"hey spence, you've been dressing a little different lately, what's up with that?" jj asked, as they were packing up.

"yeah, you dressing up to impress a girl?" morgan asked.

spencer furrowed his eyebrows. "actually, i just decided that i was kinda done with the sweater vests and cardigans. new year new me, right?"

"new you but not my favorite you. the hair last year was better." rossi commented on his way out.

"what?! they cut off exactly 1.73 inches / 4.394 centimeters. you guys act like i went bald." spencer reached up, running his fingers through his new haircut.

"the crazy curls were your thing, reid. you also look like you're in a boy band now." morgan teased.

spencer rolled his eyes. "well next time i'm bringing you all the to barbershop since none of you seem to be content with my hair!"

"reid, i think you look great." garcia said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"thanks. you're the only one that supports me here, garcia."

"i know, backstreet boy." she giggled.

"i'm quitting my job."

—

spencer was at the local 7-11, grabbing a quick and cheap snack because he was starving after that last case they took in canada. you'd be surprise to know that there was nothing but liquor on the bau jet.

he hummed to himself as he scanned the shelf for strawberry parfaits, sensing someone next to him but too socially awkward to make eye contact or anything like that.

when reid found his favorite brand of strawberry parfaits, he reached out for it just as someone else did. his hand touched it first and spencer mentally cheered, calling dibs until he turned to make eye contact with said person and—

his breath caught in his throat.

five months ago, the bau took a case on the x-man, and spencer met gracen jones, the unsub's precious gem. she had escaped after ten years of being held in captivity. the case went cold because any witnesses/people in gracen's life couldn't provide any leads, as it happened such a long time ago. the two had gotten close but hotch stopped him from seeing her.

and here she was. in the flesh. spencer didn't realize that he had stopped breathing completely.

my god, she was beautiful. he almost didn't recognize her. the sick girl from five months ago looked completely healthy now, meaning she recovered from the treatment back in the cellar. her hair was dyed brown, and she had it down, curled in loose waves that were perfectly set on her shoulders. she had a little bit of makeup on—but her natural beauty was still evident. gracen was wearing a pink blouse and a black pencil skirt, her long legs covered in skin-tone colored tights. she was wearing typical office clothing, and spencer smiled. she must've gotten a job. the girl looked happy, there was finally some light in her brown eyes, making them look almost hazel.

his heart was beating so fast, as he caught her intense gaze. spencer let out the breath he was holding, slowly, so that she wouldn't notice.

gracen noticed. she noticed spencer reid eyeing her, something between the lines of checking her out and or profiling her. she was surprised—that fate made them bump into each other once again. he looked different, she noted, his style changed to be a little bit more mature, and his hair got a little shorter. he looked somewhat sadder than the last time she looked into his eyes. more exhausted.

there were butterflies in her stomach, and gracen wasn't sure if it was just because she was excited to him again, or something else...

"gracen." spencer breathed out.

a smile appeared on her face. "dr. reid."

dr. reid. she didn't call him spencer, he noticed.

"this is crazy, i—" spencer had no words, excitement running through him. he suddenly noticed the warmth of his hand and looked to the strawberry parfait, where their fingers were still on top of each other. her fingers were so warm, while his were always so cold. gracen quickly pulled her hand away, and spencer did the same, slipping his hand in his pocket with a sheepish smile.

"you like those too?" she asked, nodding towards the ice cream.

spencer nodded, her gaze still trained on her and not paying attention to anything she was saying. "yeah." he said in a daze. spencer reid still couldn't believe it.

"yeah?"

"yeah."

"......"

"s-so uh—" spencer snapped out of it, clearing his throat. "wanna-wanna share? it's big enough and we can catch up."

the brunette nodded. "i'd like that."

—

"g-gracen, so—" spencer started, but she held up her hand to stop him.

"it's charis now." she said, her eyes slowly drifting to the window they were sitting next to. "charis johnson."

"charis." spencer made eye contact with her. "that's derived from the greek word meaning grace and the greek goddesses 'charites,' or 'graces,' all goddesses of charm, beauty, and nature." he blurted.

gracen eyed him. "i know. and your point is?"

"...i think it's fitting for you." he said, with a soft smile and a beautiful glint in his eyes.

heat rose to her cheeks and she chuckled, mixing around her parfait with a spoon as a way to not look at him. she just wanted her goddamn heart to stop racing around him. gracen kinda figured it would stop after those five months. but she couldn't help it. the man sitting in front of her wasn't just spencer reid. he was spencer reid, but hot.

"are you going to tell me why?" spencer asked, and gracen detected the smallest amount of flirt in his voice.

"they uh..." she finally made eye contact with him, and then in a few seconds it was his turn to shyly look away. "the doctors helped me recover from the head injuries and soon i was free to leave the hospital. i chose a new name and any possible information of me out there was deleted and or hidden in a top secret file—where only one person would have access to. i got to restart my life, so i could start to live it."

spencer nodded, still listening. it surprised her that he didn't know any of this already.

"the case went cold four months ago, and he's still out there—i-i was scared he would find me. so i changed everything about myself, just in case."

the case went cold, something spencer and the rest of the bau couldn't get a grip on. there just wasn't enough evidence for them to continue investigating, and the fact that the x-killer stopped killing didn't help much either. it obviously upset all of them—especially spencer—since he told her that he'd protect her. even on his own time, spencer tried to find any details of the case he and the team might've missed.

the doctor nodded again, opening his mouth to say something but she cut him off.

"and before you ask me if any new memories resurfaced, no, they haven't." gracen said, as spencer relaxed. "no new faces, nothing. the doctors said it was head trauma and that those memories will most likely never be recovered, there was a indent in my-um-cere-something."

"cerebellum." spencer said. "it holds explicit memories."

"yeah. it affected my physical state too—it was harder for me to walk." gracen let out a sigh.

"but you did it." spencer said, his eyes still glinting brightly. it brought her up. "you did it gracen."

she nodded, laughing as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. spencer's hand twitched. he was tempted to reach out and brush the remaining pieces of hair in her face out of the way.

"i have a job now." gracen said. "it's in quantico."

spencer's head perked up. did he hear her right? she was working at quantico?

"quantico?"

gracen nodded. "i'm a call center representative. not impressive as someone like you, who saves lives for a living—but, i-i'm happy."

spencer couldn't believe she was (with estimate) a 37.5-foot-walk-to-the-elevator-and-15.6-foot-walk-to-the-communications-center-away this whole time and he never even knew. he wondered why she didn't just come to him, either.

"no, gracen, that's amazing." he said, grinning. "wow. you were literally right there this whole time."

gracen chuckled, surprised spencer didn't know. the team was constantly informed of her whereabouts in case they had a break in the x-killer case. it eased her mind a little knowing spencer wasn't avoiding her or just forgot about her for those past five months.

there was a moment of silence, where the two said absolutely nothing to each other, not even bothering to eat their food.

"listen, i—"

"spencer—"

the two stopped, shy smiles creeping up to their faces.

"go ahead." spencer said, listening.

"i-i'm really thankful for you. that a met you in those dark times two months ago. i really am. i-i don't think i could've made it without a friend with me back then." gracen said, smiled down at the table.

"you don't have to thank me."

she looked up at him. "yeah, i do. you helped me so much, spencer."

spencer. that's what made the doctor's heart race.

"okay." he murmured, gazing intensely into his eyes.

gracen saw different he was now—how could she not? the man from two months ago was insecure, and more awkward. but the man she was staring at now was more sure of himself, and a little more mature and confident. but of course, the spencer reid was still his awkward, dorky self—and gracen could see that. she knew he would always be, and it was one of the things she loved about the man.

but gracen jones knew one thing didn't change about spencer reid.

"are you profiling me?" she asked.

spencer snapped out of his staring trance. "sorry. it's hard to turn off."

"yeah."

"...i was also just looking at you. sometimes it's hard to tell. the difference."

"it's always hard to tell, spencer." she rolled her eyes.

"i wasn't profiling you that much. just noticed that you have bags under your eyes that you covered with a lot of concealer. have you been sleeping?" he asked, showing some obvious concern but something sparked in gracen, his behavior irritating her.

gracen let out a sigh, shaking her head.

"what's wrong?" he asked.

"no offense, spencer, but it's none of your business. you're not an agent to me and i'm just not another victim you're investigating anymore." she snapped.

spencer was surprised at her sudden outburst. "i was just worried—"

"worried, my ass." the brunette muttered through her lowered head.

"gracen, i just don't understand why you feel like i'm insulting you by literally just looking out for you—""

"listen, spencer. it's not your case anymore, okay? forget it." she stood up, her chair groaning.

"it is my case. it'll be my case until we find the guy that did this to you!" spencer mimicked her actions, standing up as well.

gracen, clearly fuming with anger, glared at him one time before storming out the gas station. spencer chased after her down the sidewalk. she was a fast walker.

he caught her wrist, spinning her around. gracen yanked her hand back and stuffed it into her coat pocket. a stab of hurt erupted in spencer. he had never seen her so angry.

"spencer, do you not understand?" she asked. "i'm done. i've been done. i'm done thinking about that-that man, and that bloody case, all those people that have been murdered because of-of me—i'm done!!!"

"gracen, i—"

"no. you can't just come back into my life when you didn't even try to check up on me for those five months."

"ca—"

"i mean, a phone call would've been nice!! just so you knew i was maybe alive? or maybe you don't care about me, only about that goddamn case—"

"i do care about you—"

"and then you had the audacity to show up again and ask me if i'm able to sleep at night? to do what, taunt me? remind me of what happened for tho-those ten years?! refresh my messed up memory?!" her fists were clenched now, eyes watering up.

"well you know what, spencer? you don't have to remind me of the things that happened for all those years, because i see it every night!! i have to fucking relive the worst, scariest, scarring times of my messed up life every, single, fucking, night." gracen breathed heavily from her outburst, tears streaming down her face.

the man stared at her, shocked and frozen. spencer was at a lost for words. he felt so hurt, and horrified—that she saw him that way. that gracen jones really despised him that much. not only that, but he was upset at himself for being so insensitive, the man felt like he couldn't do anything right—

"so yeah, spencer. continue worrying about poor, little, weak, me. continue asking me questions as if you're actually going to do something about to help me." gracen—charis—sniffled, turning on her heels to walk away.

spencer couldn't let her go. if he let her leave right now they would probably never speak to each other ever again. he didn't want that to happen. spencer wanted gracen jones back in his life, and he wanted her so badly.

he needed to fix this. it was his fault, after all.

"gracen, please—" he hesitated, before he grabbed her shoulder, turning her around and gripping her both sides of her arms. gracen glared daggers at him. "can you just let me explain myself?"

spencer slowly wrapped his arms around her petite body. he knew this was the best way for her not to storm off again. spencer felt gracen resist him for a few seconds, but slowly relaxing into his hold. it always worked.

he held her tight, breathing in the scent of her hair, which smelled of vanilla shampoo, all while he swayed them back and forth. spencer reid held her tight like she was going to disappear.

nothing felt better than this. five months without this hug, and both spencer and gracen wondered how they even survived.

"i don't know what i can do to make you forgive me." he muttered into her hair. "i don't know if you ever will. i want to fix this mess, gracen. sometimes, it's hard not to let the guilt eat you up. i think about the people i could've but couldn't save every single day. one of them is you. it hurts me so much thinking that i lived my life so peacefully, not knowing you or what you were going through. i wish i did, gracen. i hate myself for it."

"which is why i think i'm so stuck on the case—i-i just want you to feel safe." spencer murmured quietly. "but i was being selfish, i didn't even think about how you felt."

gracen bit back a sob, gripping onto his blazer. "why didn't you call me, spencer?"

he ran his fingers through her hair, something spencer missed doing so dearly. it calmed her down—it calmed him down as well. "i can't tell you, right now. but it's not because i didn't care, gracen. i promise." spencer didn't want to tell gracen that hotch made them cut off any connections, because spencer feared it would make gracen feel guilty.

spencer paused, continuing. "gracen, i thought of you every single day. i doubt you'll even believe me, but i did. we...we spend 13.6% of our whole life merely just apologizing to people."

gracen sniffled in response, listening.

"i'll make it 100%. actually, i-i only have 73.8% of my life left. but i'll spend all 73.8% of my life apologizing to you if i have to. i'll do anything for you. i'm sorry." he buried his face into his hair even more, tears threatening to slip. "i'm so sorry."

she said nothing, crying softly into the crook of his neck. there was that guilt in her chest again—it always came after she lashed out at someone.

"i'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you, i promise—no, i swear."

"why?" gracen whispered.

"because i don't want to hurt you ever again, gracen. and i don't want to see you hurting, either."

—