up, walking towards the bathroom. "What should I wear?"

"Something nice, but not too nice. Like jeans and a nice top would probably be fine. I'll let you get ready, and get here ASAP! See you soon."

"Alright, bye Garcia."

I end the call and set my phone down. I quickly brush my teeth and put on deodorant. I brush out my beach wavy blonde hair, and apply a little bit of concealer and mascara.

I walk over to my closet and pull out a pair of medium washed high-waisted mom jeans with holes in the knees, and a white crop top. I grab a black belt with a silver circular buckle, and white nike socks with my AF1's. I complete my look with a silver necklace, and silver hoop earrings.

I glance at myself in the mirror, making sure I look okay. I pop a piece of gum in my mouth, grab my purse, and exit my apartment.

I wonder how long they have been waiting for me.

-

A/N: this chapter is a filler because i honestly didn't know what to do after the last one lol what i had planned didn't really work out. so, here ya go. a nice little time jump.