《Rowan: Queen of Chav's》Late night conversations (Ten)
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Rowan PoV
Dad had fallen asleep on the couch while he was watching some stupid sitcom on the telly, I was making a cuppa for myself, as you do at 1 O'clock in the morning, when Papa walked into the living room after he got home from work.
"Hey Papa"
"Hey Ro, are you ok?"
"I will be ok Papa"
"So does that means that you're not ok now?"
"(Sighs), Well, no I'm not exactly happy now, Megan was at the school gates today when I was walking home"
"Why?"
"I dunno, Papa do you want a cuppa?"
"Sure Sweetheart, does your Dad know?"
"Yeah she phoned him when I avoided her, so to shut her up, he rang me"
"I have a feeling that I already know the answer to this but why did you avoid her?"
"I just an extreme dislike for how entitled she is about having a 'mother/daughter relationship with me' even though she has never fucking tried to be my mother, also she's fucking ignorant about everything"
"Yeah that's the reason I thought it was"
The kettle then boiled so I started to pour the water into the tea bagged cups and then left them to brew for a couple minutes, because that's what you're supposed to do with tea.
"You haven't been sleeping much, have you?"
"No, not really Papa, please tell me that Dad hasn't noticed?"
"No I can't do that for you Sweetheart because he has noticed, so what's been keeping you up?"
"Worrying about the situation with Megan"
"Darling, you're starting to worry as much as your Dad does"
"Woah, Papa I'm not that bad"
"Do you know how many nights I've found your Dad sitting on that bloody windowsill, worrying about everything?"
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"Probably as many nights as you've been together almost"
"Yeah, you're right, and you're not far behind him now Poppet"
I then took out the tea bags from our cuppas and added the milk.
"Here you go Papa"
"Thank you Sweetheart"
"You're welcome"
Papa went to bed with his tea because unlike Dad and I, he's not an insomniac, therefore he needs to sleep, Dad then woke up from his nap, and he turned the telly off.
"Hey Ro, what are you still doing up?"
"I couldn't sleep"
"What are you worried about Buba?"
"Megan"
"Come here Sweetheart"
So I went to the couch, sat on Dad's lap and Dad wrapped his arms around me, because I always feel the safest there, (as most Daddy's girls do).
"I'm sorry Buba"
"It's not your fault that she's a bitch"
"No, you're right about that but I slept with her though Baby"
"You were drunk dumb arse"
"Eh, that's true"
"Plus you wouldn't have me if you didn't sleep with Megan"
"I wouldn't want that now Sweetheart"
"You know what I realised?"
"No Babes, I don't, please enlighten me"
"That both times you knocked someone up, you said that you were drunk, how the fuck did you not realise that you were gay?"
"Well, there was a law that Margret Thatcher put in place that meant that gay people were almost invisible, so it wasn't a thing that was discussed when I was younger"
"Fuck Margret Thatcher"
"(Snorts), yeah Buba, fuck Margret Thatcher"
We sat there for a while, as you do when you can't sleep, I felt quite safe because Dad was hugging me and most people feel safer with their Dads there, unless their Dad's a dick, then I'd understand why they didn't necessarily feel safe with them.
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"Dad"
"Yeah Baby"
"Do you think that I'll be a good parent-"
"Is there something that you want to tell me here Sweetheart?"
"What the fuck are you on abou- oh I get it now, no I'm not pregnant Dad, I was just wondering if I would be a good parent out of genuine curiosity"
"Why do you want to know that?"
"Well, I just wanted to know because I don't want to bring a human life into the world if you think that I would be a shit parent"
"(Snorts)"
"It's not funny Dad"
"I'm sorry"
"You're not sorry though are you?"
Dad kissed the top of my head, as you do, and while I didn't sleep, I was kind of relaxed so that's a plus.
"Look Sweetheart, I can't actually answer your question here because I don't know the answer as you're a kid, a mature kid I'll give you that, but a kid nevertheless, though if you're genuinely worried about being a bad parent, you won't be the worst parent ever"
"Thanks Dad for answering my questions, even if you thought that I was trying to tell you something"
"You can't blame me for thinking that now"
"Well no, I get your point there Dad"
"I'm glad that you get it Babes"
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Rumi
"the wound is the place where the Light enters you."
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