《His [COMPLETED]》(63) Inside of us
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I must have been sat on the floor for at least an hour. I hadn't heard anymore from the room beside me, apart from the slight mumbling of voices.
My mind was blank yet full of worries and regret.
A doctor? I shook my head. How stupid. Did Kyle really need a doctor? Again, I didn't know, but he needed something. I ran out of ideas, I didn't know what to do.
This had been going on longer than it should have been. Long enough to hurt our relationship in some way or another. Long enough to make us both quiet and almost unloving; something we very rarely were.
Something wasn't right, I could feel it. Was I doing the right thing right now?
When I married Kyle I promised him and myself that I would put everything in to our marriage. I am in love with him, I'd try anything for him.
Suddenly, the door opened and Greg stepped out without a Kyle following behind. I got up from off the floor and wiped my face, hoping no tear stains were left, even though I knew my face was red and my eyes puffy.
"How is he? What's the matter?" I spiralled off questions Greg's way. He looked to me as he pulled on his black leather gloves and grab held of his case.
"I'm sorry, Cali, but that's confidential." Greg replied. His eyes were strong with sympathy and my brows furrowed.
"Confidential? But I'm his wife." I let out firmly. He couldn't keep this kind of information away from me. I needed answers and a way in to help. This wasn't helping in the slightest.
"He'll tell you in his own time, I'm sure." Greg always took on situations with calmness and with a laid back attitude. I didn't know how he did it, but right now, I just wanted answers.
"Please tell me, Greg, please, I have the right to know." I tried pleading with him. I wanted to help, goddammit, not stand here like a fool hoping Greg told me the things I should already know.
"Look, he told me not to tell you, and I'm not going to." He explained whilst his voice lowered to a whisper. Even if the door was shut, I'm sure Kyle could still hear us. My heart sank at what Greg had said anyway.
Why wouldn't he want to tell me?
"What? Why?" I asked Greg as I looked up to him in shock. He laid a hand against my shoulder.
"I can't possibly say, but I'll give you some advice. Just do your research, your home work. You're a bright girl, you'll sort this out for the both of you, I'm sure." He took his hand away from my shoulder and made his way down stairs. I followed after him. I opened the front door for him as soon as I got downstairs.
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"Thanks, Greg." I smiled despite my upset. Greg smiled my way in sympathy.
"That's okay. Love is strong enough to work it out for the both of you alone, don't forget that." He pointed my way and I smiled again.
"Thank you. I won't forget your wise words." Greg smiled before walking up the drive.
I watched him open the door of his Audi before getting in the car and driving off.
Seeing him go, I felt a slight sense of unease and panic. How would Kyle react now?
I shut the door, enclosing the cold from outside, even if I couldn't do so on the inside. I laid my forhead against the cold wooden door.
My life was just a short burst of sadness and unease in my life. Right now, I couldn't help but think of my dad.
I needed help before I knew I was pregnant. I didn't want to be this stressed when I'm expecting a baby. Why did Kyle have to do this? Why did he have to make me feel like there was an explosion of negative feelings inside?
It felt as if Kyle was in a cage and I had to watch my husband struggle. And he was struggling. I saw it in his eyes, his body language and when he woke up in the morning. The way he now took on the day, the frown on his face. I knew. He was struggling, and for some aggravating reason, I had to watch it, my helping arms trapped and unwilling to help him.
I heard a shuffling noise behind me and I turned around quickly. The sight in front of me made my heart sink even further in to the pit of my stomach.
Kyle was there, dragging himself down the stairs ahead with a black Nike bag on his shoulder.
His hair was messy and he wore a black shirt and sweatpants. He had a pair of black vans on and still, the wedding band across his finger, showing me he was mine, even when I knew he was trying to distance himself.
His eyes watched me as he moved. They were dull and a little blank but I could see the guilt and regret shining through them. His body was tense, I knew when he got to the bottom step.
"Hey." He croaked a little. I looked to him, my eyes watering. My man looking lost and guilty. It broke my heart, and the sign of his bag across the shoulder made my heart shatter.
"Hi, where you going?" I asked quietly. Kyle shrugged an inch, I could barely see the movement of his shoulders.
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"I just need to be alone." Kyle stated.
"Why?" Kyle looked down to the floor, not being able to look at me. My eyes watered. What was happening to our marriage; our relationship? How did it get so messed up?
"I just need a few days to sort myself out. Please, don't bother following me. I just want to be alone." Kyle stated. I shook my head slightly. I couldn't let that happen. He needed me. I needed him.
"You'd be better off staying with me. I can help you." I stepped forward to touch him, to feel him. He moved back a step and I looked up to him in shock. He never denied me or stopped himself from touching me.
"I'm sorry." Kyle explained. "Just, please, I need to go." Kyle moved beside me to go to the door. He opened it up and I stepped forward, trying to grab him.
I was becoming desperate. He couldn't leave! He couldn't do this to me. I needed him, for fuck sake. I can help!
"Kyle!" I shouted as he walked up the drive to his car. "Please don't go!" I shouted his way as the tears started to fall. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you. Please, stay with me. Don't go!"
"I love you." Kyle stated. He looked guilty, he looked as if he was about to cry. Why be sad when he could stop this now and come back inside with me?
"Kyle, I'm pregnant with your baby! I need you, goddamit." I gritted. I was desperate now. I couldn't let him go.
"I'll be back soon. I love you and our little baby. I'll be back before you know it, I promise." I couldn't believe it, he was still going to leave?
He said he was going to come back, but that didn't make it any better. I needed him now, everyday, not whenever he wanted.
I was full of panic, sadness and anger. It was a dangerous combination and one I wasn't willing to endure.
Kyle got in to his car, the sky getting darker behind him. Another day going by, another step back for kyle and I. Why was I letting him go?
He shut the door and revved the engine. I ran out of this house and tried to run to the reversing car. It was now on the road, on it's way away from me.
It was going, I was running after it. It was too late now. In the middle of the road, a few metres away from home, I knew he was gone now. His car had disappeared and I would never be able to catch up to him.
He was running away from me, just like my heart making it's way out of my body. He was gone now, and for some reason it felt like he'd be gone forever.
I was stupid. I had pushed him too far just like I knew I would.
"A fucking doctor!" I screamed, almost ready to rag my hair out of it's spot. "Such a fucking idiot!" And Kyle had left because of it.
The sky was still getting darker. I felt like a little body inside of my own.
The sky was darkening inside, my happiness was fading away. The dark night was arising, the pain and the worry and the fear coming along like the darkening clouds. The rain was dropping down on to the concrete floor and washing away the tears. But with it all, I was going to be beside Kyle, whether he was with me right now or not.
I was going to help him. I wasn't going to stop now. I wouldn't give up on us that easy.
The darkness Kyle and I now found ourself in was frightening.
I now know monsters are real and ghosts are real too. I was naive but now I know they live inside of us.
Kyle had gone from the boy I knew to the man he was now, so alone as he drove home, sad and quiet.
Whether awake or alive, those monsters were inside of us.
And I couldn't be afraid.
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I think it's short, I'm sorry.
Before you go all ape shit on Kyle, we're not all perfect and people cope in different ways. Kyle does things for many reasons, that's who he is. You'll find out soon:)
I'm not trying to make Kyle as a strong,perfect male who can cope with every feeling he experiences. That's not what being a human is about. Kyle is Kyle and he may anger you, but he's human.:)
Love you!! Hope you enjoyed:) xoxoxo
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