Mourning. How does one go about mourning the loss of their unborn child? Me? I resorted to isolation, my biggest weakness. I isolate.

It's been two weeks since we lost our little bean and as much as we both tried to continue living our lives like normal, it was impossible. It was chaos, it was unhealthy, a very destructive environment. Harry and I have fallen apart, always at each other's throats, arguing over any slight inconvenience. I even resorted to sleeping in my old bedroom on some nights.

I knew that it wasn't Harry's fault. He couldn't have prevented any of this happening. It wasn't just me that lost a child, he did too. And as much as I wanted to be selfish and continue to hide away, I knew it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to Harry or to the kids.

I stared blankly out the window, the kids have been with my dad a lot. After filling everyone in on what happened, dad offered to take care of them for a bit so Harry and I could process what happened to us. It was definitely for the best that the kids weren't at home to watch us argue.

Harry was locked away in his office, even though he hasn't worked in two weeks he probably didn't want to be anywhere near me. I sighed, wrapping the blanket tighter around my body. It was December now, the air was crisp and cold. Usually I would be my happiest self right now, fall and Christmas are my favorite.

I picked up the two cups of tea in front of me and made my way to Harry's office. Wether we liked it or not, we had to talk this out like adults. I tapped on the door with my foot and waited for a response before entering the room.

Harry sat in his chair, still in his pajamas. His eyes were glued to mine as I walked to his desk. His eyes were puffy, nose red, he had just been crying. I placed the two cups on his desk before seating myself on his lap, my arms instantly wrapping around his neck. I pulled his body to mine and his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me closely.

It felt normal, good, to be in his arms. To have this intimate moment with him. Harry took a deep breathe, keeping his head against my body.

"I don't want to argue anymore, Anastasia." He said softly, his voice was tired and fragile.

"Me either.." I said, I nodded my head, my hand stroking the nape of his neck. "We should talk." I finally said, both of us were scared, not wanting to make anything worse.

"Yeah, we should." He nodded. "But not here, c'mon." Harry grabbed my hand, picking up on of the mugs from the desk and dragged me to the living room. I watched as he started up the fireplace, grabbing two pillows and throwing them on the floor. He gestured for me to sit in front of the fireplace.

We sat side by side, our mugs in our hands as we shared the blanket that was once wrapped around me.

"Harr-"

"Anast-" We both laughed and stopped talking. "You go." He smiled at me, oh how I've missed that smile.

"I'm sorry." I said, my voice already cracking. My eyebrows furrowed together, a frown grown in my face. Harry's arm was instantly wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to his body.

"I have been distant, bad tempered, mean.. unfair." I listed out, finally seeing how unfair I've been to Harry. "I'm sorry that I pushed you away during this dark time." I sighed. "To be honest, I felt.. guilty. The baby was in my body, my womb, I'm supposed to protect the baby and keep it safe.. And I failed." I cried softly. "This whole time I've been selfish, trying to deal with this on my own. I lost my first child.. I was so consumed by that, I didn't even stop and think about how you felt. I'm so sorry." Tears fell from my eyes, I looked over at Harry and he too had tears falling down his face.

"We both lost something, someone. Instead of leaning on each other, I pushed you away. Something I promised I'd never do." I hiccuped, feeling myself get choked up. "I'm really sorry." I repeated. Harry shushed me, planting his lips to the side of my head.

"It's okay.. We've both been not ourselves these past two weeks. I'm sorry for not trying more to comfort you.. It's funny that you think you feel guilty. I feel like I'm to blame." Harry's voice was hoarse as he spoke. "If I had gotten to you sooner, if I had been there to protect you. You would've been okay, the b- the baby would've been okay." He said. My heart ached at his words, it never once crossed my mind that it was Harry's fault. I've never blamed him or even thought it was his fault at all. "We've both been mean and cruel to one another." He frowned.

"I'm sorry." He said simply, his eyes stared into the fire in front of us, a pout on his face.

"It's not your fault, H." I nudged him, he glanced at me quickly and shook his head. "If we're gonna blame someone.. It's Scott. He's a cruel cruel man that took away our little angel." I admitted not only to Harry but to myself as well. Harry's jaw clenched, his jawline sharpening, his face hard.

"He got what he deserved.. Death would be too good for him." Harry muttered. Scott had been sentenced to life in prison with no possibility of parole. He's right, death would be too easy for Scott, he needs to pay his time. "Although, beating the shit out of him doesn't sound too bad." Harry chuckled slightly causing me to do the same.

"You broke his nose, Harry." I reminded him. Silence fell upon us once again, we sat together peacefully, my head on his shoulder.

"I've missed you, H." I said quietly. Harry hummed.

"I've missed you too, Angel." He replied placing another kiss to my head. "I.. I got us something.." Harry said quietly. I lifted my head and raised an eyebrow at him. I didn't even notice the small box next to him. He handed me the box and nodded his head at me, urging me to open it.

I furrowed my eyebrows but slowly lifted the lid off the brown box. My eyes scanned the contents, my hand flying to my mouth in shock. Inside the box was a small shadow box frame, the trinket we had bought inside the shadow box, a few ultrasound pictures and small quote beautifully painted onto the glass.

I'll hold you in my heart until I can hold you in Heaven

A sob left my lips, a small smile played on my face as I grazed over the glass frame, happy tears falling from my eyes.

"It's perfect, Harry." I looked at him, vision completely blurred from my tears.

Are we done mourning the loss of our little bean? No. Will we ever be? I don't think we'll ever be able to move on from our baby. But I do hope that one day we will be able to take this tragedy and not feel sorrow, but feel joy for even the small moments of happiness that the baby gave us.

Neither Harry or I were okay right now, it would probably take a long time for us to be okay. But this, this talk, this shadow box, it was a start.

I hugged the small frame to my chest and took a deep breathe. I stared at the mantle, the tiny box that held the baby's ashes sat at the top. I stood from my spot and walked towards it, taking the shadow box frame from my hand and placing it next to the tiny box.

"I love you little one.. Until we meet again." I whispered quietly to myself. I stood in front of Harry, extending my hand out for him to grab and pull up on. He instantly stood on his feet and wrapped his arms around my body, holding me closely and swaying back and forth slightly.

"Hey Alexa.. play The Way You Look Tonight by Michael Buble." Harry said.

Okay, playing The Way You Look Tonight by Michael Buble on Spotify music

Soft music started to fill the room, Harry moved my arms to wrap around his neck and his hands landed on my waist. I chuckled as we swayed to the music in the living room. Harry sung softly with the music, his eyes never leaving mine.

We both smiled as we danced along with the song, Harry spun me around in circles before bringing my body against his once again and placing his lips on top of min before doing it all over again.

It felt like hours, we continued to dance around the living room with every song that followed. We didn't want this moment to end. For the first time in two weeks, this felt normal. This felt good. We both knew that when we wake up tomorrow, the hurt and the pain would still be there, we would still be in mourning for our loss. But right now, in this moment, all that mattered was Harry and I. It didn't feel like we were in pain right now, it didn't feel like we lost. It felt like we were closer than ever in this moment.

"I love you." Harry snapped me out of my thoughts, we both laid on the living room floor on our backs, soft jazz played on the speakers along with the crackle of the fireplace.

I turned my head to face him. I placed my hand on his cheek and stroked it with my thumb, Harry looked tired. Exhausted even.

"I love you too, Harry." I said back. He nodded his head, a small smile placed on his lips. "Let's go to bed.." I whispered. "I've missed sleeping in your arms."

"I thought you'd never ask." He grinned.

It was a long road ahead of us. It was evident that we both still needed to grow, we can't just fall apart whenever something bad happens to us. A lot of people say that a death of a child will either break a couple or bring them closer together. I'm praying with everything that I am, that Harry and I will become stronger. I already lost my baby, I don't know what I'd do if I lost Harry too.