Me.

"Josh.." I sighed. His face dropped as he looked back out at the water.

"Jaime, I just.. I don't understand what happened. And I've been trying to be okay with this whole thing but.. I just.. I can't, because I don't get it. I don't understand what I did wrong for you to-"

"You didn't do anything wrong." I muttered, hating how he was blaming himself for this.

"Then.. what was it? Because.. everything seemed fine until we slep-"

"I know." I said, quickly cutting him off as I looked away.

I didn't want to think about that. Not right now. Because after seeing someone like that, after being with him.. like that, it was almost impossible to look at him the same again, and if I stared for too long, I knew I would be instantly brought back to that day with him in my bedroom.

Despite how it went, it was still with him.

And that's what made it so special.

"You said you loved me." He said softly.

"I know. And.. I do, I just-"

"You love me but you don't want to be with me." I stayed quiet, not sure of what to say.

"Do you love him?" He finally asked. My stomach dropped. I had wondered how long we could actually go without actually talking about Jake. I hesitated for a moment before finally nodding.

"I do."

"And when you told me those feelings went away.."

"I.. I was hoping they would, but.."

"But they didn't." I reluctantly shook my head.

"Jaime, how do you feel about me?" He asked, turning back to me. I could feel my heart beating faster as he held his stare on me.

"Josh, I-"

"I just want to know."

"With you, everything is so.. easy. It's simple. I feel like.. I can tell you anything, and when I'm with you I feel.. safe. I know you would never do anything to hurt me. You've been with me through everything, but.. sometimes it feels like.. we're.. too comfortable. Like.. I know what you're gonna do before you do it, like.. we've been together for years. Like we.. skipped that beginning part because.. well, our whole life before this was the beginning part." He nodded, giggling to himself.

"Jaime, that sounds a lot like love to me." I bit down on my lip, feeling my face get hot.

Now that I was hearing it out loud..

"It's just that.. you've been my best friend my entire life and.. I don't want to lose that. And I feel like once we take it.. that next step, well.. then I do." He reached over, gently caressing my face.

"Jaime, I can be both. I don't understand why it has to be one or the other."

"Neither do I, but I just-"

"How do you feel about him?"

"You.. really want to talk about this?" He shook his head, giving me a sympathetic smile.

"No, but.. I can't keep living in us just pretending like this isn't happening." I hesitated, wanting to word this as best as I could without hurting his feelings, but at this point, I don't think there was anything I could say that wouldn't hurt to hear.

"When I'm with him, I just feel.. this rush that I've never felt before. Every time he.. well.. every time I'm around him, I.. I feel.. nervous and excited and-"

"That sounds.. stressful." He giggled, trying his best to force a smile. I shrugged, looking away.

"Love should be.. comforting, Jaime."

Maybe.. he was right, because he was the most comforting thing I have ever felt, but even still..

"And.. you could live in that feeling forever? That feeling of.. not knowing? The excitement in the beginning is nice but.. one day.. won't you want to feel comfortable? To know that.. your person knows you inside and out and.. loves every piece of you? Because.. you could have that now." I peeked back over at him, my heart jumping as he reached over for my hand. I didn't pull away.

"What about when things get comfortable with him? How would that be any different than how you feel about me now?"

I knew that he was right, but that still didn't change what I wanted.

I saw his face drop as I pulled my hand away.

"Jaime.. that night I brought you home, after he did.. whatever he did, I just.. I can't handle seeing you like that again. It killed me seeing you like that. And you said it yourself, you know I would never hurt you. Could you honestly say the same thing about him?"

I hated that as much as I wanted to.. I couldn't.

Not indefinitely.

Just a few hours ago, I was so sure. So how was he able to get me to second guess everything in a matter of seconds? And right before they were about to leave? When all I had was my ability to trust him.

"I should go." I finally said, getting back up.

"Jaime, wait.." He said, reaching out for me. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"Josh, I just think that.. maybe some people are just.. meant to be friends, and-"

"And I don't think we're one of them." I stopped, turning back to face him as he pushed himself up from the ground.

"Look.. maybe you need time. We were each other's first everything, and I can understand being unsure of something like this so soon but.. I have always been sure about you. I have never picked anyone over you and I never would." He reached over, gently caressing my face again, pulling me in closer to him. I could feel my heart pounding as my eyes moved down to his lips, remembering the last time I got to taste them. I wondered if he remembered too. My cheeks burned as I saw his eyes move down to my lips too.

"You have no idea how badly I want to kiss you again, but.. I won't. Not unless you ask me to." I held my stare on him, getting lost in this moment of wondering if.. maybe he was right. People searched their entire lives for what him and I have, for what we've always had. Was I letting temporary feelings get in the way of one of the realest things I've ever felt?

But who said that these were temporary feelings? I knew how I felt about Jake, and who was to say that those feelings weren't real too? He might have made mistakes in the past but.. everyone makes mistakes. And he was proving that he was changing. Why didn't he deserve a chance?

"I'm.. I'm sorry." I sighed, moving away. "I have to go."

"Jaime.."

"I'm sorry." I quickly grabbed my bag, tossing it over my shoulder.

"Jaime, wait, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No.. it's.. it's okay, I'm glad we finally talked about it. I just-"

And then as I turned around, it felt like my heart had stopped as I saw Jake standing on the trail, leaning back against the trunk of the tree, his arms tightly crossed against his chest. I wondered how long he had been standing there.

"Jake, I-"

"Sorry, didn't know I'd be interrupting anything." He said simply. I felt my face get hot.

"N-no, you're not, I was just-"

"Just in the middle of something, clearly." He sighed. "Well, don't let me stop you."

"Jake, no, I was-"

"She was going to find you." Josh finally said. "Don't worry. Nothing happened. I don't do that." I could see Jake's jaw clenching as he glared back at Josh, before finally reaching his arm out for me. I didn't hesitate to run over, positioning myself underneath as he held me close, grabbing my bag from my arm and tossing it over his shoulder.

"Come on." He said, as he began guiding us back down the dirt path. "I got us dinner." I held on tight as we made our way through, but not before peeking back at the water to see Josh still watching as we disappeared into the woods.