Colour me red; up now on my profile, Dreamerse.

As I put down my cup of coffee steadily, making sure the liquid didn't spill over the sides, I kept my gaze down on the table.

The wood grain did everything to hold my imagination for a second and I sighed with despair. I felt so lost.

How was I meant to feel? Right now, I felt worse than I've felt ever since my father died, but obviously not so strong.

My dad left me, but Kyle hasn't gone yet and the difference is Kyle would have his choice to leave, my father didn't have that choice.

The thought of Kyle leaving struck my heart so hard and strong. It made me feel sick to the stomach. I couldn't even bare to think about it, it felt as if my heart was being split in two at the thought alone.

Maybe I was jumping to conclusions, I seemed to do that a lot. Maybe Kyle was just tired, worn out and still upset over Joe's death anniversary.

What am I doing here when I should be comforting him? I hoped to God everything would be okay in the end. Right now, I was ready to curl up and cry my eyes out.

I guess being hormonal like this did really bring the emotional side out of me.

"Hey now." I felt soft fingers touch my chin, and I lifted my head up to look at Matt. I hadn't realised a small tear made his way down my cheek until he wiped it away with his thumb.

"It will all work out, won't it?" I said quietly, my heart beating fast at the anticipation of his answer. Matt nodded his head vigorously.

"Of course, baby girl, of course. I mean, don't call me Mystic Matt or anything but I can sense happiness on the horizon." His arms widened and his eyes went from one hand to another. My lips twitched in to a smile despite my tears.

"Mystic Matt." I sniffled with humour. Matt smiled my way before leaning his elbows on the table.

"You're crying in front of people." Matt whispered, loud enough for me to hear. I looked to him, my eyes widening.

"Is anybody looking?" I whispered back, my hand blocking the movement of my lips to others.

Matt looked around the cafe, his lip getting caught in his teeth.

"Hmmm, maybe half the restaurant?" His lips stretched sheepishly sideways. I gasped before wiping my tears strongly with the back of my hand.

"Shit." I giggled.

"She's pregnant, it's normal!" Matt shouted through out the cafe, his voice booming off every wall. He smiled charmingly to everyone before sitting further into the booth. I gasped again and laid my hand to my mouth.

"Matt." I kept laughing, not caring about what others thought about us.

"The pregnant woman and the gay man, well, we do pretty well for ourselves huh?" Matt winked and I laughed again. "Now that's what I like to see, baby girl, it's alright to cry but to be quite frank, honey, you look better laughing."

"Thanks." I rolled my eyes as I sniffled. Matt chuckled as he picked up his cup.

"You look like a right mess when you're crying." He quickly took a sip of us drink, and I through a napkin at his forehead. He chuckled and I laughed with him.

He was truly the bestest friend I could ever have. I loved him to bits, I really did.

We sat there in our booth watching the world go by outside. We sipped our drinks casually, both of us not really in a rush to get home.

We had another cup of coffee after half an hour, and then another. I'm sure we were both comatosed by our caffeine intake, or lack of as I was drinking decaf. But I wasn't really that bothered anyway. Coffee was coffee, and I felt good at the moment full of it.

After about two hours, Matt got up and took me back to his car.

"If only everyone was like you." I sighed.

"If everyone was like me, the world would be boring."

"You're far from boring!" I replied. I got into the seat and Matt started the car engine before getting on to the road.

"Oh I know that." He winked. "But if everyone was the same, we'd be boring because we wouldn't know any different. You and Kyle are going through a rough patch, you're married, you're going to have plenty of them. It keeps you on your toes, keeps your marriage alive." He shrugged as I watched him, taking in his every word as he kept his eyes on the road. "Kyle is who is he, he's sensitive and he blames himself. You just need to give him time, like he did you when you was grieving over your father."

"But I allowed him to comfort me, I still showed him how much I loved him, Matt." I replied.

"People deal with things in different ways. He's trying to heal, trying to deal with it."

"But what about next year, and Joe's anniversary comes up again? Will he do it again?" Matt shrugged again slowly, not knowing what to say. "Come on, you're mystic Matt." I whined.

"Honey, I told you, you can't call me that." Matt chuckled. "Or I'd have to charge you." I giggled a little. He wanted to charge everyone for his service. "Stop relying on me to tell you what you want to hear. Talk to him again, get it out of him."

I sighed before replying. "I'll try."

The drive home was fast and quiet. No words were uttered as we made our way home.

I was getting nervous as we drove. What if Kyle was worse? What if he finally told me something I didn't want to hear?

I shook my head to rid all thoughts.

Think positive, think positive.

I repeated the mantra over and over again. I wasn't going to get anywhere if I kept up my negative thoughts. It would make me feel shittier than I already felt.

Soon, Matt parked the car outside the entrance of the house.

I kissed his cheek before walking down the drive and opening the front door slowly.

It was dark in the hall way as soon as I opened the door. It was dark all over the house. Kyle must have been asleep.

I switched on the light in the hall as I took off my coat and shoes.

A scream nearly bubbled in my throat as I saw Kyle on the two bottom steps of the stair case.

I laid a hand over my mouth to stop it, and a hand on my chest to stop my beating heart.

I walked closer to Kyle as I dropped my coat to the floor.

His head was bent onto the third step, his bum rested on the second bottom and his feet on the last step.

When I got closer to him, I heard him snoring slightly, his breath deep and even. I sighed as I looked to him.

Oh, Kyle.

I sat on the second step beside him, I touched his face gently, lovingly.

"Kyle, what's the matter with you?" I whispered. I knew he was asleep, but I didn't know what else to do at the moment. "Please stop this, show me you love me, be happy. Please." I pleaded.

His happiness meaned everything to me, and even in his sleep he looked anything but.

I didn't question why he was even on the stairs, but I know I needed to get him to bed. He was going to be aching tomorrow if he stayed here, and cold.

I shook Kyle's shoulders, I couldn't take him to bed any other way.

Kyle grumbled slightly, his words muffled. I shook him again and his eyes opened slightly.

"Come on, I'm taking you to bed." I said softly. I stood up and held out my hand. I thought he was going to decline it as he looked to it, but he laid his hand in mine and got up from the stairs.

I pulled him up the stairs behind me. He dragged himself along.

"I was waiting for you to come home." His sleep dazed voice made my heart pound. He was so hot, even half asleep. Adorable and all mine at the moment.

"Let's get you to bed." Once we got to the room, I pulled him in to bed. He snuggled under the covers with his shorts and top still on.

"Join." Kyle demanded with his eyes closed. It took me a minute to take off my clothes and I got in beside him.

Finally, he pulled me to his body, and I finally felt safe and loved in his arms. This is where I wanted to be. I sighed in content. This is what I wanted all along.

"I missed you." He whispered into my ear as he snuggled in to my neck.

"I missed you too." In every way. I missed his loving side, his good side. I missed him, Kyle.

"I do love you, I still love you, don't convince yourself otherwise. Don't be down, not like me, I'm okay being sad, but I don't want you to be. I'm bringing you down and I'm sorry." Kyle breathed. My breathing hitched. He was sad? Why?

"Kyle, why are you sad?" I asked. He was still in a sleepy daze, not really knowing what he was saying. I hoped anyway, he told me the truth.

"I don't know." I hated that statement so much. "But it doesn't feel pretty."

I frowned. Tears wanted to spring to my eyes. I had to stop being so emotional. I felt like the baby was crying too and it hadn't even grown yet.

"Kyle-"

"I'm okay, I can live with it but I can't live with you being sad too. I'm not good company at the moment, just give me time and I'll be okay." Kyle whispered before kissing my neck over and over again. "I do love you. Hell, I love you very fucking much." My heart squeezed at his words and I breathed a sigh of relief.

He still loved me. Thank God. But what was really the matter? Even now he didn't seem to want to talk about it. I wanted to know what he was thinking and feeling.

"I love you too." I whispered back gently.

"I know." Kyle smiled against my skin. "I know you do, so why do I feel the way I do?" He asked as I felt him now frown against my skin.

I wanted to turn in his arms so I could face him. I wanted to wipe the frown from his face.

"What do you feel?" I asked. He wasn't making any sense. It confused me, made me nervous aswell. What was he trying to tell me?

I didn't hear a reply from him, I just felt his breath against my neck.

"Kyle?" I tried to get his attention but he didn't reply.

With this, I turned in his arms, and I finally saw that he was asleep again, full on, deep in the darkness of the night and he looked so young and vulnerable.

"Kyle." I whined softly. I loved him, but my mind was everywhere. "Everything will be okay." I told him as he slept.

I was convincing myself too. Positive thoughts. I had to think positive. I had to try and help us.

Something wasn't right, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

I wanted my happy husband back.

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Some clues some clues...