I couldn't contain my beaming grin as I made my way back into my bedroom, happily twirling around before plopping down on my bed. All I wanted was for it to be tomorrow already, just so I could see him again. I kept replaying every touch, every kiss over and over in my head, unable to decide which was best, each one making me fall for him more and more.

And as much as I wished, just for one night I could have avoided the hospital, I was happy to have been able to share it with my mom, who was probably more excited about this than I was. I know that she worried, that one day I would be left all by myself, and all she wanted was to make sure I was taken care of.

I then looked over at the sound of my phone.

Was it Josh already?

I heard about your mom. I'm glad she's okay. Please let me know if you ever need anything. I'm always here for you, Jaime.

My heart jumped, smiling at the thought of Josh already telling him about our night.

This was the first time I had heard from Jake in a long time. Him and I used to be closer, but then as he started going out more and more, him and I began to drift apart, which hurt sometimes, but I understood. And it was because of that, Josh started coming over more so.. I didn't mind too much. But there were still times when I missed him.

thank you, jake xo

I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on the both of them. I nervously watched from the backseat as we followed the moving van, eventually parking in front of our new house. It was much smaller than our old one, but I just hoped we still had a yard and kids around the neighborhood for me to play with. Being an only child was so lonely sometimes, and ever since my dad left, all I really had was myself to keep me company since my Mom was working all the time.

I looked around as she helped me out of the backseat, handing me my backpack with my toys.

"Hold onto this tight, okay? I don't know how long until we'll be able to get everything else unpacked." I nodded, staying close to her.

Looking around, I eventually saw a little boy running out from his house, quickly making his way over. I hid further behind my mom's leg.

"Hi!" He eventually said, now out of breath, holding his hand out to me. I looked down at it, and back up to my mom who gave me a smile and a reassuring nod. I hesitated before finally reaching out and shaking it.

"Hi, my name is Jaime." I said softly, now noticing another boy standing behind his mom's leg. I felt my face get hot.

"I'm Josh. What kind of games do you like to play?" He asked. I had really wished there would have been some girls for me to play with, but I wasn't going to be picky about friends, especially not when they were already so nice. And he didn't seem to care that I was a girl either, which was a nice change from the boys at my other school who were all mean and chased us around, trying to pull our hair and push us down.

"Um.. all kinds."

"Okay great! We can play all the time now." I couldn't help but smile, nodding. Maybe moving wouldn't be so bad after all.

I looked back over at the other boy, still nervously peeking out at me from behind their mom's leg. I felt my heart start to beat faster, also wanting to hide away now. What was happening?

"Who's that?" I finally asked, wanting him to come over and talk to me. He had such big eyes that never seemed to stray away from mine. I couldn't look away either.

"That's my twin brother, Jake." Josh said simply. I giggled to myself, unable to contain my smile.

Jake.

He was.. cute.

"Why is he hiding?" I asked, starting to make my way over to him. Josh shrugged, moving in front of me.

"He's just shy." I looked back at him, giving him a timid wave before he finally started to peek further out, now smiling back at me. My heart jumped, another giddy laugh slipping out.

"Josh, we should let them get settled in." His mom said, reaching her hand out for him. "You can come over later." They were leaving already? But.. I wanted to meet Jake.

"Okay.. um.. you can come over whenever you want. Just knock on the back door and I'll come out and play." Josh said, turning back to me.

"Okay." I laughed again, going back over to my mom.

"Well, it seems like you already made some friends." She said cheerfully, taking my hand and leading me into the house. "But now I get to show you your room!" She lead me up the stairs and down the hallway to the biggest bedroom I had ever seen.

"Now, this is a big girl room so you have to keep it clean, okay?" She said, leaning in the doorway. I went in, looking all around. I couldn't believe this was all mine.

I then climbed up, looking out my window to see that it overlooked the house next door, my heart now beating faster at the thought of it possibly being Jake's, and maybe one day when he wasn't so shy, him and I could talk after everyone had gone to sleep, getting our own pair of walkie-talkies and sending little notes through paper airplanes. I couldn't wait.

And I couldn't have been more wrong.

But I'd be lying if I still didn't occasionally think about.. what if.

I reached under my bed, pulling out my journal that I had had for almost my entire life. I only wrote in this one on special occasions, for things I knew I would want to remember every detail of, and I had been waiting for what felt like forever to finally write about today.

Dear Journal,

Tonight Josh and I finally had our first date, and it went perfectly. He even brought me flowers, lavender roses. I didn't think boys actually did that, but he has always exceeded my expectations in every sense of the word. As badly as I wanted to have that special moment at the end of the date, I just couldn't wait to kiss him, and every time feels like the first time, making me fall for him over and over again. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self that I would finally get to be writing about this day, I know how badly she wanted this.

I stopped for a moment, flipping back to the very first entry which was from the day we moved in. My mom had gifted me this journal, laying it on my pillow for me after I got out of the bath that first night.

"This is the first day of our journey together, and I want you to write down all of your special moments so one day you can share them with your daughter. But more importantly, so you can revisit them whenever you want. And always write about them while you're still feeling them, that's when you're the most honest."

I couldn't help but smile at the first page.

I have a big girl room now and I'm writing this from my brand new big girl bed. It's HUGE!! I can't wait for tomorrow. Maybe I can go and play with our new neighbors Jake and Josh. Josh is really nice and wants to play games with me. Jake is so cute. I hope he likes me. I'll write back tomorrow.

xo, Jaime.

If only younger me would have known. I kept flipping through, noticing my hand writing get better, the entries slowly starting to be written with crayon, to pencil, to pen and in an instant, the hearts surrounding Jake's name switched to Josh.

I think it was the first time that Jake ever brought a girl home. I was heartbroken. She was so pretty. She had straight blonde hair and bright blue eyes and brand new clothes, everything about her was shiny and new and.. perfect; she was everything I wasn't. He was so nice to her, not shy at all, only making me wonder what was wrong with me that she deserved to be treated this way, and I didn't. It was then when Josh brought me to his secret tree off in the woods, one with the perfect branches for climbing and we spent the afternoon together alone, just talking about life as we watched the sun set off in the distance, and I loved every second of it.

He made me feel shiny and new and.. perfect.

And that's when everything changed.

I flipped back to my most recent entry.

For dinner, he brought us to my favorite restaurant. I love how he remembers little things about me, always understanding that the little things the big things. And then after, we went on a walk through the park, and he brought me down to the gazebo on the water, the one I spent so many afternoons in alone, wondering what it would be like to finally have my someone, and then he asked me to be his girlfriend and I don't think I've ever been so happy.

And then I heard my phone vibrate again.

One day I'll be brave enough to tell yo

My stomach dropped.

Brave enough to tell me? Tell me what?

I'm sure it was nothing.

Probably meant for Cait.

to tell me what?

sorry, didn't mean to send here, just writing lyrics.

I always loved Jake's writing. He kept it secret most of the time, but occasionally he'd let me glance over at his notebook during their practices, pretending like he didn't see that I was reading. He used to let me read his stuff all the time growing up, but as time went on, he became much more private with his stuff. Sometimes I wished we could go back to how we used to be, especially now with Josh and I being together, I wanted to be close with him again too.

they sound sad. anything you want to talk about?

maybe one day.

okay, whenever you're ready, i'm here for you too xo

He was quiet again for a minute, his text bubble constantly disappearing.

thank you, jaime

I felt my heart jump.

A heart?

He had never sent me a heart before.

I'd love to see some of the new stuff you've written, if you're comfortable showing me. I miss hearing you play for me.

I'm sure he'd just assume I meant hearing all of them play, but I always loved those moments out in their yard when he would just play for me. He was a different Jake when he was alone with me, and I missed that Jake.. so much.

One night when Josh decided to stay inside and edit what he had shot that day, Jake asked if I wanted to come and sit with him while he ran through some of the new stuff he had been working on. I always remembered thinking that I was so lucky to get to be the first one to hear what they wrote, knowing one day there would be millions of girls wishing they could be in my shoes.

I still felt like it was going to happen for them.

One day.

I lied down in the grass next to him while he leaned up against the tree, playing me a song I had never heard before, silently singing to himself. I couldn't help but smile. He had never really sung in front of me before, not like this. I stayed quiet, not wanting him to second guess himself. I loved his voice. It was deeper than Josh's, so much softer, almost haunting.

Sad, but beautiful.

Just like him.

And all you never say is that you love me so

all I'll never know is if you want me, oh

if only I could look into your mind

maybe then I'd find a sign

of all I want to hear you say to me

"What inspires you?" I asked, peeking up at him as a subtle smile spread across his lips. He shrugged.

"All kinds of stuff." He said simply, finally looking back at me. "The melody comes more naturally to me, it's the lyrics that are hard."

"Well, you could've fooled me. You make it look so easy." His smile grew, his cheeks burning red.

"Thank you." He muttered shyly, now avoiding my eyes. I knew that compliments made him uncomfortable but he needed to hear them sometimes too.

I'll play for you whenever you want.

Then I noticed the room in Josh's bedroom switch on. I felt my heart beat faster as I saw him look over, flashing me a wide grin, rolling over to his window, giving me a gentle wave. I closed out of my texts, instantly calling him. He looked down at his phone, giving me a questioning look.

"You?" He mouthed over to me. I nodded.

"Funny seeing you here." He laughed.

"I was just thinking the same thing."

"So, how was your night. You're up late. Must have been pretty good."

Pretty good was an understatement.

I wish I could relive this night over and over, but knowing him, every night we were together would be just as magical as the next. I never felt better than when I was with him, and now that he was finally mine, I had every day with him to look forward to.

"Oh, it was amazing. I went out with the cutest boy, he was so sweet. I can't wait to see him again."

"Well, I'm sure he feels the same about you." He sighed. My heart jumped again, my face now hurting from smiling so big. If I had known all those years of waiting for the perfect guy would lead me to how I felt right now, I would have never worried.

"You really think so?" I asked, now leaning up against the window sill. I hated how we were so close but still felt so far away. I just wanted him here, with me, all the time.

"I know so."

"It's just a shame that.. he had to go home. I already miss him. I kinda wish that. he was here with me now." I said, now biting down on my lip. I finally had the house to myself, so if I was ever going to have him stay over..

"Jaime, I'm sure he would love nothing more than to be with you again. If you wanted him to." He said playfully.

"I really want him to. I.. I hate being alone in my house. It's hard enough with-"

"I'll be right there."