Florencio was on top of me, doing the unspeakable. My thighs shook in pleasure, nails dug into his skin.

"Florencio..." I stammered.

His strong, big hand pressed into my throat, forcing my head to stay up. My lips were bitten red by him. He was beautiful. He was nothing I'd ever seen before. Not in movies, nothing I could imagine in books.

His hard body sliding and pounding on mine was dirty and raw. I didn't know how much I needed it until now. I was sobbing from the heat. My body was burning.

I waited as patiently as I could to feel full, but he was far away, despite being on top of me.

Eyebrows knitted in concentration, green eyes glowing, I didn't know how I was still breathing.

Florencio's hands, mouth, evaporated suddenly and I reached out to grab him.

I woke up, startled.

My face was pressed into the pillow, drool covered the front. My hair was stuck to my forehead with sweat.

I sat up and my body twitched uncomfortably. The feeling between my legs was almost shameful. I was tempted to reach for my phone and call Florencio. To say what? I'd be too shy to, I was too shy to even think it. That dream was too vivid, but not enough. Florencio corrupted me. I'd never dreamt about someone like that.

Aggressive raps against my door scared me.

"Parker? Wake up. We need to talk." My moms voice was shaky.

I got out of bed, opened the door, and tried to ignore the feeling... lower.

Surprisingly, my mom wasn't dressed for work.

"Are you not going in today?" I asked, crossing my arms. "You're not dressed." I stared at my moms eye bags and sun spots. Makeup always covered her face.

"No. I said I wanted to talk to you," she said obviously. "Were you even..." her eyes narrowed. "What were you doing in there?"

Cheeks red I answered, "Sleeping. You woke me up."

Her eyes looked everywhere but me. "Sure. Just meet me in the living room."

After using the bathroom and changing, I sat down next to her on the couch. I took a deep breath, forcing myself to feel calm. A tight ball of anxiety settled in my stomach.

She ran her tongue over her teeth. "I know grandma talked to you."

I waited for her to continue. She didn't. I let out a laugh with no humor. "Did you just want to confirm we talked about something you should have told me?" I usually would have not said that. Slowly though, I found myself not caring. "It was intense, mom. It involved a person I should have at least known through your memories, but instead all I have of him is a horrible image."

Her eyes snapped to mine. "He was a horrible person."

I scratched my wrists nervously. "Grandma said you were in love."

"Yeah," she coughed, looking ashamed. "He hurt me bad. I should have never gotten involved with him. He ruined me – and I think you know that."

The wound she created in me was deep and she was probing it right now. "Yeah, I do know." I took a deep breath. "B-but that doesn't mean you get to take your anger out on me."

Heat flashed through her eyes. "You have no idea what I went through. You just got the second hand telling of it."

I'm closer to you than you think.

"It doesn't give you an excuse to be so mean to me," I snapped. "I've been perfect. Nothing I do satisfies you. You'll always hate me somewhere inside."

Gasping she said, "God, I don't hate you. Parker, where the hell did you get that from?"

I put my hands in fists and placed them on my knees. "From how you act. You don't get to ignore me my whole life then try and talk to me about why I think the way I do."

She was taken back. "Is this how it'll always be when we talk?"

"I guess," I said, defeated. "You messed up, mom." I stared at her, begging for a reaction.

Her eyes were glossy. "You know what, you're too much, Parker. You don't know it — but you're too much." She wiped her eyes, cheeks blotchy and red.

"Much? What does that mean?" I bent over on myself slightly, my breath gone.

"You talk! You talk so much! But you have no idea what you're saying!" She stood up and her hands moved frantically, trying to piece her words together. "Maybe you think I hate you, but you didn't live through what I did."

Totally unrelated, don't say it, don't push her and be the much she hated. The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. "You hit me. How could you? Nothing you could've been through should have made you do that."

"That? Parker, you took my antidepressants, and I told you not to touch them." A tear rolled down her cheek.

"You abused them," I told her. "Do you remember that? I read the bottle."

"One more thing to add to the list! You do and you don't think. It was none of your business. A-and don't give me the, I was young and didn't know any better, okay? I got all that from your grandma." Her eyes screwed shut in realization. "Who is here, by the way. Is that why you brought up what you did?"

No. Everything was turning on me. I felt doom settle in my chest. "No." I started to feel choked up. "I don't know why I did."

"You wanted her to hear this and then comfort you." She stared at me in disbelief. "You're not a child anymore, Parker. Your grandma shouldn't even be here. I don't know what kind of validation you need, but get over it!"

Her words crowded my mind and I couldn't make one thought. "I'm sorry," I whispered brokenly in reflex. I wish we had never talked. I wanted my apology to set her calm again. "I-I'm sorry," I repeated. She took a step closer to me and I closed my eyes.

"Grandma agreed to help me pay for your college. You got good grades in high school and could easily leave here." Her voice was tight. "I'm done with this waiting shit."

I heard my moms footsteps get more distant and grandma calling after her.

-

I felt queasy as I got in my car. I wasn't sure where I was going. I thought about calling Florencio. Well, what the hell was I supposed to say? I threw my bag in the backseat and started to drive.

I was a responsible driver, I'd like to think, but the stress was making me speed.

I wanted to scream. I wracked my brain for someone to talk to.

Gina. Of course! She liked to talk a lot, that's what I needed right now.

I reached into the backseat and fumbled around for my phone in my bag. My eyes moved back and forth between the road and the backseat.

I swerved slightly. Cars honked at me.

Finally! I grasped my phone and sat back right.

I clicked some random things until I was calling Gina.

"Hello?" She sounded breathless. "Peter, stop it, you creep!"

"Are you busy? Sorry." Whatever, fine. I could rant to myself or not care about some stupid fear I had and just call Florencio.

"No! Don't hang up. It's okay. Stay on the line." Some footsteps, a door shut. "What's up, babe?"

I adjusted the phone so it was squashed between my cheek and shoulder.

"It's my mom," I confessed.

Gina sighed, just knowing.

"Fuck her," she said immediately.

My hands tightened on the steering wheel. "Don't say that about her."

Gina laughed. "Are you kidding me? You're so full of shit, Parker."

"I didn't even say anything!" Was the car in front going too slow? He was. I cut him off.

"You're trying to make up some bullshit reason for her actions."

"You don't even know what happened."

"She said something that hurt your feelings, you can't possibly be mad at mom, and now you're depressed."

I didn't say anything.

"Full of it," she confirmed.

"Enlighten me then," I said bitterly. "My mom was basically saying that about me earlier."

"Ugh, um, well, you're smart, strong, and kind— which isn't a bad thing, but you're too kind. You've been waiting for your mom to turn around your whole life. She's not going to. So stop being stuck in her shit and get the fuck up."

"Gina," I mumbled. My eyes started to burn. I looked around for somewhere to go. The freeway. Yeah, okay.

"Get up," she spelt out.

"I can't," I managed to let out. Gina didn't say anything and I figured she was waiting for me to continue. "I just— just love my mom," I said, my voice thick. "That's why I deal with her. There's not much family that I have." Once grandma went back to Florida, I was alone again. "I need someone to love me back." Pathetic. "I'm messed up, Gina. I'm not..." I tried to search for the right word. "Developed in some areas. I seek her validation like a child because I am one."

She even called you a baby once.

Tears filled my eyes and they started to overflow. The phone was slipping. I tried adjusting it by moving my cheek around.

"I want what she hasn't given me. I need it from her." I sounded crazy. "She's broken me down to some anxious, self loathing person and I've accepted it because I think one day she'll be satisfied with me. I'm waiting for her to be happy with the daughter she's created. I want her to look at me and finally see what she wants." I breathed out. That felt so good to get out. My phone falling to the floor interrupted my bliss. I cursed and reached for it. Car horns blasted. I tired to ignore it.

It kept going.

Going.

My hand moved faster, fingers trembled with the fear of my eyes being off the road for so long.

Going.

"God, what!?" I got back up too harshly and moved the steering wheel. My heart lurched into my throat, eyes bulged, forehead broke into a sweat. I was about to hit a car. My reflexes kicked back in and I barely made it. I heard a noise as our car doors scratched slightly.

I shakily pressed the phone to my ear. "Gina I'm such an idiot, I dropped my phone and reached for it! I almost hit a car."

No response.

"Gina?" I pulled the phone away and the screen was black. "What the...?" I got off the freeway and stopped at a gas station.

A text message from Gina popped up.

You hung up on me? Are you okay?

I groaned and pressed my forehead to the steering wheel.

-

"Where's Parker?"

I looked at Sam quizzically. "Why would she be here?" We were sitting on the couch, talking about I don't remember what now.

"I thought she lived here now." He put his hands up in defense. "So don't look at me like that. Hell, I thought you guys were married."

I took a deep breath. "No." My phone buzzed wildly in my phone.

Text messages from Valeria. My mother.

"Whats wrong?" Sam came up next to me, concerned. My face paled as I read the messages. He hit me. "You gotta tell me what she's saying, Florencio."

"There's someone outside," I translated. "I've been seeing people. I know people are following me. I noticed two months ago. I tried to ignore it but..." she stopped sending messages after that. All of my senses left.

I always knew what to do, thought on my feet.

Fuck, but I had no idea what to do now.

"Call David," I said as calmly as I could. "I know he has people in Mexico right now. Tell them to guard an area."

Sam scratched the back of his head. "Florencio... they're gonna know this isn't about drugs. You can't throw them off—"

"I don't care," I nearly growled. "Like I give a shit if I mess them up. Tell David I'll pay him whatever he wants. Anything. I just need someone there now. When I get there they can leave."

Sam gave me an unreadable look. "The flight is what, four hours? You still need to find a flight, drive to the airport." Sam grabbed me as I tried to leave the house. "Think straight! We don't know who this "stalker" is. If it's been happening for this long, nothing will happen tonight. Fucking think."

I texted Valeria back.

Don't go outside. Lock the doors.

Her response pissed me off.

Your dad was like this. Always in danger. Why?

I didn't text back. She just needed to be safe. Nothing more.

"You went to see her a month ago," Sam said. "Did you see anything, notice anything?"

I shook my head. "No, I— Parker. She was with me." I called Parker hurriedly.

"F-Florencio," she stuttered. "Hi."

She sounded scared.

"What happened?" I was instantly flooded with concern for her. Valeria got pushed to the back of my mind.

"I was almost in a car accident right now. I-it was my fault. I was on the phone and it fell..."

"That's ironic," I replied dryly.

She let out a frustrated sound. "Don't. Not right now. What do you want? I'm trying to calm down."

I want to be there with you. I want to be the one to calm you down, help you feel safe.

Valeria popped up again.

"When we were in Puebla, did you see anybody? Did anyone talk to you? If so, tell me right now."

She hesitated. "No, but when we were outside your moms apartment, this man came up to the car and asked who I was here with." A shaky breath. "He tried to get in the car."

I should've forced her to come with me, even knowing she was in a bad mood. Even knowing Valeria was out of it.

"Did you tell him my name?" I didn't think who would be there, but, they obviously had to want something from me. Valeria did nothing.

"No. Why? What's going on?" She sounded even more stressed and scared.

"Fuck. Nothing. Just..." I ran a hand through my hair. What were the next steps? "Just come here. I need to know you're okay."

I heard a sniffle. "Yeah, okay. I can come. Bye."

"I—" she hung up before I could finish that sentence.

I turned around and Sam looked livid. "Are you serious? I know your mom is in trouble and you're stressed right now, but don't let her come. You can't control what's happening in Mexico, so don't try and control what's here." Sam knew he was right. "You're not in the right headspace either."

I ignored him and retreated to the privacy of my room.

I wanted the good, calm feeling she put in me.

Words were trapped in my throat. I wanted to talk, to her.

Grabbing my phone, I called David. Somebody had to.

-

Maybe this was a good thing. I had wanted to talk to Florencio, now he was inviting me, but something was wrong with him. My feelings were shoved deep down, into a box I didn't know I had. Right now, all I wanted to do was talk to Florencio.

The nervousness in my belly dissipated. I had the dream he would spill everything to me. I wanted him to know I was a vault. Anything he said I would cherish.

Pulling up to his house, I got out of the car and practically ran up to the door. Florencio answered almost immediately.

"Hi," he said breathily. "Whats wrong?"

With me? Why was he asking that?

"Nothing," I lied. "What wrong with you, your mom?"

He pulled me inside. Sam was the first thing I saw.

"Does she know?" He crossed his arms over his broad chest.

I wasn't wanted here.

Just like with my mother.

I desperately tried to climb back up the brick wall to avoid falling into my dark pit of feelings.

"She was there," Florencio said harshly. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the kitchen. It was somewhat farther away from the living room, but I couldn't see how it would seclude us.

The kitchen seemed too bright. Florencio was pale.

I walked closer to him and grabbed his hands. "Whats happening with your mom?"

His grip tightened on mine. "She says she's been being followed for the past two months, and didn't say anything."

"Does she know what you do?" I asked carefully. I don't know why I asked that, it didn't relate to anything he said.

He let go of me and I wished I hadn't said anything. "She does and doesn't like it." He bit his lip. "She tries to say things, but it just doesn't work. I can't leave this." A strangled breath left him. "Jesus, and I feel like such a fucking asshole for thinking that I'm all she has. My money, my time, my empty promises." He leaned onto his elbows on the counter.

"Do you know who would follow her?" The words should have seemed absurd, but with my father and just Florencio in general, this was almost normal.

"What did he look like, the man who came up to the car?" He asked suddenly.

"H-he was young, white. He didn't even have a backpack." I couldn't remember, that's all I knew

Florencio was under this new type of pressure I didn't know. He was brought out of his state when his phone buzzed. His eyes looked over the screen over and over.

"Rudy has had people in Mexico for months," he said quietly. "I have to go."

"Oh."

What was I supposed to do with myself here, I don't know, but his mom was important. I couldn't go home either. I didn't even want to look at my mom right now.

"Parker, I'm sorry. You can stay here." He looked distracted.

I needed help too. We were a cluster of things I couldn't describe.

Florencio came up to me and kissed my cheek. "I..." he grabbed my hands.

"It's okay," I said softly. "Go."

-

I sat down on the couch, tense.

Sam sat next to me, sighing loudly. "Florencio's mom is using him."

My head snapped to his. "Excuse me?"

He wiped his mouth. "She wants money. Florencio has it. She tries to parent him, but fails miserably."

"You don't know her," I defended.

"Florencio knows this," he stated. "He wanted a mom, he got one. He told you she stole when she was younger? Yeah, she never broke out of that. He never really talks to her. He just wants her there to know he has a mom. It seems cruel to say all this, but I've seen this pattern with my parents. Mom is money hungry and dads the one who's got the cash." He got up and made his way to the front door. "Once again though, this isn't my story to tell. You're just getting surface shit, cutie."

-