After another exhausting, emotional Wednesday at the hospital, I walked past the big entrance to finally get home. Even if I didn't want to be without Brandon, I really felt the urge of getting some rest.

My brain was over floating due to all the emotions running around. It made me feel scared that I might actually began to fall for a patient. And not just any patient.

For Brandon.

Suddenly I got interrupted as I heard someone behind me call my name. It was a very familiar and friendly, masculine voice.

I turned around to face the man walking towards me with quick steps. His white teeth were shining through his smile and his dark skin looked beautiful within the golden hour.

"Donald, hi!" I said as he approached me.

He began to walk with me to the parking lot where our cars were staying.

"Beverly, sorry if I scared you by shouting after you like that," Donald laughed out and I did the same. He was so friendly and he truly, always acted like a gentleman.

"You didn't, Donald," I said with the biggest smile on my face.

It was by my routine now to always say hi to Donald when I passed by him every morning, but it was quite a while ago since I actually talked to him for real.

He was indeed a good friend and we did went out on a date once, so there was really no reason why it happened to be that way.

"I notice you've been busy. I haven't spoken to you in weeks. It appears you only have the time to wave at me whenever you pass by nowadays,"

I got a little bit ashamed.

I didn't want Donald to think that I was avoiding him in some way, because I really wasn't. There was just so much going on in my head and since Brandon took a lot of time from me, Donald didn't really get a spot on the list of my priorities.

"I'm so sorry, Donald. There's been so much going on at work lately,"

Nothing of what I said was a lie, but I really could have made time for him if I wanted to and if I thought a little more about him, which I actually hadn't really done the past weeks.

"It's okay, I get that you're busy. That's why I ran after you when I saw you. I was wondering if you would want to go out with me again? Maybe to continue where we finished the last time?"

Donald's brown eyes were sparkling of expectation and my stomach turned when I looked at him, knowing that I was about to deny him.

I rubbed my wrist with discomfort before I managed to speak out and answer him.

It didn't feel fair enough to go out with Donald when my feelings were so interrupted with Brandon. And if something was really going on between the two of us, it wasn't very fair to Brandon either.

"You know, Donald. I'm sorry but I have to say that I really have to focus on myself right now, there's so much going on at my floor and my brain is a total mess out of all the work. I'm sorry,"

I noticed that my bad conscience took over and the words left my mouth like a stupid try of prevarication.

The shimmering spark in Donald's eyes disappeared but he kept the big white smile.

"I understand, Beverly. It's okay. Maybe some other time..."

His very decent way of accepting my deflection really proved how true of a gentleman he was.

"I guess I'll just see you around the hospital then," He said while stepping inside of his green Morris Minor

I just smiled at him in a friendly way and nodded my head while I watched him close the car door slowly.

"Of course! See you, Donald!"

The slamming sound of the dark green car door made me feel even more bad about turning him down. I really could see in his eyes how disappointed he got.

Donald started the engine which gave out a humming sound before he drove away from the parking lot and out on the gravelly, bumpy road.

The lump in my stomach was still present with guilt and I decided to light up a cigarette to calm my rabid emotions.

All that this job had to bring me, really exhausted me in a way I never imagined to be possible for my strong mentality. Because of the way I always managed to handle every chaotic and dramatic situation in my past life, I slowly began to notice that was no longer a capacity of mine.

I leaned my forehead against the steering wheel where I sat in my car and I just breathed out loudly.

Deep inside, all I wanted to do was just to scream out, but I realised that if someone would see or hear me screaming like crazy in my car, I wouldn't really appear as a convenient hospital nurse.

I still valued my work very seriously and I did indeed love my choice of profession.

But the way I saw myself slowly fall out of stability, made me feel disappointed and unsuccessful with myself...

As soon as I got home, I threw myself right into the soft bed and covered my entire body with the warm, heavy quilt.

Even if the clock was only 5 pm, I really needed to get some rest to get out of my messed-up brain for a while.

I began to wonder what I was going to do with this mess? Should I just quit St: Nicolai? Or should I take some more time off? Maybe I should take Brandon off my patient list?

I really didn't know at all.

I had in fact made a promise to Brandon that I would never leave him again and I knew how much he needed me.

But the biggest problem I believed, was the fact that I needed him just as much.