I have a new method of self-care

I call it trying to care about myself

I'm listening to music at full blast

And dancing alone in the dark

Im tripping on boxes in my room

And falling down

Then I'm laying on the floor of my closet

Hugging my legs because I accidentally bruised them from falling over

And it feels nice pretending to be younger

Listening to ASMR of someone checking me into a hotel at full volume

I tried screaming into a pillow

My throat hurt afterwards

And I got a glass of water

I turned a light on

And I smile at myself in the mirror

Turning my head side to side

Trying to see something that I have never seen before

I have yet to find it

Then I turn the lights back off

Lay on the floor of my bedroom

Pull out my phone

And write this all down

These are the ways I cope

With the never ending stream of consciousness that is existing

And it actually may be working

Madeleine