{30 I will never be like everyone else

Your POV

''See you later guys,'' You wave your friends goodbye and leave the small coffee shop where the three of you enjoyed a coffee together. Today was Saturday and you had a whole day of working at the cafe ahead of you but you had met up with the girls before work to tell them about your evening with Yoongi yesterday. They always wanted to know everything that happened between the two of you and you couldn't even blame them if one of had them found their soulmate you wanted to know everything too.

After a short subway ride, you arrive at the little cafe you work, when you enter your colleagues greet you with a smile. You put on your apron and start your day of work. The cafe you work at is small and most guests are old people who just come to drink a cup of tea or coffee, it's a little boring sometimes but the boss pays well. So when the bell rings and you see a boy and girl holding hands enter the cafe you look at them surprised, not expecting a young couple to enter the cafe. Then you gather yourself and bow politely to them.

''Welcome,'' you say with a bright smile, but you can't help staring at their intertwined hand, which somehow reminds you of the time you spent with Yoongi yesterday. The couple greets you back and sits down at the table near the window. The whole time you follow them with your eyes, you can't help but look. They are so happy laughing, smiling and it makes you feel a little lonely. You're a little jealous of them because you realize all too well that you will never be like them.

You will never be able to go to a restaurant with Yoongi holding his hand, laughing, smiling.

You will never be able to casually walk around hand in hand, nowhere, not in a park, not in the street, not anywhere outside.

You will never be able to go out in public with him, it would be too risky.

Yeah, maybe, in the long run, he will tell the world that the two of you are together, soulmates even maybe, but still, you will be followed and shared with the world. Always and everywhere some camera lurking behind the bushes.

Waiting...

And watching...

Yoongi's every move...

Your every move...

Waiting for Yoongi or you to slip up, to do something you're not supposed to do and create a scandal. Even a little peck on the lips would be shared with millions of fans.

Even now, no one even knows you exist. His work means everything to him and if you would make him chose, not that you would ever do that, but if you would, you were quite sure he would his career. It was his life, it was he had spent years worth of blood, sweat, and tears on to come this far. A girl he barely knows, soulmate or not, would never be able to come between him and his dreams. So even now, you had no other choice than to share with millions of fans all around the world. He would never even be yours, would he? Those were the consequences of dating an idol, you knew this when you said you wanted to be with him. You knew what the Kpop world was like, you have been a fan for years and had seen how couples are treated in the Kpop world. Even if the couple announces they are soulmates they are not always accepted, sometimes even not believed at all. Why were you thinking like this? It hadn't bothered you before, then why was it now? It was ridiculous. Besides, wasn't this what you wanted? A man who is independent so you could be independent too, where you wouldn't rely on each other, be able to keep your freedom. You don't even really know why you felt so sad watching the happy couple, usually, you were fine being on your own. You liked being on your own. Then why did it feel so lonely?

You are taken back to reality by your phone buzzing in the pocket of your apron, it's a message from Yoongi.

Yoongi: Are you alright? Did you feel a little... lonely?

Should you tell him what had been on your mind? You could lie about it but he would never believe it if you say everything is fine, he can feel something is off. Maybe it's better to just tell the truth? No, it's fine you can deal with this, I shouldn't bother him with it. You promised him You could deal with it, You're strong, you can do it.

You: It's nothing, I'm fine.

Yoongi: No it's not I can feel you are not fine, you know you can tell me anything, right?

You: It's really nothing, don't worry about it.

Yoongi: if it's really nothing you can tell me about it.

''Y/n!'' You hear your boss call from the kitchen.

You: Just don't worry about it, I'm working I have to go now. My boss is calling me.

You put your phone back in your pocket without waiting for a reply and hurry over to the kitchen. Even though you had told Yoongi that he shouldn't worry about it you know all too well it's all that he is doing the rest of the day. It was your fault for lying to him, but were you lying? You hadn't felt bothered by it before it was just a flash of thought nothing more. Still, you could feel him being worried and stressed, it bothered you that you were the one that caused that. You knew you had to talk about it with him, but you were working and so was he.

It's 9 pm when you finally get off work and go home, it's just a 5 min walk to your apartment and you enjoy the fresh air on your face. When you get back home you can feel that Yoongi is still worried about you, it hadn't even bothered you that much. Yeah, you had felt a little jealous and lonely but it was nothing you weren't able to handle on your own. Yoongi hadn't sent another message and that bothered you more then what had happened that afternoon because it meant he has been bottling it up. You decide that it's better, to tell the truth anyway and settle this. So you dial his number on your phone.

''Yes?'' He asks in a sharp annoyed voice.

''H-hi,'' You reply startled by his sharp tone, ''Am I disturbing you?''

''Oh, y/n'' His voice immediately changes and sounds much softer and more relaxed than before. ''Sorry, I've had a stressful day, I thought it would again be someone asking something of me.''

''It's alright,'' you reply, ''I just got home, can you talk for a moment?''

''Yeah sure, '' Yoongi replies, ''Just one moment.''

''Okay,'' You reply and hear him typing something on a computer on the other side of the line and then he's back.

''Okay, so what 's up'' Yoongi asks.

''What's going on?'' You asked. ''You've been worried and stressed the whole day.''

Yoongi sighed deeply on the other end.

''It's just first I felt that you were having a little bit of trouble this afternoon and then I also got some trouble with work and things just went from bad to worse today,'' Yoongi replied. ''I'm just having a little bit of a bad day.''

''Oh, You reply, ''what happened at work?''

So it hadn't just been you, it had started with you. That was another thing with this soulmate bond even though you can feel what the other is feeling you don't always know why. Sometimes you do like at first you knew he was worried about you but when the stress of his work interfered the feelings stayed kind of the same for you, so you weren't aware that the situation had changed.

''They want me to speed up the production process for the songs of the new album because they want to release it a month earlier so that is released right after the new Bboygroup BigHit is debuting soon,'' Yoongi explains, ''In that way, they hope to maximize the sales. It puts a lot of pressure on me because I'm nowhere near finished.''

''I believe in you Yoongi,'' You tell him and are surprised to feel that isn't doesn't calm him in the least bit, opposite even maybe.

''That's what everyone says,'' He replies and you can hear the stress in his voice, ''But what if I can't, what if I don't..''

''Then you don't,'' You reply, ''Worst case scenario you don't make it on time and then? They will surely not fire you, they couldn't even, you're Suga of BTS and irreplaceable. And even if they did, your worldwide famous and rich you can do whatever you would want. ''

This time you knew you said something right, you can feel his stress ever so slightly ebb away.

''Best case scenario you will make it on time and it will be the best album ever.'' You continue.

''you're something,'' Yoongi chuckles, ''But you know I do feel a little bit better, thanks.''

''No problem,'' You reply, ''Anything for you.''

''I have to go back to work though, '' Yoongi says, ''I'll talk to you later.''

''Okay,'' You reply and hang up the phone.

You're happy you were able to help Yoongi feel a little better, but you can still feel his stress and worry. Just because of a few kind words the problem wasn't solved. Still, you were glad that your little lie wasn't the reason he was feeling so stressed. It even made you feel better about your white lie if you would have told him the truth he probably would have been more stressed and maybe even feel guilty, no it was better like this. You could handle this on your own.

---

I am back with another update!!! I hope you guys like it :). Things are happening! &)

Also when I watched the new Run! BTS episode on Tuesday I noticed that Jungkook had in a lot of earrings! And I am so in love with them!! I even noticed he had 3 in one ear and 4 in the other, didn't use to have 3 on both sides? Did he get a new one?

PS: I miss his helix piercings T_T I wonder if he still has them.

Are you guys going to watch the new BTS movie Bring The Soul in the cinema??? I went today and it was amazing!!!! I even got a little emotional at a few points, they were saying such meaningful things. I'm currently going to a little rough point in life, I can't seem to keep or get a job and my money is slowly running out. Next, to that, all my friends live on the other side of the country (where I used to live but was forced to move back in with my parents because I couldn't afford to live on my own without a job). To top it all off, my boyfriend has been abroad for a year now he will soon be back and I'm already stressing about it because this year has been rough and lonely I know I have changed emotionally and physically (I've gained a little weight.) And I'm just not sure how this year apart will change our relationship. Okay, I've just told you all my struggles in life XD. Are you guys also struggling in life? As I am getting older, I feel the pressure of getting control of my life, you know get a steady job, a house, marry get children, etc.. And I am not near accomplishing any of those things in my life and sometimes feel like I should have done better. I just don't know where it went the wrong XD.

ps: Don't get me wrong I'm not necessarily unhappy or depressed it just going through a rough patch, I'm sure if I work hard I will get somewhere, someday, somehow. Bring The Soul motivated me again to work hard and stop sitting on butt feeling sorry for myself and instead get off my butt and start doing stuff. Working out more, sending in applications for a job and especially calling to the companies about my application (something I particularly hate.... but seems to be the way to get a job, at least that's what everyone is telling..) Sometimes I fell like extroverts have a huge benefit in this world.....

Random character fact:

You are a naturally light sleeper and on average wake up at least three times a night, but before you met Yoongi, you never had any trouble falling asleep again. Your morning ritual usually was snoozing your alarm and sleeping until you get up too late, yet again.