I couldn't go over there.

Not with him.

That was Jake's spot.

"Um.. how about.. over here." I said, gently guiding him the other way towards the picnic table on the opposite side of their lawn. He didn't fight me on it, following closely wherever I lead him.

I made my way over, hopping up and sitting on the table top, looking up at him. He stayed quiet for a moment, holding his stare on me. I could tell there was a lot he wanted to say, but.. nothing came out.

"I'm gonna miss you." I whispered, avoiding his eyes.

"I'm gonna miss you too." My heart dropped when I heard his voice crack. I reached out, gently touching his hand. He didn't hesitate to hold mine, intertwining our fingers again.

"You're gonna do great though. And.. I can't wait for you to come home and tell me all about it. I'm sure.. you're gonna experience so much that'll inspire you."

"So.. you're not gonna come to any shows?" He asked, carefully swinging our hands back and forth. I couldn't help but smile.

"I.. I'll try to, but.. I can't make any promises."

"I'm always going to be looking for you out there, Jaime. I.. I look for you everywhere." I felt tears start to come to my eyes.

"I'm really sorry for everything, Josh." He reached up, gently wiping my eyes.

"It's okay, Jaime. If you're happy, I'll.. try to find a way to be happy too. That's all I've ever wanted, and.. well.. it seems like he makes you happy." I nodded, biting down on my lip. He was quiet again for a moment.

"Jaime, when we were together.. did you mean-"

"I meant everything I've ever said to you. I've never lied to you." He nodded, giving me a subtle smile.

"So.. what we had.. it was real, right?" He asked. I eventually nodded.

"It was real."

"And if.. if anything ever.. happens, well.. could it.. ever be real again?" I felt my heart starting to beat faster, hating the idea that anything could ever happen to me and Jake to make me consider that.

"You shouldn't wait around for me.." I said softly, gently rubbing my thumb across the top of his hand. Then I felt his grip get tighter.

"W-what's that?" He asked, his eyes getting wider as they shot down to my ring finger. My heart sunk.

"It's.. it's just a ring."

"That's a very.. specific finger to wear a ring like that."

"It's just a ring." I said softly, pulling my hand away. He was quiet again.

"You promise?" He asked, his eyes much sadder. I nodded.

"I promise."

He held his stare on it, as if still not fully convinced.

"So, I was thinking.." I said, trying my best to distract him. He finally looked back up at me. "Maybe.. when you guys get back, you and I, we could.. finally start looking into schools. There are a few that offer winter courses and.. well, I'd love it if we could do it together." His smile grew.

"You'd really want to go with me?" He asked, moving in closer. I nodded, biting down on my lip as my cheeks burned.

"I just think.. this is something I have to do for myself. I think I could be really good at it, and.. if we worked together, well.. we could be great." He nodded, moving in even closer.

"I do think we'd be great together." He said, smirking back at me. I couldn't help but smile, shaking my head.

"I'd love to go with you, Jaime." He finally said. "W-what did.. Jake say?" I felt my whole body get hot.

"He thinks it's a good idea too."

"Even the part where I go with you?" I nodded.

"He believes in you too, Josh. You have no idea how much he appreciates what you're doing for him, putting this on hold, this means everything to him-"

"I know." He said.

"So.. it means a lot to me too. I know you had reconsidered once.."

"I'd do anything for him."

"He would do anything for you too." I added. He shrugged.

I reached my arms around him, pulling him in. He stared back at me, his eyes getting wide as he moved in closer, now standing between my legs.

"Jaime, when I'm gone.. can you promise that.. you'll still call me?"

"Of course I will, I promised I would." He nodded, reaching up, gently caressing my face.

"I know, but.. a lot has happened since then and.. I just.." He shrugged.

"You're still my best friend." I said. He nodded, tears now filling his eyes.

I hated seeing him like this.

"Josh.." I sighed, tears filling my eyes now too.

"Jaime, this is just.. this isn't how I thought we'd be saying goodbye. I.. I never thought I would ever have to say goodbye to you, but now it's like.. I don't know.. I just feel like when we come back.. you won't even recognize me anymore, like.. everything is moving so fast and.. it's happening without me." I reached up, gently running my fingers through his hair.

"Speaking of recognizing you.." I said, a smile escaping my lips as I reached up, running my fingers through his hair. "Did you do this for me?"

"I just wanted you to notice me again." My heart jumped.

"I always notice you." I sighed. "You're.. so easy to notice. And.. I'm sure there will be thousands of girls who will notice you, every single night.." I muttered, suddenly hating the idea of crowds of girls staring at him the way that I did.

"Really?" He asked, his cheeks burning red.

"Of course I do.. you're.. you." He held his stare on me, his eyes moving down to my lips, but he didn't move.

"You know I don't care about that, Jaime."

"Yeah, you say that now. A single guy on tour-"

"That wasn't my choice."

"I'm sorry." I whispered, reaching up, grabbing onto his arm. So strong, sometimes I missed how safe I felt when he wrapped them around me.

"You're the only one I have ever wanted to impress." He sighed, now staring back at me with familiar dazed eyes. My heart started beating faster.

"Well.. you always have." His eyes moved down to my lips again as he leaned his forehead against mine.

By now, my heart was pounding so fast I was positive he could hear it. He reached up, holding my face in his hands, staring back into my eyes for a moment before leaning into a gentle kiss. Before I could even register what was happening, he backed away, gently running his fingers down my cheek.

"Goodbye, Jaime." He sighed, running his fingers through my hair, pulling me in and kissing my forehead. I felt more tears come to my eyes as he moved away, making his way back towards their van.

I pulled my knees against my chest as the tears fell, my breaths getting heavier as the cries turned to sobs. I hated this. I hated that he was leaving, I hated that I made him feel like this, I hated how I couldn't control how I felt, I hated feeling like I was losing my best friend..

I didn't want them to go.

I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was.

I reached into my pocket, pulling out my phone, pressing call.

"Jaime.." Jake said, answering immediately. "Where are you?"

"I'm in the backyard, can you.. can you come back?"

"Of course." He said, hanging up. I rubbed my face as much as I could, but I knew it was no use. He would be able to tell how much I had been crying.

"Jaime?" I heard, as he practically ran through the yard to get to me. I didn't hesitate to reach out for him, pulling him into a tight hug, burying my face in his chest. He held me tight, staying quiet as he gently rubbed my back, leaning his head on top of mine.

"It's gonna be okay." He assured me. "A few months is gonna fly by, and then.. I'm gonna come back home to you, and.. everything is going to be perfect again. I promise. And.. I know it's gonna be hard, and.. I am gonna miss you.. so much. But I swear, I'm going to read all of your letters, probably a million times." He laughed. I could hear his voice cracking, knowing he was crying now too. "And I hope you read mine. And then one day we're gonna wake up and.. it'll all be behind us."

I finally moved away, looking up at him.

"I don't want it to be behind us." I said, wiping my eyes again. "I want you to enjoy it. So.. please enjoy it, and.. I'll be here when you get home. I will always be here. I love you." I reached up, pulling him into a passionate kiss. He held my face in his hands, pulling me in closer, kissing me back harder.

"I love you, Jaime." I pulled him into another kiss, knowing that as soon as I let go, that would be it, and I just couldn't. He kissed me back harder, tangling his fingers in my hair until I felt tears rolling down my cheek.

But this time, they were his.

He finally pulled away, his eyes bloodshot and sad.

"I gotta go." He sighed. I squeezed his hand tighter, pulling him into one last kiss before reluctantly letting go of his hand.

"I love you." I cried. He forced a smile, wiping his eyes as he held his stare on me.

"Goodbye, Jaime." He whispered.

I felt my heart break in my chest.

"Goodbye, Jake."