I watch Spencer as he gets up from his desk almost immediately after sitting down. Not even 5 minutes ago he walked through the glass doors. He walks quickly to the bathroom, and almost pulls the door shut behind him.

As much as I want to confront him about this, I know how he will react, considering it's probably already in his system. I need to mention it to him when he's sober, but I don't know when I'll catch him.

It's been about a week since we found Spencer and Tobias. Spencer took a few days off, and now he's back, even though we all thought he should take some personal time.

He insisted on coming back. He got a little angry at us for it, if I'm being honest. That's when we backed off, not wanting to push him over the edge.

This week has been complete hell for me. I keep seeing the dogs everywhere, so I am barely getting any sleep.

I stare at my pen drawer, where I keep my Naproxen. I anxiously bite my nail at the thought of it. I look around and see Emily and Derek talking at the coffee stand, and Hotch, Rossi, and JJ in the conference room. Spencer in the bathroom. We are about to brief a case.

I open the drawer swiftly and pull out the small container of pills.

I put 3 in my hand, and plop them in my mouth, following up with a chug of lukewarm coffee.

I need my head as straight as I can get it.

-

"Sandra Davis. 16 years old. This is her singing at her high school talent show a month ago." Garcia begins, while clicking the buttons on the remote, displaying images and videos. "This is her on and off boyfriend Ken Newcombe. Their bodies were found in a park near the male victim's car in Groton, an affluent, mostly white suburb of NYC in Westchester county."

I open up my file to see the bloody image of Sandra Davis. "It's the third of 3 killings believed to be a series of hate crimes." Garcia adds.

I look up from my file as those words leave her mouth. "Hate crimes?" I mumble, feeling anger rise inside of me.

"The first two victims were Keisha Andrews, 15, and Vickie Williams, 17. They disappeared from their homes in central Westchester one night. Their bodies were found in a wooded area in the southern part of the county near the city." Hotch answers as he gets up, and begins slowly walking around the room.

"And this was painted on their faces." Garcia whisper-shouts, and all of our eyes turn to face the screen.

A swastika.

My jaw drops at the multiple images that pop up on the screen.

The rest of the team continues discussing the case as I zone out, my eyes finding the beige cardigan that Spencer is wearing.

Spencer hasn't said a word during this entire briefing, and that is highly unlike him. I know he is still pretty damn traumatized, and probably on dilaudid, but as much as I want the Spencer I know back, I know it's going to take some time.

"Alright, we don't have time to waste, wheels up in 30."

I am knocked out of my daze by the snap of Spencer's fingers, and I look up to see him towering over me. "Did you not hear Hotch? Wheels up in 30."

I shake my head and rub my temples. "Yeah, sorry. Just a little hazy."

"Oh, okay. See you on the plane." Spencer says, and before I can respond, he has already fled out of the conference room. I slowly close the file that lays on the table and shove it into my bag, before finally standing up.

I exit the conference room and suddenly feel dizzy. I grip the railing to try and regain clear sight, but it's useless. I fall to my knees and my vision becomes blurry, before finally falling onto my back.

A few seconds later, I see the blurred faces of Spencer and Emily over me, yelling for someone to call 911.

"Stella, STELLA! How many did you take?" Spencer yells, but it sounds muffled.

I do everything in my power to try and get the words out of my mouth, but nothing comes out, just breathless gasps.

"Stella, no... no." I faintly hear Spencer mumble through cries.

I want to comfort him. I want to show him that I'm going to be okay. I want to reach out and hold him, but I can't.

I'm tired.

-

"Hotch, I have to stay back. She has nobody, plus I'm not really cleared for field work yet, you just made an exception."

"Reid, I don't know if that's what you should be doing."

"Oh, because you suddenly know what's best for me? No offense Hotch, but you weren't the one who was kidnapped and had to dig their own grave, were ya?"

"Reid, I-"

"I'm staying behind. You can reach me through phone, I'll work remotely. I'm not letting Stella wake up to an empty room."

"Fine. Phone on at all times, and you will answer any call we send your way."

I nod as Hotch walks out of the bullpen with the last of the medics. I pick up Stella's purse and walk towards the stairs, beelining to her desk once I reach the floor of the bullpen.

I pull open her drawer where she keeps her Naproxen and pick up her only bottle of it. I read the label and then check the contents.

She took 3 this morning.

I slam my fist on her desk, causing the pill bottle to fly out of my hand and many eyes turn towards me. I glance at everyone before leaning down to pick up the bottle and shoving it back in her drawer.

I make a quick stop to my desk and grab my satchel before speedwalking out of the BAU.

I refuse to let Stella die today.

-

My chest raises, lifting up my head and neck as my mouth gasps for air. I see the blurred faces of doctors and nurses as I'm being pushed on a gurney.

"She's responding! Ma'am, can you tell us your name?" One of nurses asks. She's wearing green scrubs, and her hair is pulled back in a bun. She's fairly young.

"S....S...." I try to say my name, but I can barely get any words out.

"It's okay. Don't waste your energy." She reassures me, patting my shoulder as I enter another room. I like this nurse, she seems nice.

"We need to get this out of her system, and quick. Start an IV, and give her laxatives." A tall, male doctor orders, and the nurses scramble to find a vein and inject the needle in. They inject all sorts of medicines that only Spencer would know the name to, and probably their intention and side effects.

"Order blood and urine tests." The doctor orders as he hooks up my oxygen machine, which helps slow down my breathing.

I watch them take my tests and hook me up to a temporary colostomy bag and all of the nurses but one leave my new hospital room. The nurse from earlier. She helps me undress and helps me put on my new outfit - a hospital gown.

I reach for my pants and she gives them to me, and I pull out my credentials, handing them to her.

"Stella Keller?" She asks.

"Y-Yes." I mutter, my voice raspy from not talking in awhile.

"Alright, I'll be back, I'm going to register your name and contact your emergency contact. Do you want any food while I'm out?" She asks kindly, setting my credentials on top of my pants.

"2 cups of jello please. Also, I don't think I have an emergency contact."

She nods. "Is there anyone you would like me to call? I can also get you a paper so you can write the names of approved visitors."

"Dr. Spencer Reid, please, and that would be nice, thank you."

She gives me a warm smile before exiting the room, leaving the door open.

"WHERE IS SHE?" I hear from down the hall a few minutes later. I turn my head to try and see through the blinds, but I can't. My vision is slowly becoming clearer, and I mean slowly.

"WHERE IS STELLA KELLER?" I hear someone yell again. Spencer. I hear a loud slam followed by his stern yelling.

I try to call out to him, but my words aren't loud enough. I whimper, but I know he won't hear me. I hear the nurse trying to calm him down, before he comes into view, his back to me as he talks to the nurse before entering.

She's probably explaining what happened to me. How I overdosed on naproxen, a medicine I was doing so well of maintaining. A medicine Spencer was helping me so much with. I definitely let him down.

A few moments later, Spencer walks in with 2 jello cups, setting them on the table.

"Hey.." I croak, and he reaches down and pulls me into a gentle hug. I weakly wrap my arms around his neck, taking in his mild cologne.

Spencer pulls out of the hug and pulls up a chair next to me, taking my left hand in both of his. "How are you doing?" He asks in a soft voice. A very different voice from what I heard out in the hallway.

"As best as I could be. I mean, I overdosed. Who thought that could happen." I say through a sarcastic chuckle.

"Stella, everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has slip ups. Y-You want to know what I did this morning Stella? I-I..-"

I press a finger to my lips. "Shh, Spence, I know. You don't have to tell me."

He gives me a half smile, before handing me a jello cup and a spoon. "Strawberry?"

I smell the jello. "Smells like it."

Halfway through my cup, I realize something. I'm going to have to tell the team about this. Nobody except for Spencer knew that I was on meds.

"Spence, can I talk to you about something?"

He looks up from his book. "Yeah, what is it?"

"What am I going to tell the team? They didn't know I was on meds. What if I get demoted, what if I have to stay out of the field? What if I can't travel anymore, and just have to be a desk job person? I can't do that. I-I-"

I'm cut off by Penelope running in the door, setting down her purse and computer on the couch. "Stella! I heard what happened and I'm so glad you're okay!" Penelope hugs me tightly, before asking the question I have been dreading. "What happened?"

I look at Spencer, and he gives me a reassuring nod. "Well, I uh, I overdosed. On Naproxen."

Penelope's smile faded into an "O" shape. "Y-You what?"

"Yeah." I mumble, looking down at my lap, and then back at her again.

She looks like she has seen a ghost. Little did she know Spencer is on dilaudid as we speak.

"W-What are you going to do? How are you going to tell the rest of the team? I mean, as long as your getting help you should be fine, right?"

I look at Penelope and a small smile tugs at the corner of my lips.

Her first instinct was to try and figure out how to keep me on the team.

She knows everyone makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Now that, is a friend.

"I don't know." I shrug. "I guess once I'm out of here, I'll have to go to some meetings, talk to Strauss and Hotch about it, and probably spend some time with you in your lair." I finish, giving her a wink.

She lets out a sigh of relief. "Okay, good. I don't want you fired. You're such a good asset to the team, and such a good friend."

I give her a smile. "Thanks, Penelope."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to use the bathroom. I'll be back shortly."

Garcia's heels click loudly as she exits the room, and speed walks to the nearest bathroom. I turn to Spencer and give him a look.

"What?"

"Did you see how she reacted when it was Naproxen?"

"Y-Yeah. What are you implying?"

"If she finds out what you are taking, Spence, just imagine how she's going to react. She'll know you're having a relapse, and that's going to literally break her."

As soon as those words roll off my tongue, I realize what I just said. Relapse.

"I'm sorry, did you just say relapse?" He questions, raising a brow.

My eyes widen. "Emily told me on the ride home from visiting Tobias' sponsor. Don't be mad at her, we were just trying to put the pieces together."

He lets out a puff, before rubbing his eye with the palm of his hand. "That wasn't for her to tell." He snaps.

"Spencer," I begin, grabbing his hand. "It was out of concern. She wasn't going to tell me if she didn't have to. It was vital information for the case. Your past does not define you, Spencer."

Tears began to well up in his eyes. "The past just became the present as well." He mumbles, quickly wiping away a tear that tried to escape.

"Spencer, know that I am with you every step of the way. We can go to meetings together, we can-"

I am cut off by the feeling of his warm, soft lips crashing into mine. His lips moved against mine delicately, and I brought my hands to both of his cheeks, holding his face. His gripped around my torso.

He pulled away, and whispered in my ear, "Yeah, I would like that."

-

a/n: i don't even know where i'm going with this story anymore lol i may just finish it early. go read my new story MEMORY btw!!