Anxious.

That's the only thing that I could feel right now, my body was numb, my brain was scattered. I've always had bad anxiety, but I haven't felt this pressured and distraught in a long time.

Classes start next week which is stressful enough as it is. I've never been good in school, specifically college. Always afraid of failing or not knowing what to do with my life, so I've always been stressed when school came around. But now I have to throw my dad into the mix?

We were meeting with my dad this evening for dinner. Tina had agreed to come over and watch the kids for tonight, which saved us the headache of finding a sitter.

With one final look in the mirror, I dragged myself out of my bathroom and into the living room where Harry was waiting for me.

"You look gorgeous." Harry walked to me, placing a small kiss to my forehead. Although I appreciated the gesture, I knew he was trying to calm me down. It was so obvious that I was not ready for this dinner. "It's going to be okay." He whispered to me. I just nodded my head and put on a small smile.

"Thank you so much again for coming Tina." I hugged her. "You really are the best." I sighed.

"I know." She smirked at me. "But hey.. You're going to be okay. I know it's hard, but you're strong. And you have Harry." She encouraged me, Tina was the only one that knew the entirety of the trauma I went through besides my grandma. So Tina knew how difficult this is for me right now. She gave my arms a small squeeze before letting go.

"We should be back before 9:30." I said to her as we walked out the front door.

The drive was quiet, not awkward, but a nice an peaceful silence. A silence I only felt comfortable in with Harry. His hand rested on my thigh and his thumb was occasionally give me a small stroke, a simple little movement that provided so much comfort.

"If at any point you want to go home, you tell me okay?" Harry said, eyes never leaving the road. "If he says anything out of pocket..." His breathing got shallow and I noticed his knuckles turn slightly pale as he clutched the steering wheel tightly.

"It's okay, Harry. If he tries anything, we'll leave." I reassured him. He just nodded his head as a response and we drove the rest of the way in silence.

Dad picked a rather nice restaurant, much nicer than anywhere he's ever taken me my entire life.

"Hi, we're meeting someone here-" I started to tell the hostess but was interrupted by a loud voice calling my name. Dad was waving his hand in the air, signaling us to join him. "That's him, thanks." I smiled and nodded to the hostess.

Harry placed his arm around my waist protectively as we approached the table.

"Deep breathes." He reminded me under his breathe, we both put a smile on our face.

"Hi, glad you guys could make it. It's great to see you again, Harry was it?" My dad shook hands with Harry.

"Yes, its nice to see you again as well." Harry said curtly.

"You look beautiful, Anastasia." He diverted his attention towards me. I stood awkwardly and stiff, I wasn't sure what to do. I think he's expecting a hug or something, but I refuse. "Your hair.." He said, a little surprised that my hair was down.

"Thanks.. Yeah, I recently started to wear it down. Shall we sit?" I asked awkwardly. Dad just coughed slightly before nodded as we all took a seat.

"I'm glad you did.. It suits you much better."

After ordering our food, we were all left in a weird awkward silence.

"So.. How long have you two been together?" Dad asked, fiddling with his fingers, something he always did when he was nervous or uncomfortable.

"A little over a month now." Harry answered for me. "She's amazing, I'm very lucky to have her." He looked at me with a grin. I knew immediately that my cheeks must be a burning color of red.

"She's always been a caring and loving person. I'm glad that never changed." Dad said, nodding at me. "How are you? How's school? Work?" Dad asked, I sucked in a breathe ever so slightly. Here we go, I'm not entirely sure how this conversation was going to go.

"I've been good. Happy even. Schools... going." I said with an awkward chuckle. "A little behind, but not giving up. Majoring in Childhood education.. As for work, I'm a nanny." I shrugged, hoping he wouldn't pry into that topic.

"For Harry, I suppose?" Dad raised an eyebrow at me and had a playful smirk on his face.

"That obvious, huh?" Harry chuckled from beside me.

"Just a hunch." Dad shrugged. "I don't mind, you two seem really happy together." He added.

"Yeah.. We are." Harry gave my hand a squeeze under the table as I spoke.

"What about you..? I see you're married, and have a daughter?" I asked, not even sure if I wanted to talk about this.

"Yeah, yeah.. Samantha and Sarah." The grin on my dads face was so large.. so genuine. "Samantha saved me honestly.. If it weren't for her, I'd probably still be an addict. A loser. An awful person." He sighed, not wanting to make eye contact with me. I didn't know what to say, so I sat in silence.

"Look Anastasia.." He started to say. "I know.. I know I wasn't the best dad to you. Hell, I was awful to you. But I'm a changed person. I know it's easy for people to say that, but I have changed. I want to prove it to you if you'll let me.." He said, his tone was more of a plea. A beg.

"Here's your Salmon and steaks." The waiter came back and placed the food on the table for us.

"I'm happy for you." I said simply. "I'm glad that you got your life together. I'm glad that you have this new perfect little family." I said the last part a bit more hostile than intended. I diverted my eyes away from him and ate my food to keep me from having to make eye contact with him.

"Ana, I'm trying. I'm trying to fix what I did. I want to fix our relationship." He was begging at this point. So desperate to prove that he's changed.

"What do you want from me, dad?" I asked, dropping my fork onto the plate.

"A second chance." He said. "I know I don't deserve it, hell if I were you, I probably wouldn't even have shown up today."

"And what does this second chance look like?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "Supervised visits?" I said bitterly.

"I get your upset. I would like to see you more often.. to talk with you. To be your dad." He said, I glanced at Harry who hasn't said much all night. He stared at my dad with a slight squint in his eyes.

"Look, I don't know what you were expecting tonight. You want to be a good dad? You already are, you have a little girl who loves you. Her names Sarah." I shot back at him. Anger suddenly filled me, I hadn't realized how upset the topic of him having a new family made me.

"Why are you so upset that I got my life together? Shouldn't you be happy that I'm actually trying to be a good dad for once? That I'm not making the same mistakes I did with you?!" He raised his voice slightly.

"That's exactly it, dad." I groaned, frustration taking over. There's no holding back now. "You are a good dad for Sarah, you got off the drugs. You stopped drinking. You put in effort to be in her life, to be a good and loving father. I can see that!" I was probably being really loud, but I didn't even care at this point. He looked at me with a shocked and confused look on his face, obviously not understanding still.

"If you were going to be some lame overprotective dad that loved his daughter too much, why couldn't you have been that for me?!" The tears instantly formed at my eyes. "Why couldn't you have stopped the drugs and the alcohol for me?!" I said even louder. His mouth parted slightly, shocked at my outburst but he remained silent.

"That's what I thought." I said, throwing my napkin on the table and standing up, Harry got my cue and stood up as well, tossing a few bills on the table before grabbing my hand and stalking out of the restaurant.

He didn't say anything. He didn't say anything till we got in the car and I finally let out a very shaky breathe that I didn't realize I was holding.

Harry looked at me and reached his arms out to engulf me, as soon as he did the tears fell from my face. Hideous cries left my mouth, I was smearing makeup all over his shirt that's for sure.

"I've got you. It's okay, let it out angel." He lulled me, trying to soothe me as I cried uncontrollably in his arms. "I've got you."