Kyle's P.O.V

My heart felt like it was shattering into two. I could have helped us, I could have put a stop to all this that had been going on for weeks, after all, I was the one to start it.

However, I hadn't stopped anything, infact, I had only gone and made everything worse.

When I thought I was already spiralling down a dark hole I knew I couldn't get out of, I knew now that the lid had been closed. My life felt like a vase blanket of darkness, especially after Cali had gone.

I felt an over whelming verge of anger and violence. I really couldn't stop myself. I had gotten so angry lately, to the point of where I had to fight hard to control it, but now, I couldn't do it.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was pulling down the tele from the wall of the hotel. I pulled it down hard, hard enough for it to fall to the floor, smashing the screen in to pieces beneath my feet.

I then went over to the glasses on the small table and swiped the table with my hand.

Bollocks to this. Bollocks to everything.

"Fuck sake!" I screamed before putting my fist through the wall; through the balcony doors; through the glass table.

I had completely lost it, I knew that. I had completely lost my head.

I had a fucking family now, and I was in this state.

Huffing and puffing, I fell to the floor, not caring that my body was cascaded by glass. It could hurt me for all I cared, pierce my skin fiercely. Nothing could comprehend to my aching, painful heart.

"Cali." I let out, before sobbing on to the floor. I needed her, I fucking needed her so much. I needed her help but I blew it all away. She wouldn't and couldn't want me still after this.

I was becoming a father, and right now I wasn't even capable of looking after myself. I had everything, so why was I depressed?

Why do I feel as if I don't want to get up in the morning, to face another day. I had what some men could never have; a beautiful wife and an incoming child. I was the luckiest man alive.

Yet I felt like absolute shit.

Sadness consumed me more than anything. I was a man, I wasn't meant to let this get in the way of looking after my family. But I did let it get in the way, and it was pushing backwards on everything I loved.

Right now, I wanted Cali more than ever. But I couldn't put her through this. I didn't mean to hurt her, but I couldn't let her watch me like this.

I let my eyes droop until my eyes were closed.

Hopefully, Cali would be at home tomorrow. Hopefully I could fix these broken pieces.

At least if I sleep, I'd be able to pretend that I was looking after Cali properly at home, in our bed, happy.

*

My back hurt like fuck and my skin was stinging. I opened my heavy, groggy eyes and looked up to the white ceiling.

Suddenly, a knock resonated throughout the room. I got up slowly, hissing whilst looking at the few pieces of glass I laid on all night.

With a sudden thought that Cali could have come back to me, I rushed through the door without a thought about the pain throughout my body. I needed to see her.

I opened the door quickly and was about to pull Cali in to my arms, yet the girl wasn't Cali.

"Sir, there were a few noise complaints last night all saying the noises were coming from this room." Shit.

"Uh...yeah." I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly. She leaned over to look inside of the hotel room. I mentally cringed. Even though really, I didn't care.

"What is all that mess? You can't come to this hotel and break everything!" The lady gasped. She pushed me out of the way slightly and made her way into the room.

I picked up my bag quickly which was laying on the bed. I didn't have time for this.

"Mr Knight, this is unacceptable!" The woman said firmly. She looked like a kitten trying to be a lion.

I grabbed money from the side pocket of my bag and thrusted it into the lady's hand.

"Here. Damage payments. I got to go." And before she could say anymore, I fled from the room.

I heard her muffled voice telling me to come back, but I paid no notice. I had to go, I had to see Cali.

I ran down the steps, not wanting to wait for the elevator. I'd have time to think, and I didn't need that.

I ran to the car and chucked my bag in the back seat before I sat in the seat. I quickly turned on the engine and reversed on to the road.

I got home in the quickest time. My heart was beating out of my chest. I was nervous, my mouth was dry, but I was itching to get a hold of my wife. My heart felt too empty.

I ran out of the car, leaving my bag in the back seat. I ran to the door and unlocked it.

Slamming the door shut after me, and putting the keys into a bowl I started to run up the stairs.

"Cali!" I shouted. She had to be here. "Cali!" I shouted again. I got to our bedroom and the bed was clear. There were no signs of her here.

I ran down stairs and into the kitchen. She wasn't there either. None of the electronics had been used, I knew because I knew the way Cali used things. But everything seemed out of place.

"Fuck!" I hissed before running back into the hall, grabbing the keys and running back to the car.

She couldn't leave me. Please, she had to be somewhere. Was she okay? Was she safe?

With that in mind, I realised that Cali could be at Matts. I hoped to God she was.

I got into the car and sped to Matt's house which luckily wasn't too far away.

As soon as I had parked the car on to the curb. I ran out of the car and up to the wooden door.

Matt's house was made of red brick, and it had an old fashioned feel to it. It was big and it looked amazing from the outside.

But right now, I didn't care about the look of Matt's house. I just wanted Cali.

I knocked loudly on the wooden door.

"Matt!" I shouted through the key hole, hoping he would be able to hear me.

I knocked again, countless of times before the door swung open.

"Kyle?" Matt wiped his sleepy eyes to look at me. "What do you want?"

"I need to see Cali. I'm sorry for everything, I need her." I pleaded. Was she there?

"Cali isn't here." Matt said, but for some reason the way his eyes were looking everywhere but at me, I knew he was lying. He had to be.

"Matt please." I pleaded, my eyes tearing up just a little bit. I shook my head a little.

"Look," Matt sighed, "give her some time. Right now she doesn't want to speak to you. I'm sorry, mate, just give her time." I closed my eyes briefly at his words.

"No, you don't understand. I need to make things right!"

"Not now. You had your chance and you blew it. She's a pregnant, pissed off woman, I wouldn't even dare." Matt replied whilst he started to shut the door. My hand shot out to stop it.

"Wait," I demanded. Matt stopped trying to close the door but made sure it was half closed, "tell her I love her and I'll be back for her soon. She isn't leaving me." I was adamant. She couldn't leave me.

"That's not up to you anymore. I'll tell her you love her. I know she loves you too." And with that, Matt closed the door. I laid my forehead on to the wood and sighed.

I needed to speak to her, whether she was pissed off at me or not. I needed help, I didn't know what to do. I needed her to help me.

If I couldn't speak to her face to face, I was just going to have to do it another way. I wasn't giving up without a fight.

I retrieved the phone from my pocket and dialled her number. I could hear Cali's mobile ring from the other side of the door and my heart lurched in hope.

However, Cali never answered the phone. I tried again, but there was no hope.

"Kyle, stop ringing Cali and piss off." I heard Matt's voice from the other end of the door. I hit the door in reply and moved back to the car.

Once I sat in the car, I laid my head against the steering wheel. When did everything turn out so wrong? When I started being a dick to my wife? When I started to have depression?

I didn't know. But I needed someone to tell me what to do next. How could I fix everything when I didn't know how?

You have to show women that you're sorry and you're changing. Words just aren't enough.

I remembered what Joe had told me all those years ago. We were extremely young and naive, but Joe always knew what he was talking about. His mother had been drilling in to him how to be a gentlemen since a young age. His words were always helping.

Right now, they gave me an idea on how to get my life back to how it was. I didn't want to be away when my wife was pregnant. I didn't want to not be there when my child is born, or at checkups. I needed to be there for my family.

With those words in mind, I made my way to the doctors. I didn't know why but it was a start.

*

"I can set you up with a therapist. He can help you over come your depression and get you back on track."

After telling the doctor about my depression and how I needed help, he was almost insistent that therapy was the best option. I agreed in a way.

"I can also prescribe you some medication to help your depression too. It's a long process, of course, but there is help. People don't associate depression with an illness, but I can tell you now that this isn't your fault." The kind doctor smiled my way and I felt at ease for the first time in a while.

I was so on edge about it, always asking myself why I had felt this way, but now I could somehow say I felt more relaxed about the whole thing. After all, he said it wasn't my fault.

It had been a long day and right now I'd do anything to go home and to cuddle up with Cali. It saddened me to know I couldn't, it almost hurt more than the depression I was carrying on my shoulders.

I was going to make things better. Cali put that in to perspective for me when she said she wasn't coming back.

I had been a giant dick to her, and it just wasn't fair. She didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve me. But I was determined to make everything okay.

"Thank you, doctor." I smiled the best I could his way before leaving his office after he gave me a prescription.

I got the tablets from the pharmacy without hesitation. This was the first step to a better future.

I wasn't the best husband, I wasn't perfect, but I was going to fight for my family no matter what.

I got my phone out of my pocket, wanting desperately to tell Cali that I was going to help myself and then make everything better for her and the baby.

I hovered over her contact, but I knew I couldn't ring her. She wouldn't pick up and she wouldn't want to listen. She was pissed off and I couldn't blame her. I was too, at myself.

Instead, I opted to text her. That way, she may read it, she may not, even though I hoped she would.

'Just got back from the doctors. Having therapy soon and on medication. Everything will be okay soon, I promise. I'm sorry, so sorry, baby. x'

After sending Cali the message, I sighed and put the phone back in to my pocket.

When I said my vows I promised her I'd do anything for her. And that meant I'd fight to keep her happy and by my side. I wasn't going to break that promise, not now, not ever. I loved her with everything single part of my being.

With that, I got my phone out again and decided to text her one more thing.

'Oh, and I still fucking love love love you.'

---------------

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)

X