My heart sunk as I made my way into the kitchen, seeing Jaime sitting at the counter admirably watching as Josh started to make them breakfast.

"You're here early." I said, noticing she was still in her pajamas (or should I say.. his pajamas, I had the same shirt), her hair still an adorable mess.

She didn't just get here.

"Yeah, she.. uh.. just came over for breakfast." Josh said, avoiding my eyes as he continued cutting up fruit for her. I missed the strong citrusy scent in the morning whenever Jaime would come over for breakfast. When we were kids, Mom would always cut up a special bowl just for her before we went off to school. I always wondered why she didn't eat at home, but I never questioned her on it.

I loved getting to see her every morning.

"It's been a while since you came over for breakfast." I said, looking over at her. "And.. you were here so late." She stayed quiet, looking back up at me with wide eyes, then shooting Josh a look. Josh turned back to me, motioning for me to go back upstairs.

"Yeah, yeah.." I sighed, grabbing my coffee. "I'll leave you two alone. Enjoy." I turned back to her, forcing a smile before eventually making my way back upstairs.

Going back into my room, I shut the door behind me, not wanting to hear anything else from either of them. She had stayed over last night. That was obvious. I wondered what happened, but at the same time, the last thing I wanted to think about was what could have happened between the two of them. Knowing Josh, probably nothing, but I couldn't shake this sick feeling in my stomach, wondering what it felt like to get to spend the night with someone you actually liked that much.

I still had no idea.

A little while later, I heard a knock on my door. Before I could answer, Josh peeked his head inside.

"Hey."

"Hey." I said simply, glancing up at him from over my phone. "She finally go home?" He bit down on his lip, trying to contain his smile.

"Uh.. yeah." He said, making his way in, leaning back against the door. "Hey um.. can I.. can I ask you something?"

"Sure." What could he possibly want to ask me now? I hoped more than anything it had nothing to do with Jaime, but-

"So.. Jaime and I have.. well, we have a.. a date tonight." He said, his smile growing. I could tell how excited he was, so I hated how much it hurt me. I forced as much of a smile as I could manage.

"That's great." I sighed. "Congrats." He nodded.

"Yeah, but.. I was kind of thinking of.. asking her to be.. official. Tonight."

My heart sunk.

Official.

Like.. together, together.

"Official? Already?" I asked, trying my best to watch my tone. This wasn't his fault, he didn't know how I felt. But that didn't change how it did feel, knowing the only girl I've ever really felt anything for would now be dating my brother.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I think she wants to.. and I want to so.."

"You don't think you should.. take some time?" I asked. Who was I kidding, they had waited their entire lives, how much more time could they need? But.. I just didn't want to accept that things were going to change between us. Sure, Josh had always been there for me with all of my relationships but.. those were never real. I always included him and Jaime, but I knew it would be different with them.

It would be real.

"I think.. tonight is the night." He finally said.

"I just think you're rushing things." I mumbled, looking back down at my phone, hoping he couldn't tell how red my face had gotten.

"W-what's going on with you?" He snapped. My stomach dropped.

"Nothing's going on. I just think.. as someone who's never been in a relationship before.. that you're just jumping into this way too fast."

Speaking from experience, as someone who jumped into everything way too fast, I always hoped maybe I'd feel something if I dove in headfirst.. but I never did. And I knew that he did. I knew they both did.

"Well, I don't think so. Now.. I was wondering if you could help me. You've asked girls out before and I was wondering.. how you did it?" He would never want to take advice from me. Not when it came to Jaime. She deserved the world, and I had never given half that effort to anyone I had ever been involved with. I think because deep down I knew it wasn't going to last. None of them had ever made me feel anything close to making me want to give them that.

But for Jaime, I would have given her.. anything.

I shrugged, keeping my eyes on my phone, taking a sip of my coffee.

"I mean.. I never really asked them. We just.. went out a couple of times and we just kind of.. assumed we were together at that point."

Those girls really didn't care about that kind of stuff anyway, none of them would have really appreciated it, all they wanted was a boyfriend, someone to brag about to all of their friends, someone to buy them things and take them places, so I was that for them and nothing else. But I wanted nothing more than to have someone I could finally be romantic with.. in the ways I've always wanted. Someone who could appreciate the little things that were actually the big things.

Someone like Jaime.

"You never.. asked them?" I shook my head.

"Well.. Jaime deserves to be asked. She deserves everything." He was right, and I was glad that she at least had him to give her those things. I always worried about Jaime, that some guy would swoop in and hurt her and destroy everything that made her what she was; so loving and caring and trusting and kind. The idea of anyone hurting her..

"If you say so, Josh." I finally muttered, trying not to get myself worked up.

I finally peeked up at him to see him glaring back at me, his cheeks burning in anger.

"Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like this."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I sighed, knowing fully well what he was talking about. I had never been good at hiding my feelings, but when it came to Jaime, it was just best that no one ever knew.

"Whatever." He snapped. "I guess.. I'll just figure it out myself. I just assumed you could have helped me. After all these years, but.. I guess not. And.. look, I know you're going through stuff too. I'm sorry about what happened with you and Cait but.. I just thought after everything.. you'd be able to be happy for me. You know how long I've wanted this, Jake."

My heart dropped. This whole time he thought I was upset about Cait. I couldn't care less about that, and I wanted nothing more than to be there for him like he had been for me, time and time again, but when it came to Jaime, I just.. couldn't. It killed me, but I couldn't. I felt that way too, but the only difference was I was never allowed to talk about it the way he was. He "claimed" her that first day, and that was that. And I was just left to deal with my feelings.. alone.

I stayed quiet, knowing anything else I could say would only make things worse. I eventually put down my coffee and rolled over, facing away from him, not wanting to see the tears filling my eyes.

"Fine. I.. I guess I'll just tell you about it when I get home." He said, shutting my door behind him on his way out. I'd try my hardest to make sure I was asleep by the time he got home. But I knew that would be impossible.

The rest of the night was excruciating. I eventually started to hear Josh pacing around upstairs, going back and forth from his bedroom to the bathroom, no doubt panicking about what to wear and how he looked. But Jaime didn't care about any of that; it was one of the endless things I loved about her. She always seemed to understand what was really important. I don't think I had ever heard her fuss about things like that. She never had to. She was always beautiful, and I liked to think she knew it. Not in an egotistical kind of way, she was just.. confident, which is something so many girls seemed to lack around here. You never had to reassure her, which just made me want to even more.

She deserved to be told how amazing she was every single day.

I wheeled my chair over to my window as I heard the sound of her car pulling up her driveway. I'd know it anywhere. It was old and loud and you could hear it from a mile away.

And then my heart jumped. She was wearing the strapless yellow dress, the one she always wore for special occasions, and rightfully so. She looked stunning in it, absolutely glowing.

Jaime was like the sun to my darkest days, filling even my dimmest corners with light so bright I had to look away, terrified of getting burned. She was the warmth I so deeply craved in a world that often left me icy and cold, but I know if she would just let me get close enough, I would melt right through her fingertips.

I couldn't help but smile, seeing her face light up as Josh made his way over, roses in hand.

"You look.. beautiful." He sighed. Beautiful was an understatement. She shyly turned away, admiring the flowers he had gotten for her.

"Thank you." She said. "I.. I should bring these inside before we leave." He nodded, following her as she made her way towards her front door. She instantly reached back, taking one of his hands and intertwining their fingers. My heart dropped. He reached out, opening the door for her and they disappeared into the house.

I tried to keep myself busy for the rest of the night, but I was always left pacing back and forth around my bedroom, occasionally peeking out my window at any sign of headlights in the driveway. But the hours rolled on, and with every minute that passed I was left to wonder just how good it was going.

After accepting that he probably wasn't going to be coming home tonight, I grabbed my guitar, having to find some way to keep myself distracted through all of this, and soon enough it felt as though a song had written itself.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

I sung quietly, jotting down lyrics as they came to me. I don't know how Josh did it, but I definitely wasn't the poetic one. Not like I'd show anyone anyway. I added it to the pile of songs that no one would ever hear.

And then, just as I started getting ready for bed, I finally heard Josh's car pull up to the front of Jaime's house. I quickly ran over, peeking out of my window to see them walking hand in hand up to her front door. I felt like I was going to be sick, but I couldn't turn away. It wasn't until I saw her wrap her arms around his neck where I knew I just couldn't watch, so I quietly made my way downstairs to wait for him to come in. As much as I didn't want to know.. it would kill me if I didn't.

As he carefully snuck into the kitchen, I saw him smiling bigger than I had ever seen before, his cheeks still flustered. It had gone well. Very well.

"Well, you're home late." I finally said. He jumped, his face instantly dropping as he turned to face me.

"Oh.. it's just you." He sighed, leaning up against the stove. "Y-yeah, um, while we were out, Jaime's mom was rushed unto surgery so.." My stomach dropped as I instantly tuned him out. Surgery? I could only imagine how she was handling this.

"How's Jaime? Is she okay?" I asked.

"She's okay, her mom's okay, we're gonna find out in the morning what happens next." I nodded, avoiding his eyes.

"Well, sorry your night was cut off." I muttered. "Guess there's always next-"

"She said yes." He blurted out, his smile growing again. It felt like I had been punched in the gut. But I couldn't show him that. "Before everything happened, we walked through the park and I brought her down to the gazebo by the water and.. I just.. asked her."

I knew the spot. I had never brought any of my girlfriends there, as badly as I wanted to, that was just another thing I knew they wouldn't appreciate.

"O-oh." I finally sighed, realizing I hadn't reacted yet. "Well.. t-that's.. that's great. I'm.. I'm happy for you." He nodded, holding his stare on me.

"Thanks. But.. I'm gonna head to bed. I gotta be up early tomorrow in case she needs a ride to the hospital."

"Can't she drive?" I asked, but I knew it was better that she had someone with her.

"She can, but.. I'm her boyfriend now, so I should be doing these things for her." He said simply, making his way upstairs.

If anything, I was happy that Jaime had someone to be there for her like this, especially at times like this, despite the fact that all she had to do was ask, and I would have been there in a heartbeat.

I went back upstairs, plopping down on my bed, grabbing my phone.

hey jaime, I heard about your mom, I'm sorry..

I quickly backspaced, erasing the whole thing.

Josh told me about what happened with your mom, I'm sorry that..

I erased it again, now staring back at a blank screen. Why was talking to her so hard?

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I wish I could do something to take it all away.

Too much, too much.

Why can't you see how I feel about you? This would make everything so much easier.

I deleted everything, closing my phone and tossing it to the side. This was so stupid. Why was I over thinking everything? It didn't even matter anymore. They were together now. Even if I did text her I'm sure she was probably so wrapped up in talking to him that she wouldn't even see it. I grabbed my phone again.

I heard about your mom. I'm glad she's okay. Please let me know if you ever need anything. I'm always here for you, Jaime.

I took a deep breath, letting my thumb hover over the send button before finally forcing myself to hit it, quickly tossing my phone across the bed. I didn't want to look. Was that too much? No, that's how friends talk to each other, right? I was there for her, just like any other friend would be. And she knows that. I've always been there for her. Despite whatever has gone on with her and Josh over the years, her and I were still friends too.

And then I felt my phone vibrate again.

That couldn't be her already, could it?

I reached over, peeking at the screen, my heart jumping at the sight of her name.

thank you, jake xo