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I never know what that mans thinking. One moment he looks at me with pure admiration and the next he won't look at me while speaking. I wish he would get his shit together and stop stringing me along. And now Javier... what has my life become.

•

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•

You close your journal and sigh. Since Javier got it for you, you've spent most of your time writing. You wrote all about everything that's happened with Dutch and now what happened with Javier. You were happy you finally had a place to write out all of your thoughts. You needed to talk to Arthur about it soon.

As if he knew you were thinking of him, you looked up to see Arthur walking towards you. He sat down next to you and looked down to your journal.

"You haven't looked up from that book since you got it." He said.

"I'm trying to write down everything that's happened since you found me, I had a bit of catching up to do." You said.

He quickly snatch the book out of your hands and started flipping through it. "Hey knock it off!" You yelled trying to grab the book from him. He grabbed your arms and looked at you. "Stop being grabby." He said. You rolled your eyes. He knew about everything that happened with Dutch, so you weren't afraid of him reading it. He was the only one that was allowed to see what was in the book. He raised an eyebrow while looking at the last page you wrote. He didn't know about what happened with Javier yet.

"When he gave me the journal, he said it was 'beautiful like me'" you said to Arthur.

He laughed. "He's always been a ladies man."

"What do I do?" You asked him.

"Just wait it out for now, if he gets more persistent you'll have to let him know how you feel." He explained. You nodded at his advice.

"So what have you been up to?" You asked him grabbing your journal from his hands. He told you about how he was trapped in the middle of some forbidden relationship with a Gray boy and a Braithwait girl. "It's like I'm surrounded by secret love." Arthur chuckled.

"Your a magnet for relationship problems." You said nudging him.

"I've seen the way you've been looking at her Dutch."

You and Arthur turn to the voice that came from Molly. She stood outside Dutch's tent while he sat on the bed with his face in his book. You and Arthur shared a glance before looking back at Molly.

Dutch closed his book and stood up. "Your causing a scene Miss. O'Shea." He said to her calmly.

He was right. Everyone at the camp was trying to look busy, but they were all trying to listen in.

"You think I haven't noticed? You've been acting different towards me for over a month now!" She continued yelling.

"Please lower your voice!" Dutch snapped back.

"Just tell me you love her." She said stepping towards him and swinging her hand to hit his chest. Before she could make contact, he grabbed her wrist. He must of been grabbing her tight because she sucked in air through her teeth because of the pain.

"You come into my home, and disrespect me?" Dutch said getting visibly angrier.

"Dutch, please let go." Molly begged.

"I give you a home, a bed..." he continued.

You watched in horror. Arthur noticed and put his hand on your shoulder for reassurance.

Dutch continued holding on to her wrist and looking at her with pure rage. Hosea quickly made his way over to Dutch and pulled him away. They walked out of camp, Dutch had his fists closed tight. Mary-Beth ran over to Molly to help her up and make sure she was okay.

Your mouth still hung slightly open, the picture of Dutch's angry face still stuck in your mind.

"You okay y/n?" Arthur asked.

You nodded slowly. "Yeah. I'm gonna head into town, I need a drink." You said without looking at him.

"Do you want me to come with?" He asked.

"No, I just need some time to myself. I'll see you later." You said standing up. You walked over to Anastasia and mounted up. You quickly rode out of camp without telling anyone else. On your ride to Rhodes, all you could think about was Dutch. You've never seen him angry like that. His face, that was usually confident and collected, was offended and full of pure rage. All because of you? It scared you to see him like that. You needed a drink to hopefully forget about the day.

You arrived at the saloon and found a seat at the bar. You ordered a drink and sighed. You had a feeling you would spend a lot of money.

•

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•

You stood up with a wobble, almost falling, but someone caught you.

"Woah, you okay there young lady?" A man asked helping you back to your feet.

"Thank you, I should be getting home." You said walking to the door.

"Your leaving so soon?" The man said, not letting go.

"Yes. Goodbye." You pulled you arm from him and made your way out of the saloon and over to Anastasia. You patted her before mounting up. "Boys are stupid." You said before riding back towards camp.

You had Anastasia moving at a slow pace. Your stomach hurt, and you knew it would be worse in the morning. It was late when you finally made you way back to camp. You struggled to get of Anastasia, but Arthur quickly made his way over to you to help. "Looks like you had a good night, let me help."

"Where were you?" Dutch asked walking over to you and Arthur. You looked at Dutch with fear in your eyes. Arthur noticed, and called Lenny over, who was walking by. "Dutch, let's go talk. Lenny, can you help y/n get to bed?" Arthur asked.

Lenny put your arm over his shoulder and helped you make your way over to your bed. Arthur walked off with Dutch in the other direction. Lenny helped you get settled before going back to his bed. You were definitely gonna regret this in the morning.