It was amazing how even the most mundane moments with him felt like a sneak peek into what life could be like for us one day, driving together to the airport, ready to send him off on their next tour, or maybe he'll even be going to shoot for his own movie, or whatever he decided to pursue, because I knew that whatever he did, he would be successful no matter what.

My heart jumped as he reached over, gently taking my hand, intertwining his fingers into mine. I peeked over at him, unable to contain my smile, wanting this to moment to last as long as possible.

Even though.. I knew it could.

If I just decided that it could.

"So.." He finally said, breaking the silence. "The label said they'd pay for airfare.. so.. I decided to splurge a little bit."

"And.. what does that mean?" I asked. He giggled to himself, shrugging before peeking back over at me.

"I might've gotten us first class."

"Josh!" I laughed, playfully shoving him. "You can't just do that!"

"Oh, they don't care. They told me to do whatever I wanted. And of course yours is covered too. We're a package deal." I felt my cheeks burn, now trying to hide my grin.

"Are we?" I asked, squeezing his hand tighter. He hesitated for a moment, biting down on his lip.

"Well.. we could be. If you ever wanted to be again." I stayed quiet for a minute, just watching as the sun slowly crept above the horizon, lighting up the sky with the new morning glow.

"Josh, can I.. can I talk to you about something?"

"You can talk to me about anything, Jaime."

"I mean.. as.. as my friend. And.. if not, I understand. I just-"

"I can be your friend." He said softly. "I mean, I am your friend. I.. y-yeah. Whatever you need to talk about, that's okay. Is it.. about Jake?"

"I just need to talk everything out and.. I can understand if you don't want to hear it, and.. maybe some you do, but maybe some you don't, but it's-"

"Jaime.." He sighed. "It's okay. You can talk to me."

Deep down I knew I shouldn't be talking to him about this stuff. We were way too involved now, and it wasn't fair, not now knowing fully well how he felt about me. But.. even before all of this, he was my best friend. He was who I went to for everything growing up. And now it was like.. I had no one. Even when it came to him. Who was I supposed to talk to about him? Having to keep everything inside, keep everything to myself, it all just.. became too much.

"Jake and I.. we.. we got into a fight last night." I said, now keeping my eyes forward.

"What did you guys fight about?"

"Well.. you, and.. I guess.. other things."

"Oh.."

"And.. I don't know. Sometimes I think about everything him and I have been through and how.. when I was little, I thought that.. well, I think what every little girl thinks and.. I thought we would just be each other's everything.. but then we weren't, and.. I've just been through so much with him, with.. all the other girls, and then.. well, then with you-"

"Me?" He asked, his voice now sounding a little more hopeful.

"Josh, I never want you to think.. I mean.."

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, Jaime. I.. I'm okay.. you know, with what this is."

"No you're not."

"No, I'm not." He laughed, peeking over at me. "But Jaime, it's fi-"

"Josh, sometimes.. well, most times, I feel like.. I'm not good enough for you. Honestly, I don't think anyone is good enough for you. Except.. I don't know.. maybe Katie." I said mockingly, trying my best to make light of this before I started crying again. I heard his quiet laughter, finally forcing a smile out of me.

"Nothing happened with Katie." He muttered. "After the wedding, I drove her home and.. that was it."

"It's okay if something did." I said, now trying my hardest not to picture them together. "You don't have to lie about it if something did. You.. you can be with whoever you want, especially after.. everything that happened with-"

"Jaime, as your friend, I don't want to hear about that. I've been fine just.. pretending nothing has happened between the two of you too."

"Okay."

As selfish as it was, Josh had always been mine, and as far as I knew, he had only ever been with me, and the idea of him ever being with anyone else.. it killed me more than the idea of Jake.

Maybe it was because I had already gotten used to Jake being with everyone. Maybe deep down I just assumed that I would also wind up as just another name on his list. And maybe, at the time, part of me didn't mind it, as long as I was finally someone to him.

But now..

Now the thought of anyone else being with Josh, it ignited a sense of jealousy in me that I had never felt before. It was powerful and constant and most days made me too sick to think about. No one deserved him. Especially not me. But no one else knew him the way I knew him. No one could appreciate him the way I could, or love him the way he deserved.

And I wanted to.

And maybe.. that was all I needed to know.

He shook his head again.

"Nothing happened, Jaime. I promise. I didn't want anything to happen. Katie's nice but.." He shrugged, peeking back over at me. "She's not you."

"Did.. she want anything to happen?" I asked.

"I.. I think so, but.. I don't know. What would that even look like?" He laughed. I rolled my eyes, smirking back at him.

"You can't honestly tell me you don't know what it looks like when a girl is trying to flirt with you, do you?" He sighed, staying quiet for a moment.

"I mean, I don't know. I don't notice other girls, Jaime. Not like that. I've.. I've always just wanted you. That's it."

"Why me?" I asked. "I mean, after all this time, why me?"

"Jaime, I don't know what else you want me to say. I feel like.. I've said it all, but when it comes down to it, from the moment I met you, I knew that I wanted to live this life with you, whatever that means for us. To whatever extent you want. So.. if that means being your friend, then.. fine, okay. But.." He stopped, as if catching himself.

"W-what?" I asked.

"I.. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He muttered, his face now getting redder.

"You could never make me uncomfortable." I said, noticing we were now pulling up to the airport.

"You can tell me anything, Josh." I looked over to see him thinking, as if trying to pick his words carefully.

"Honestly, Jaime.. and.. if this is too much-"

"Just tell me."

"I've always thought that one day.. we were gonna get married. Okay? There. I know that's not what guys usually think about but.. I do. I thought that when we finally got together, that would be it. Because I love you, and.. I mean, you say that you love me, and.. everything was perfect, until.. we did it and then it seemed like that's when everything went wrong and I feel like.. we still haven't really talked about it and it's been killing me because I don't understand what went so wrong for you to just.. change your mind, after all these years. One day we were fine and.. the next you're just.. I don't know. You weren't you. Not the you I remember. And the next thing I know, you're in Jake's room, and.. I just don't understand what he has that I don't. What is it about him that makes you so unsure about me now? How could he just.. change everything between us.. just like that? I'm sorry that it wasn't great our first time but.. neither of us knew what we were doing, of course it wasn't going to be great, and I'm sorry if maybe for you it wasn't especially, but I just thought that.. that wouldn't matter, because it was us and we were gonna figure it out together and I'm sorry-"

It was all coming out like word vomit, like this had been eating away at him since that one night; that one night that everything changed. And to think it seemed like he was fine, this entire time. And yet this was what he was thinking about? He was right. We had grown together our entire lives, if that first time was going to be with anyone, I was so happy it was with him. Anyone else, I probably would've died of embarrassment, but with him.. I felt safe enough to just feel, and that was something no one else could ever give me.

"Josh, it was never about that, I just.. I wasn't ready, and it was all too much. I was just overwhelmed and.. the fact that it seemed like it all came so easy to you, well, I felt like there was something wrong with me. And that's not your fault. I was just.. nervous. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. But.. I cannot tell you how happy I am that it was with you, and I need you to know that. I couldn't even imagine going through that with anyone else, and.. even though I reacted like that, you made me feel so safe and cared for and.. loved, and I am so lucky to have you. There are so many girls who weren't nearly as lucky when it comes to this but.. I'm sorry I ruined it for you."

I heard him sigh, turning to face me as he reached up, gently caressing my face. My heart jumped and he leaned in close, his lips just barely brushing against mine.

"You didn't ruin anything, Jaime. I just wish that.. we could've at least talked about it. Instead of you trying to kick me out, which.. didn't feel great. But I understood. Everyone deals with things differently and if you wanted to be alone then.. I could respect that. I just want you to be able to talk to me." I nodded, holding my stare on him as I felt the car stop, pulling up to the front doors of the airport. He sighed, hesitating for a moment before getting out of the back seat and going into the trunk for our bags. I followed closely behind, him playfully hitting my hand out of the way as I went to grab mine.

He went around, giving the driver a wave before leading us in. I followed him closely, eventually reaching over, gently taking his hand. I didn't have to wait long before I felt him intertwine our fingers.

It was so much nicer having him here with me this time. He guided us to our gate like he had done this hundreds of times, occasionally peeking over at me every few steps to make sure I was keeping up with his quick pace. Finally, he picked two seats close to the exit, but far enough away where we were a little more secluded from everyone else.

"You're.. you're really thinking about all that already?" I finally asked. He looked over at me confused, as if trying to backtrack to which part of what he had said that I could've gotten hung up on. He understood me better than anyone, so it never took him very long to put the pieces together. Finally, he shook his head, smirking back at me.

"Jaime, you say 'already' like we haven't practically been together our whole lives." He laughed. "We're not like everyone else, me thinking about that isn't unheard of. So.. yeah. Of course I'm thinking about that. Are you.. saying that you're.. not?"

Of course I thought about that. I thought about what it would be like to be married to him all the time. I've just never met anyone else who was, or rather, anyone else willing to admit it.

"You say that.. you thought. Does that mean.. you don't think we will anymore?" I asked, feeling my face get hot. He shrugged, keeping his eyes forward watching as another plane took off down the runway.

"Well, I don't know." He said softly. "You tell me. You're the one wearing someone else's ring right now."

"That's not what that means." I muttered, twisting it around my finger.

"It sure looks like it. And I'm sure that was his intention."

I couldn't believe we were having this conversation right now. After all these years of me imaging how this would go, I never pictured it like this, sitting in an airport lobby, unable to even look at each other.

"How do you do it?" I finally asked, peeking up at him. I heard him sigh, hesitating for a moment before eventually turning to face me. His eyes slowly traced my face, stopping at my lips for a moment before meeting my gaze again.

"Jaime, I know what I want, and I know when I want it. I'm not going to string you along like other guys would. They say they 'aren't sure' or they're 'not ready' but.. it's all bullshit. Guys know right away when a girl is the one.. and I've known. I've always known. I don't want to play the game, I just want my person, and I want it to be you. But if you're not serious about me, then.. okay. That's fine, and I can learn to accept that. But if you want someone who's going to love you and be there for you for the rest of your life then.. I'm ready whenever you are. But until then, I can't keep doing this back and forth. You know how I feel about you, and if you can't give me that, then.. I don't want any of it. You can't just.. touch me and hold me and.. kiss me.. the way you kissed me last night and then just.. turn around and tell me you're not sure about me. It hurts, Jaime. And I can't keep torturing myself if you can't even meet me halfway. I can be your best friend again, I'll always be your best friend, if that's what you want, but I can't be more. Not unless.. it's all of it."

I held my stare on him, wanting nothing more than to kiss him right now. But he was right. And I couldn't keep doing that to him. He had been more than patient with me and he deserved someone to love him as much as he loved them. And.. I wanted that to be me. I did. I just.. it wasn't that easy.

Not yet.

"So.. you're telling me you'd really want to be a married man in college?" I laughed, trying to break the tension. "I feel like that kinda defeats the whole purpose of college, doesn't it?" He tried holding it in, but eventually a playful grin escaped his lips.

"Yes." He said. "If it meant being your husband. Then yes. I would." I bit down on my lip, my eyes moving back down to his. It was taking everything in me to stay in my seat, to not climb into his lap and kiss him harder than I ever have before.

"I really want to kiss you right now." I whispered, feeling my heart beat faster. His eyes got wider, his smile growing into a giddy grin.

"Well.. then you know what you have to do."