"I never thought I'd be the kind of girl who goes backstage to hook up with someone in the band." I laughed, pulling him into another long kiss, the taste of his lips just as sweet as I remembered. He pulled my shirt back over my head, moving me over onto the couch next to him as he grabbed his jacket from behind us, wrapping it around him.

"Yeah, well.. it starts and ends with me." He said, smirking back at me before kissing me again. "But.. I don't like the idea of that. We're more than that. It's not 'hooking up' if you're mine." My heart jumped, knowing that "hooking up" was all he had ever referred to it as when he talked about his other girlfriends.

Oh how I loved being his.

"So, how long are you staying?" He asked, getting up and going over to the mirror, brushing his hair back into place with his fingers. I turned around, propping my head up onto my hand on the back of the couch, admiring him as he made his way about.

"Sam and I didn't really figure out all the details yet, he just said it was important I get out here as soon as possible and then.. we'd figure out the return flight later." His face dropped as he peeked back at me through his reflection.

"Did he say.. why?" He asked timidly. I shook my head.

"No, but.. I just.. I assumed it was because you missed me.. right?" His lips eventually curled into a smile, his cheeks burning red.

"I did." He said softly, finally making his way back over. "I just.. want to know how much time I have with you."

"Well, we'll just have to appreciate every second." I said, reaching back out for him, grabbing onto his jacket and pulling him back onto the couch. He sat down close, wrapping his arm around me, pulling me into a gentle kiss.

"I know he said they were all gonna go out for dinner tonight though, so.. we should probably go meet up with them. I'm surprised they left us alone for this long." I couldn't help but smile, feeling my face get hot.

"Well.. before we got here, I might've mentioned to him to.. leave us alone for a little while after the show." He stared back at me, his eyes wide with a playful grin.

"Jaime!" He laughed. I playfully shoved him away, trying my best to hide my now blushing face.

"I didn't say anything like that, I just.. I just wanted to be alone with you and-"

"Jaime, everyone knows what that means." I shrugged, biting down on my lip.

"Well, it worked." He sighed, caressing my face, pulling me into another long kiss.

"Oh, I love you.."

"And I love you, now let's go. I'm starving."

I grabbed his hand, tightly intertwining our fingers as he lead us down the hallway, peeking into every room along the way until he stopped, pulling me into one of them that was already filled with the sound of familiar laughter.

And then my heart jumped as we turned the corner, Josh's head instantly perking up as I made my way in. My whole body felt hot as our eyes locked, instantly bringing me back to that moment in their backyard; the kiss I hadn't been able to stop thinking about. I don't know what it was that made it feel so different, but I hadn't been able to stop replaying in my mind, over and over again, wondering how it would feel when I saw him again.

Wondering if I'd want him to do it again.

And then he got up, making his way over to me, and before I could say anything he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. I didn't hesitate to wrap my arms around his neck, holding him tight as he squeezed me harder. I could tell he had already showered, the fresh scent of his shampoo wafting from his hair. He always smelt so clean, like being embraced by a crisp fall morning, making it that much easier to wrap myself within him.

"I missed you so much." He whispered, now nuzzling his face in my neck. My heart jumped.

"I missed you too." I said, finally pulling away where I could see Jake glaring out of the corner of my eye, but I tried my best to brush it off.

I was allowed to miss him too.

"So, who's hungry?" Sam asked, pushing himself up from the couch, reaching out for Leah's hand. "There's a place down the street I want to try, so if we head out now.." I then looked down at the feeling of Jake tightly grabbing my hand, pulling me in closer to him. Looking back up, I could see he was trying his best to hide his jealous scowl, but I could sense it. I gently ran my thumb over the top of his hand, giving him a gentle smile. He held his stare on me for a moment before his face eventually relaxed, his lips curling into a subtle grin.

We all piled into the van, Sam in the front seat with Leah, Jake leading me into the back, Josh quick to follow behind, sliding in close next to me. I felt my heart start to beat faster at the feeling of his leg now pushed up against mine with everyone else now squeezing in. He carefully moved over, placing his hands on his legs, being careful not to touch me, I assumed.

Sometimes I missed the feeling of his hand in mine. How there was once a time where his touch was the only one I craved, knowing how safe I truly was within his grasp. Things were just.. so simple with him..

I quickly shook the thought at the sound of Sam starting the van and pulling out of the parking lot. I then felt Jake's hand on my leg, pulling me in closer to him, his thumb gently running across my knee. I couldn't help but smile, leaning my head on his shoulder, looking out the window as the lights of the city flew past us in a mesmerizing blur.

The bright reds and blues resembling the dazzling fireworks that filled the sky that night on the ferris wheel, where I finally got my kiss at the top. I placed my hand over Jake's gently squeezing it, but couldn't help but remember that first night with Josh out in the parking lot, the innocence of it all, the fear of just reaching out for his hand, never knowing how far was too far, only to later realize that.. maybe there was no such thing as too far with him. Maybe it was just too new, too soon, and when things moved too fast, the first thing I always did was run. Scared of what could be rather than enjoying the ride, where maybe.. maybe if I hadn't over-thought things.. maybe if we had just taken our time..

I shook the thought again.

Why was I thinking about this now?

I cuddled closer to Jake, grabbing his arm, holding him tighter. He then leaned down, kissing the top of my head as he adjusted his arm, wrapping it around me. I tried my best to move over, keeping my body off of Josh as much as possible, at least until we pulled into the restaurant.

And then the rest of the night was a blur.

I couldn't remember the last time I had drank this much, careful not to move so quickly, afraid that I would just topple over at any sudden movement. Clinging to Jake, he kept one arm wrapped around me, and the other up against the table to keep himself propped up.

"Hey.. can we get some air?" I asked, leaning in close. He nodded, looking around for a moment before finally pushing himself up, wobbling a bit before reaching his hand out for me.

"Is she okay?" Josh said from behind me.

"She's fine." Jake snapped. "I got her." I peeked back at Josh who stared up at me with concerned eyes, as if asking me himself. I nodded, grabbing onto the chair for balance, somehow managing to follow Jake through the restaurant and out through the front doors.

The air had a frigid chill, thin enough to work its way through your jacket and make itself comfortable within your bones. I spun around, embracing the cool breeze with my arms spread out, keeping my eyes locked on the only warmth from the amber streetlights above. I then felt Jake's hands on my hips, his giddy laughter in my ear as he held me close, now slowly swaying along with me in the streets gentle glow.

Reaching up, I gently held his face in my hands, staring back into his bloodshot eyes that had already gotten lost and found solace within mine. How I wish we could live in this worlds together forever, where thoughts were clearer and the world around us silent, filled with only the echos of his bellowing happiness and my assuring words of eternal love.

"I love you.." I sighed, leaning my forehead against his. "Jake, you are.. everything to me." He held his stare on me, his thumb gently rubbing against my cheek.

"Jaime.." He said, pulling me into a deep kiss. I clung to him, now unable to tell what was making my head spin more.

"I.. I can't leave you again, I.. I need you. And I.. I don't want to miss this, I.. I want everything with you and.. maybe you want that too, and.. well, maybe.. I was thinking that.. if I could make it work, well.. maybe school could wait, and I could come with you and-"

"Jaime.." He said, cutting me off. I bit down on my lip, feeling my stomach drop.

"W-what?" I asked, leaning back against the wall. He stayed quiet, reaching out for me. I moved away.

"What is it?"

"Jaime, I.. "

"Do you.. do you not want that?" I asked, my heart now racing.

"Jaime, I.. I can't.."

"What do you mean.. you can't?"

What was he saying? This was what we had always talked about? This is everything he wanted before he left. What had changed?

"We.. we should go inside, we can.. we can talk about this later."

"What's there to talk about? I thought.. you'd want me to go with you?" I said, now feeling tears start to fill my eyes.

"Jaime.."

"Why can't you answer me?"

"Jaime, please can we talk about this tomorrow, I just-"

"No.." I snapped, pulling away from him. "What's going on?" He reached back out for me, his eyes now worried and sad. I finally let him grab my hand, gently pulling me into a tight hug. I nuzzled my face in his chest as he slowly ran his fingers through my hair.

"Please.. can we talk about this tomorrow?" He asked again, leaving me to realize that no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't getting an answer tonight. I finally nodded, peeking back up at him. He leaned into a gentle kiss, lingering longer than usual before taking my hand, and leading us back inside without another word.