Sometimes I want to touch you

But wonder where your hands have been

And when your lips are on mine

I feel her then

Am I good enough

To be here instead

Am I doing anything right

Do you wish it was her

There is always her

I'll never be first

And I try my best to ignore it

But you'll never be them

I still see them sometimes

The men and women I've run away from

And the ones you have

They stare at me

They stare at me as I stare at you

As I fall asleep

And I do not regret leaving them

Because I have you

But I regret

I regret before

Before when I ever told anyone how I felt

I must have been lying

Because before means nothing to how I feel now

But what if this is before

That's what I'm scared most of

What if in this story I'm your before

I'm the evil person from your past that you regret

That you'll find a new lover

And I'll stay behind alone

I'll live forever in your before

With your ghost and theirs

Madeleine