I stumbled along, following him as best as I could as he practically pulled me out into the field, far enough away from the house so no one else could hear us. Had I known we were actually going to be out here for so long, I would have grabbed my jacket.

"Jake, let me go!" I snapped, pulling my arm away. He finally stopped, turning to face me, glaring back with his eyes still stern and angry. He quickly looked me up and down, obviously now able to tell that I was cold. He held his stare on me for a moment, eventually taking off his jacket and begrudgingly wrapped it around me with an annoyed sigh.

I felty my cheeks burn at the fact that even at a time like this, he was still willing to take care of me.

"Thank you." I muttered, feeling it break the tension. He nodded, his face finally relaxing into a bitter frown as he reached out, adjusting it for me and zippering it up.

"We need to talk about this, Jaime." He said softly, avoiding my eyes as he shoved his hands into his pockets. I could feel the tears already coming to my eyes, my heart beating faster at just the thought.

"I think if I loved you less then maybe it would be easier to talk about." I managed, my breaths already getting heavier. He held his stare on me, now much more visibly upset.

"But.. I don't want you to love me less." He muttered, reaching over and gently wiping my eyes. "It's taken me this long just to get you to love me this much." That only made it worse. I wrapped my arms around him, hiding my face in his chest, unable to contain my cries anymore.

"I just.. I.. I don't understand why after everything, I just can't let you go." I finally managed between breaths. I felt him hold me tight, leaning his head on top of mine, very gently rocking us back and forth.

"Because.. maybe you're not supposed to."

"I know that I'm the reason that we're like this, and I know it's not fair for me to feel this way, I know that, but.. that doesn't change the fact that I do. And that.. seeing you with her.. seeing you with anyone else.. it just takes me right back to how I felt our entire lives.. how there is always going to be someone lined up right after me. Someone.. so much more beautiful and-" He cut me off, gently holding my face in his hands as he pulled me in, leaning his forehead against mine.

"Jaime.. everyone comes second to you, okay? If I had the choice, it would be you.. every single time." I bit down on my lip, now trying to calm myself down, getting lost in those eyes like I always did, time and time again.

"R-really?" I asked. He nodded, giving me a soft smile as his thumb gently brushed against my cheek. His touch was always so comforting.

"Really."

"Jake, he is perfect for me, and even still.. I see you. And.. this isn't fair, to him or to you, so I.. I need you to let me go. So.. so I can be with him." I said, despite just how bitter it tasted on my tongue. The last thing I wanted was for him to let me go. But I knew what happened with us; a constant circle of complete bliss followed by inevitable destruction.

And I just couldn't survive it again.

He sighed, eventually shaking his head.

"I can't let you go, Jaime. I'm sorry. I don't think I'll ever be able to." I lied my head against his chest again, holding him tight, just appreciating these few moments of silence together.

"Are you coming over tomorrow?" He asked, no doubt trying to calm me with down changing the subject, but I knew this was only going to make it worse. I nodded, taking a deep breath.

"Is your mom?" I shook my head. He then started rubbing my back, his fingers gently gliding up and down my spine.

"Are you.. going with him?" He muttered. My stomach dropped.

"He asked me to." I finally said. I felt him nod.

"And.. you want to?" I did, an hour ago when he asked me. But now I was standing here with him, holding me like this, looking at me with those eyes that could persuade me into anything, and he was honestly asking me if I wanted anyone else?

I nodded again.

"Jaime, if you don't want me, then-"

"I do want you." I sighed, feeling more tears come to my eyes. "I'm just terrified you're gonna hurt me. And.. maybe that's your fault, or maybe it's not. But.. that's just how I feel. I can't help the fact that.. I've never felt good enough for you. And maybe that's why I feel like this, or.. maybe it's just something else I have to deal with on my own. But not a single day has gone by where I haven't wanted you."

"Why don't you feel that way about Josh?" He asked, gently brushing the hair out of my face. I shrugged, avoiding his eyes.

"Because he's never given me a reason to feel that way. He's always been there. I've never had to ask-"

"Is this still about me not flying back home?"

"Partly." I muttered, feeling my face get hot. "I can't say that didn't hurt, Jake. And.. I just.. I wanted you to be there too. So bad. And you weren't. And at a time like that, I just.. every little thing just felt magnified, and you not being there.. it scared me. Like.. what else wouldn't you be there for? What if.. things got more serious and you had to be on the road? What else would you miss?"

"If I could go back in time-"

"But you can't." I said. "You just can't. And.. I understand why you couldn't. But.. Josh did. And that's what mattered to me." He nodded, his eyes starting to well up. He stayed quiet for a bit, shoving his hands back into his pockets, now kicking at the dirt around us.

"Jaime, are.. are you and Josh.. are you together?" He asked. I bit down on my lip, hesitating for a moment before shaking my head.

"N-no. He.. he wants us.. to take things slow this time." I said softly.

"So, he doesn't trust you."

"Probably not. I don't blame him. But.. I don't know, something tells me that.. maybe tomorrow something might happen." I say his jaw clench, but he was quick to relax it again, I'm sure not wanting me to see.

"Tomorrow?" He asked, trying to mask his angry tone, but it was no use. I knew him better than that.

"What does it matter to you anyway, you have Jasmine now, right?" I mocked, rolling my eyes, trying to keep from crying again. He sighed, reaching back out for me again.

"I don't want Jasmine, she's just-"

"Just someone to sleep with." I sneered.

"No! She's just.. she's.. a distraction. I don't know. I just.. if this is what we're going to be, Jaime, I.. I can't think about you. It's bad enough I can't even think of anyone else like that anymore, the one thing I had to just help me forget, but.. it's you. It's only you, so.. sorry for trying to cope with that. You don't want me, but you don't want me with anyone else. So.. what do you want from me, Jaime?"

I held my stare on him, unsure of what to say. I guess I was a little relieved that he wasn't into doing that anymore, but still. I couldn't handle anyone else being his either. I knew it didn't make sense. I could barely explain it myself. But all I knew was that it hurt. The idea of him hurt, existing to someone else in any capacity that he still existed to me.

All I wanted was to be brave enough to jump, knowing that if I did, I was sure my wings would help me soar higher than I've ever flown on my own, but instead I settled for the comfort and safety of the cliff-side, content with the limited view because at least there was no risk of falling.

But how beautiful it could be..

"Jake, just.. please.. don't bring her tomorrow." I muttered, pushing through the tears. His face dropped, holding his stare of me, wiping my eyes again, running his fingers through my hair.

"Okay." He finally sighed. "I won't."