January 2020

7:00 am

Ollie's Apartment, Los Angeles, CA

O L L I E

The morning sun streaming from the cracks of my windows pressed on my cheeks and eyelids, rousing me from a dreamless sleep. In a sleepy haze, my hand stretched out to the opposite side of my bed, blindly patted the cold sheets, and froze.

All of my sleepiness disappeared in a flash when I was not able to reach for Tie, my tiger stuffie. Tears started to well in my eyes, drenching my cheeks, blurring my vision, and causing my throat in a painful constriction.

With a sniffle, I gingerly climbed off my bed, barefoot, and did not force myself to choke the sobs crawling up against my throat. Broken and shallow sobs filled the emptiness and quietness of my room, as I walked towards the door and into the living room, stifling my sobs and wiping my tears.

It has been a hard week since I slipped into my little headspace. Not only I am having a hard time being a big boy, but I also don't have a daddy to take care of me. I have to take care of me.

Stress and exhaustion have something to do with me being in my little space longer than I anticipated. I just recently moved out of my previous apartment because something bad happened there. I don't even want to think about it because it still sends a chill down my spine, and I don't want to have another session of anxiety attacks.

I have no one. Where is my daddy when I need him? Then, I realized that I have no daddy, and it just hurts even more. If I had one, I would be pressed against his firm body, as he helped me through my drop.

I discovered my little side when I was seventeen. Three years have passed and I still don't have enough courage to find a daddy. What if he took advantage of me? What if he's cruel? What if he's abusive? Just thinking about it makes my breathing labored, so I did my breathing exercises to stop the hyperventilation.

I need a daddy but at the same time, I am scared to have one.

While keeping my sobs to a minimum, I headed to the living room, in hopes of searching for my tiger stuffie. He has been given to me by my parents as a present. When I feel so alone, Tie gets me through the day.

My face lit up when my eyes captured a familiar tail stuck in between the cushions of my sofa.

I ran towards the couch and embraced my stuffie. "Tie...me so sad." I whimpered quietly and hugged my stuffie tightly. "Need...daddy..."

****

I rummaged through my kitchen cabinets then proceeded to check my fridge and groaned. I don't have any food to last for a day. No food means I need to be a big boy, and that means I have to go out. I don't want to go out. I chose a conspicuous place to stay for the time being, so I hope they won't even consider that I am hiding in here.

My parents passed away three months ago in a vehicular accident, leaving me all alone, along with their wealth and the danger that comes from being an heir to a multi-billion fortune. My throat tightened and my eyes welled with tears when I remembered my parents. It feels so unreal.

It has been three months, but I find it hard to believe. I still wake up in the morning and expect Mom to knock on my door and give me morning kisses as she drags me for breakfast, while Dad was waiting on the kitchen counter with a newspaper in his hands. When I realize that Mom was never going to wake me up with her gentle kisses ever again, my heart broke to pieces again.

Maybe, my parents' unexpected death also has something to do with me being in my little headspace longer than I want to. That's the only reason I can think of.

I tried to relax and I took a deep breath. There's nothing to worry about. My apartment complex is heavily guarded and nothing can harm me. I can do this. I will be able to become a big boy. A good big boy. There's a convenience store across the apartment complex, so I can just run, buy everything I need, and lock myself back in my room and my safe space.

I went back to my room, picked up my wallet, and grabbed my sneakers. I really find it uncomfortable and complicated to tie my sneakers but I can't find my Velcro-strapped one. With a heavy heart, I left my safe space and it automatically locked.

This is one of the reasons why I chose this specific apartment. It is fingerprint-secured and several guards are roaming the area 24/7. Well, all of the apartments consist of state-of-the-art security facilities because of their high-profile clients.

Although it is an apartment complex, it also is inside a huge subdivision, thus, it has a main hall, a common area, and is similar to a hotel, with receptionists and bellhops. I could eat at the main hall, but my crippling anxiety hinders me from doing so, and there's still the fear that the food there is not safe to eat.

It does seem like a hotel, only that, once you enter the subdivision, you will be welcomed by rows of luxurious apartments. I guess celebrities and personalities are living in the subdivision, but I'm not sure. I don't like going out. I didn't even try shopping online for the fear that would be able to trace my address.

With my eyes fixed on the ground, I walked slowly towards the main hall, almost dragging my feet, when I crashed against something hard. Because of the force, my bum met the cold hard floor and I winced.

The pain from the impact had my eyes blurry from tears and my lips trembling. I hugged myself when I saw a huge shadow creeping towards my small form. I shouldn't have gone out. I should have stayed in my room, cuddling with Tie. I started to panic and curled my body. Fear starts to kick in and sobs came pouring out.

I placed my hand on my mouth to muffle my cries but my shaking body begs to differ. I can't even bear to look up and face the stranger to apologize for my clumsiness. The shadow stopped and sat down in front of me. "Hey, are you okay?" asked the stranger using his manly, soothing, voice.

The sound feels like silk to my ears and sent shivers down my spine. All of a sudden, my body stopped shaking, and with every ounce of my courage, I dared to look up. Oh my God.

I found myself looking at bright green eyes with a fleck of blue, sharp and thick brows, well-structured nose, sharp jaw, and plump lips. A sense of familiarity crept into my mind when I saw the man's green eyes; I just couldn't point a finger at it. I instantly dropped my gaze to my shoes and tried to calm my racing heartbeat.

It seems like the man was also examining me based on his burning stare. I whimpered against the man's intense yet comfortable stare, slowly bringing heat to my cheeks. I had never met such an attractive man that can take my breath away. Moreover, my anxiety is not acting up like it usually does when I meet a stranger.

When the handsome stranger reached out for my cheek, the soothing and gentle warmth almost made me choke on my tears.

He is warm, so warm. It has been so long since I felt this warm.

Unconsciously, I leaned into the stranger's hand and I heard his low growl of pleasure. I ignored it and closed my eyes, sighing in contentment.

The stranger rubbed my cheeks gently and fixed my wayward, curly hair, behind my ears. "D-daddy..." I widened my eyes in surprise and trepidation, almost wanting to hide myself because of how embarrassing I acted when I realized what just happened.

"U-um... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I a-apologize..." I accidentally lifted my head in a panic, and the stranger's breathing hitched when he got to look at my features. With a smile and a soft expression, he whispered, "Perfect."

"Huh?"