I grasped my stinging cheek and ran into the bathroom. I stared at the thin cut that was gushing out more blood then it should be.

She didn't mean to. You made her mad. Why'd you touch her things? You know she needs her pills, she's told you so many times.

But she's never done that before.

I pressed toilet paper to my cheek and decided that what she did wasn't normal. I was too shocked to be hurt. Maybe it'd strike me later. I took deep breaths to keep myself calm.

"Where's Parker?" I heard my grandma ask mom. The bathroom doorknob jiggled and I flinched. "Parker?" Grandmas soothing voice cooed. "Come out."

"No," I immediately replied. What if she was still mad? Mom was always sad and mad, but she never touched me. "I don't want to."

"Grace, your daughter is scared of you." My grandmas voice was suddenly strong. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Mom screamed and it sounded muffled. "She was touching my shit! I tell her not to and she does anyways!"

"She's only nine, Grace. She's trying to help her mom who hit her. She loves you even after everything you put her through!"

I liked everything grandma said. She knew what I intended. She wouldn't touch me.

I opened the door slowly and my moms bloodshot eyes snapped to mine. Sick butterflies erupted in my stomach as she lurched for the doorknob. I closed it quickly and accidentally smashed her fingers.

I screamed and opened the door. The second she had her hand gone, I slammed the door shut again.

Would she hit me again because I hurt her? I didn't mean to. Tears spilled down my cheeks. What she did to me wasn't an accident. She wanted to and did.

"God she looks just like him!" Mom cried. "How do you expect me to live with her? She's just like him. Look at my fucking hand."

-

I woke up choking. My throat felt tight. I sat up and coughed viciously into my blanket.

A strong, warm hand rubbed my back.

"Honey," Florencio's voice was soft. "Breathe. In and out."

I sucked in messy breaths. My eyes burned and I blinked harshly, letting the tears fall.

His thumb wiped away my nightmare teardrops.

I shoved myself into him. I wasn't crying anymore, but my wet face stained his shirt.

"My mom was depressed," I mumbled into his shirt. "Don't ask about it." That was all I needed to say to set my heartbeat back to normal. I never talked about my moms life after my dad. If I kept thinking about it though, I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Florencio's hands pressed into me hardly, it hurt, but it reminded me someone was here.

I heard a car door slam. I looked at the digital clock on my nightstand.

"I'm sorry I was asleep for so long," I apologized. What if he had things to do? "You should've woken me up."

"I don't care." A gentle kiss was placed on my cheek. "Your mom is here."

I tried to mentally prepare myself for her presence.

"I can't stand her," I admitted, feeling like a horrible daughter. "She hates me." It was true. She didn't want me anymore. What was wrong with me? She used to love me.

"My dad—"

Florencio was cut off when my door opened.

My mom stood there, paint on her shirt.

"Why is he in your bed and why are you crying?" She asked angrily. Her gaze averted to Florencio. "I was nice to you once. Don't get comfortable. I want you to leave. Now." She harsh tone didn't affect Florencio.

"I was just leaving, Ms. Rose." Florencio got up.

"Ms. Sander," she corrected him.

She never used her maiden name. My head pulsed and I couldn't find the energy in me to call her out on her bull.

"Mom," I said weakly. "Stop. Nothing happened. I had a bad dream."

"That again, Parker? I thought those stopped when you turned fourteen." She sounded stressed. I couldn't look at Florencio, embarrassed such private information about me was being presented to him.

"Please just listen to me," I begged. This was definitely my lowest point. "Nothing happened." The words weren't forming. I didn't realize my teeth were cutting into my lip until blood dripped onto my pants.

I wiped it away.

My mom stalked towards me and I crawled back. She gripped my face, pulling me forward and rubbed my lip, getting rid of the blood.

"Is this the shit you're pulling right now? You're acting like a baby. Your boyfriend is right there. Apologize." Her eyes pierced into mine.

The fear for my mom had diluted over the years, but it suddenly resurfaced. I wish I had never asked Florencio about his parents. It brought up memories of my mom I hated.

"I don't like you," I spat. "You're so mean to me." My words were weak. No impact. Not much meaning, but it was a lot for me. Twelve year old me would be cheering me on. I settled on doing this for her.

Her face turned red. "Mean to you?Everything I do is for you! Who's car is that that you drive? Mine. Who bought you those clothes? Me. Who cuts your damn hair? Me!" Remembering she had an audience, she turned to Florencio. "Get out!" She yelled. Her composure was slipping. "Leave us alone!"

Florencio left the room, giving me a look I didn't understand.

"Why can't you just stop holding onto crap? I've made it up, I've given you a good life."

Her words made me so mad.

"You've ruined me," I whispered. "I have no idea who I am and it's your fault." I pressed my face to my knees so I couldn't see her.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

She huffed. "Be like that then. I'm leaving for a few hours. Have it together when I come back."

When she left the room, I broke down. It was an ugly cry. One that made you think I was dying. It felt like that.

I just wanted my mom. I gave her my love, my trust, and she abused it.

I heard footsteps and my eyes screwed shut. If it was my mom again, she could yell at me like this.

My head bowed down slightly, waiting for her words to pour over me, coating me in hatred.

A hand touched my shoulder and I jerked.

"Parker. Come here."

I threw myself at Florencio.

"I'm not who you think I am," I sobbed. My eyes felt swollen from all the tears. "I have so much hate in me. I'm not nice at all." I hiccuped. "I'm just like my mom."

"You can't be. You would never treat people how she treats you." His arms squeezed me until it was hard to breathe. "You're so much more than her."

"Don't tell me that," I said bitterly. Everyone said crap like that, but I knew it was just for show.

He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back, forcing me to look at him.

"I'm telling you this because no one ever told me." His fingers burned into my skin.

"You are more than your mother."

Each word was emphasized.

-

Florencio told me I was coming back to his house. I said no, claiming I was too much of a bother. It had only been three weeks since our vacation. Did he want me back in his space again so soon?

"Honey, Just— just get in the car."

I stood in front of the passengers door, awkwardly holding a bag Florencio packed for me.

"What if you change your mind?" I protested softly. This whole day was moving too quickly for me. Me and mom fell apart within minutes and now I just had to keep going? It felt cruel the world didn't stop and give me a break.

Florencio kissed my lips until I responded. He pulled back.

"Why do you make me say things?" He murmured. "I want to. Get in the car."

I decided not to think too much about what he said and got in the car. My feelings for Florencio bloomed into something I couldn't explain. I was still so insecure about us.

On the way to his house I said, "I want another tattoo." I needed to distract myself with small talk.

He smiled slightly. "Of what?"

I shrugged. "I don't know but I know it's going on my ribcage." I've always wanted one there.

"Okay." He made a turn I was unfamiliar with.

"Not now!" I blurted, scared we were going to a shop now. "I just...maybe..." My chest heaved.

He grabbed my hand and pinched my fingers, then held it tightly.

"Breathe," he reminded me.

I nodded, doing so.

I wasn't sure how long I'd be upset over this situation. I hated being upset really, I waited desperately for the moment I was done.

That was unrealistic though. I needed to take my sadness and treat it the best way I could.

I looked at the time. Nearly eight.

"I want to sleep," I mumbled, closing my eyes. "If I wake up with a tattoo," I teased tiredly.

Florencio didn't smile. "Be aware then."

His joke was meant to ease my nerves, but it just set me off again.

I was always on high alert. I think no matter what, I would always look for an excuse to be scared.

-