《His [COMPLETED]》(44) Losing Self control
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I laid on the sofa staring into space. This house didn't feel like home now my father wasn't in it.
I missed him more than ever especially after the funeral. The funeral was hard, extremely hard, but somehow I survived it. I had no one else to thank but Kyle.
Currently, I had spent the last week and a half moping about, not sure really what to do. Feeling sorry for myself was an understatement.
Kyle spent the last week and a half trying to cheer me up, and I could feel it almost getting better, but for some reason I missed my father that much I just didn't have the strength to cheer myself up.
I felt useless just sitting here and thinking about the negatives, but Kyle didn't love me any less and that comforted me more than anything. I had to make it up to him one day.
Kyle had gone out to the shops and I found myself alone here. I didn't like it, and Kyle didn't want to leave me alone in the house I didn't want to be in anymore, but he had to get things and I refused to go.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the door open.
"Honey, I'm home!" I heard his voice flood from the opening of the door. My lips twitched at his greeting. "Hey, baby, I got you some chocolate," he waved a large bar of chocolate around as he walked into the room. Oh, I loved chocolate.
"You didn't have to," I looked to him but smiled slightly. He brushed it off.
"Of course I did, comforting food isn't it," he stated. He took off his coat and his shoes. "Do you want a cup of coffee?" He asked.
"I'll make it, you sit down and I'll make one for you," I suggested. Kyle shook his head and walked to the kitchen.
"I'll do it, I'm making myself useful,"
"I just feel useless though," his head popped around from the door as his eyebrows furrowed.
"Don't say that, you're not useless you're just grieving. I understand that, Cali, just ride it out in the only way you can, naturally you'll begin to feel a lot happier, it just takes time and a little cheering up from your wonderful husband," his face contorted into a cheeky smile and I smiled back.
"I can feel it working already, I think," I didn't know for sure.
"Then it's working, don't worry about it, you know I won't think any less of you if you just sit there forever and become a big fat couch potato,"
"Oh gee, thanks," his eyes twinkled and he chuckled as he went back into the kitchen.
After two minutes he brought two cups into the living room and sat down beside me. With his free arm he wrapped it around my waist and snuggled me in closer to his body.
"I wanted to talk to you about something," Kyle stated. I looked to him as I blew on my cup.
"Oh?"
"The honeymoon," his eyes held apprehension and nervousness. "I booked it,"
"You booked it?" I spluttered. "You didn't discuss it with me," I stated.
"I know and I'm sorry, but I just want you all to myself," he looked down at his lap. I sighed.
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"I don't want to ruin it for you," I let out. I didn't want to be like this on my honeymoon.
"You won't ruin it, don't be stupid, you just being there will make me the happiest guy alive, believe me," he stated. I looked to him, unsure.
"When have you booked it for?"
"Next week," fuck, how was I going to cheer up in that amount of time?
"Kyle," I groaned as my hands came up to caress my forehead. "A week? Seriously?"
"Like I said, I'm sorry," he didn't seem it though. He seemed almost happy and excited he did it. I wanted to join him in those feelings, but I just...couldn't.
"I don't know if I can do it,"
"Do what?" He asked gently.
"Go away and try to be happy when I'm not," I replied. I didn't want to feel this way, but I was still grieving and I didn't want to, especially when I was miles away from home and supposed to enjoy my honeymoon.
"It doesn't matter, baby," he replied softly.
"It matters to me," I snapped. I hadn't meant to be so harsh, I guess I was just a washed with different feelings.
Kyle looked almost taken aback by my mood swing and my change of feeling, and I instantly felt guilty.
"What's gotten into you?" He said, but not in an aggressive, patronising way. I sighed as I got up from the sofa and away from his grip.
"You could have discussed it with me first," I stated quietly as I walked over to the door.
"Cali-" he was cut off by me opening the door and shutting it behind me. I sighed again and shook my head for being so stupid and angry over nothing. I made my way to the bedroom.
I wasn't mad at him, I was mad at myself and mad at the way my father had gone.
When it had really sunk in that he had finally gone, I absolutely wished it hadn't. I felt angry because I didn't deserve that kind of treatment in life and neither did my father. I wasn't supposed to go through something so hard.
I was angry at myself for being so sad and upset when I should have tried to act stronger.
I just somehow found a way to take it out on my husband. I didn't want that. I couldn't help the feeling of guilt washing through my gut and the rest of my body.
I flung myself back on the bed and laid my head on the pillow face down. I sighed into it and closed my eyes.
Why was I such a terrible wife? That question alone made my eyes a little teary, and before I knew it I was crying into the pillow.
Everything was so hard now my father was gone. How long does it take to grieve? How long until you're better again? I wish I knew.
In a split second, I heard the door open and the sound of padding feet across my carpet.
I felt the bed dip beside me and a hand came gently to my back. Kyle started to massage my lower back and shoulders with his hands. I felt him sigh behind me.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart, I just wanted you to forget about it for a week or two, that's all, I hadn't meant to make you upset," he stated. I nodded my head just to show him I understood. "Are you crying, baby?" I nodded my head again. I wasn't ashamed infront of him, he was my husband after all. I heard him make a noise behind me.
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Suddenly, he used his two hands to flip me around and before I knew it he took me into his chest. He held me against him strongly.
"I hadn't meant to make you cry, love, I hope you know that, I would never make you cry," he whispered. I nodded my head again.
"You didn't make me cry, I'm just angry with myself," I sniffed and muffled into his chest.
"Why?" He asked. I didn't reply for a second or two. "Talk to me,"
"Because I feel so week and I feel like a shit wife and we've only been married less than two weeks," I sobbed against his chest as I spoke. Letting it out had made me cry a little worse.
"Don't you dare say such thing, Cali, you're not a shit wife, you're amazing you always have been. Is this what's been bothering you today?" He asked gently, as if talking to a child. I nodded my head. "You silly, stupid, beautiful girl," he shook his head.
"I'm sorry, I just feel so useless and I'm meant to look after you and cook you food and stuff but you've been doing that for me instead," he tightened his hold on my body.
"You don't need to look after me, I can look after myself and look after you just fine," he stated. "You know I like looking after you, Cali Knight, more than anything,"
"I know, but I want to look after you too," I sniffed. I looked up into his eyes. He smiled sadly down at me.
"Then I would like pasta for dinner, please," he said as his lips turned up into a smile. I looked to him as my eyebrows furrowed. "Don't look at me like that, I would like pasta, and you're cooking it for me," he winked my way and stood up quickly with me in his arms.
He walked down stairs and into the kitchen before sitting me on the counter. He always sat me down in the same spot, from day one and our wedding day. He always sat me here on the counter and I didn't know why.
He reached up into the cupboards and pulled out a few pans. He turned on the oven and got the things he needed out.
He then came over to me and kissed me on the lips before lifting me up and finally putting my feet on to the floor.
"Food, now," he smiled mischievously and I looked to him with a small smile on my face.
"What do you say?" I asked humorously. His eyes twinkled.
"Please, baby," he pouted and jutted out his bottom lip, and I couldn't help but get to work.
I found myself smiling at the oven. He always made me feel happier, and he had made me do this because he didn't want me feeling useless. He did this for me, not because he was being too bossy.
"You'll tell me if you're ever unhappy married to me won't you?" I asked as I got the kettle from beside me.
I felt his body behind me before I even registered the fact he were there. He gently coaxed the kettle from hands and put it down on the counter. Kyle then turned me around until I was facing him chest to chest.
"Don't talk stupid," he demanded in a low tone. His eyes were almost dark with unspoken promises and a little spiral of anger.
"Sorry," I mumbled shyly. He lifted my chin up.
"Those kind of thoughts make me a little mad," he stated. My eyes flickered downwards. "Look at me, Cali," his voice came out almost croaked and strained. But I could hear that little bit of anger still hidden.
I looked up into his eyes anyway.
"Do these eyes look like a man who will ever be unhappy? Do they show you that I'll stop loving you, what do you see, Cali? Tell me what you see," he stated strongly into my eyes, almost as if he were trying to look straight into me and into my soul. Almost trying to show me and tell me how he really felt.
"Uh-" I stammered.
"Tell me," Kyle demanded again. I looked closely, and he was right. His eyes were a dark colour, full of raw emotions and love. Nobody could stare at someone so intensely if they weren't in love, and I was even starting to feel the effects.
"Love, I see love," I whispered without breath. His eyes became hooded, it was affecting him too.
"What else?"
"Happiness?" I asked unsurely. He nodded his head slowly. His eyes turned an even darker shade.
"What else? Look real deep," his voice was low, quiet and deep. Almost soothing but his eyes did nothing to soothe me.
"Desire, lust," my voice croaked almost, and I was definitely feeling the usual effects of Kyle. His lips came closer to mine.
"Exactly, and they'll stay that way forever. Don't go saying things that aren't true, because they make me crazy mad," he breathed against my lips. I shivered slightly against him.
"Kiss me, Kyle," he was painfully slow in doing so already.
"Always," was his reply before smashing his lips against mine. I believed him, for now, that he was happy with me. He seemed to love me and I loved him equally back.
Kyle pulled away from my lips after a few minutes.
"Make me some pasta before I lose my self control," he turns me back around as I pant slightly and he gives me a little smack on the behind. I yelp and jump before getting on with it.
"Love you," I said as Kyle sat on the chair behind me. I could hear him taking out his phone behind me.
"Love you too, baby," I could almost hear his beaming smile.
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To all of you who are confused, I'm ditching the sequel and making His one big story instead of two!
Enjoy x
FOLLOW MY ACCOUNT AND ILL FOLLOW SOME OF YOU BACK
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