In order to give context to this post, let me explain who I am and why the fuck I am bothering sharing this information. 22 year old male, just finished my masters at university. I was about 12 when I was given permission to start using my dad's spare laptop, since his work gave him a new one every couple of years and he thought I could use the experience of getting used to tech early on. When I got into high school I got word from a group of stoners (why the fuck they were talking about it, hell if I know) that people were accessing restricted parts of the internet which held everyones information. I went ahead and did some more digging online and found out about the dark web (what most of you know as the deep web), finding proxy sites as well as hacks that you could use via command prompts to mask your IP address and basically walk through a lot of locked doors. I spent the better part of my late-teens doing this kind of stuff online, using a few online forums like RadDot (most of the time) to talk with people who were basically doing the same shit as me. I didn't have many friends offline, so yeah, online was the place for me and I got pretty good at blending in.

I had 3 aliases which I used, but only a close online friend of mine knew that they were all me. Nathan was my main link to the dark web, since he somehow spent more time on it than I did, even when the only thing I did other than ghosting with him was playing Halo with him on my friends list. What I liked about him is that neither of us mentioned our last names or any real information, even though we both could have looked it up at any time and found pretty much whatever we wanted about the other person. That being said, I trusted Nathan more than almost anyone and he knows more about this story than I'll be willing to admit on here.

During uni I roomed with a local dealer who, unknown to the education board that expelled him, worked for me. It was fucking easy to order narcotics online like MDMA and X if you knew where to look; I even had them shipped to my dorm room's local PO box at one time without anyone being any the fucking wiser. I'd get the drugs online, my former friend would then use his "real life" connections to sell them since I didn't really have any of my own. This was around the time I felt that I held all the cards and no one could touch me if they couldn't track my IP.

I was in the second year of my Biomed course when I got into the stupid shit. Scumbag pieces of shit would be sharing snuff videos online that would make even the most messed up pornography you've laid eyes upon look like fucking whitebread. This was why I only used links that I either found myself or more often the ones that Nathan gave me. We would spend days, literally days, just marvelling at all of the crazy shit which people could get away with. Yeah, the government had shut down the main sites like Silk Road and MadOnion but those are like the only ones that idiots online seem to ever take notice of. Other hackers would message me on forums asking for sites to get weed and other drugs from, which was as simple as pointing in a fucking direction. The university "claimed" to monitor internet traffic to stop people from doing freaky shit online after they heard people were hacking student accounts and ruining online schedules, but I guarantee you that they did absolutely nothing to people who were actually doing it. -- Note: I'm not confessing to having done these acts, I just know exactly which individuals did. --

By third year I had made enough money to have a long-screen setup of my own which made decrypting site details a lot quicker for me (since I could actually read >200 bars without having to scroll through the tab) and I actually had gotten pretty good at it. I had be delving around some messed up sites, and to be honest I'd even talked in chat rooms to some of the admins in charge of them. You'd be surprised how normal a child pornography site owner would seem if you didn't know that he also had a day job.

I got more curious though. Fucking stupid of me. After nearly 10 years of seemlessly making my way around the dark web (deep web is more of a "pleb" term if you're talking with more experienced users, even today), I joined Nathan as well as a few others in a chat room just fucking about and sharing some screwed up sites. Might sound weird, but for me its a pretty everyday thing to do. Nathan and another friend were talking about some site that noone had managed to get past the encryption to apart from one other person whos even more of a no-life than me. The rest of us are pretty sure he's autistic or some shit because the site he shared with us was arguably the most vile thing I've ever laid eyes upon. For those of you still with me, this is why I'm posting this here. This site is the most cancerous and revolting sector from the darkest part of the dark web. It is a scar that I bear to this day and it is one that I will never, EVER forget. I'll warn readers again, this is not for the faint-hearted and something that even the most emotionally-numb people will not be able to deal with.

I won't share the site URL since I don't want this post being taken down, nor do I want anyone even giving it the slightest bit of publicity aside what I have to say here. That being said, it did have a subheading in the html. that I'll leave other people like me to have a look at if they want to. most people referred to it as COLDBODY.

The autistic dude who was in the chat room earlier gave Nathan and I an encrypted URL for us, but he was too fucking giddy about getting through to the site himself to send us an encryption so Nathan and I had to manually go through the whole process ourselves. We tried for hours. Nathan and I had been doing this for the entirety of our adult lives yet we'd never seen code like this before. Come to think of it, I doubt that the other guy in the chat cracked this by himself.

Nathan and I both called it a night, so I left the command prompt open and went outside to smoke a joint. Nathan remained on the chat so we could play Anvil (a russian crack of Halo for PC), but when I got back his microphone was muted for some reason. For people like us who had nothing to hide from each other, we almost never muted our mics. I wait a few minutes, thinking maybe hes jacking off or maybe gone to get something. Nothing.

I don't think much of it, my brain too occupied with the cannabinoids flowing through my bloodstream. I sat down and took another look through the code, thinking there was something I missed. I did. The code was completely different. Completely unencrypted. I simply launched the URL and my PC whirred for a while, until finally opening up about 20 windows across my two monitors, all of them scrambling code through a debugger that I had installed. Even with 32GB of RAM my computer was making more noise than it ever did doing this kind of stuff.

I thought to myself "shit, I'm gonna have to OC my shit in the BIOS if I was going to have a shot of getting through", and I was not feeling up for it after smoking too much. I get ready to hard reset before my monitors turn off and back on one at a time. This was when I started getting a bit paranoid and was thinking about just letting it go. I FUCKING WISH that was what I did.

The windows were almost all gone, only 4 were still there and 2 of them were normal deep web sites that the admin probably used to relay the IP address through. First site that I had seen do that. All of the text was a dark red and extremely primitive for a site that I thought would be at least a little bit more impressive considering its security. The main center window had only a small amount of text on the screen: "IF YOU HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE IN FOR. IF YOU STILL DON'T, YOU DON'T BELONG HERE." Even though I was feeling mellow, the text and sheer awe of what I was getting myself into pierced me with fear. A simple "Y/N" prompt popped up in the window. I accepted, ready for whatever awaited me on the other side.

A chat room window came to life in the second remaining window. I was wondering what it was for, perhaps another IP relay or a shadow app that hid the true nature of the site behind it. It simply stated "/insertname" as well as an optional password that I'm still not sure what was for. The fact that people might have accounts to this kind of site... looking back on it, is fucked up. I used my most recent alias, Diablo_##### (the #s are censored for obvious reasons). A couple more scrolls of red text flew up the window and then it opened up into an actual sort of chat room like you'd see on Omeagle or some shit, except with no ads or colour or anything besides the dark red text. The chat was a bit more advanced than the first window, which was now frozen and wasn't responding to any console commands I was using on it. I have to say, the feeling of finding this site in the first place felt pretty awesome. I couldn't wait to tell Nathan. That was until the chat window popped up with names. One that I recognised was his, using one of his aliases as well. I'd say about 3 dozen people were in the chat room, no names that I can remember. And even if I did, I wouldn't dare reveal them. Not after this.

I tried calling Nathan on my phone but he obviously wasn't picking up. We were so fucked. It was stupid of us to delve this deep without even knowing what we got ourselves into. Users definitely had met before, as they immediately started posting messages to the window as me and Nathan remained silent. As they were casually talking about stuff, I was starting to calm down a bit. Maybe this was just a stupid exclusive cult website that talked about organising deals or other dumb shit that I've found in the past. It all seemed so normal, so why all the obscurity?

The first window, still blank and unresponsive, suddenly began loading up a video file of some sort. A snuff video, perhaps? It would make sense to hide one but not this extensively and the chat room didn't make much sense. I wish this stuff had been going through my head at the time if I wasn't retarded enough to get stoned before going through with this shit. I felt tempted to ask the other users what the video was about but I was afraid that might give me away as someone whos not supposed to be there. Nathan hadn't said anything either so I wasn't going to risk doing something suspicious like that. I got the guts to ask "wat r we all heer 4 then u cunts", trying to sound as eccentric and dim-witted as I could. I didn't get a response from them. As a matter of fact, no one said another word.

Nathan stayed quiet but I assumed that he noticed me in the chat as well now that I'd posted. The video had stopped loading and had begun playing. Some more messages from the other users sharing their anticipation as footage of a dark grey basement somewhere took shape on the screen. The resolution for the video was pretty awful at first but rendered pretty well after about 30 seconds. I was scared shitless. Noone else was in the house that I share with my roommates, most had left for Summer vacation and I didn't head home for another 2 weeks. I was alone in the dark with little else but the ambient sound of whatever was happening behind the camera in the video.

It stays like this for about 4 or 5 minutes. I spent every second of it staring at the screen, waiting for something to happen. Finally, a dude steps onto the screen holding up a whiteboard with foreign letters on it as well as the words COLDBODY underneath. The guy was fucking ominous to look at, pretty overweight and what only could be decribed as a motorbiker's beard. The man spoke. I had no idea what he was saying at first, he was speaking in Chinese I think but I dont really know im not a fucking linguist. Luckily for Nathan and I the man had another person beside him who spoke some broken english. "HELLO USERS, WELCOME COLDBODY SHOW" I think he said. I was honestly more interested than scared at this point, this video looked like it could be something worth showing to the others. That thought never crossed my mind again.

The man with the broken english bursts into tears and sobs out of nowhere. He sobs in front of the camera and jerks around in what I can only guess was desparation. The man holding the sign yells at the guy in chinese before another man enters the frame and puts a gun to his head. Before I could even realize it was a gun the man fired. He didn't stop there. Pressing the barrel of the gun against the dead man's temple he fired again and again, each shot spraying blood and what i guess were pieces of the mans skull all over the place. Ok so a shock video, not much out of the ordinary here. That was when I stared at the chat window again. The users were talking about what they should do next.

Users were all typing in different languages but almost of the english ones that I read said "shoot him again".

I realized then that I wasn't watching some shock video or stupid snuff film that the admins had hid behind a wall of proxies. This was a livestream. I was watching a livestream of people being murdered in front of me. We all were.

I type into the chat "you sick fucks" and "what the fuck are you guys doing", but the texts weren't responded to because so many people were spamming the chat with foreign text I couldnt read. Another person is brought out in front of the camera, this time already sobbing and trying to break free of the ropes that had been bound around her ankles and wrists. She was bare naked and covered in bruises and cuts. I didn't do anything but wait for the inevitable. The man shot her in the head and watched her body fall limp to the floor. People in the chat cheered and asked for more. Someone picks up the camera and positions it in a different direction towards a metal table covered with some sort of binliner. The woman's body was dragged by the hair into frame and placed on the table.

What happened next... I don't think the world should know. I am not kidding. This is your final warning.

The body was slumped on the table like a surgeon would do before operating on a person. Some more people, wearing red and black ski masks, went up to the body holding items varying from kitchen knives to cordless drills. I couldn't watch without feeling physically sick to my stomach. The men tore her apart limb from limb, stabbing at her torso and cutting her open. I take another glance to see one of the men was having sex with the mutilated corpse. I almost immediately retch and almost vomit over my keyboard but i gain control of myself before that happens. My heart was beating like crazy. The whole situation was so fucked and I was in way over my fucking head. By the time the men were finished there was a literal STUMP of a human being left. Not that you could fucking call that human anymore. Her head was literally torn off the neck and stuffed into her body cavity along with one of her arms. If it weren't for the other weird sites that I had seen before this, I might not have stayed as long as I did. Three more people were brought on to the screen, all of them screaming for their lives and trying to escape. One of them is shot in the leg, the others stand there shaking in place, trying not to scream again. The man holding the sign walks up to the lens of the camera and stares into it. I see his black eyes, blood spattered across his face. I breathe faster and I actually had to look away. It was like he was staring right at me. He says something else in a foreign language, probably the same one as before. When he stops speaking, the chat window does the same. Hardly a single other post. Just a chat window awaiting some response.

About 20 seconds passes of him just staring into the camera after speaking. Nothing happens at first.

The chat then mentioned me and nathan by our usernames. More of them spam our names in posts that take over the scrolling message board.

as soon as they mentioned our aliases I started freaking out. I try to close the black windows but every time that I try the window says that the application is not responding. The livestream continues, the man staring at me and the messages prompting me to say something.

One of the few comments in proper English pops up. Hes asking us to choose which one to kill first. I freeze for about five seconds before unplugging my computer from the wall. I didn't care about anything anymore, I just wanted to leave the site and never come back. I sat there with a blank screen in front of me for a bit before pacing around the kitchen. I was done with it. I didn't sleep at all, I was too traumatized to even think about resting after what I had seen. At the time of this happening I was thinking about reporting the site to the police but I of all people know that they can't do anything to stop this. To think that more of these sites could exist - that more people are getting gunned down and mutilated for entertainment - its something that I can't fucking think about. Fuck.

I spent two days talking to some close friends about this stuff, though I left out all the details and just said I'd seen something "disturbing" online. They all know what I do in my free time so they didn't think much of it since I'd mentioned snuff films and messed up sites before. They didn't know what Nathan and I had seen. I mustered up the courage to turn on my PC again and I was fucking relieved to see no sign of any viruses and most of all no black windows scattered on my desktop. I immediately go to check if Nathan had left me any messages on RadDot. I had several messages from him with a few files attached to the second. I was hoping to talk this whole ordeal through with him but the files immediately caught my eye.

The fucking attachments were pictures of me, stolen from my facebook and email. Pictures of my old school, university and even my friends here. The messages after were my addresses, emails, online aliases and even the names of my family members. My IP address was posted to the bottom and I realized how fucked I am. The last picture of me and my old girlfriend, with her IP address and details pasted on top of the picture. Theres no fucking way that they tracked me down. I take a few minutes to pull myself together before writing back "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHO ARE YOU" I didn't get a response and I still haven't to this day. He has all of my details. He knows everything about me and my family and i dont even know what else. I still don't know what has happened to him since I left that livestream, I can only pray that the information he has doesn't fall into the hands of those murderous insane motherfuckers who killed and desacrated dozens of people on the darkest part of the internet.

I can't let them find me or those who I care about. I will never go back to that part of the internet again ever, its not fucking safe for me or you or anyone. The police can't find them but they can find you. Don't try and find the site, don't try and report the site. They will do to you what they did to me, and if you think that they won't find you then remember that I WAS FUCKING INVISIBLE.

Do you want to take the chance that they won't find someone like you? Don't go onto the deep web and, for the sake of your humanity, never seek out the people who are behind this. They'll only find you too.

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