He truly came alive the second he walked on stage. It's been so incredible to see the young boy who was once terrified to even look at the audience when they first started, grow into someone who finally believed he belonged up there.

And then there was Josh.

Who outside of Jake had never dreamed of this, but you would never be able to tell from the moment he started to sing. I couldn't wait to see how far they would go, but I knew I would miss them more than anything when the world eventually took them away from me.

Every so often I'd see Josh look around, searching for me in the audience, giving me a quick smile whenever he found me. I could tell he was nervous, but I just wish, even if just for a moment, he could see himself the way everyone else saw him. I would give him a small wave and he'd instantly perk up, flashing everyone a beaming grin.

"And now this last song is very special to us." He said, looking out for me again. I felt my cheeks burn, knowing what was about to happen. I couldn't help but smile. "Because the girl that it's about is here with us tonight, but I promised I wouldn't point her out and embarrass her. She'll never know just how much I love her, but hopefully this song is always a reminder. This is for you."

And in an instant, I was brought right back to that night in his bedroom, the way I felt when he held me, when we kissed for the first time, and everything finally felt.. right. I don't understand what happened between then and now, but how badly I wanted to get back to that moment.

For the next few minutes, I enjoyed this moment between the two of us, something that was once so intimate and sacred, now being shared amongst thousands, and even still he managed to make me feel like him and I were the only two in the room, and I loved him for that. There weren't many people who were willing to be so open about their feelings, especially not so publicly. And here I was, with someone willing to shout it out into the world.

I was so lucky, and I knew this.

So why couldn't I just.. be happy?

"Thank you all for coming out, we love you. Goodnight!" He finally said, blowing a kiss to the audience before following the rest of the guys off stage. I made my way through the crowd as fast as I could, but this was way more people than any of us were used to. I could barely get out of my seat before I felt my phone start to ring.

It was Josh.

"Hey, where are you?" He asked. I covered my other ear, trying my best to hear amongst everyone.

"I'm stuck out here, there's a lot of people." I yelled.

"I'll come and get you, meet me out back."

It still took me a while to get passed the crowds, all trying to either make their way out into the lobby or push their way backstage. By the time I was finally able to break away, I could see him standing out back alone, looking around.

He jumped at the sound of the door, flashing me a toothy grin.

"There you are." He said, going to reach for me, but stopping himself. I sighed, knowing that was my fault. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. I felt him squeeze me tighter, kissing the top of my head, swaying side to side for a moment before backing away.

"How were we?" He asked, leaning his forehead against mine.

"You were great." I said, now staring up at him. His smile grew as his cheeks burned red, cautiously leaning in, stopping just before my lips. I hated that I had scared him off so bad that he now felt like he couldn't even kiss me anymore.

I reached my arms up, wrapping them around his neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss. His lips instantly curled into a smile as he brought me in closer, kissing me back harder.

"I'm sorry about before." I said softly. He shrugged.

"It's okay, I.. I can back off, I just-"

"No, you shouldn't have to, you're my boyfriend, you.. you should be like this, right?" He smirked back at me, his cheeks burning red.

"I can be whatever you need me to be, Jaime. But I never want to make you uncomfortable. I just.. I want us to be able to talk about these things, about everything."

He was right. We should be able to talk about anything and everything, but sometimes it just wasn't that easy, because sometimes even I didn't understand how I was feeling, so how was I supposed to talk about that with him? I was doing the best that I could, just like he was. Our bests were just.. at two different points right now.

"Me too, and.. I promise, I'll try." He nodded, staring back at me, his eyes now in a daze. I wish I could see what he saw when he stared at me like that. Maybe things would be easier if I could love me as much as he loved me.

He reached up, caressing my face, pulling me into another long kiss.

"Are you all going back to your house?" I asked. He nodded, pulling me closer.

"Yeah, so.. I mean, I know you said you wanted to be alone tonight, but.."

"I.. I'll call you when I get back from the hospital, okay?"

"Okay." He said, leaning in for another quick kiss. "And, really.. I don't mind going if-" I cut him off, shooting him a look. He stopped, giggling to himself.

"Alright, alright.." He sighed, gently running his fingers through my hair. "But I'll be waiting."

"I know." I laughed, kissing him one more time before having to pry myself out of his arms, and began walking to my car. Before turning the corner, I looked back to see him still watching me, giving me a subtle wave as his eyes met mine again.

"I love you." He called out. I felt my face get hot.

"I love you."

When I got to the hospital, I was once again greeted by name by the all too familiar faces of the many nurses who had all taken care of my mom at one point or another. My presence had become customary, but it was just one of those places where it wasn't exactly a good thing to be recognized.

As I turned the corner, I could see the light on in her room, so at least she was still awake, but I could only wonder for how much longer. I peeked around the curtain to see her sitting up, drinking from her small container of juice.

"Honey!" She called out. I sighed, finally able to smile again. Another good day. "What a surprise!"

"Is it really a surprise?" I laughed. "I always come to see you." She nodded, pushing her tray away.

"I guess you're right, but that doesn't mean I'm not still excited when you do." I went over and sat down in the chair by her bedside. "So what have you been up to?" She asked eagerly. "I feel like I'm missing everything."

"Well, the guys got a record deal, and.. tonight was sort of a showcase concert for them. So I just came from there." I said simply, like this was just something that everyone did. She stared back at me wide-eyed, propping herself up further in her bed.

"A record deal?! That's amazing!" I nodded, unable to contain my smile. "How is Josh? Are things going well with you two?" I bit down on my lip, my body now feeling like it was on fire.

"Well.." I started, avoiding her eyes. I couldn't keep it from her, but that didn't mean this was something that was easy to talk about with your mom. "We... we um.."

"You what? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. The.. the other night.. well, we finally.. I.. I slept with him." I finally managed to get out. I couldn't look at her, knowing how red my face was sure to be at this point. She was quiet for a moment, every second of silence excruciating.

"Well, that's big news." She said simply. "How did you feel about it?" I shrugged, finally peeking back up at her.

"Did you want to?" She asked, her tone more serious this time. I quickly nodded, not wanting her to get the wrong idea.

"Yeah, it.. it was my idea." She nodded, smiling again.

"Well, as long as you felt ready, and.. you were safe?" I nodded again. "Then.. thank you for telling me. That's a big moment for someone." I shrugged again.

"What's the matter?"

"It just.. wasn't what I was expecting." I muttered, now awkwardly picking at my nails.

"What were you expecting? What happened?"

"I just.. I thought it would be.. like the movies. But.. I don't know, it just didn't.. feel like anything at all." She sighed, reaching out for me, gently brushing my hair out of my face.

"I always thought too much pressure was put on it too. But.. it gets better.. the more you do it, if that's something that you even want to do, and if it's not, that's okay too."

"I told him that.. I don't think I want to anymore."

"And there's nothing wrong with that."

"But then after, he.. well, he's.. he's different now." She stared back at me, her eyes confused.

"What do you mean he's different?"

"He's very... clingy." She giggled to herself, shaking her head.

"Oh, Jaime. He loves you so much." My heart jumped, my face getting hot again. "Do you love him?" I nodded.

"I just don't want to hurt him." I muttered, avoiding her eyes again.

"Why would you hurt him?" I shrugged again, staying silent. She instantly picked up on my reluctance.

"Did you look through the photo albums?" She finally asked. My stomach dropped.

She knew.

"Yes."

"Does this have anything to do with.. that?"

"It might."

"Do you want to talk about.. him?" My heart started pounding.

"N-no." She nodded, reaching over for her juice again.

"Okay. Whenever, if ever, you're ready."

Before I left, I hung back in the doorway, trying to savor every minute I could, always terrified of the days and nights I left her, never knowing if they were going to be the last time.

"Just.. please, for my sake, no matter what you decide to do, Jaime.. always be safe."

"I will." I assured her.

"I know I mentioned grandkids, but I'm not really in a position to be a very good grandmother right now so, if you could wait a little while.."

"I plan on it." I laughed, shaking my head.

"Thank you. But.. you'd have a very beautiful family."

"Okay, Mom." I said, rolling my eyes.

"With either-"

"Okay! I'm leaving now." I heard her giggling to herself.

"Alright honey, I love you."

"I love you."

As I pulled back up to the house, I could see the party still going strong in their backyard, the music blasting, no doubt everyone already completely wasted. But they deserved to celebrate. I quickly made my way in, heading up the stairs and into my bedroom where I peeked out of my window that overlooked their back yard.

I could see Sam and Danny over at the beer pong table with their girlfriends, obviously having lost one too many games by the way they stumbled over trying to catch the ping pong balls. Jake stood off to the side, drink in hand, most likely waiting for his turn, and then far off into the yard, I could see Josh sitting on their old tree swing, gently rocked back and forth.

I pulled out my phone and pressed call.