She was so beautiful and she had no idea.

I stood back at the bar, unable to keep my eyes off of her. It was amazing how effortlessly she could light up a room, without any regard for everyone around her, who were all just as enchanted as I was. Because she didn't do it for the attention. She didn't do it at all.

She just was.

Josh then leaned in closer, propping his head up onto his hand, staring back at her with those same eyes I had seen my entire life. And I wasn't blind to the fact that she always gave them right back. Whether she saw it or not, I could tell just how much she still loved him. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt, wondering how I wound up to be so lucky to be able to call her mine now, when there was practically a line of guys just waiting for their chance.

Which was why it was even more important that I didn't blow it. I knew that the next one would be ready to swoop in the second I fucked up, and Josh didn't let me go a day without forgetting that.

But even still, every time they were together I couldn't help but wonder. Was I just something that got in the way? Were they always meant to end up together and I was just one of the hurdles that they'd eventually overcome together? I hated thinking that I was just a placeholder, just something for her to get out of her system, where to me she was everything.

I had spent what felt like my entire life dreaming of what it would finally feel like to be hers, and now here I was, standing across the bar, watching my girlfriend stare at my brother like he was the only one in the room. I couldn't be the only one who saw it.

I have always been jealous of what they had. From the moment we met her, he had no problem putting everything aside to make sure she knew how loved she was, and here I was again, cowering off in the corner, not sure what to say. I knew that no matter what happened between us, the love the two of them shared would always be deeper than anything that would ever come of us, and that terrified me.

Then I saw Liam making his way back across the bar, familiar bright red drink in hand. I had seen them one too many times backstage, as he handed off glass after to glass to however many girls he could manage to bring backstage. It was only his band, him being the worst of it while the rest of us hung back, wishing that the night would just be over.

Jaime had nothing to worry about when it came to that. That was never something I was into, especially now that I had her. I didn't need anything or anyone else now that I was finally hers, but it killed me to think even for a moment she would second guess me, that she would think I would ever do anything like that to hurt her.

I might not have been the best boyfriend over the years, but I knew what I had now, and I was going to hold onto it for dear life. I knew what I wanted, and all of it included Jaime, and there was nothing worth losing that over.

I watched closely as Liam slid into the booth across from Jaime, pushing the drink in front of her. It took everything in me not to storm over there, but I just needed to see how this would play out without me being there. Just once.

Almost instantly she pushed the drink away, backing away from him and leaning in closer towards Josh. As much as I didn't want anyone touching her, I was glad that she at least had someone like him to protect her when I wasn't around. Honestly, he was the best person for her to be around in general, I knew this, despite how badly I wanted it to be me.

Soon enough, Liam accepted the rejection, sliding back out of the booth and over towards the bar again, no doubt to order another drink for another unsuspecting girl. He was one of the many reasons musicians got such a bad rep when it came to these things, which I blamed for giving Jaime any sort of doubt about me being on tour. She knew me, she knew I'd never do anything like that, and even still.. you can't help but wonder.

All I wanted to do was go back over there, but it felt like my feet were cemented to the floor, each sip of my drink going down smoother and smoother until the room slowly began to spin. What I would give for the opportunity to have a few minutes alone with her, not crammed into the backseat of a van, or some dirty old dressing room. How badly I missed the smell of her freshly washed sheets, her perfume lingering on her pillows as she lied across my bare chest.

How badly I just wanted to go home.

Finally, after finishing the last of my drink, I forced myself back over towards our table, subtly grabbing onto chairs as I stumbled my way into the booth across from her again. She instantly moved away from Josh, staring back up at me with those eyes that never failed to make me melt like it was the first time, every time. I couldn't help but smile, feeling my cheeks burn as she smiled back at me, shaking her head, no doubt picking up on just how drunk I really was.

She was always so patient with me, which only made me love her that much more, always so quick to take care of me, even when she was the one who deserved to be taken care of. I couldn't wait for a lifetime of her arm wrapped around me as she guided us back up our own front steps, leading us up the stairs and into our bedroom where we'd pass out together in the midst of however far we could get, despite just how badly we both wanted each other.

I had no doubt that I would want her just the same, every night for the rest of our lives, just as I did the first time I realized how I truly felt about her. I have wanted her in every sense of the word, for as long as I could remember. Just the thought of being with her like that one day was enough to send me running for the hills, jumping into bed with the first girl who came along, praying that I could suffer through the humiliation of my first time with someone who's opinion didn't matter to me. If only I had known that it could have been that much more special had I not been such a coward, just wanting to get it over with with someone who didn't even matter, just on the off chance that maybe one day.. Jaime would want me like that too.

What I would give to go back.

What I would give to be braver.

"You look tired." She giggled, gently grabbing my hand, intertwining our fingers. I looked down at them, turning her hand over to admire the gleaming of our matching rings.

"Can I.. talk to you?" I asked, motioning outside. "Alone?" She bit down on her lip, holding her stare on me for a moment before turning to Josh, almost as if asking him if it was okay. He nodded, giving her a gentle smile. I squeezed her hand tighter, helping her up out of the booth and leading her through the bar and out into the parking lot.

I swung our hands, leaning my head on his shoulder as he lead us out into the parking lot where I was instantly hit with the frigid wind, making me regret not bringing a thicker jacket. He didn't hesitate to slide his off, wrapping it around me. I leaned back against the side of the building, staring up at him, admiring him as he glowed under the lights above.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked. He reached back out for his jacket, pulling me in closer.

"I'm.. I'm sorry that things kinda felt.. off tonight." He finally said.

"It's okay." I sighed, avoiding his eyes. There was nothing we could really do about it. These things just happened sometimes, right?

"No, you came all the way out here for me, I should be making this nicer for you, as nice as I can. And I'm sorry. I promise, I will." I nodded, peeking back up at him.

"Okay."

He hesitated for a moment before moving his hands up, now gently caressing my face, his eyes moving down to my lips for a moment before meeting my gaze again, as if asking for permission. I nodded, leaning in as he pulled me into a passionate kiss. I felt my heart jump, just like the first time we kissed and every time after. There was just something about him, no matter what happened, the slightest touch would always make me combust, wanting him as badly as I hoped he always wanted me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him back harder as I felt his lips curl into a smile. I couldn't contain my beaming grin as I moved away, leaning my forehead against his.

"And I promise, no more whisky." He laughed. "I want to be the one who knows you better than anyone, and.. I'm sorry I don't already, but I'm willing to learn everything, do anything, whatever it takes to show you how much I love you. Jaime, I.. I've wanted this my whole life, so.. I'm not gonna fuck this up. I promise. I love you."

"I love you too." I sighed, once again stuck within his trance. "And.. for the record, I like wine." He laughed, shaking his head, pulling me into another long kiss.

"Noted."