October 30th, 1984

Byers House

"Think fast!"

Pushing Wills door open with my shoulder, I tossed the bag of skittles onto his lap causing him to quickly drop the green crayon he was using to color in his sketchbook.

"Thanks." He said with a small smile, though it quickly faded as he looked back down at what he was drawing. "Hey, what's wrong?" Walking over to his bed, I kneeled next to him to be at eye level with the small boy.

Shrugging, he stayed quiet and only kept his eyes on his sketch. "Hey guys, I didn't know what movies to pick. Brought a variety." Jonathan came through the door, holding three different VHS tapes.

"Whatever you want." Will muttered, shrugging the question off. Jonathan and I could both tell that something was wrong with our younger brother. Will had started having off days once school had started, but he refused to talk about the issue with us.

"Alright, what are you guys talking about?" Walking over to us, Jonathan sat at the foot of the bed. "I was asking him what he was working on." I told him as I tilted the sketchbook in my direction to get a look at the page.

"Whoa..." I whispered under my breath. On the page, he had drawn himself as a decayed zombie in the woods, and at the bottom of the page he had underlined the words 'Zombie Boy'.

"Zombie Boy? Who's Zombie Boy?" Jonathan asked as I moved the sketch in his view. "Me."

"Are kids calling you that?" I asked, only Will didn't respond this time, only staring down at his lap.

"Hey, you can talk to us. You know that, right? Whatever happened, we're here. Will, come on?" Jonathan tried, causing Will's grip to noticeably tighten on his crayon.

"Stop treating me like this." He finally spit out, looking up at the two of us. "Like what?" I asked, placing my hand on his. "Like everyone else. Like there's something wrong with me."

"What are you talking about?" Jonathan tried to understand. "Mom, Dustin, Lucas. Everyone. They all treat me like I'm gonna break. Like I'm a baby. Like I can't handle things on my own. It doesn't help. It just makes me feel like more of a freak."

"You're not a freak." I stated but he shook his head. "Yeah, I am."

"You know what? You're right. You are a freak." Jonathan stated, sitting cross-legged in front of Will.

"What?" Will asked, sadness growing in his eyes at Jonathan's words. "No, I'm serious. You're a freak. But, do you wanna be normal? Do you wanna be like everyone else?"

Wills look changed slowly from sadness to confusion. "Being a freak is the best. I'm a freak, Nell's a freak." Jonathan said it almost too enthusiastically.

"Is that why you guys don't have any friends?" Will asked, the confused looked on his face almost caused me to laugh. "Will, we have friends, that's not the point." I stated with a roll of my eyes.

"Then why do you guys always hang out with me?"

"Because you're our best friend, all right? And we would rather be friends with Zombie Boy than with a boring nobody." Jonathan tried to reassure Will, though the boy stayed confused.

"Here, who would you rather be friends with? Bowie or Kenny Rogers?" I asked and Will shook his head at the choice, "Ugh."

"Exactly. It's no contest. The thing is, nobody normal ever accomplished anything meaningful in this world. You got it?" Jonathan finished and Will nodded slowly. "Well, some people like Kenny Rogers."

"Kenny Rogers?" Mom's new boyfriend, Bob, asked as he walked through Wills door. "I love Kenny Rogers."

Jonathan and I quietly laughed while Bob picked up the tapes Jonathan had put down. "What's so funny?" Bob asked Jonathan and me as he flipped through the tapes. "Nothing." I stated with a shrug.

"Oh, Mr. Mom? That's perfect!" Bob flashed us an excited smile before stepping back out of Will's room.

This seemed to be enough to make Will finally crack a smile as Jonathan and I laughed at his choice for the movie night.

Standing up from his bed, Will followed Bob out of the room while I grabbed the other two films Jonathan had chosen. "Gross. You never choose anything good." I mumbled to him.

Scoffing at the remark, Jonathan grabbed the tapes out of my hand with a roll of his eyes. "Right, 'cause you'd chosen something better." He stated sarcastically as we stepped out of the room. "Even with the horror movie ban, I have still better taste than you." I stated. "Whatever."

~~~

Most nights, I find it difficult to fall asleep.

So many thoughts run through my head, it overwhelms me so much that it drives away any hope I have of falling asleep.

The sleep issue was new, though the thoughts that drove it had been around since the events of last year.

Pulling myself out of darkness, I opened my eyes to look around my moonlit room. The light casting through my window cast shadows on my carpeted floor.

Getting out of my bed, I quietly made my way towards my dresser. Opening the top draw carefully, afraid to wake either of the boys sleeping in the rooms on either side of me.

Moving aside the papers that I discarded in the drawer, my eyes landed on the poorly-tapped together photograph of Steve and me through the open blinds of his window.

A rapid knock sounded against my window causing me to jump away from the photo and quickly slide the drawer closed.

Turning around I found the source of the knocking to be a very tired-looking Steve Harrington.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered to the boy as I slide open the window. "What were you doing?" He asked raising his eyebrows, a smirk slowly spread across his lips as he leaned against the frame that divided us.

"Nothing, I was just bored." I lied quickly. "What are you doing here?" I asked him the same question again only to receive a shrug in response, "Just you know, checking in." He waved his hand for me to move away from the window so that he could climb through.

"You could have called. You can't keep sneaking in like this." I crossed my arms over my chest as he pulled himself through the frame. "Why not?" He asked with a cheeky grin.

"You could get in trouble, I could get in trouble. I don't know, I'm sure there are endless reasons." I shrugged as he sat down on my bed and smiled up at me.

"Screw it." He shrugged, "I wanted to talk to you, and I don't know I'd rather see you than talk over the phone."

Nodding, I let out a sigh and sat beside Steve on the bed. "Okay, so you snuck out of your house to talk?" I asked, quirking up my eyebrow. "Basically." "Right, then what did you want to talk about?"

"You. Are you okay? I feel like you've been avoiding me." As Steve spoke, he stared deeply into my eyes as if he was looking for something.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Steve. Is Nancy okay? No matter how I act around you, she always notices something." Shaking his head, he placed his hand on mine. "I'm not talking about Nancy."

"Shouldn't we though? You're her boyfriend, I'm her best friend. But here you are sneaking through my window and not hers. Does that not seem completely wrong to you?"

With annoyance growing evident in my voice, Steve shook his head again, "I just don't want you to think you have to pretend around me. I see you. I see how you bury your feelings. It's okay."

"It's not okay. Okay, Steve. None of it is. Far from, actually. All I feel is guilt." Pulling my hand away from his, I ran it through my hair.

"You have nothing to feel guilty over, Nellie." I shook my head, letting out a small bitter laugh. "I wish. So many things would be different if I just made the right decisions."

"Right decisions?" He asked as I shut my eyes trying to stop the tears from escaping, "I shouldn't have gone to your house that night."

"Nellie, it's okay. Don't say that." Steve stopped me by placing his hands on my shoulders but I continued. "Steve, it's not okay. Nothing is. It's more than just you and I, none of this would matter if I just walked Will home that night, everything would be so much simpler."

"Okay, what if in a different world you did, do you really think it'd be any better." He asked, pulling my hand back into his. "Wills safety will always sound better, his disappearance changed everything."

"But you can't blame yourself for everything that happened after."

"Steve, my mom practically lost her mind after Will disappeared. Jonathan can't look at me the same since he found out about you and me, and Wills traumatized-"

Steve cut me off by grabbing the sides of my face, "Stop blaming yourself." He whispered, still looking deeply into my eyes. Before I could realize what he was doing, Steve pulled his lips down onto mine.

I felt frozen, almost as frozen as the first time Steve had kissed me. Only this time I couldn't find it in me to kiss back, even as he laid me down on the bed, I couldn't even find it in me to stop him. But I quickly came to the realization that Steve had yet to notice my lack of enthusiasm as he moved on top of me.

Pushing him away, I stood up from the bed running my hands through my hair. "Are you serious? You can't keep doing that, Steve." Letting a tear fall, I quickly wiped it away. "I can't keep doing this to Nancy. You can't keep doing this." I cried, clasping my hands in front of me desperately.

"What do you want though, Nell?" He stood up from his spot on the bed, placing a hand on my cheek. "What do I want? Steve, this isn't just my choice. What do you want?"

"I don't want to hurt Nancy." He stated after we stood for a minute in silence. "That doesn't answer the question." I whispered, staring into his eyes now, looking for an answer.

"I don't know." He whispered slowly, "I think you should go..." I whispered, placing my hand on top of his before moving it away from my cheek.

"I wish things were different." He tried to explain himself, but he struggled with finding the right words. "I wish we were different." He finished, looking from between my eyes and back down to my lips.

"I really think you should leave..." I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself.

"I'm sorry, Nellie..."

~~~

"Three, Two, One." Jonathan counted down before the flash of his camera went off as he took a picture of Will in his ghostbuster costume.

"Now, hold up the proton blaster." Jonathan stated before capturing another photo of Will. "You did a really good job this year mom." I commented as Will posed for another picture in his suit.

"I got you something too." She whispered to me, before pulling out the final piece to my costume. "You got the glove?" I asked shocked that she had purchased the piece rather than trying to make it like everything else.

"I didn't exactly know how to make it, and it seemed important." Nodding, I pulled mom into a hug while Jonathan showed Will the pictures.

"Can I bike to school today?" Will asked mom as we started making our way outside to go to school. "Will, I don't think that's a good idea." She said sadly and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"What about tonight? For trick or treating, can it just be me with the boys? None of them have to go with their parents. It's a familiar neighborhood and I won't be alone." Will practically begged mom as she opened the passenger door for him.

"I'm sorry Will, it's just too soon. Besides what's wrong with Jonathan and Nell being with you?" She asked as he sat down in the passenger seat.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that..." I spoke up before she closed the door. "Nancy wanted to hang out tonight, she invited Jonathan too..." Mom looked between Jonathan and me.

"Are you asking to not stay with your brother tonight?" She asked, furrowing her brow as Will sat behind her nodding his head with a grin on his face. "No. No way." She shook her head, closing Wills door.

"Well, what if I just take him? Nancy really wanted Nell there." Jonathan asked.

Placing her hands on her hips, she thought about it for a second before speaking, "Okay. Fine, but you get home before midnight."

Nodding I smiled up at Jonathan before turning back to her, "Deal."

~~~

Sitting in the silent library, I kept awkwardly fidgeting my pencil between my fingers while I tried to keep my eyes focused on the text in front of me.

This wouldn't prove to be difficult if it wasn't for the prying eyes of Steve and Nancy. With Nancy constantly looking around the room in a sort of hidden panic, and Steve looking from her to me every few minutes.

Soon Nancy stood from her seat, grabbing her dull pencil and making her way to the wall that held the sharpener. "Is she okay?" I whispered to Steve, whose eyes had also followed the girl away. "I don't know... she's been weird since last night."

"Did you talk to her?" I asked, now facing him but the question hung in the air until he slowly stood up as well. "I should probably check on her." He mumbled, avoiding the question before quickly making his way towards her.

"Trouble in paradise?" Jumping at the voice that sounded by my ear, I turned around to be met by the piercing blue eyes of the new guy, Billy Hargrove.

"It's none of my business, or yours." I shrugged the boy off, turning back to my physics textbook.

Not taking the hint, Billy slid into the chair next to me that Nancy had sat in earlier. "I was talking about you and King Steve." He whispered to me again, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Gross." I stated, rolling my eyes at the remark. I looked away from my book, meeting his gaze again, "And still, none of your business." I stated with a fake smile turning away from him again, the figures of Steve and Nancy walking into one of the study rooms caught my eye.

"You know Byers, I've heard a lot about you around school, people talk." He continued talking while I watched as Nancy and Steve spoke through the open blinds of the study room. "People tend to do that." I mumbled not paying mind to the boys prying eyes.

"I don't buy into what they say about you. Being a lesbian, a freak." Rolling my eyes, I turned back towards Billy whose smirk had fallen. "I'm touched, really." I stated blandly, turning back to the window to watch Steve walk towards the glass, making eye contact with me before shutting the blinds.

Billy released a sharp breath as he followed the path of my gaze. "That's gotta hurt." He mumbled to me before scooting his chair closer to mine. "Do you really think you deserve to be shut out like that?" He questioned me, a smirk playing on his lips.

Ignoring the searing pain in my chest, I watched as the study room doors opened, Steve and Nancy walking out, with Nancy looking like she was teetering the line between exploding or imploding while Steve's gaze moved from Nancy's back to glare at the boy beside me.

"What do you say, Byers?" He questioned, flashing me a dazzling grin that I'm sure worked on most girls. "I'd say you're in my friends' seat." I scoffed finally, swallowing the pain our little discussion caused me before waving him away and going back to my textbook.

I spent the rest of my study period avoiding Nancy and Steve's questioning gaze and the prying eyes of Billy Hargrove.