I could feel myself getting nervous again as Jake lead us down the hallway towards our hotel room, my heart jumping at the familiar sound of the door unlocking as he held the key up to the scanner. All I could think about was the last time we had spent the night at a hotel together, and how incredible that was, and how much seemed to have changed since then.

I followed closely behind him as he made his way in, tossing his bags onto the floor and plopping down on the bed face down. I could only imagine how nice this must feel for him compared to the sleepless nights in the backseat of the van. Part of me wondered if I didn't bother him, if he would just fall right asleep. Maybe it would be for the best. I put my bags down next to his and went into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. It was nice to have just a few moments of peace by myself.

Staring into the mirror, I couldn't help but notice just how exhausted I looked too. Something that was once so exhilarating was now nothing but stressful and draining. This wasn't how love was supposed to feel. You were supposed to look forward to time with your person, you should feel relieved and comforted, like returning home from a long day at work to the one who can make you feel whole once again. But here I was, now walking on eggshells just to avoid another argument.

And despite all of that, I knew that I still loved him. There was just something about him that no matter what he said or what he did, I wanted to believe him, having already fallen in love with his potential. There were moments with him that sparked such familiarity, like I had already known him in another life, filling me with such love and nostalgia for a life it was like I had already lived before, but just couldn't put my finger on it. And maybe that was why it hurt so much more when the illusion was shattered with reality, when the stranger within him emerged once again.

Finally, I forced myself back out into the bedroom, hoping I had taken enough time for him to fall asleep, but when I turned the corner, he was sitting up against the pillows, staring back at me with tired eyes and a soft smile. He gently patted the spot next to him, motioning for me to join him. I hesitated for a moment, looking over at it before finally making my way over, crawling into bed next to him.

"Can I ask you something?" He said softly, keeping his eyes down as he nervously picked at his fingers. I nodded, peeking over at him.

"Mhm.."

"You.. you said that.. you kissed him." He muttered. My heart sunk. He really wanted to talk about this again?

"Y-yeah."

"And that was it?"

"Yes."

"I just.." He started, his voice trailing off. "I.. I don't know, I just.. you swear that was it?"

"I swear." He nodded, still refusing to look at me.

"I'm sorry that that happened, Jake. There's no excuse for it, I know. It's just that.. it was so much. With my mom, and then.. with him, and.. I don't know. But I am sorry."

"I guess I can't really be mad about it." He sighed. "I mean.. I did kiss you when you were with him, and.. I knew that was wrong.. and I knew how I felt. Did he.. stay over with you?" He asked. I nodded.

"I.. I didn't want to be alone. I'm sorry, I.. I wanted you to but-"

"He stayed in your bed with you?" I felt my face get hot.

"He did." He nodded, keeping his eyes down.

"And nothing else happened?"

"Nothing else happened."

"Jaime.. how would you feel if you found out that I kissed someone that I used to sleep with?" My stomach dropped, my body going cold. How dare he demote Josh to merely someone "I used to sleep with." If anything that was the least of it; he was so much more than that. And maybe.. that was even worse.

"I'm surprised you haven't yet, honestly." I muttered, looking away.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He snapped.

"Nothing." I sighed. "I don't want to get into this again."

"You can't just say something like that and not expect to talk about it."

"Well, then I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"Jaime.." He sighed, reaching over for me. I jumped at the feeling of his hand on my leg.

"Jake, sometimes.. it's hard to forget how you were. It's like.. you completely forget that I was around when you were with those other girls, I've seen a lot.. I've heard a lot.. and honestly, even before we were "together" I guess I had just accepted that.. one day I would be one of them too. But I was willing to risk it, if it meant finally getting the chance to be with you, after all these years, but now.. I just can't live with the fear of that happening one day."

"I.. I told you, they.. they're not you, I would never-"

"But how am I supposed to be able to believe that after never seeing it." He stopped, getting quiet again.

"Jaime, is that what this is really about?" He asked, his eyes getting sad. I shrugged. Maybe it wasn't, but that didn't change the fact that it was still something that ate away at me every day. How the hell was I ever supposed to believe that 'I was different' when he's treated every girl he's ever been with like they were nothing?

Especially when there was someone who never treated me like I was anything less than everything. It was just.. impossible to backtrack now.

I turned to face him, gently caressing his face. He moved his hand over mine, staring back at me with those beautiful, sad eyes that got me into this mess in the first place.

"I love you so much, Jaime." He whispered. "And.. I'm so sorry if I haven't shown you that in the ways that you need. But.. I want to, and I will."

"I love you too, but.. maybe.. love by itself just isn't enough." I whispered. He pulled his hand off of mine, backing away.

"W-what are you saying?" He asked, his tone getting angrier again.

"I'm just saying that.. maybe.. we should take a break, and.. if we're meant to be then-"

"Then what?" He snapped.

"If you really loved me then being my friend would be enough." I muttered. He glared back at me, his cheeks getting red with anger.

"Are you breaking up with me?" He asked. I had to look away, feeling tears come to my eyes.

"I.. I don't want to-"

"Then don't." He yelled. I moved away, feeling my heart beat faster.

"Jake, I love you, it's just that.. maybe we're not meant to be.. together like this."

He then pushed himself out of bed, going over and grabbing his bags.

"Where are you going?" I asked, crawling towards him.

"You've said everything you've needed to say. So I'm just gonna go. You can stay in here tonight." He tossed one bag over his shoulder and made his way towards the door.

"Jake, wait please, don't." I said, quickly climbing out of bed and stopping him at the doorway. He stood back, staring down at me, his eyes filled with angry tears.

"What, Jaime."

"This isn't how I wanted this to go, I'm sorry, please.. don't go, I just.. please come back." I said softly, reaching out for his hand. I was surprised he didn't pull away as I grabbed it, slowly pulling him back towards the bed. He tossed his bag down, sitting down on the edge as he stared back up at me, his face still resentful and drained.

"I think.. if you get some sleep, maybe in the morning we can-"

"I'm fine." He sighed, his eyelids slowly starting to drop. I sat down next to him, reaching up and pulling him in closer, gently kissing his forehead.

"Are you breaking up with me?" He asked again. My stomach dropped. As much as I didn't want it to come to this, I felt like.. it's what needed to happen. Then he reached up, gently running his fingers through my hair, pulling me in closer to him. My heart started beating faster as his eyes moved down to my lips, leaning his forehead against mine.

I knew what he was doing.

And I hate that he knew it always worked.

"We should go to sleep, you're just tired.." I managed before he leaned in, gently kissing my cheek, his lips slowly moving down to my neck. My heart was already pounding as I felt his kisses get harder. I moved in closer, tightly grabbing onto his shirt.

"I'm not tired.." He sighed, his hand slowly moving up my leg. "I just wanted us to have one night alone together while we can." He then reached up, caressing my face and pulling me into a gentle kiss, instantly making me feel like I was going to combust.

I couldn't help but kiss him back harder, reluctantly reaching up, wrapping my arms around his neck as I felt myself get lifted up into his arms and carefully placed down onto the bed. He crawled over me, giving me a playful smile before leaning back into another deep kiss. I tightly tangled my fingers in his hair, kissing him back harder, now feeling him press his weight down onto me.

This was exactly what I was trying to avoid but from the first touch, I knew it was inevitable.

"Jake.." I sighed, trying to fight just how badly I wanted him, knowing that this feeling was only temporary, and that once it was all over we were just going to go back to the way we were, but even still I couldn't deny just how badly I craved us, no matter how short-lived our euphoric bliss held us captive. Reality would once again resurface when the heated afterglow faded into frozen emptiness once more.

"Remember how I said we were going to make up better than ever.." He said, his lips traveling back down to my neck in amorous kisses again. I nodded, the only thing I could manage as I felt his hands travel down my body, effortlessly pulling my shirt over my head.

"Well, now I have the whole night to make it up to you."

And I knew if I let him, he absolutely could.

"Jake, I just-"

"We don't have to talk anymore." He said, pulling me into another series of deep kisses. I hated how good it felt, making it harder and harder to stop him.

"Jake, I-"

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything else." He sighed, now pulling his shirt over his head. "We can figure everything out in the morning. I just want us to be together tonight."

And so did I, but now, despite the fact that we were technically together, it just felt.. wrong with him, being like this. After everything with Josh, now it felt like I was betraying him.

"Jake, I can't." I finally managed, gently pushing him away. He stared back at me confused.

"What do you mean.. you can't? What's wrong?" I bit down on my lip, finally having to look away.

"It's because of him, isn't it?" He asked, his voice getting louder.

"Jake, please.." He shook his head, getting out of bed and going back over and grabbing his bags.

"Jake, stop!"

"No. You've clearly made your mind up, Jaime."

"Jake please, I don't want it to end like this." I said, going after him again.

"Well, it is." He finally said, pulling open the door and loudly slamming it behind him.

I could hear him practically stomping down the hall before he started banging on another door, finally being let in after most likely waking up the entire floor.

I went over, grabbing my shirt and putting it back on before curling up into bed and finally feeling like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, but with that came the unbearable sobbing that I had been holding in for the past few hours. I couldn't even understand why I was crying. I knew this had to happen, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. It didn't mean I didn't love him. It just hurt too much to love him, and I just needed the hurting to stop.

And then I heard my phone vibrate on the end table. My heart sunk, praying that it wasn't Jake. I just needed a break, and I'm sure anything else he could possibly think to text me at a time like this would only kill me. Part of me didn't even want to look until morning, but I knew it was just going to eat away at me if I didn't.

If I was going to be hurt, I might as well get it all out now.

Are you okay?