Ludovic

Roux was gone by the time Ludovic came out of the bathroom, but he could hear her voice on the other side of the door, out in the corridor. Renie and Jason were with her, and Ludovic paused for a moment, listening. He didn't want to invade their privacy but he'd heard his name mentioned, and even vampires were subject to human curiosity.

Roux's friends were worried about her, and Ludovic didn't blame them. He was confident that he could easily deal with the Five but he also didn't fool himself into thinking that at least some of them wouldn't fight back. They'd come into their vampire lives knowing that they'd have to fight, and they wouldn't give up easily.

Things could, and probably would, get a little bloody over these two weeks, and Ludovic could handle that. But he didn't want Roux getting involved.

There was only one person in the world he was used to talking to about anything like this. Crossing the room, he opened the door. Roux and her friends stared back at him, and blatant surprise registered on Renie and Jason's faces.

Self-consciously he lifted a hand to touch his knitted hat and the tousled hair beneath it. Even when he was human he hadn't looked like this, and it made him feel like a stranger in his own skin.

"Do you know where Edmond is?" he asked Renie.

"I think he's in our room," she replied.

Ludovic nodded and strode past her without another word. He could feel their gazes on him as he walked down the corridor, but he didn't look back.

Edmond was, as Renie had said, in the bedroom that they now shared in the north wing. The door was open but Ludovic hesitated on the threshold, suddenly unsure. At any other time in the ten years that he and Edmond had lived here, he'd have walked in without a second thought. But this room now belonged to Renie, too, and Ludovic wasn't sure if he could still walk in uninvited.

Finally, he went for the safe option and rapped his knuckles on the doorframe.

Edmond, straightening out the bedcovers, looked up, and a flicker of confusion passed across his face. Ludovic was sure Edmond was going to ask why he was knocking when he didn't normally bother. But Edmond didn't ask and Ludovic was relieved. That wasn't a discussion he wanted to get into just yet.

"Are you alright?" Edmond asked, slowly looking him up and down.

He'd only known Ludovic as a vampire, so this human look was as new to Edmond as it was to Ludovic himself.

Was he alright? Ludovic didn't quite know how to answer that question. In almost no time at all he would leave the place that had been his home and safe haven for the last ten years, and go back out into the world. He'd already left Belle Morte a few days ago, and had travelled to Fiaigh in Ireland, but that didn't really count because he and the others had been running for their lives. He hadn't had time to actually think about much beyond staying alive and planning to reclaim Belle Morte.

But the past decade had changed the world outside. It was a foreign place to Ludovic now, and he didn't know how to begin to understand it.

"Ludovic?"

He looked up and realised Edmond was standing in front of him, his expression concerned. "Are you alright?" Edmond repeated.

"Am I doing the right thing, letting Roux come with me?" Ludovic said.

"You say it like you have a choice," said Edmond wryly.

He ushered Ludovic into the room, and went to sit on the bed, watching his friend. Ludovic couldn't sit down. He felt agitated, full of nervous energy.

"I could refuse," he said.

"You could, but you can't physically force her to stay. Besides, she did raise some valid points."

"You think I need her," Ludovic said.

"Frankly? Yes. I think any of us would."

Edmond didn't point out that Ludovic, who'd sealed himself off from the world and lived as a hermit for many years, probably needed her more than anyone. Ludovic was fully aware of that himself.

"But I'll be responsible for her."

"Will you? Roux isn't a china doll, and she's not going to break," Edmond said.

She would if an angry, frightened vampire got his hands on her, but Ludovic kept that thought to himself. It wouldn't help matters.

"I...I'm not used to being responsible for anyone," he muttered.

Edmond was his dearest friend in the whole world, his brother in every way but blood, but the dynamic in their relationship was that Edmond normally took charge. If one of them was responsible for the other, then it was Edmond. Now that was about to change, and Ludovic wasn't sure how to handle it. The thought of having to look out for another person was actually frightening – and Ludovic wasn't easily scared.

"Is that all it is?" Edmond asked. "You're just worried about Roux depending on you? Or are you worried about having to depend on her?"

That made Ludovic pause. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you don't like depending on people, especially not a human girl that you barely know."

The only person Ludovic liked depending on was Edmond, and he wouldn't be there.

This was something that had been nagging at Ludovic, but hearing Edmond say it pushed it right to the forefront of his brain. Edmond knew him well enough that he could guess at the roots of Ludovic's fears and insecurities, sometimes before Ludovic himself had even acknowledged them.

He sat on the edge of the bed.

"I can still go with you, if you want me to," Edmond said.

Ludovic shook his head. "Renie needs you here, with her."

There had been a time when he would have seized any offer of help from his best friend, but it wasn't that simple anymore. Now it wasn't just Ludovic and Edmond. Now Edmond had Renie, and that changed things.

"Besides," Ludovic added. "It's not like I should always assume that I can depend on you."

He could and he knew that, but that wasn't the point. The point was that he should be able to stand on his own two feet, and not expect Edmond to always be there.

"Maybe this will be good for you," Edmond said.

"Maybe."

And maybe that was exactly why he had volunteered in the first place. He'd done it without really thinking, but perhaps that was his subconscious taking charge, pushing him towards something he needed to do.

"Look, I know you're nervous, but I also know that you can do this," Edmond said. His lips twitched as he looked Ludovic up and down. "Even if Roux has made you look this...different."

"She's made me look human."

"It's impressive," Edmond said, poking the side of Ludovic's face to check that the stubble wasn't real.

What Ludovic didn't say – but that Edmond had probably guessed – was that he was afraid looking human would remind how it felt to be human, and that really wasn't something he was up to. Or maybe it was more than that. While he was in the safe cocoon of Belle Morte, it was almost as if the world itself had stopped turning. Nothing much existed except the day to day living within these luxurious walls. He didn't have to think about the things he had seen or the things he had done, the things that still haunted him. But going back out there meant remembering that the world did still move, and everything he'd tried to forget had still happened.

"No matter what happens, I'll still be here when you get back. We all will," Edmond said.

Ludovic pulled off his prop glasses and lifted his gaze to his friend's face. For most of his life as a vampire, Ludovic had been alone. The people that he'd tried to bond with had rejected him, over and over again, making his a long and lonely life. He'd even got used to it after a while. But things had changed when he met Edmond.

Recognising another vampire in the blasted trenches of the First World War, Ludovic had braced himself for another rejection. But, on some level that even Ludovic didn't fully understand, he and Edmond had clicked immediately. They were the only two vampires fighting in those trenches, which meant they were the only two who could truly look out for each other in that regard. And after Edmond had been seriously injured in a bomb blast, Ludovic had been faced with losing the first person that he had been able to call a friend in a long time.

Driven to desperation, he had killed a human soldier, one injured in the same blast, and fed his blood to Edmond so he could heal and recover. It wasn't the first time that Ludovic had killed, not the first ghost that haunted the edges of his mind, but it had dredged up everything that he'd tried so hard to forget.

After the war, Ludovic had quietly withdrawn from the world, and from Edmond. But Edmond had never given up on him, and even though they hadn't seen each again for decades, when they did reunite, it was almost as if they'd never been apart.

No matter how bad things got, Edmond was the anchor that always saw Ludovic through the storm, and now he had to leave that anchor behind and strike out in the world with a girl he barely knew.

It wasn't going to be easy, and it was going to push him far out of his comfort zone, but it had to happen.

Ludovic slid his glasses back on – he might as well get used to wearing them – and got to his feet. "We'll be leaving soon."

"I know this is hard for you, but don't make it hard for Roux," Edmond cautioned.

"Because she's Renie's friend?"

"Because she deserves better."

There was no censure in Edmond's voice, but Ludovic felt ashamed for having thought, even for a second, that Edmond would only have spoken in Roux's defence because she was a friend of Renie's. That wasn't who Edmond was, and Ludovic knew it.

He started to leave the room, to ready himself for what lay ahead, but just before the doorway he paused. "I love you, Edmond. You do know that, don't you?"

"Of course I do," Edmond said, and Ludovic could hear the smile in his friend's voice. His keen ears picked up the almost imperceptible rustle of clothing as Edmond got to his feet, and he turned around, letting Edmond pull him in for a hug.

Ludovic had met men who refused to admit how much they cared about each other, and it had never made sense to him. Edmond was his best friend, practically his brother, the one person in the world who was always there for him, who he could always rely on. Ludovic did love him and he had never been able to fathom why some people thought it was inappropriate to be honest about their love.

"I must admit, I hope this is all over with as quickly as possible so you can go back to looking like yourself again," Edmond said, holding him at arm's length and studying him. "You look unbelievably strange."

Ludovic had to laugh.