I kept my eyes locked on Jake until he turned the corner, now unable to think about anything other than him. How quickly he managed to comfort me, how protected I felt in his grasp, the feeling of him kissing me, his breath on my neck when he whispered to me.

Call me later.

And I knew I would spend the rest of the night wondering if I would have the opportunity (or the courage) to. Did he really expect me to talk to him about this? Did I even want to? Telling him how right he was, how if I could take it back, I would in a heartbeat. How I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to try again.. at least, not for a while.

But at the same time, all I wanted was to have him comfort me, hold me, show me that everything would always be okay. That's all I ever wanted from him, and little by little, it felt like maybe.. one day..

"Hey.. you okay?" I snapped out of it, looking around to see Sam coming into the wings, grabbing his bass from off of the guitar rack, lifting it over his head and adjusting his strap into place. I nodded, wiping my eyes as best as I could, forcing a smile.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. Are.. are you excited?" I asked, trying to take the attention off of me. He shrugged, his smile growing.

"I mean, they're all kinda the same after a while, right?" He laughed. "Once you've played one, you've played them all."

"I don't know, I like to think every night is brand new." He nodded, giggling to himself.

"Maybe you should be in the band then." I rolled my eyes, peeking back out into the audience.

It was really packed now. I wondered where Josh was. He was probably nervous. He always got nervous before a show, but I'm sure now with more and more riding on them, it was worse than ever. I knew if anything, he needed to be comforted too.

"I'll be right back." I said, making my way down the hall, listening for any signs of Josh until I could hear him warming up further down, away from the stage. I gently knocked on the door, hearing him stop singing and making his way over to open it. When he did, his eyes instantly lit up, flashing me a toothy grin.

"Well, you sound great." I said, following him inside. He shut the door behind us, gently grabbing onto my waist, turning me around and pulling me back towards him.

"Thank you." He sighed, staring back at me with dazed eyes. I knew that look. I carefully pulled away, going over and sitting down on the couch. His face dropped as he instantly followed me, sitting down close, wrapping his arm around me.

"Are you nervous?" I asked. He shrugged, sliding closer, his other hand moving onto my leg.

"I'm okay now." He said, giving me a gentle smile.

"There are a lot of people out there." I said, moving away slightly. "Way more than your usual shows." He bit down on his lip.

"That's not helping." He laughed, moving back in. I felt my cheeks burn.

"Well, just that many more people to love you."

"I don't need a lot of people to love me, Jaime."

"But it couldn't hurt." I shrugged.

I felt his fingers slowly glide up my arm as he leaned over, gently kissing my shoulder, leaning his head against me. I don't know what's come over him lately, but it was all suddenly starting to feel like.. too much. I grabbed his hand, lightly intertwining our fingers just to limit the touching as much as I could without hurting his feelings.

"So, um.. have you.. thought about it?" He asked. I felt my heart start to beat faster.

"Thought about what?"

"If you.. wanted to come with us. On the tour?"

"Oh. Um.. n-not really." I muttered. "Not.. not yet. I.. it's just.. it's a lot, you know?" He nodded, now looking down at our hands.

"Y-yeah, you're right, it's just.. I just thought that you'd.. want to. Be with me." My heart sunk. It wasn't a matter of not wanting to be with him, but just.. the idea of just up and leaving, living out of a van with the rest of them for who knew how long? And it wasn't fair for me to take up what little space they did have.

"And I'd really miss you." He said softly, leaning over, gently kissing my cheek. I knew I would miss them so much, but there also came a point where I had to think about my future too. Their's was just taking off, and if I dropped everything for them, then.. what about me?

"You know you could call me every day." I said, turning towards him. He nodded, his face dropping.

"R-right.."

"Long distance is.. so much easier now with everything." He bit down on his lip, nodding again.

"Mhm.." He mumbled, noticeably upset.

"What is it?" I finally asked. He shrugged.

"It's just.. it seems like.. you've already made up your mind."

"I.. I didn't, I'm just saying, it's possible."

And it would give me plenty of time to actually miss him again.

"Josh, on in ten.." Someone called out, peeking their head in the door. He nodded, flashing them a forced smile.

"Can we talk about it after?" He asked, pulling me closer to him. I nodded.

"Y-yeah. Sure."

"And then if you want, we can go visit your mom." I sighed, gently running my fingers through his hair.

"Thank you, but.. I don't want to drag you into this. This is your night with everyone and-"

"You're not dragging me into anything, Jaime. I.. I want to be there for you, in every way."

How did he manage to be so sweet and here I was.. just needing time away from it all. I was so lucky to have someone like him and yet..

"I know, and I appreciate it, but I just think that I should go by myself tonight." I said, letting go of his hand. "I.. I don't want to overwhelm her, and if something happens, well.. I don't want to put you through that too."

"Okay, if that's what you want, but.. I can come over later when you get home, so you don't have to stay in your house by yourself, you just let me know and-"

"Actually, I was thinking that maybe.. I should spend the night alone. I mean, I'm gonna have to get used to it when she eventually comes home, right? And.. when you guys leave?" He hesitated for a moment before reaching back over for my hand again.

"Okay.. if.. if you want to be alone then, I.. I'll leave you alone."

"We should get you backstage, they're probably looking for you." He nodded, staying quiet as he held on tighter to my hand, helping me up and guiding me down the hallway. We made our way into the wings and I gently pulled my hand out of his as Jake came back over. He gave me a questioning look, I nodded, quickly avoiding his eyes again, wanting to avert any possible inquiry I was sure Josh would have. I knew even that split second was enough to raise suspicion in him.

Ever since that night in Jake's room, I don't think I've seen them say more than two words to each other. I wondered if they talked about it at all. I wondered if they ever would. But then I realized I really hadn't been away from Josh since it happened.

Maybe we all needed a night apart.

"I'm gonna head up to my seat, okay?" I said, turning to him. He reached out for me, pulling me in closer. I could feel my cheeks burn, suddenly conscious of the fact that Jake was staring at us now. I backed away, but he held on tight, pulling me into a kiss that I knew he intended to be much longer.

"Okay.." He said, gently touching my cheek. "I'll see you after. Are you gonna come back here?" I nodded.

"Okay. I love you, Jaime." My whole body felt like it was on fire, almost hating having to do this in front of Jake now.

"Love you." I quickly muttered, pulling away and quickly making my way out.