I am a psychology student

I learn about how to analyze people

And how our thoughts affect our behavior

How my behavior exhibits mental illness

And I learned recently that girls look for partners with good social standing

And for men the most important thing is how a woman looks

We had to discuss conventional attractiveness

How it makes people's lives easier to be pretty

It is a strange thing to think about

When you saw me is that what you were looking for

Someone attractive

I am looking in the mirror now and I wonder how you could think I am

I'd like to be liked for my mind

But I'd like to be thought of as pretty

Then I feel like I look ok

Is that shallow?

All I can think of is Middle School

Boys would tell me the presentation of my body was not real

That mine was not real

They were not attracted to me

They just wondered how I a non-skinny girl looked the way I did

It did not feel like a compliment

And I felt uncomfortable knowing people were looking there

I was only 13 or 14

People would ask me out as a joke

Laughing afterwards

What gives boys the right to discuss my body

To tell me I'm fat

But also that parts of me are fake

That I'm faking it

Which do you want

They can't really come separately

People said it to me in highschool sometimes too

Is it supposed to be a compliment

Why are you looking at me

I wore bigger shirts

And I stopped liking anyone

It did not seem worth the effort

Thinking all men are the same

And that's when I realized I liked girls too

At least girls had the decency to not comment on my appearance to my face

Back to now

You have good social status

You are a student

A smart and funny guy

It's what first drew me to you

What I looked for in each person

I tried to talk to

I didn't want to talk to someone who smoked

Or drank

But I made an exception for you

If you want to drink

Drink

And I don't mind that you do

As long as you are happy

Psychology says that you saw me

And thought I was attractive enough to talk to

What were you looking at

No one ever wants a girl who is not thin

Maybe you really do just like my mind

I'm not attractive

Trust me I have been told

Madeleine