"I can't do this." I whispered, backing away from him. His face dropped as he reached out for me.

"Jaime, w-what do you.. really want?" I looked back up at him, trying my best to focus as the room continued to spin.

"I wanted you to tell me all of this before." I managed, leaning back against his bed for balance. "Before.. I fell for him. Jake, he has been there for me.. through everything, and-"

"So could I, Jaime. I would do any-"

"Jake, I love him."

He stopped, now backing away from me.

"You love him.." He sighed. I nodded, avoiding his eyes.

"I'm.. I'm sorry. I.. I should just go. I should be taking care of him." I pushed myself up from his bed, making my way over to the door when I felt him grab my arm.

"Jaime, please don't go. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, I just.. you said-"

"I know, and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, I just.. I need to go. We should just.. pretend this never happened." He sighed, shaking his head.

"Jaime, you really think we can just pretend this never happened?"

"We have to."

"You're the one who told me to jump. Why would you say all of those things if you didn't want me to-" I yanked my arm away, finally looking back up at him.

"I did want you to, okay? Or at least I thought I did. And then.. when you kissed me, I just.. I felt-"

"Me too." He whispered. "We can't act like there isn't anything here, Jaime. There's always been something here, and there always will be."

"And you've chosen other girls over me.. every time. But he has always chosen me. So now.. I choose him." He bit down on his lip, his face getting angrier.

"Jaime, you only picked him because you thought that I wasn't an option. You wanted me first, and.. you can have me now. You could have always had me." My stomach dropped. I hated that he put it like that because.. he wasn't entirely wrong, but that wasn't the only reason, that didn't change how I felt about Josh now.

"You would really do this to him?" I asked. "After everything, after knowing how he feels. You would still be okay with me picking you?"

"Oh, come on, Jaime. Don't say that like you didn't know exactly what you wanted to happen when you came up here. You made your choice too."

"You kissed me!"

"And you really didn't seem to mind." He snapped. There was no way I could ever tell him how that kiss really made me feel, or how.. in the moment, if he had wanted more.. I would have let him.

"You're right, okay? I didn't. And I can't tell you how long I've wanted you to kiss me like that, but it just.. feels different now." He tightly crossed his arms, leaning back against the door.

"You could have said something to me too, you know.." He muttered. "It's not entirely my fault that we aren't together."

"Yeah, right." I laughed, rolling my eyes. "Like I would ever say anything to you when you're bringing home the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. How do you think that made me feel? In what world would I ever think I'd have a shot when I'm forced to see the kind of girls that you're apparently into." He shook his head, looking away.

"None of them ever came close to you, Jaime. They never have and they never will. I have never seen another girl more beautiful than you." My heart jumped. I looked down at my feet, trying my best to hide my now blushing face.

"Don't say that to me now." I muttered. My heart started beating faster as he moved in closer.

"Why not?"

"Because.. you're making this.. impossible."

"Making what imposs-"

"Not falling for you!"

"And why would falling for me so bad? What's so bad about me?" He asked, now tilting my chin back up to face him again. No matter how I felt, there was no denying how beautiful those eyes were. It didn't matter how angry I was, I'd get lost in them every time. And he knew it.

But they didn't look how they usually did after a long night of partying. They were clear, staring back at me, alert and focused as ever. And now that I think of it, I hadn't seen him finish a drink all night.

"Are you drunk?" I asked. He shook his head, reaching up, gently pushing the hair out of my face.

"No, just in case they called, I wanted to be okay to talk to them. And.. I wanted to be there for you, if you needed me." I felt my face get hot again.

"Well.. did they call?" He hesitated for a moment, eventually giving me a reluctant nod.

"They did? When? Why didn't you say anything? When did you-"

"When we came up to my room. He called."

"W-why didn't you-"

"Because I was with you." He shrugged, now looking away. My heart sunk. Jake had never put anyone or anything before the band. And now here we were, waiting for the biggest news of his life and he just.. let it ring.

"He left a voicemail." He added, now looking more nervous.

"And you still haven't listened to it?" I sighed, still not able to comprehend what was happening right now. He shook his head.

"No. And I'm not. Not until we figure this out."

"Jake, this is everything you've ever-"

"I told you, I'd give the right person everything. And I meant you. The voicemail is there, and no matter what he said, that won't change. But you're here now. And.. we need to figure this out.. now."

"Jake, there's nothing left to figure out." I said, trying to convince myself, more than anything. I just.. I needed to leave. Being here, with him, was making this impossible, and the longer I stayed, the harder it was going to be for me to go.

He held his stare on me, his eyes moving down to my lips.

"Jake.." I said, shaking my head. He smirked back at me, his cheeks burning red.

"You said it yourself, Jaime. You want it just as badly as I do.." I avoided his eyes, feeling my body get hot again. In the moment, he was right.. but there was a big difference between feeling that way and actually.. acting on it.

And I couldn't.

I wouldn't.

He bit down on his lip, staring back more intently.

"You know, I think that.. you're scared." He finally said with a smirk.

"S-scared of.. what?" I asked, my heart now racing.

"Being with me." He said simply. "Because of.. how many other girls I've been with. And you haven't.. been with anyone." My stomach dropped.

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel better knowing Josh hadn't been with anyone else either. As the years went by without anything happening, the more nerve-racking it got, knowing that whoever I wound up with would be that much more experienced than I was. So the idea of us getting to figure that out together made me feel that much more comfortable with him.

"That's not true." I snapped, avoiding his eyes.

"Well, I think it's sweet." He said softly. "I wish I waited." I peeked back up at him.

"Y-you.. you do?" He nodded, reaching out for my hand, slowly intertwining our fingers.

"Mhm.."

"Well.. you didn't." I muttered, pulling my hand away. His face dropped.

"Would it have made a difference if I did?" I shrugged.

It would have.

But I didn't want to admit that.

Not now.

"Jaime, I can't take back anything that I've already done, and I'm sorry for that, I wish I could if it meant you being sure about me, but.. I can be whatever you need now. I would never pressure you, and.. if the idea of this does make you uncomfortable, whether you want to admit it to me or not, we don't have to talk about it. Ever. Not until you're ready. And.. I'll do whatever you need to feel comfortable with me, I just.." He sighed, sitting down next to me on the bed. Reaching up, he caressed my face, pulling me in closer. "I know with you, it would.. actually mean something. It would be.. incredible."

The thought of being with him.. like that. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I slowly reached over, placing my hand on his leg. His eyes shot down to it, and then back up to me as he licked his lips.

"Really?" I whispered, leaning in closer. His smile grew as he gently ran his fingers down my cheek, slowly tangling them into my hair.

"Really."

He was saying all the perfect things, making my head spin at the thought of him, it now taking everything in me to keep myself off of him, but..

I shook my head, gently pulling away from him again.

"N-no.. Jake, I'm sorry, but.. I.. I can't. I can't be here. I.. I need him." I quickly got up, reaching for the door, and when I opened it, my body went ice cold as I saw Josh leaning up against the wall staring back at me.